Mochi - I did go grey very early. I started having a reaction to the dyes & just got so sick of the whole process. I am lucky in that the front is white (still pepper & salt at the back but I like the two-tone look).
I think there is so much pressure on women to look younger than our cronological age - I don't see it as the holy grail.

There is a book called "Going Gray, Looking Great" that I found very helpful when I was deciding how to deal with my gray hair: http://goinggraylookinggreat.com/

I am currently getting subtle warm highlights to blend with, but not cover my grays. I love this approach because the "painting" makes my overall color more attractive but is very low-maintenance with no noticeable roots.

Well, I don't dye my hair and I have some gray/silver peeking and sticking out, and *hopefully* no one thinks I don't care, though I probably wouldn't know because it's not something anyone would say to my face. Maybe people here who have seen my WIWs or met me in person could chime in and share their opinion :). I certainly don't think that about others when I see them.

The decision--to dye or not to dye--seems so fraught because of all of the stuff wrapped up in aging, beauty, and gender, IMHO. It's also interesting that now, some very high percentage of women dye their hair (a big majority, though I can't recall the exact percentage), so the standard has shifted. Now the tendency is to associate graying or gray with "old." But if you think about it, if, say, half of all people had some visible gray by their 30s on up and didn't dye it, the association with "old" would no longer be so strong. Lots of adults would just have some gray hair--no big deal.

I don't dye because I want to be genuine to myself, in a way that makes sense to me. It's a personal decision. Maybe if I dyed it I could "pass" for 40, instead of my actual 45, but I really don't care about that. I like how my hair naturally aligns with my little wrinkles that are emerging. There is no mismatch or disconnect between my face, my experiences, my profession, my body, my hair, and how I dress. They all line up and point to 45 or thereabouts :)!

Just my two cents, of course.

I am a doctor who works primariliy with older people and here is what I have observed:

5% of people DO NOT GO GRAY in any major way. Amazing.

5% of elderly women dye their hair an insanely unnatural colour and look awful, but as a doctor it does allow you to be able to tell how long they have been feeling unwell (the length of the grey roots indicates how many months they haven't had the energy to get a dye job)

2-3% of elderly ladies go as bald as elderly men (Pretty sure they would be OK with grey)

Everyone else seems to give in at some point and looks natural. I agree a smart haircut is essential. I detest long grey hair (past shoulder) but that is just a personal thing (I am sure some people hate pixies!)

Haven't read all the comments yet so apologies for any repetitive thoughts:).

Grey hair to me does not signify a woman doesn't care. I love the look of stylishly cut grey hair, a la Joy, Shannon and Caro. I do think that a good cut is essential, the grey tone must suit your skin colouring and your choice of clothing colour plays a role as well, but then I think all those things apply no matter what the hair colour.

I have some silvery strands and they blend quite nicely with my coloured hair but there is not enough of them to go au naturel. Should my silver greys increase I would be very interested to consider how that would look and secretly see myself with a similar look to our beautiful Joy as I mature.

Would I assume a women doesn't care about her appearance just because she doesn't dye her hair? Goodness NO. I love my hair, but it can be a scary process to let our hair color grow out naturally. I think there's a connection that if you have white hair you're old, you think old, and you act old. Because of my hair color, I'm forced to pay attention in other ways. I'm more careful about my skin and diet. Sometimes, looking in the mirror, I miss the red hair I once sported, but I think my silver locks are beautiful!

Oh, gee, where to start on this one. I have not login here for many months because I don't relate any more to Angie style. I am not into trousers or androgynous style because I am not stick thin and this style does not suit my body. I prefer more ladylike style, dresses and skirts. But I check forum occasionally and when I saw this topic, I had to react because it is very close to my heart.

29. July 2012 I have almost died because of hear color. I had such a bad allergic reaction, I ended up in hospital, and for months after that I was on steroids and suffered from all kinds of problems related to it. I am not yet fully recovered. I have being coloring my hair for more than 20 years without any problems until that day. I am 43 now but started going gray when I was 20 and I am now about 75% gray. After this incident I had no choice, I stopped coloring my hair. To make the process of going gray easier, I cut my shoulder length hair into pixie. It is now more than a month that I have cut out all of the colored hair.

