Having read this post from start to finish I should comment, but really it has all been said!
Thank-you for sharing and caring on this amazing forum.

Velvety, that is fantastic! I just wonder... where was it???
I know this prayer always work for me, sometimes even almost immediately. Our brains are more powerful than we think!

Parsley, this forum is wise. We are wise to dare looking at ourselves differently, to dare submit it to the eyes of others, to help each other define our style and body shape. It has a great impact in the end. Thank you for your kind words.

Shannon, Jenava, I am thinking of writing a book... to be honest I was thinking of writing a book about clothes and the importance they can have in a woman's life. My idea would be walking in a "walk-in" closet and let the pieces speak. I didn't think of this realization in particular, but I admit, it must be featured. This story could be one chapter among many, not just from me but from others. I still don't know how to go about it. Thank you for encouraging me.

Thank you Lyn!

Krish, thank you for sharing with us such a powerful and moving memory. It really touched my heart.

A really powerful story. It's odd you know, Gen X (our generation) may be the last to personally have some sense of WWII. I think about it.

Dolls and daughters. You know, my mother was born in the late 1930s. She also had some new age spiritual director for awhile there, maybe 10 years ago, who was trying to get her in touch with her feminine side by dressing up dolls. My mother being completely the wrong sort of candidate for new age spiritual direction told her, quote-unquote, "I have a daughter."

Thank you for an amazing, inspirational post, and congratulations on your realization. YLF therapy at work! They say the truth shall set you free, and now that you've found your truth, you are free to take control over how you present yourself.

I don't think dolls are necessarily bad things. I may be slightly biased because I write for the Barbie Collector site, which is for grownups who collect Barbie dolls. (Poor Barbie has been so maligned for years, and I don't want to get into a debate about Barbie doll's influence on very young girls - I write about adult collectible Barbie dolls.)

Beyond the (sometimes amazing) fashions, many of those dolls tell stories, or allow us to dream and make up our own stories. Some remind us of people we know, or special events in our lives. I personally do not collect dolls, but every now and then I'll see one I wouldn't mind owning. Sometimes it's because of the outfit, and sometimes it's because the doll reminds me of someone in my life, but most often it's because of the story that doll conjures for me.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your story.

Rich insights. Thank you for taking the time to put them so elegantly into words. I hope you can find great freedom in the self-knowledge you've gained and move forward with your closet and your life. The wound our parents and even our grandparents suffered can be passed down, along with the blessings. You have redeemed your mother's struggle.

I look forward to seeing what comes from this --- books? terrific WIW?

Wow, what an incredible story! I have my great-grandmother's memoirs, and I often wonder how her experiences have shaped me. I love your idea for a book about this and clothing choices. You don't have to convince me how important they are!

I too got chills from your and your mother's story. So much about it leaves me speechless. Your realisations about becoming real are profound and could have been said for me, maybe many of us. Thankyou for sharing this rich material which I'm excited for what you might use it for!

Thank you for sharing this moving story of your experience (and those of your mother and grandmother). It is obviously a post that has made quite an impression on your readers here; I'm so glad I read it! One of the larger lessons your story illustrates so well is that style is not superficial. Far, far from it. What we wear, how we wear it, how we move and present ourselves to the world--all of these things come from places we may hardly know.

I like the outfits you posted. I'm not sure if we were to take them as examples of what you are moving away from, but as I scrolled through the photos, I thought, I would like to wear outfits like these, too! I especially like 3,4,7, & 8. I was surprised to read that 4 was an outfit of your mother's and grandmother's--you have made it look so current, with the tights and oxfords. I like how you blend feminine, tough, vintage, and modern so beautifully. Wherever your style journey takes you, I'm sure you it will be illuminating and fabulous.

I'm so glad this post got bumped so I could read it! What a fascinating and unique story. I can totally relate to remembering and feeling one's mother's story, and then looking to see what that has meant for the daughter. If we were having coffee and you felt like sharing I'd be so interested to know how and when you learned all these stunning parts of your mother's story. Because that's part of your story too.

Thank you for all your feedback!

Rachylou, yes, re Gen X, I think that is why finally a lot of literature is coming out about the Shoa, the war, occupied territory and Nazi collaborators. Because the generation to whom it happened were not able to talk about it for the most part, the trauma was too deep. It had to take a full generation (while the Boomers, born in between, fought other battles and had other concerns) to be able to put the experience in words. Speak the unspeakable.

About your Mum's story: too funny! Out of the mouths of Mommies and mumblings comes forth truth.

