First, sorry to post and run, but I now that I'm back from work I have had a chance to absorb your very kind and supportive comments. Thank you so much for understanding how challenging and frustrating this is. I think the best way for me to respond might be to address some of the different categories of suggestions:
Have I tried wide shoes? Yes. My gym shoes are New Balance EE width. I have a fabulous pair of Merrell hikers that are a mere D, but built wide enough to work. My winter boots are an EE width. But here's the challenge -- many brands that offer "wide" shoes only go to a D, and that may not be enough. My foot apparently flattens like a pancake when I step on it. I just looked at wide shoes available on The Bay's website for fun. Of 64 styles, 55 were heels or loafer styles that have never worked for my narrow heels. Of the remainder, most are nursing shoes. I'm working on adjusting my eye, but I don't think I can go that far.
Orthopaedic and specialty shoe stores? Yes. We have one store locally that truly specializes in widths. They have 99 EE shoes. Mostly athletic shoes, some very unappealing winter type boots, black loafers, some SAS sandals and lace ups like my late mother-in-law used to wear. The selection of D widths is broader, but not much more appealing, and experience tells me most won't be wide enough. But I will be making a stop there soon to see what I can find.
What about stretching them? My podiatrist's advice is that when I step, no part of my foot should extend over the sole of the shoe. Stretching might help the leather feel more comfortable across the top of my foot, but it won't address her recommendation to make sure my whole foot is supported by the sole. That said, it is something I could consider for the odd pair of "sitting shoes" if needed. I appreciate the suggestion!
Suggested brands Thank you for so many thoughtful suggestions. Some of the brands aren't available here at retail, and given the issue above with D width often not being enough, I don't see myself starting to order online from untested brands -- too much returning. That said, I WILL keep trying the ones that are available here and keep my eyes open for the other brands when I travel (assuming the world resumes normal travel planning at some point). I think I have to make shoe shopping a deliberate part of my vacation activities. As JoyceB said, I think I always have to be on the lookout and buy almost anything that fits. (There's no option to go out on Friday expecting to find shoes to wear to an event on Saturday.)
Using insoles in larger sizes Yes, that's something I've considered. My winter boot is technically too large and was actually quite uncomfortable last winter, despite being the correct width. This year I added a Sole insole and it has made a world of difference.
I did look at using an insole in the larger size of Docs, and that's what I will reexamine now, with fingers crossed. The might still be too narrow for my foot, but if they are close I might just accept that they will be work shoes but not "on my feet all day" shoes.
Perseverance and next steps I am trying to think outside the (shoe) box here. Saw a post in the forum a while back about a pair of lovely cowboy boots with turquoise inserts, which got me thinking -- I may have to plan a trip to Calgary to see if Lammle's has anything -- even in a men's size -- that might add some variety to my closet.
I know I can get the SAS Freetimes locally and in widths, so might at least look into them as an additional summer sneaker to wear with crops and dresses. I'd rather have Eccos or Adidas, but if those are not options, I'm going to need something. I also have thoughts about a couple of summer sandals to at least try.
I try to remember that Blundstones fit me reasonably well, and they are not marketed as "wide" -- so I'll keep examining the cut of shoes that cross my path, just in case a winner pops up unexpectedly. I can pretty much tell by looking now if something has even a snowball's chance of working.
Again, many, many thanks for the kind words and understanding of the challenge! I know we each have different frustrations and challenges to pull our wardrobes tother, and I appreciate your generosity in offering ideas to help me address one of mine!
