Wearing twin sets and proud of it! - YouLookFab Forum

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Wearing twin sets and proud of it!

Anonymous

Hello everyone
I wonder in this time of society and media in general being so impressed by middle aged women who still apparently tick the list of what looking young/good means, have we missed the boat on what it is to be a middle aged, elegant woman. And I think there's inner elegance that comes from a sense of happiness that money just can't buy. For example, in the recent runway show of Chanels Fall ready to wear collection there's some cute young interpretations of 'the Chanel suit', but accessorised with the iconic multiple strands of pearls, they just look costume like on the very young models. I think there are some things that simply are worn more stylishly by older women. Am I being 'ageist'?

General

34 replies

Latest reply was from TraceyLiz65

rachylou

Veteran

What I notice is that school children are used to sell clothing to *us* (hehe) old ladies. Young people schlep around in sneakers and tees in real life or their soccer practice gear. They have neither the money nor the occasion for what you see in magazines (including Teen Vogue). And the pressures they face in the fishbowl of school can be limiting fashion wise. Children are so often so 'conservative' in style. I find it curious what that says.

Sally

Veteran

That is an interesting idea ...I"ll have to think on about it. Maybe you're talking about attitude. I think a bit of cynicism always makes people more interesting and probably gives attitude to the clothes. There is a funny post going around on facebook about the difference between a dog and a cat. A dog can do many things ..equivalent to a 5 year old but a cat doesn't care and doesn't take any cr@p....equivalent age 42.

Brin

(I just have to take a moment to laugh at Sally's cat/dog comparison...) Sue, I really like your sense of "inner elegance" that comes with happiness and with more life experience -- if I'm interpreting you the right way. Deviating a little: wouldn't it be exciting to see actual middle-aged women on the runway -- wouldn't it add so much to the clothes being displayed? (Isn't this an idea of Angie's??) This is what your post makes me think.

It also makes me wish that I had any inner elegance (sigh)...

krishnidoux

Veteran

Rachylou, I agree with you: maybe as we age we reach a privilege of choice in how we can dress our body? For Fashion, you would think it's the opposite but in our aging societies no. Boomers are now "older", they are the ones with most buying power. So our capitalist world will cater to them. Except as Sue points out, fashion is modeled by only one age group (very young), which leads to some disconnectedness. Brin has the right idea, and I hope one day we see it happening. But maybe by the time our society gets there, runways won't even exist anymore! Maybe it will have shifted into something else, like... blogs... with forums? lol

What is inner elegance? Is there only one type acceptable?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Not necessarily ageist, but I really can't generalize when it comes to matters of style and age. I'm 50 and I guarantee that there are women half my age that will rock a twin set and pearls way more effectively than I can. I would just feel like I was wearing a costume. Not all middle aged women are meant to be "classic" dressers, and not all young women are meant to be trendy.

Anonymous

I agree with Janet on this.

krishnidoux

Veteran

I find that as I age, I am less and less interested in dressing into what is traditionally associated with my age group. As much as a 1950's twin set or a Chanel suit looked good on me 15yrs ago in my 30's, today, they make me feel utterly matronly.

For example yesterday I went to a party (mostly 30 somethings). This is what I wore: my ankle strap nude SE Okala heels, distressed ankle cropped tight jeans with frayed hem, a cotton white tee (but a VERY good quality one, with a wide, low neckline) under a half-open flannel pink-mauve checkered shirt, loosely tucked. Hair was simple straight. Makeup focused on a smokey eye rather than on lips. Jewelry remained discreet and only real metal.

This is quite a departure from what I would have worn even 10 years ago at the same party: probably some quirky tweed suit with flats, cluncky Fluevog-like footwear, or tennis shoes, complicated curled hair, makeup on the lips more than on the eyes and cocktail jewelry, complete with pearls and the granny clutch.

