Gigi, thanks for such a thoughtful comment! I generally haven't had SA's do anything to make me feel bad, and you're definitely right that returns, even big or repeated ones, are a completely normal and expected thing for stores. The thought of a $6,000 return definitely puts things in perspective! For me, I think what happens is that the worries about guilt/judginess wouldn't necessarily be strong enough on their own to affect my behavior but, combined with the effort and planning involved (I'm really lazy and, since I don't have a car, I can't just toss things into my backseat for when I have some extra time, but have to make a special trip while carrying around stuff that may be big and bulky), returns irritate me enough that I try to rationalize myself into avoiding them by telling myself that I can make things work or the amount of money I'd get back isn't worth the effort.

And I'm glad I'm sounding positive. Although, let me tell you, some of my responses in this thread are definitely benefitting from a little editing before I hit "post"!

Caro, I'll see how it looks with the belt tied a little lower. That's a really good idea -- thanks!

It's all been said already. Hang in there. You will find the perfect jacket. xo

I'm glad you're keeping the coat!

>> I like the look of the smaller one nipped in at the waist too. Kind of frustrating that getting a large enough fit on the parts of my body that annoy me usually means less emphasis on the part I want to show off.

Yes! This is the source of my preference for cardigans over jackets: if a jacket fits my shoulders, it's seriously unlikely to nip in enough at the waist. Or because I'm long waisted, it will 'nip in' about 2" too high, where my ribs are still broad instead. (Although reviewing my cardigans, almost none of them are small enough at the waist either, but at least they're easy to tuck.)

Reading all of the comments about fit on this thread has reminded me of how often I end up compromising on fit. Sigh. I lived in knit tops when I was younger, simply because those were the only ones that actually showed how small my waist was (which was more important to me then!). Now that I wear a lot of woven tops, usually the only way to define my waist is to tuck or belt or both. The rare woven top I try on that really fits my waist (not skin tight but shows its true size) pulls at my bust, which is silly since I don't have a large bust. Unless there are ties involved, the fit I need just doesn't seem to exist. :/ Dresses too: I don't have a single dress that comes in enough at the waist & actually hits me at my smallest point vs my rib cage. Eek. (And it's not as if I have a terribly exaggerated figure either.) No wonder I'm interested in learning to sew!

(And re: returns inconveniencing the SAs...I don't understand this. It's their job, yes? Obviously be polite and cheerful about it, not crazy, but if you're respecting the store's return policy-aka tags still on, etc.-I truly don't understand how it could affect the SA negatively.)

Hi Aubergine, yes our building facades in the City of London are quite special, it was a good reminder to appreciate what's on the doorstep, thanks for that.
Now to your jacket dilema. Tailored clothes are a challenge for all of us unless you're lucky enough to be born with fit model proportions. Every stylist will tell you jackets that are "too small" ie don't fasten in the middle are the most flattering and this is why you look the best in the smallest tweedy jacket in my opinion. Personally I wouldn't worry about the bit of bunching at the back, whose looking at your back and the front view is slimming and flattering unlike the other larger jackets which all drown you. The only thing that would stop me buying a jacket a bit too small is if it is uncomfortable across the shoulders or in the elbow bend, otherwise go for it and show off those curves.
In the scarlett coat, (which has to fasten to be effective) the image on the left is the most flattering and the colour fab against your dark hair.
Shirley x

E, most SAs are OK about taking back returns, but I have had some experiences at a couple of stores where the SA is clearly upset that I'm shopping online and not in-store and you can just feel the nasty gray storm clouds over their head, like in a Charlie Brown cartoon. And then they try to pressure me to shop in-store, at which point I tell them that nothing fits me in-store! Maybe they are upset that by shopping online, I extricate myself from their pressuring sales tactics on the floor. Rant over...

I feel bad that I keep bumping this, but everyone keeps saying such nice, in-depth things that it seems a shame not to respond!

Angie, thanks for the sympathy!

E, I'm glad you know my pain here! I kind of have the opposite problem as you sometimes, where things that nip in hit right where my hips start to widen instead of at my waist because I'm so short and short-waisted, but the annoyance factor sounds exactly the same. Cardigans are definitely so much easier. Either that or just going back and being reborn as a tall, willowy rectangle, which is obviously a non-starter.

VenusCow, thanks! You're reassuring me that I wasn't completely deluded when I liked the smallest size of the jacket in the first place. And thanks for the nice words about the coat.

Gigi, ugh. I'm so glad I've never had to deal with anything that blatant.