Sigh. Weddings. Translating the dress codes. Help. SOS. (lol). (eta: photos in comments). - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing

Sigh. Weddings. Translating the dress codes. Help. SOS. (lol). (eta: photos in comments).

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

(ETA: The dress is sapphire blue, not violet-blue...)

My BF's niece is getting married this coming weekend in Toronto, and all I knew was 'formal'. I just got the details, and the ceremony is at 4:30pm, cocktail hour at 5, reception at 6:30, dancing at 8:30.

I just got hold of the actual link on The Knot, and it says

"We kindly request that our guests wear formal attire. The ---- Club policy is for men to wear a jacket, neck tie, and dress slacks and for woman to dress appropriately. Pastels and florals encouraged."

The dress I was planning to wear is a vintage 1990s long dress. It's a deep violet-blue velvet, full length, sleeveless, with a little chiffon insert at the back, that gives a little swish. It has a Kate Moss vibe, because it's that 90s minimalist cut. I also feel it kind of channels Rosemary Clooney when she's singing "Love, You Didn't Do Right By Me", in White Christmas. Basically, this gown ticks all my boxes - clean lines, fits a bra underneath, doesn't upstage the bride, and can be worn with a partner in a suit or a tux. (BF is wearing a tux).

Where I'm stuck is.... the pastels/florals 'encouraged' comment. I have florals in my closet, but they run from very casual to just-shy-of-semi-formal.

In terms of wedding etiquette, how important is the pastels/floral request? Can this be bent with a floral brooch or corsage on the gown?

I pick up that violet-blue gown from the seamstress this afternoon, and will update here with a photo.

Dressing

51 replies

Latest reply was from judy

LJP

Veteran

Oh don't get me started on wedding guest dress code "requests" (aka demands). I can see stipulating black tie/formal if necessary, but requesting florals etc? Your dress sounds gorgeous and I say wear it ! My daughter has been attending weddings this summer and the latest was "formal, pale green for women and grey suits for men " - for GUESTS! She was in a twist about this and had to buy 2 new dresses - one for the daytime/church ceremony and one for the evening. Craziness.

cat2

Veteran

Your dress sounds gorgeous. Could you find a clutch and shoes to add the floral element? There are clips that could add decorative elements to an existing shoe. Etsy?

Star (Lise)

Veteran

Fortunately I do not get invited to that many weddingss because the few I have attended in recent years what I initially had in mind to wear did not match the demands. I am not a fan of very detailed 'requests'. I mostly ended up in items I was not entirely happy with because of this.

With regard to your dress I think the colour violet fits. Violet is a flower, yes? It sounds gorgeous.

I may be completely incorrect here but I don't think the actually floral item is the key, I think it is because florals are usually muted so will blend with the other option of pastels in the photos. ie. no shocking pinks or reds, or black, etc. That said you do get some bright floral fabrics so clearly I am just guessing.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

I wouldn't worry about the floral and pastel request. It is "encouraged." You have been encouraged, and you have the perfect dress in a solid, non-pastel yet festive color.

If you were a close family member, I might suggest trying a little harder, since you might be in some family group photos.

I think a floral brooch could be really lovely.

JAileen

Veteran

Your dress sounds gorgeous! I think the requests are for pictures. A bunch of floral dresses in pictures sounds chaotic.

Cookie

Veteran

Banging shoe on desk for pictures of this dress. It sounds spectacular. Wear it and give no further thought to their ridiculous “encouragement.”

RobinF

Veteran

That seems like a ridiculous request to me. It is hard enough to find a dress you like without it being to someone else's specifications. Your dress sounds gorgeous and perfect for a formal wedding.

Helena

Veteran

I hate this wedding trend and blame Instagram "aesthetics" for this *facepalm*

Your dress sounds gorgeous and I'm inclined to say wear it ... If there is a way to make a nod to the request with a corsage or accessory, that would be a lovely touch. If you're really unsure, ask the closest person you'd feel comfortable with how they are doing it. Good luck and I'm sure you'll look fab!!

Roberta

Veteran

I also want to see the dress! My sister in law is currently struggling to find a "black tie" dress to wear in August in Colombia. She has a very limited budget for something she might never need again and is nervous about buying a second hand dress.

I am glad you are only "encouraged" to wear florals! I agree that a floral clutch would be fun.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Mary Beth, your dress sounds dazzling, and like Roberta - I want to see it, and second the floral clutch idea!

"Pastels and florals encouraged" - does not mean you have to wear either, thankfully.

Formality is key, so as long as the attire meets that requirement, wear your gorgeous dress!

How about a flower in your hair? I can see your theatrical self rock that look

Runcarla

Veteran

Dress pics please! Floral clutch and flower in hair sounds *chef’s kiss*!

Susie

Veteran

Your dress sounds lovely for an evening wedding!

I agree that an invite specifying the degree of formality is fine ; it’s nice to help guests feel comfortable. But to demand a certain color is a bit much.

Please show us your dress!