If I were to don such a get-up today, I don't know what I'd look like, but I would certainly feel overdone and old. I think my wrinkles are there, my age is there, but they are easier to carry if I wear the most simple, easy outfit possible. Yet, ingredients must contain high quality items otherwise what is thought of easy and elegant quickly becomes sloppy.

Anonymous

Thank you ladies for your thoughts. I'm being a bit of a 'stirrer' with these comments.But I wonder as a generation (over 50's) if we lack a certain maturity that previous generations showed with good grace. For example fear of being overdressed I think has lead to a society that seems lost at times when it comes to wearing anything more formal than
'neat casual'. I can accept this easier in the younger generations (they know no better). But for mine and older it's such a pity that occasion dressing sometimes get the "gee, you're all dressed up", comment. Leaving us often mumbling an apologetic response. Instead of cofidentally responding
"me? no not at all."
I think I used the twin set euphemism for a traditional clothing ( although in a choice of colour and pattern) that it could look totally current. And don't get me started on the blurring of the style line seperating some mothers and daughters. Poor kids not getting the time in the spotlight without being photo bombed by mum.

gryffin

Veteran

Sue - I really agree with you on this issue. I think what I've really taken away from YLF is to be myself. So I proudly take my black beside you on the twin set bench. I think age gives us not only confidence, but the insight to trust what we like, what looks best on and how we want to present ourselves to the world. I do wish they would show clothes on women of all ages and sizes too. I think some things skewing young and old can look costume like on different age groups because you really have to own your look and be comfortable in it. If you are trying to grasp youth, age, wealth, trend without reference to who you really are and what is authentic to you, then there would be a basic disconnect with style, substance, authenticity. I think anyone who dresses for who they really are, what they really like, and what they think flatters them will look awesome!!

catgirl

Veteran

Here's that dog/cat post. And more later - but interesting thoughts!

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Gaylene

Veteran

Nodding my head in agreement with you and Gryffin. I remember as a teenager being bowled over by a teacher in her late 30s who had just returned to Canada after spending several years in Europe. Her chic bob, elegant sheaths, and polished look wowed us. As eighteen year olds, we had the freshness of youth--long shiny hair, smooth skin, and flat stomachs--that let us wear the mini-skirted, body-skimming fashions of the late sixties and early seventies with ease. But this teacher, with her "adult" look and poised confidence made us long to be older. While we could have copied her externally, we were too young and gauche to have the poise and confidence that came so naturally to her.

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

Yes people dress casually now, sometimes even sloppily. It's up to us to hold up the style bar, is the way I see it. If I get a comment like, "Wow you dressed up!" I just respond with, "Yes, thank you!" If they probe with a "why" I tell them "I just felt like it today." Kind of a bland response but it shuts them up.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

I think there's a difference between trying to look younger (which is so tediously pushed by advertising, but I don't think most real people think that way anymore) and trying to look trendy/current. There are some people who want to stay current no matter what their age, and I think that's the real thing that has changed from past generations - once you were 40-something you were thought to be 'done', and you were expected to dress in a classic and restrained manner and fade into the woodwork.

Rachylou, I agree with you - it always makes me laugh when a brand whose demographic is older uses much younger models. Chico's isn't so bad, but places like Soft Surroundings and, back in the day Coldwater Creek, used to use all 20-something models when their target market is 50+.

Anonymous

I've always chuckled at seeing younger women modeling clothing that's targeted for older women.

JAileen

Veteran

This reminds me of Jeopardy the last two nights. There was a middle aged female contestant who was introduced as a librarian. I looked at her and remarked to my husband that she looked like the stereotypical librarian. She wasn't actually wearing a twinset, but she gave that impression. (I always laugh about librarians anyway because my brother was a reference librarian and he always wore cords and plaid shirts with his beard). In the little interview with Alex Trebek, they joked about her being a stereotype, as she has cats, and knits.

Okay, back to Jeopardy: this woman in her quiet way creamed the other contestants the first day. She blew them away. She lost the second day, but had 16k going into final jeopardy which is very impressive. She was definitely somebody that you would underestimate at your peril.

