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A different sort of comfort question.

Helena

Veteran

Hello, well, it's freezing cold today and I'd rather sit with a cup of tea and ponder the sartorial mysteries of the universe than scrape ice off our driveway, so you are stuck with a bit of navel-gazing from me

Here's the question - when one uses ones emotions to guide clothing choices, how does one interpret comfort (psychologically speaking, not the comfort of the clothing itself - which I am defining for myself as the ability to put on an outfit that looks nice and then not spend the day conscious of what I am wearing) - as good or bad? For example, I visually really like bold color (just to use an example I was just thinking about) but I feel psychologically comfortable in neutrals ... I think layers can look amazing but I feel psychologically comfortable in unfussy, pared down outfits. I think I have tended to interpret this as I should be always trying to bust out of my comfort zone, but am wondering if this is just an exercise in making life more complicated than is entirely useful.

What do you think - psychological comfort in clothes, good or bad? And would you define it the same way?

General

57 replies

Latest reply was from rachylou

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I think it's good if it's coming from a mindful place -- I think when it becomes too much of a habit or a rut, it might not be so positive. I feel very psychologically comfortable in most of the clothes I'm wearing these days, but I try to keep an open mind and not shut myself off from trying something new. I think a *little* discomfort can be a good thing.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I think it is good to have an awareness of your comfort level but for personal growth we need to push the boundaries every now and then.

Anonymous

Yes, sometimes comfortable = boring. I'm always trying to avoid getting into a style rut, and keep things fresh.

Gaylene

Veteran

I agree with the above comments, but I also wonder sometimes about the external pressure we get from the fashion scene to be constantly trying something new or different. It's hard to equate cropped pants with personal growth.

Aziraphale

Veteran

This is a good question. As always, I think there is a middle ground. If you don't move outside of your psychological comfort zone at times, your style won't ever evolve. But go too far out of your comfort zone and you feel awkward and self-conscious all day, which puts you off trying again.

I think it's good to push yourself sometimes, because what feels awkward at first can become comfortable later. For example, you say that bright colours appeal to you, but you're iffy when it comes to actually wearing them. I bet if you started wearing the odd bright thing on a regular basis, eventually you'd develop a comfort level with brights.

Joy

Veteran

For me, the psychological aspect gets more comfortable the more times I wear a color or style.

rabbit

Veteran

I think psychological comfort is a good thing but it's complex to predict ahead of time, and todays 'no' could be tomorrows 'yes' and vice versa.

-Experimentation is needed to expand creatively, to grow, to evolve with changing overarching trends in fashion. So this is the trying on something new stage, and then walking around in it. Then I take note of the results at the end. I might feel uncomfortable at the beginning because of the 'new-ness' but then much more comfortable after an hour or so, or not, and I gotta respect the 'not', even if it's just 'not now'.

-What feels comfortable changes for me from day to day depending on how outgoing and energized I'm feeling, what the weather is like (this tends to really impact the colors I wear -- I'll wear brights and bold neutrals in daytime rain, but avoid black and incorporate more pastels and patterns when it's very sunny), and what time of day it is (blacks and more texture come out at night)

-What feels comfortable is context and subgroup specific. Wearing crisp modern classic might feel great when I'm interacting with retailers at the mall but awkward and pretentious at an art supply store where I run into friends in paint splattered and clay caked jeans.

-The time it takes an eye to adjust to a new trend or proportion. Cropped straights and flares -- my eye hasn't yet adjusted outside of short-waisted leggy models. In a couple of months if it's something that I see more often in the flesh on real women, it could become more 'comfortable'.

Thinking about this, it's really pants that I have the most sensitivity too. New colors, patterns, toppers, footwear, dress shapes -- bring them on! But a new jeans cut is approached with considerably more caution -- I think because of the ensuing knock on effect on the footwear, the shape of the top, etc. Suddenly you have to buy a lot of other things or narrow down the rest of your wardrobe just to successfully test out one new pant iteration.

Anonymous

I appreciate your navel gazing.
I'm at home today with the kids while they enjoy a PD day.

I think of psychological comfort as a rudder on a ship keeping you on track (sorry if that is a trite metaphor! I was never great an English!) I think it's a good thing. It keeps your outfits looking like you.

But I think you need to couple this with a completely open mind, and keep revisiting looks that you didn't initially like to see whether they've grown on you.

Anonymous

Ah yes, I wanted to address experimenting and growing.
I find if you're experimenting too much with things that are outside your comfort zone, you wind up with a lot of expensive mistakes.

I think it's better to get used to an idea in your head first, before buying something. And maybe that means you're behind the times...but if you're on YLF, it is very unlikely you'll be behind the times because Angie shows us cutting edge trends.

catgirl

Veteran

Psychological comfort is paramount to me. I want to feel like myself no matter what. Sometimes I need my clothes to bolster me, and sometimes I need them to be my mashed potatoes and gravy. I'm no longer trying to force myself out of my comfort zone, as that leads to foolish purchases. However, I am trying not to let my comfort zone shrink too much - hence the extra effort the last couple of days.