Echo

Veteran

Agreed that your dress sounds perfect. Guests are not props, and no other specification for attire should be made other than indicating the formality of the event. But an afternoon wedding and early evening meal is generally not a black tie event.

What tends to bother me is a wedding calling for "black tie" attire, and then not having a black-tie level of catering or formality of the event. Black tie does NOT refer only to attire, but to the level of service provided guests - valet parking, gloved service, multi-course gourmet meal, open bar with premium spirits, live music, etc. I understand that many people want to avoid people wearing casual attire to a wedding, but black tie means something specific (tuxedoes and full length gowns, highest level of formality of the catering and venue) when in fact, most people meant semi-formal (suits, collared shirts, cocktail dresses, etc.).

Irina

Veteran

“encouraged” doesn’t mean “required “. I would ignore it. Your dress sounds perfect for the occasion.

Sal

Veteran

Your dress sounds lovely and I think wear it. Agree that the level of formality is the key and you meet that. You will look stunning in it!!

I cannot imagine requesting my guests to wear a colour palette to my wedding. It’s unfair on guests and is performative. And expensive. Maybe that sounds grumpy and old.

Sloper

Veteran

The dress sounds just right. Floral brooch, hair accessory, or corsage (YES corsage), or shawl. Or floral fascinator?

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Agreed with everyone else — wear the fabulous dress! I bet a little floral touch in an accessory could be just the right nod to the spirit of the “suggestion.”

Brooklyn

Veteran

Wear the dress! I like Angie’s idea. I wonder if the reference to florals and pastels is just intended to gently discourage people from wearing black.

Mary Beth (formerly LBD)

(website)

Veteran

First off, THANK YOU for the feedback. Most of the weddings I’ve been to in recent years, or the second, or even third wedding of close friends around my age (mid-fifties), where everyone dresses smart, but the bridal party is chill about not monitoring guest attire.

I sing with a band that does corporate and wedding gigs, and the band was instructed to dress black tie. Most of the wedding guests or tuxes and formal gowns. It was a 6pm ceremony, with dinner at 7:30 and dancing after.

I think this is where I really get tripped up, on where on the clock the hands land, and suddenly things snap to “evening, and therefore, over the top formal”.

I picked up my dress this afternoon from the seamstress. It wasn’t Violet blue like I thought, but sapphire blue. I still really love it. I’m wearing it in this photo without the body slimmer. I’m planning to wear, or accessories. I have a beautiful floral brooch that belong to my boyfriend’s mom, and I may add that. Or, as was suggested, a flower in my hair, and a dainty bag.

I was a little stressed until I picked up my dress and felt all the same love I felt when I bought it and dropped it off.

Overall, I’m pretty pleased with the dress, because it was $30 at a secondhand shop, $25 to take it up at the shoulders, and I found the shoes the same day at the Goodwill near the seamstress’ store. The whole outfit with tax came in under $70. I really try to practice sustainability where I can, and not spend a huge chunk of money on a rarely worn item.

If I’m ever silly enough to get married again, the invitation is going to say “wear your most favorite, most fabulous thing”.

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Penny

Veteran

Echoing everyone - wear this gorgeous dress, and love the floral brooch or flower-in-hair idea if it feels right. But I think you'll fit in beautifully no matter what - this is a stunning look that absolutely suits ticks the "formal" requirement, which is all you need.

Echo

Veteran

YOU LOOK AMAZING in that dress! It will go beautifully with whatever accessories you choose to pair with it!

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

You look gorgeous in your dress and your "wear your most favorite, most fabulous thing" is the only stipulation that belongs on an invitation imho.
I did think of this: https://www.washingtonpost.com.....ervatives/

Lisa

Veteran

Wear the dress and I like the suggestion to add a flower in the hair or as a brooch. When I've gotten detailed wedding dress codes in the past, NO ONE followed the specifics. Wearing formal or not attire, sure that's usually followed but not color or print requests.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Your dress is fabulous! You are a beautiful flower yourself with your red tresses against the blues. Just lovely. Any accessories you choose (brooch sounds amazing and fitting for the occasion, but I love a floral clutch, or flower in your hair, too...) will just add to the glamour.

Loving Echo's comment. Guests are not props!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

KILLER to the Power of KILLER dress

JAileen

Veteran

You look sensational!

Dee

Veteran

You look stunning in that dress, totality suits the formality. My heavens, this is first time I've ever heard of actual guests being influenced into wearing pretty specific colours or patterns.

Carol

(website)

Veteran

I would totally have fun with floral accessories--a choker, a headpiece, etc. Something like this thing I have, but I would probably do it in a pastel or bright.

What I would NOT do is contribute by wearing subtle, tasteful floral jewelry--a tiny chain of silver roses, or whatever. I would participate, but just make it visible in the accessories. A fascinator head piece in a floral theme is also a good idea.

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Cookie

Veteran

Oooh, you look smashing in the dress and the flower brooch is lovely. Perfect for a formal wedding.

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