I do actually have a dress-up section, for me it is in a separate place ( our “storage room” just along the hallway, which is also our linen cupboard.) In our old house it was literally a box- although overflowed to 3 boxes before the shift. A small number of edits from the past 2 years have gone in there like the beloved 1985 tartan shirt that was fraying at the collar. I thought if there was ever a sort of Cowboy and Western type party it would still be perfect for that. And I kept a purple floral tunic for hippie dress-ups as well.

Oh yes. I feel terribly terribly off in button-front shirts and anything preppy or classic. Mentally oppressed. Dowdy. It’s a little difficult because my family is all capital P preppy and they look great. My secret hope is that maybe, when I’m 80, everything will change and I too shall be able to wear a button-front over a turtleneck with a crewneck jumper tied around my shoulders. I do not joke. I’d like to be neat and natty too.

Have felt off, wrong or less than the others in what I’m wearing more times than I can count. In the past more often (almost constantly), in the recent years less and less but there are still moments when I wish I was wearing something else. Most recent example was this spring at work - higher management was visiting our office for two days so I dressed up in trusty navy wrap dress and nude brogues. Nothing too loud or try hard but still elegant and professional. Management showed up in jeans and sneakers. Sporty sneakers. Looking at them sitting comfortably in their slouchy jeans wanted to run immediately and change into my own jeans. Didn’t felt overdressed though. Since I’ve accepted that I’m not a heels wearer I’ve felt so much better in exactly these situations. Cannot be overdressed in flats. But since my flats are interesting, refined and right for the outfit cannot also feel sloppy or underdressed because of them. They feel “right” instead because I’ve turned them into my thing.
I relate to most of what Lisa said about her red outfit in her tread (how many times have felt like I’m wearing a shopping bag even in the most carefully chosen outfit when next to another person...) and to what many are sharing here. Some things that have helped me:

- Embracing what my own preferences are over what’s trendy or expected. Have had the most fun wearing the simplest outfits which allow me to forget about them. Some of the “off” feeling has come from discomfort - heels causing pain, too short dresses making me feel cold or drawing too much attention, tiny straps that fall of my bony shoulders... So no more such things.

- Finding what makes an outfit interesting to me and focusing on that rather than what everyone else would wear to the occasion (by still keeping it appropriate of course). Example - one of my best friends dresses very sporty. Literally she’s wearing gear 80% of time we spend together. I, on the other hand, have a style goal to dress less sporty. It’s very easy for me to feel overdressed when we’re together - looking at her leggings and sneakers the first thought in my head would be that I look too try hard and “artificial”. But I found a way to get around this - dress a bit more casual when we meet but still with a twist. Jeans and sneakers - yes, but with a wrap shirt. Still casual but there is something unusual which keeps the outfit “me”. Or jeans and sweatshirt, but the shirt is checked so again, not expected.

Reading the above I think that mixing comfort with something unexpected or interesting in one outfit is my formula for feeling “me” and “right” in it. Should remember that - the holidays are coming which means parties and gatherings, and these are mostly the cases when I struggle what to wear.

I can relate to the feeling - I think most of us can. It is frustrating. For me the triggers are when I lean too hard into personas that are not me.

For example - too classic , too bombshell, too boho. I like touches of these styles but not too much.

I do think keeping a few outliers can be a good idea. For example one or two boho items that you might only wear a couple of times a year. Carla and Janet both talked about this a month or two ago. In essence -not editing too hard.

I like to be different so I am comfortable wearing a bright colour in a darkly dressed room, or a dress when others are in jeans. I can feel out of place but I usually trace thus back to the people or setting - ie a group of people that I fight relate to.

Great thread, Nemosmom. As always.