Also, there are times when my comfort zone includes being uncomfortable, if that makes sense - like when I'm in the mood to try new things!

Anonymous

Interesting thread. For me, psychological comfort can sometimes be different from physical comfort. For example, I am uncomfortable wearing the typical jeans and t-shirt combo, as it is much too casual for me. I would also feel uncomfortable if I showed up at an event under dressed or over dressed. I think this has a lot to do with my upbringing. Whatever the reason, the only time I wear a t-shirt is when I'm exercising.Today I'm a little uncomfortable because the cami I'm wearing (I just bought it, so it's new) keeps riding up. Luckily, I'm wearing it underneath a relaxed fit sweater, so no one else knows I'm having to fuss with this all day long. Something like this bothers me far, far more than wearing pantyhose.

Helena

Veteran

Thanks everyone for your wisdom!

Janet, Rose, Xtabay - great thoughts around comfort vs. rut ... rut alert is always a good thing and growth necessarily involved some discomfort, you are quite right.

Gaylene, as always you are so on point. I seem to live in some weird allegorical headspace where everything is symbolic of something deeper - but sometimes a pair of cropped pants is just a pair of cropped pants!

Az., balance is always the holy grail isn't it?
Joy, good point - skinny jeans were at one time way out of my wheelhouse and now I have to push myself out of them.
Rabbit, I like your point around openness and also context - it's true what feels good in church might not so much at a nightclub, for example! Although some pieces are amazingly versatile in this regard (black v-neck sweaters, for me, go everywhere).
Smittie, I like your rudder analogy, and great point that we can ponder something new and let it shift over the a more comfortable place before we try it, esp. with Angie keeping us up on the latest ... there is time for my brain to catch up!
AG - and indeed you do have a very signature look to your style. I love your equation of comfort as feeling like you - and your recognition that sometimes the desire to try something new is what's comfortably uncomfortable!

Helena

Veteran

Betty, yes, appropriateness is quite a big factor in psychological comfort for me too!

Anonymous

Oh, gosh. So many factors can affect one's psychological comfort levels. My emotional state definitely has a bearing on how bold I'm feeling in my psychological choices and the limits of my 'zone' on any given day and as Rabbit said, the activities of the day ahead also have a bearing on things. But...it is easy to get too comfortable and that's when I question my choices. New colours and new styles, for me anyway, need to be road tested in situations and places where I feel psychologically comfortable. Combining both new styles/colours/trends and a new situation is a no go for me. Both my comments on this mornings ensemble blog post and now this post of yours TG, has me starting to wonder about trying something new myself

Helena

Veteran

Well Diane, I think you have fantastic signature style that never looks a bit like a rut is on the horizon! But I will look forward to seeing if/what you try

RoseandJoan

Veteran

There is pressure from the fashion scene to try the new. I do not wish to be driven by consumerism but I do wish to be open to change, if I am too fearful to try a cropped trouser, will I be courageous enough to take the new job opportunity, leave a destructive relationship or travel solo?

rachylou

Veteran

I suppose I listen to myself if it's just 'No!' For instance, I often feel like a big bruise in purple. Didn't use to. Used to have a purple suit that would take me to town... But it feels icky being in it to me these days. It's not entirely a visual thing.

I also listen to myself if I feel like I don't know what to do with myself in an outfit.

Where it gets difficult, tho, I think is on the matter of psychological safety. I reject social safety and have to work a bit at staying in line. I blame it on too much resist-peer-pressure messaging. Most of the world is not on the hippie bus and that's just a fact.

Mauvish

Hi torontogirl,

I have not properly introduced myself at YLF but your post really strung a chord in me. As I have been thinking/learning/unlearning/experimenting around " comfort" ( actual tangible sensory aspects, my willingness to try new things, knowing my willingness how much I want to put in my outfits, knowing what do I I want to achieve from my outfits)

And my conclusion for myself that when I wear or try an outfit from a place of choice, I feel much happier and content.

Some days I make a choice of a super comfy boyfriend jeans/tshirt.
Other days I make a choice to wear lots of colours and layers or a sassy outfit( I might get a little uncomfortable if wind blows ( generally I do not like constantly fixing my clothes or hair --) or if I get unwanted attention. I decide in advance to accept the consequences.

I am finding that when my decisions come from this mindful and non judgemental place, I feel mostly okay with my dressing choice. And this mindful thinking pattern allows me a safe mental space to enjoy my outfits, experiment with new things, fail in some choices but keep progressing.

I don't know if that answers your question but thank you for reading my reply.

Helena

Veteran

Mauvish, welcome and thanks for commenting! It's interesting how much mindfulness / intention is coming into it ... I shall have to ponder this further. Thanks so much for sharing your experience!

Mauvish

You are welcome and thank you

Janet

(website)

Veteran

"...if I am too fearful to try a cropped trouser, will I be courageous enough to take the new job opportunity, leave a destructive relationship or travel solo?"