I was very surprised by the reactions. I have received numerous compliments from the guys. It seems they really like it. Some of them even thought that I colored it silver on purpose. And to my surprise I like it also. I think it suits my coloring much more than dark blond that I was using before. But women reactions have disappointed me very much. They act as if I have betrayed them, as if I am playing against some unwritten rules. They try to be helpful and always recommend some hair color that is allegedly not harmful and they don't understand when I say that I don't want to color my hair any more. And I don't understand what is wrong with gray hair. It is just a color, same as blond, red, brown, black or pink. Why such a stigma on gray? Why it has to translate to old or unkempt? Please help me understand.

I dye my hair. I just don't like the way my white hairs look...

But, I do NOT think that going grey means you "don't care". I think it's an image point, just like everything else about style and fashion. I think it's all about making choices about your appearance that reflect who you are, and that does not have to mean that you dye your greys.

After reading some comments, I offer up more questions to ponder...

How's coloring your hair different from wearing makeup? Isn't both purposes to enhance a look (whether enhancement is needed is purely at wearer's Subjectivity)
Do you consider people not wearing makeup are "given up"?
Aren't hair and makeup contribute to aesthetics?
Aren't clothing and accessories contribute to aesthetics?
Isn't certain clothes and styling just look better in comparison ?
Isn't certain hair color, hair style, makeup just look better in comparison?
Isn't it the total package that matter? And isn't it always?

We all have our own preferences and insecurities, and style goals. What looks good to me may not please your eyes. What you perceive as aging may not be what catches others' attention. ( Kate Middleton's portrait for example). Culture and social norm play a big part, whether we like it or not. I do think they will influence ones choice, for better or worse, and everywhere in between.

Gray hair + the excellent haircut = BEAUTIFUL in my book anyway!
I actully prefer Mary K hair in before pic, she looks more authentic, and just as old as in her After.

ROFL! Good thing "authentic" isn't at the top of my list of style goals!

Haha... really?

Wow, interesting discussion, so have to throw in my 2c worth. No, I don' assume women have given up, as others have commented it depends on the overall package.

I dyed mine for about 30 years and as I have a very short cut it was getting too difficult as the greys would be showing a week later. Around 6 years ago we travelled around Oz for a year and I made the decision to let it grow out. Once I had some time to get used to it (and it did take some time) I quite liked it. I have recently had silver highlights put in on the top just to give it a bit more texture, and I love it.

For those ladies with problems with the texture of their hair, my stylist was very frustrated when cutting mine because the greys were much coarser and would stick out all over the place. I changed my routine so that I only shampoo my hair about every 7-10 days, BUT I put conditioner on it every day. It has made all the difference, my stylist says my hair now is totally different.

Sorry for any reprition here as i did ot get a chance to read all of th comment. I don't think it means she doesn't care, but I would work with a stylist to make it look fab as you grey.

A woman I work with has the most fantastic white hair. She started going grey at 16 and was completely white by 30. Still, she looks so good. She styles it well and wears colors that flatter. Some people think she dyes it that color!

Really! I don't necessarily need people to think my hair is naturally blond. I just want to look good.

I started greying when I was 14 and judging by the huge chunks of hair that just appear highlighted, I must be at least 20% grey. I have always dyed my hair, as I don't like my very dark, natural hair color. I have not thought about letting my hair sans dye.

I would not think someone looks unkept because of grey hair. However, I'll be honest, I think that past a certain age, you really have to put a little more work onto haircare, grooming, a good hairsyle etc, especially if you are aiming for a polished look. Clothes alone are not going to do it.

And MaryK, IMO, your "after" is AMAZING. So yes, you are accomplishing your " looking good" goal big time.

I can't believe this timely (for me) and huge conversation has materialized overnight! I am overdue for a haircut and one reason I am delaying is I keep going back and forth about what to do about my hair color. My original color was nearly black, I started going grey in my 20's and I have been coloring it ever since and I think I am ready to stop. These are my main thoughts that echo lots of the interesting thoughts in this thread:

1. Incoming roots looks more unkempt than grey hair to me. (But see Maria Cornejo for my growing in roots role model.)
2. My hair grows fast and if I don't touch up the roots every 2 weeks I am back to #1.
3. My mother let her hair go white and it is gorgeous.
4. My scalp is feeling quite miserable from over 2 decades of dye.
5. The color that is adequate to cover my grey is warmer than my naturally cooler hair color and I don't love it.
6.. It is just hair! If I let it go grey and hate it I can dye it again!

On the other hand, I am seriously considering some sort of serious skin intervention to deal with the pigmentation (and other age related issues) on my face. I don't see a contradiction between fighting my aging skin but experimenting with letting my aging hair be. Just thought I would throw that out there!