Here's another thought I had today while stuck in traffic: outfits that are tonal, or lower in contrast, not too trendy, and not exuberant can fit it anywhere. Discomfort happens when you are decked out in crazy red pants, big white sneakers, a crazy plaid sweater coat, meet a friend and are asked to go out for a drink or dinner without getting changed. Or wearing such an outfit and then bumping into a senior executive of some company that's on your business radar. Or it gets cold, dark and ugly all of a sudden, starts raining, and you are there in your red outfit looking like a wet clown. This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

I have an internal critic that beats on me if I put on something that might be taken as too young for me--all those years of reading magazine articles on What Not to Wear Over 40-50-60. Now that I think about it, mutton dressed as lamb doesn't seem to be such an issue these days.

Sometimes we are our own worse critics. An outfit I planned in my head sometimes doesn't work so well. Since by now I've probably made every dressing mistake possible, I've learned what is more likely to make me feel uncomfortable.

I guess I don't experience that "off" feeling with clothing as much as I did when I was in college or just starting to enter into the world of work. I unquestioningly followed the "dress for success" 1980s uniform...neutral suit, plain button up shirt, silk scarf that could be tied in a bow, and plain pumps, and HATED it. My personality was completely obliterated by a uniform. As an introvert, I communicate a lot through my clothing. Also, my well-intentioned family had way too much influence on my personal style. As I moved through my 40s and 50s, I discovered what makes me happy is to be totally unique and to be 100% comfortable with that uniqueness whether it's sporting a pumpkin orange winter coat when others are in grey or black or wearing silver metallic sneakers with a pinstriped suit.

Great thread, Nemosmom!

For me, feeling "off" generally has to do with fit and practicality/ weather. An uncomfortable item will make me feel "off." And one that doesn't meet the weather conditions I'm facing makes me mad as a hornet.

I'm pretty good now about only keeping individual items that truly feel like "me." But, as my footwear/ jeans thread last week illustrates, sometimes a poor combination of beloved items can tip me into feeling "off" in what I'm wearing. My sneakers with baggy BF jeans just felt too .... well, I hesitate, I guess it didn't feel refined enough for me? Not sharp enough? Too boyish (although I like androgynous outfits)? I don't know. It was missing something that makes an outfit work.

Colour makes me feel happy. Pattern mixes make me happy. Contrast makes me happy. But like Staysfit, too many frills, too much boho, too overall "yin" and I don't feel like myself.

I will add that although I am an introvert I do not mind being seen and although I have my insecurities, just like everyone else, it rarely occurs to me that people might be negatively judging my outfits. Or if they are, I don't care about their opinions.

As people mentioned in some earlier threads, sometimes sophistication isn't a goal. I'm not sure it is, for me...I think I'm aiming more for a current, dynamic look (as befits someone with a gamine profile). But some people have more than one style persona. For people like that -- it might be tough if today turns out to be a B day when you dressed like A.

Yes! I never truly feel like me in very casual clothes, despite being a very informal person, or deep winter clothes. I do what I can to elevate them, but a dress + heeled sandals is always the most natural feeling/looking thing I can wear.

Great thread! And I echo what nuancedream wrote. As I grow older and older, I care less if at all about what others think and how they dress. For one, senior citizens are invisible/ignored in this society, so as a senior maybe it is better if I stand out? Plus, as I was growing up in a very white community, my mother was constantly reminding me that I stood out (with the underlying message being, 'God forbid if I should bring shame on my family and don't ever embarrass them.') Now that she and her judgments are no longer around, I feel freed.

One of my style descriptors is *FUN*. Bet you never would have guessed, lol. Dunno if *fun* was always part of my style, especially in the '80s when it was all being Dressed for Success and trying to figure out adulting. And I really love Christine Baransky's style on The Good Wife -- but just not on me.

Actually, I think the biggest personality/wardrobe clash for me was four Sundays in March when I tried to dress incognito when my search committee was observing on the down low ministerial candidates preach. I can't really do anything about my race or hair, but I tried to dress as most women my age: Black pants, black comfortable flat shoes, plain top. Next to no jewelry, and make it small. I think I forgot the largish black bag that I rarely use. No scarf. I tend to have a maximal style and will go silly or crazy as the mood strikes, so this actually was a challenge for me. And a bit depressing.