Tarzy, you said it: YLF therapy! And I'd love to read some of your articles. It sounds very interesting. I too think some objects like that can be an anchor for dreams, often leading to realizations! For example, I started making dolls myself, and you know when? Two Christmases ago, when I suddenly flew to my mother's side who had been hospitalized in ICU. I made the first doll for her while she was still there, then more came. She really appreciated them, but now I realize the whole signification behind this unconscious desperate gesture...

Beth Ann, thank you for your kind words full of sagacity. I am still in the process of finding out so many things that I don't know what the result will be yet. But I know it will be good, and I already feel so free.

Claire, how lucky you are to have your grandmother's memoirs! I hope you share some of it some day. I would be interested to know the impact on you.

Fruitful, thank you. What you are saying validates me telling this story here. I also think that if I went through this, many others did to some degree and with varying circumstances. I am a firm believer that inner experiences are not that unique, in the sense that we as human beings share more than we think, just in the same way that we can all be affected by illnesses or experience pleasure.

Firecracker, yes, clothes are EVERYTHING but superficial. But somehow we are made to believe it is not important. Nowadays they are also linked with money, unfortunately, which adds another layer of prohibition (one "shouldn't" spend energy, thoughts, nor money on them). But it is crucial! Thank you for your compliments about the outfits!

Adelfa, let's have coffee My mother would recount the doll story by bits over the dinner table on Sundays - because she worked as a nurse during the week and hardly ever ate with us. I can't remember how young I was when I first heard it, but I know she told it more than once, prompted by us, adding some new details each time. But looking back now I know it was a terrible event for her and she relived the pain every time, I remember her face and how she would quickly brush up on that part of the story, moving on to how her cousin pulled her braids or how she would jump and swim in a pond, catch impetigo and later discover it was where meat carcasses were discarded!

I had always thought the doll hijack part was incredibly cruel, and didn't understand why my mum put on her strict face when telling it, as if to show one shouldn't attach to material belongings... Now as an adult I realize it wasn't a strict face, it was a hurt face.

Krishnidoux- just read your powerful post. I appreciate your sharing, as it provides insight into moments in history as well as your story.

I understand your ambivalence about "doll" as an adult moniker going into this process of self discovery. Your appearance is self-possessed; being only a "doll" would not be enough.

As your story unfolded, I (who never had affinity for dolls, even as a child), was able to understand some things that had never occurred to me previously. What is it that makes a doll compelling? Certainly, for your mother, the context increased the power of the doll significantly. The other thing about dolls is that they are steadfast, always look about the same, featuring a particular "look" and they stand by you, a constant. While part of your insight allows you to disavow the less useful aspects of "being a doll", part of your discovery allows you to see how special that role was to your mother, who wanted to both have and be a doll, a constant presence, in her own daughter's life. How hard to realize that your one constant can be gone in an instant, at someone else's hateful whim. While your mother may not have been able to move past the doll imagery, you have stirred in a big dose of real for yourself as an adult. I think of The Velveteen Rabbit story. Your fashion photos reveal a sense of cohesion that ironically is something that can be sought and illusive. Your big leap is palpable as you write about your heightened awareness.

So true that fashion and appearance can relate to deep aspects of our identities. I think that is why it isn't always easy to "put ourselves together", simply by choosing flattering clothing. We want it to say more about who we are, we want to know who we are, we want to enjoy it, let go of burdens and so much more when we dress. YLF is full of deep thinkers. You have gotten some interesting feedback here. Best to you moving forward.

Krish, we can absolutely LOVE our Mothers very dearly, and feel anger towards them too. This is a normal feeling - things would be abnormal if this were not the case!

Eliza, thank you for your response which is full of insights and lead me to new thoughts about this. How interesting about the Velveteen Rabbit Story, which I didn't know about until now. Very similar to Pinocchio's plea. Also how interesting that despite the fact there were no dolls per say in your own story, you still related. Which goes to prove how we share similar struggles, without being aware of it. I don't know about you, but it makes these struggles less painful knowing they are human and not specific to just me, but happens to others too. Your words are very soothing to me.

Thanks Angie. You are right. Thank God!

Interesting dream, krish. Anger its best form, IMO, is the feeling of taking needed action. One needed action in life is untying the apron strings. This is tough because our moms' apron strings are always all knotted-up. When mom says jump, you jump, because that's what you need to do as a baby.

I am trying to remember this as my freshly-returned-to-me (happy mother's day! hehe) 20-yr-old dd goes out with friends on the weekend when she needs to get a job. She's only been home a day and not gonna get a job on a Sunday night, must remember that. Must remember that! Lol.