So what's my point? I'm not sure. I think it's that she knew who she was and wasn't trying to look younger or hipper than she really was. I loved her, and would want her as a friend if she lived here instead of North Carolina.

BlondeAmbition

I'm not really sure what you mean, but I agree with Janet. Style and grace are not easy attributes to acquire or develop. I've seen young girls with elegance and and I've seen older women who could learn a thing or two. Since a young age my real life style icons have always been much older than me. I'm turning 40 in a few months and I look forward to how my style has evolved. I feel much more stylish now than I did way back in my 20s. I also know that no matter how old I get I will never start dressing in a "classic" fashion or wear twin sets and pearls yet I don't expect to not look good.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Actually, if anything my instinct says the reverse; the classic twinset will look fresh on the young model but dowdy on many mature women! (I say that as someone who is middle aged and who does plan to wear a twinset -- my late mother's -- on Mother's Day, and I don't care if it is fashionable!)

Unlike some of the other posters, I do have a fairly classic style, but the older I get (I am over 50) the more careful I have to be about certain iconic classic items.

Beatle boots? Check. Wear 'em til I die.
Pearls? Maybe...I need to proceed with caution and funk them up a bit or they skew towards "prissy" on me -- although they suit my complexion and can work with a few rougher elements.
Twinsets? Only in rare, rare circumstances, or if the design is altered a bit from the classic type, or if I have a sentimental reason. The one I am planning to wear is a vivid floral pattern.

Do I think that certain older women have the kind of style that young girls can only dream of? Absolutely!! I just don't think it is tied to specific items. It has to do with their knowing who they are, what suits them, what works for their lifestyle, and embracing that.

Anonymous

I got distracted reading everyone's interesting comments, and had to re read my initial post to remind myself "what was my point"?. In my rambley way I was trying to question the way society admires/praises women in their 50's + who still look youthful. Be that natural or not. What I'm wondering is in previous generations there were more defined 'rules' regarding fashion. And those rules particularly as one got older were accepted with good grace. But the 'revolution' generation perhaps hasn't let go of youthful ideology. Not fashion related, but for eg the refusal to be addressed by their children's friends as Mrs and Mr and insisting on a first name basis. What's wrong with a bit of social and style separation between the generations?

rachylou

Veteran

The lack of formality is generational but I'd also say very American. Like the phrase, 'let's not stand on ceremony.' Or the way we don't address PhDs as 'Doctor.'

Sal

Veteran

I find myself agreeing with each post as I read it- even when they present a different point of view. So many persuasive women!

I think some looks are easier for different ages, although we all should wear what we love and suits us.

I do see some teenagers wearing elegant black dresses and think- now is your chance to wear the floral play suit - go for it! But of course they may feel much better in classic looks and should do that.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I think that it depends on the person and there is a certain I have seen it all maturity (that of the cat let's say) that you won't find among the young as easily as the older (although some young people have been through enough to earn it early). But that is just one way of evolving. If it is your way - twinset and all - own it and you will stand out in the best way.

Sally

Veteran

This is a really interesting thread and after reading it yesterday, I've been thinking about it. I think like someone else mentioned I deliberately do not wear some things that are deemed traditional for older people because I don't want to look dowdy or staid. So I wouldn't really wear a twin set for that reason.

I've taught high school for a while now. I remember a conversation I had with some Middle Eastern girls where they were talking about the difference between women in NZ and their country. One of the points they made was about how older women wear things that they felt younger women should wear. For example a teacher (late 50s) was wearing skinny jeans and a knit top with a v -neck with boots. To my eyes she looked funky and not inappropriate. They felt women of a certain age shouldn't be wearing that along with bright red lipstick. Imagine their horror when the shoes they had been admiring in the shop was worn the next day by their nearly retired teacher. Once again I felt the teacher was on trend and looked funky but age appropriate. so there are those people that think it takes youth to wear something...its all very subjective. I've probably gone off the subject. sorry if I have.