IMO fake anything do NOT spell out AMAZING!
All these women below do, lol, yes and even the last young one in #5

Fortunately I'm also not going for "everybody thinks I look amazing," so it's all good.

Heya guys, I have dark hair with noticeable single gray hairs in it, I'm hardly a silver fox. I'm not even salt and pepper yet. So to bring it back to ME... so what I am getting here is, if I have a nice haircut, hopefully I'm not broadcasting "I am clueless" when people see my grays?

But enough about me, let's talk about you.

What do YOU think of me?

I think you look super fab and your grays only add to your fabness!

LOL, IK!

As I think many here have said, I think anyone as fab as you who has a great, flattering hairstyle is not going to be dismissed for having some grey hair! You look awesome no matter what!

One of my dear friends refuses to dye her hair, even though her husband bugs her about it all the time (ugh, he even uses me as an example: "Janet covers her grey hair, why don't you do yours?"). She is maybe 10% grey with very dark thick hair. She is also about as low maintenance as you can get: no makeup, no heels, etc. She loves to wear color, though, and has fun with clothes. But more importantly, she is a very busy, respected, successful medical professional who knows her priorities, and sitting in a salon chair for two hours every six weeks is not on the list.

We all have our own priorities for looking and feeling good. If coloring your hair doesn't rank for you, don't do it!

Ok, I'll bite.... What is your specific concern Misie and why do you feel so threatened by this concept of "embellishing" oneself?

(And FYI unless you are leaving your house without a trace of makeup and no grooming whatsoever, you ain't looking 100% "real" either... just sayin'... Really, anything done to change our primeval selves, which might include hairy legs, armpits, stinking breath and the like, constitutes embellishment and alteration of the " real").

Different strokes for different folks. For instance, I choose not to cover my acne scars with makeup because I feel better letting people see what's there and not hide them. However, I am not going to condemn someone who prefers a face full of makeup. So what? Should I start preaching that women with a full face of makeup are fake?

Part of my right to choose is to allow others to choose for themselves.

The world is hard enough already, we should stop criticizing each other.

... and yes, Mary looks AMAZING because she is AMAZING!

Sorry for the threadjack IK:)
and heck with the gray hair...you are friggin fabulous. Flaunt them;)

IK - I have had a white streak over my right temple since my mid-20's. I am 39 now. I've gone through the process of dying it, highlighting it and letting it go natural. It's now been 5 years since I put color in it. I, personally, love my white streak. I think it looks wickedly awesome and I don't really care what other people think. So, I have one rule:

My hair - my business. Other people's hair - their business.

So, to answer your most recent question, you are not conveying any message about being clueless if you have some grey hair. You will just have some grey hair and I'm sure it will look fantastic. Your hair - your business!

PS - If I had a white streak I would totally keep it. Because secretly I want to be Rogue.

Yep, me too;)

A lot, also in my mind, depends on your personal style. I think I'd have a conniption if Mary K didn't do her hair...

/threadjack

Diana and Zap - I work in a high school so I get a LOT of comments about Rogue and the occasional reference to Storm from X-men... it's a lot of fun! Not the reason I keep my white streak, mind you, but still good conversations with the kids!

/end of threadjack (sorry IK!)/

I don't make assumptions about someone based on their hair-color, period. I know better - because I've had some strange hair-colors over the years! Some on purpose - others, totally by accident (hey, I love to experiment!) That being said, I *do* make assumptions about people based on their appearance - I admit it - and sometimes I'm right and sometimes I'm wrong.

IK - I know for a fact, that I would not EVER assume that you didn't care about your appearance because you had undyed gray hair. There are many more factors that go into that type of assumption!

I am probably about 90% gray and I dye my hair and get high- and low- lights - and I feel great about it - and enjoy trying different mixes of colors. It is just part of my monthly routine, to go to my hairdresser (who I love!) - and I thoroughly enjoy going and sitting for a couple of hours, either taking the time to read a book, or just chatting with my hairdresser about "girl-stuff." Its fun - its an experience - and its who I am! I am also someone who puts make-up on everyday and wear nailpolish almost all of the time - so, dying my hair just comes "natural" to the high-maintenance woman that I am. (P.S. - MaryK, I LOVE your dyed hair - love.)

MaryK, holy cow, you are killing me tonight! Hilarious and classy, to boot. Your "after" is AMAZING, btw, just wanted to chime in.