I also feel uncomfortable wearing gear in a non-gear environment. But maybe that's because my gear is so old and decrepit? But it's so functional and nothing made nowadays would last so long. Other than my shoes, I think a lot is 30 years old or so. Something like that. So now, the goal is to get it to 40 years or more if my body last that long.

Great thread! I feel off in anything that feels very traditionally feminine, at least without some sort of twist. I like at least a touch of androgyny or contrast.
I also feel off in outfits that aren’t at least a little trendy. I like preppy and classic styles, but I like paying attention to trends, too. Ironically, I feel like me when my outfits give at least a little nod to trends, especially in silhouettes. Part of my style happiness IS following trends that I love - something is missing without some sort of sartorial nod to the current fashion. Heck, it could even be an overt rejection of current fashion, but I guess I just need to interact with trends deliberately to feel “on” in my clothes.

Luckily I usually know I need to fix an outfit before I leave the house. And after analyzing my outfits for a while, I can usually figure out what is wrong and how to adjust.
It took a while to realize I need to emphasize necklace(s) when wearing straight cords, pullover, somewhat sensible shoes and casual button up or turtleneck. I also realized a silk tank was a preferable layer under my sweater-keeps me warm and the little bit of skin helped. Exception for our coldest weather (which would make many of you laugh).

The only time I have felt 'off' has been when I am wearing a style that is not me, the hardest lesson has been to let go of what was an old style for me, but is no longer. For example, I used to wear tartan skirts and found a great one about 4 years ago. BUT, the skirt felt wrong for my style now - it was a little bit punk and not polished enough for how I want to look now. In theory I liked it, but it felt wrong when I wore it. So in a recent wardrobe edit, I passed on this skirt and I know it is a great piece and will be loved by the right person.

In my work environment I am often the only female in the room. As I don't want to be 'one of the boys' - being different does not bother me at all and as I get older I am more confident to do my own thing fashion wise.

Donna, yours might be my favorite comment I've ever read *applause*

What a great thread. I find myself agreeing with most of you, so what is that about?? I guess a lot of things can make me feel off on any given day. Maybe that makes me an emotional dresser, which I hadn’t really considered.

I’m 55 and while I *think* I look younger than that, I’ve noticed lately that I feel like a poseur if I try to be an early adopter of trends. Maybe because I am also an introvert and really don’t like attention.

The discussion has been very interesting and insightful. To me, feeling “off” in my outfits is usually due to simply the wrong mix. I’ll discover after I’m dressed that I chose the wrong socks, or shoes, or pants or one of the top layers. Often just changing one piece out will solve it. I think it’s usually the shapes that clash, but can also be the degree of dressiness, the color combos, or seasonal use of a piece not the same as the rest of the outfit.

Oh yes, I definitely notice when an outfit feels off. The two biggest issues for me are 1) feeling too corporate, and 2) feeling too soft. My Boden Richmond pants feel too corporate if not styled carefully. I avoid pairing them with tailored shirts, slim sweaters, and other office-y pieces. I put on a small silk scarf with a cardigan the other day, but the overall effectt reminded me too much of my grandmother's outfits -- too soft! I like silk squares with blazers or field jackets, where they add some contrast.

This is an interesting question and I do feel comfortable in my present wardrobe but I avoid buying anything that is very low cut, too short, or clingy. What La Pedestrienne wrote above is true for me, too, and very well said.

When outfits feel "off" to me, it's often due to one piece being not quite right for the rest of the outfit. Not that it's a wrong item FOR ME, just that it's not right with everything else I'm wearing at that moment. If my shoes or my jacket/topper don't feel right, I don't feel right. LOL.

