Goal of Therapy: I wanted to be proactive and keep my mental health as best as it could be, and all the evidence points towards light therapy and regular exercise. Well, that's easy enough - I'll blast myself with light for 30 minutes in the morning while I exercise!
Intake: I probably eat between 1500 to 1700 calories a day (food journal record); at baseline my exercise from my commute takes off 300 calories a day, and a basic workout for me knocks off another 400-800 calories. I have more cravings for protein, but aside from that, my carb cravings have basically gone away.
Results: I've gained weight. Overall I've gained about 40 lbs in the last two years; and about 20 lbs in the last 8 months. Given, I was probably underweight before, and could barely lift a 4 lb kettle bell (I know they tell you to start with a 20 lb, but I couldn't lift the 4 lb kettle bell) and now I'm regularly working out with a 15 lb (taking it slow, especially since I do not have a trainer).
In terms of measurements, I've gone from a 34-26-35 to a 37-30-38; which squishes me into the "medium" and away from the "small" - I'm not a size 4; I'm probably more of a size 6 or an 8 ... which bothers me. A lot. I kind of wish there was a best of both worlds.
Overall Impression: I guess I've made some progress. I am still very bothered that I'm not a size 4 and I'm gaining weight still. I like the progress and I like working out, but I wish it didn't have to come at a cost of becoming "bigger" overall. I am kind of bummed at stores like J. Crew when I used to fit a 2, and now I can barely fit the 6.
When my friends brag that they're a size 2 the little voice in my head says well, at least you can plank 60 seconds and you can easily do an hour with a 15 lb kettle bell! But it doesn't quite have the same ring to it as a small size.
One of the friends I have who is into working out just told me to go for an overall look as opposed to size. I think I'm looking more trim than I used to - there's definitely parts when I was at 110 lbs that still looked "looser" and "flabby" and I didn't like the way my belly stood out. Those things are less now and I really like that change; but it's sort of counter intuitive that I have to be 150lbs to look "better".
Future Plan: I know I could go see my family doctor to see what was "wrong" but I have a sneaky suspicion that there isn't anything wrong. In order for my body to physically be able to do the workouts, I can't be waif thin like my classmates.