Anonymous

Hi Sally, not at all off topic I'd say. I mean I started it and I'm losing focus on whatever my vague point initially was. Maybe when you mention a fear of appearing dowdy in traditional clothes of older women is just what I've been struggling to articulate. Yep. That's it id say. I wonder when we began to fear looking our age. And why?I also think the association of older and staid is quite common. And just thinking off the top of my head, that's ok. For younger people to think like that. But, once young and now middle aged (me), should we just suck it up and project a positive vibe about aging that doesn't need an association with youth?

rachylou

Veteran

Another thought...people in the western world simply don't age the way they used to or others do now. It's not the clothes. It's not plastic surgery. It's easy living. Other places, well, all your teeth would be gone by 40. I think we all may have a little problem looking so young, one that clothing can't fix...

Archer

Veteran

That's a summative rachylou. Enjoyed this thread.Thanks

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Great points, Krish and Suz. Coming back to this... I just don't see it all being about age. Using myself as an example just because this really resonates. I am not going to start wearing twinsets and pleated skirts (just an example) just to be someone's perception of age appropriate, if the style does not appeal to me or fit my personality, body or my artist/DJ/sometimes urban, sometimes ranch wife lifestyle.

Conversely, I know young women who would feel ridiculous in my leather jackets, concert tees, and funky boots.

I'm not necessarily trying to look younger. There are things about me that definitely look my age, but the overall impression might sometimes be that I'm younger, and that's fine. But if I adopted a more traditional, conservative "dress my age like an elegant lady" style, I would not look comfortable and like myself, and discomfort and artifice never looks fashionable.

However, if a more refined ladylike style reflects the wearer, no matter what age, I say rock on! If one feels like a style change is coming with age from a personal perspective, that's great too! It just needs to be genuine to the individual.

I'm not endorsing the Real Housewives type of desperate, clinging-to-youth style. Just saying that I'm glad we live in a time when we do have the luxury of having many options to dress ourselves in a socially-acceptable way.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I'm with Janet. I'm not trying to look younger -- but I do wear clothing that people might consider "youthful" at times -- skinny jeans, booties, leather jackets, and I also have a short trendy hairstyle.

I accept that there are different cultural mores here and that people in some cultures might consider my choices age inappropriate. But we have to dress for the lives we actually lead.

I think Rachy (as usual) is onto something. Middle age simply doesn't look like it used to -- even without the nips and tucks and chemical enhancements, we look younger than we would have generations ago at the same age. Many people do try to hide their age -- sure -- especially in Hollywood or other professions concerned with image. But others genuinely embrace their age -- they just look the way they look. (Gloria Steinem, "This is what 50 looks like.")

Meanwhile, we also lead very different lives. Our great grandmothers worked hard (at least mine did) but she did not run around the country teaching classes or giving arts talks, she did not go back to school in her 50s, she did not engage in fitness activities—in short, she simply didn't need the type of clothes that I need. Her activities included housework (hard work for which she wore a day dress and aprons -- very practical, just as my clothing is practical for my needs). And going to church (for which she'd have worn a "good" dress or a suit, just as I wear a dressier or more "statement" type outfit if I plan to be in the public eye.) On a core level, it's not all that different, in fact. The specific items change (her day dress becomes my denim; her "good" dress might be my leather moto/ jeans/ booties in one season/ context or my summer dress/ sandals in another) but the basic pattern of wearing certain types of item for certain tasks does not change.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm nodding along with everything Janet and Suz said.

Very young women can look elegant (walk around Hong Kong and Japan to see that at its best). Much older women can look funky, fashion forward and avant-garde. (See blog Advanced Style).

Age is not a factor - owning your look is, at any age.

As for twinsets. I'm 45 and love mine.

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Anonymous

Thank you ladies for all your thoughtful responses.

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