Jules, I am with you on this. I know, it's just clothing, but it can also be indicative of a mindset. I can think of someone I know whose fear of change starts with the smallest of style adjustments (same hairstyle since 1990) and extends to those greater leaps, such as leaving an unsatisfying relationship.

The great thing about starting to confront fear through clothing is that, hey, it's just clothing. You can try it on in the fitting room and leave it behind if it really doesn't work for you. But sometimes you discover a pleasant surprise that leads to long-lasting change.

unfrumped

Veteran

Echo all the comments on balance. For me it's a balance of time and energy. All changes have a domino effect and a lot of them add time and complications to begin with, though could end up being simpler once they are practiced; or a change in style could be inherently simpler, sometimes.

Also hi Mauvish. I am wondering if you meant feeling like it's your own desire and not pressured by fashion? Because if so that really resonates with me, not to be static, because I guess I might not choose to try anything, but sometimes my little voice can tell the difference between something I really want to try vs. feeling like I'm "supposed to".
And when I think about it , there are actually a lot of things I want to try just for my own self and some, possibly most, of them align with "trends" (since that's my reference point, print and Web and people-watching) and some don't. though would still be change/experimentation.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

For me it's a requirement for my clothing to feel comfortable to me in all respects. I won't compromise for fashion sake or trends unless it's some formal event and I'm stuck wearing something slightly out of that comfort zone for lack of having time to find something else. Example, I love the look of a nice blazer, dark jeans and simple white tee. I have several "nice" blazers but they are all a little too crisp or fussy or even the wrong color in one case - but...when I finally realized what I *really* wanted and I purchased a soft navy knit blazer that is slightly tailored and very comfortable but still reads just a little more dressed up, that was the right one for me. I should add that I am extremely picky about what I wear under that blazer as I won't tolerate any bunching, pulling, etc. so I have like 2 tees that pass muster so far and I'm working on adding a couple of others *just* so I can wear my loved blazer more often. I tend to focus and work really hard on very simple, casual looks. Sometimes it takes me many tries to get the right item for me.

ETA: I should have added that to me there is no difference between psychological comfort and actual comfort - for me, I need one to have the other.

Mauvish

Exactly unfrumped !

as you said, that little fine line between "i want to" and "supposed to/should do" is so important for me. This change of perspective increased much more enjoyment and satisfaction with what i already have in my closet and what i would like to have.

having said that, i am a fashion noob and these past months lurking on YLF have been a great source of information and knowledge. But i will keep that conversation for my intro thread ---- must.stop.lurking.

ps: Hi

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

What Janet and RoseandJoan said really resonated with me.

Welcome, Mauvish. Nice that you de-lurked.

gryffin

Veteran

TG - Okay maybe it's me, but I don't get the whole concept of what's wrong with staying within your comfort zone?" By definition, it means that there is fundamentally wrong with where you are. I don't think being comfortable negates the concept of evolution. I think we know when and if we want to stretch our current boundaries. But I hear this term used a lot, as if to say, if you have a well defined or more petite group of likes, that that's a bad thing. ie you're stagnant or in a rut, even if you love where you are. That is so not working for me. Personally I think that's more a marketing, get in your head concept. Maybe I'm just getting ornery with age, but I don't want to be told stretch or not stretch, broaden or contract, dig in my heels or evolve. No one defines me but me, which means I will always be within my comfort zone because my heart is telling me what to do and when. So when I evolve it may be with cautiously or with abandon but it feels right which makes it exciting, not scary and always comfortable and in the zone - because I chose it and I own it. Gosh, what a ramble, sorry but I hope that makes some kind of sense!! That's a verbose way of saying, deep down you know exactly who you are, what you want, and what you want to do. Be you, the authentic you, and you will always be comfortable and own yourself and your look!!

Gaylene

Veteran

Gryfinn, you nailed it! It's tempting to see my relationship with fashion as a metaphor, but, in reality, a reluctance to jump on this season's bandwagon has nothing to do with my willingness to take risks in other areas of my life. My comfort zone isn't static--in fashion or other areas--but I'll shape it on my terms.

And, while I totally respect and admire those women who want to stretch their fashion boundaries under Angie's stylish leadership, I'm perfectly happy, for now, to stay within my own set of style preferences. On the other hand, anyone interested in joining me for a week-long, sea kayaking tour this summer? Clothing strictly fleece, gortex, and polyester with cropped pants being worn only for functional reasons. My choice for boundary stretching these days.

catgirl

Veteran

To spin off on Gaylene's comment, I think for some people being totally comfortable or strict or settled in their style allows them to take risks elsewhere. Isn't that the beauty of a uniform? If you enjoy the challenge of maximal/varied dressing, that's wonderful. If you enjoy the FFBO that gets you through your day, that's wonderful too.

Helena

Veteran

Yes ag I had the same thought ... It's sort of like the introvert/extrovert thing ... For some perhaps it's energizing to try new things, for others exhausting ... For most we are probably sliding along the spectrum. Thx everyone for commenting, this is a really interesting thread!

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