Thoughts?

Sally B

My stepdaughter hasn't invited my son and his wife to her wedding. I'm feeling a bit sad about it but am I over reacting? They've met maybe three or four times at family events but I thought they would be included on the guest list as family. There are other guests going who are just friends of both parents. I understand it is her and her fiance's choice who to invite so just wanting thoughts here. Thank you.

6 years ago

Off Topic

13 replies

Latest reply was from Sally B

Vildy

Veteran

Since weddings are traditionally a union of families, it's not off to an optimistic start but, presuming she is fairly young, I'd begin to stand prepared for her to come to a mature frame of mind in following years.

Until then, perhaps schedule some family events where both son and wife and stepdaughter and her hubby are included on the regular. To help the idea gel.

6 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

I don’t think you’re overreacting, but to be honest, three or four meets isn’t much of a relationship. I’ve only attended one cousins’ wedding and we all grew up together...

6 years ago

Sally B

Active Member

Yes I understand. They live interstate so there has not been many regular gatherings.

6 years ago

Bijou

Veteran

No you’re not over reacting, it is normal to be disappointed. However, I would just brush it off as it is likely that your son and his wife are rather relieved not to feel obliged to attend.

6 years ago

RobinF

Veteran

Yeah I agree with Rachylou. I don't think you're overreacting but it is understandable since they don't really know each other. Weddings can create hurt feelings for sure.

6 years ago

taylor

Veteran

Weddings can be tricky business, feelings are certainly hurt sometimes. As a parent I can understand you want your children United for this special event .
If you are paying for this wedding I would be more apt to throw in my 2 cents and let your daughter know that it hurts you that your son is not invited.

6 years ago

Toban

Veteran

It’s okay to be disappointed but best to brush it off for long term harmony. It sounds like your marriage happened after at least some of the children were adults, so the connection is strong for you but not necessarily for your stepdaughter given they’ve met only a handful of times. I’ve also known many friends of parents that saw me grow up, so I was supportive of my parents inviting them if there was space. I am a child of merged families while I was a child and I while I am close to my stepmother, I no longer have a relationship with my stepsiblings and did not invite them to my wedding since they never met my husband and I hadn’t talked to them in years. Similarly, if my mother was to marry her boyfriend, to me he would be my mother’s husband but not my stepdad because the relationship occurred when I was an adult and he never had a fatherly role — over time that could change, but it takes proximity and relationship building. Patience and acceptance that these roles don’t connect immediately will help create space for future connection whereas being insistent on a connection that is not yet there might create a barrier to a future connection. Merged families are complicated and I encourage you to not think of it as a lack of acceptance of you in their lives.

6 years ago

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Finding out that I could not invite who I expected to invite to my son's wedding was a big shock and took a lot of adjustment. I would have an even harder time with this. But I have not been in your situation.

I might inquire as to whether there was an issue with the count or the number the venue holds, and if not, whether they could be invited if you covered the cost.

You might want to sit with the emotions for a bit, so you could discuss it calmly and accept whatever the answer is.

And of course, it's okay to feel sad.

6 years ago

Anonymous

I can get being disappointed, but wedding costs being what they are, she might have been able to only go with those in her inner circle, like you and her dad. I seriously doubt that any ill-will was intended, it's probably more an economics issue. I hope the wedding is wonderful and you enjoy yourself!

6 years ago

Sally B

Active Member

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. I will never bring this issue up with either my husband or my step daughter. I wanted to ask the forum what they thought. I have come into a situation later in life that I have to accept the good and the unpleasant sides of blended families. I will do my best to enjoy the day. Thanks everyone.

6 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I hope your son isn't hurt. Does he feel more strongly about the connectinon than his stepsibling?

One of my mom's friends recently "friended" me on Facebook. Just seeing her reach out to me there brought back the memory of returning to my (formerly "our") home after the divorce, which I had to travel overseas for, seeing the sets of dishes my parents' friends gave us for our wedding, and feeling a wave of support and love. When my mother refused to have a shower for my son, many of her friends, who had known me nearly my whole life sent me presents anyway. I call it my 'guerilla shower'. Even though they weren't present to give me advice & play the typical games celebrating my little one's eminent arrival, I really appreciated feeling them reach out to us. What I'm trying to say is that guests "who are just friends of both parents" might mean more to the couple being married than is readily apparent.

6 years ago

Anonymous

It can be awkward or even painful but I much prefer people who are honest about their feelings. You can't change things until you really see them clearly as they are.

6 years ago

Sally B

Active Member

Yes true. I am not going to give it any more oxygen, will just accept it and move forward. I hope she has an awesome day as she is a beautiful person and so is her husband to be.

6 years ago

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