I like what nuancedream said about "As an introvert, I communicate alot through my clothing." I think that's true for me too. In the early part of the thread, several people were talking about wanting to dress in a very minimal way and not stand out because they are introverts. As a strong introvert who favors lots of color, pattern mixing, etc., I didn't see the cause-and-effect there! I think that for me, introversion means that I'm looking to my clothing to do a little bit of the work of "introducing" myself that I otherwise find very challenging.

There are certain types of clothing that I basically never feel right in, but, having realized that, I've simply excluded them from my wardrobe. I'm thinking of blazers and chino pants -- don't own a single example of either.

Now, when I feel "off" it's usually either because the combination of items isn't quite right in an everyday outfit (for me the big pitfall is skewing too preppy), or because I'm in a relatively rare situation (wedding, dressier than usual professional related event, etc.) that I don't have much practice dressing for and/or don't have quite the right items.

Interesting topic. I like what Preppy Pear said. I like to be current and have one trendy item in the mix. Yesterday I was in a big rush to get dressed so I ended up in a 5 year old sweater, 5 year old jacket, 10 year old boots, newish but unrolled boyfriend jeans, booties from 2 seasons ago, 10 yr old earrings and my standard handbag. All of these items have been well worn, even beloved, staple workhorses that I've worn very frequently for years. I felt so boring in all of them together, like I didn't make an effort. I guess I need to have at least one trendy or interesting piece in an outfit to feel really good in it. Do other people keep their clothes this long?

SOOOOOO, there are two things at play here. I misunderstood the question. I presented a list of things that feel very off when I wear them - so I don't buy them! They are not in my wardrobe. I bypass the purchase.

Some of you are talking about items and looks that you style at home WITH your wardrobe - and they can feel off because.......XXX. I did not understand it that way

Needs a new thread which I will do at some point, maybe not today... but to Fathenry, yes I do keep a number of clothes easily 5-10 years and the occasional one longer. And yes it can feel boring sometimes. It is partly sentimentality but partly that I really do still like those clothes. It does help to mix them with some newer items to not feel very stuck in my ways!

Yes, I can relate. I am an introvert but do not mind dressing in colors or in a striking way. I have learned over time that no one is really paying as much attention to anyone as they are to themselves, and even when I have worn something I consider radical often no one bats an eye. Like nuancedream, SarahD8 and others I communicate through my appearance more than through speaking to strangers, which I don't really enjoy. But I mostly dress for myself, and am fortunate to be in a position where I can. Nonetheless, I sometimes wear something that does not resonate with myself, and then I feel awkward all day.

Nowadays, I seldom feel "off,"--perhaps because I won't even purchase items which don't feel "me."

My style is casual elegant--or elegant casual, if you like. I love to play around with various items from my closet. Sometimes, I might be slightly underdressed compared to others, but more often I might be a bit more dressy than others. It doesn't bother me at all as long as I feel well and know that my outfit is acceptable for the occasion. I view differences in peoples' outfits as interesting, amusing or inspirational.

One of the bonuses of getting older is that you probably get to know yourself (including your style and preferences) better and better plus get experience from several areas of life. All this will likely help you be confident and relaxed and not feel "off" so easily. In the meantime, my advice is:
● Continue to try identifying exactly what makes you feel either "off" or good. And do dress accordingly. However, don't be afraid to experiment. Be open to new ideas--but remember that you don't have to buy and wear them all.
● Purge, and avoid purchasing, items that you know will make you feel "off."
● Dare to be yourself and have your personal style. Often, others will respect you for it, even if their own style might be very different. By the way, in many cases, others will be more concerned with themselves, their outfits, and their personal problems and worries than with your outfit.
● While it is always a good idea to respect others' feelings and therefore be properly dressed for the occasion, avoid comparing yourself too much to others. How boring it would be if all flowers looked the same! Different flowers = different beauties. And a bouquet of different flowers can be just wonderful and very enjoyable. So allow yourself and others to have a personal style, flourish and thrive.

Best wishes for your style journey.