Progress Report on Purchasing Fast (Day 28) - YouLookFab Forum

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Progress Report on Purchasing Fast (Day 28)

Anonymous

Hi everyone. This past week has not been one of my more successful weeks. I had a serious of meetings that threw my entire schedule off. I didn't make it to the gym one single time. I didn't shop or buy anything!!

My diet plan was to eat whatever I could when I could. I didn't shop or buy anything unless you count junk food and take-out food.

I seemed to be really whiny, short-tempered, and just plain out of sorts. The only times I showed any type of maturity was in meetings when other adults were present. I didn't shop or buy anything!!

But I did find time to browse the Finds Section of YLF. I adore that Section. I collected tons of Finds. I kept thinking after my purchasing fast, I'm going to buy THAT and THAT. Again, all impulse, no plan whatsoever.

After a few days in Finds, I lost all interest and uncollected them. Had I actually purchased them, would I have lost interest just as fast? Is that why so many of my impulse buys fail me in the long run?

So I am wondering if sales aren't the problem so much as impulsivity. Can the brain be re-trained to avoid impulsivity? That doesn't seem so much as a habit as a personality trait.

I haven't had time to start working on my "wardrobe plan" yet. January has been unusually busy with other things.

Shopping

28 replies

Latest reply was from

Karie

(website)

Veteran

I haven't shopped or bought anything in the same amount of days either! "So I'm wondering if sales aren't the problem so much as impulsivity." YES! I think you're on to something. As far as it being a habit or personality trait, I am not impulsive in other areas so I don't think it is for me. Whether it is or it isn't, I do think the brain can be re-trained. Putting things in "Finds" and / or a shopping cart and coming back to it later often results in "I am no longer interested" / "I don't really need that" for me.

Making myself realize that I don't actually need it NOW and letting go of that FOMO are key. I think I remember reading a post where Angie listed things we should consider before making a purchase (I'll have to search for that). At this point, it's getting to be a competition for me - "28 days, can I make it to 29?"

So it has been a successful week for you in terms of not shopping or buying anything (me too!). Maybe it wasn't so successful in other ways, but in the words of the great Alexander from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, no Good, Very Bad Day, "Some days are like that. Tomorrow will be better!"

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Interesting! I feel like Karie, in that I am not impulsive about other things -- in fact, I am a deliberative planner in most aspects of my life -- but shopping is a different story.

I did buy something wardrobe related for the first time this year, last weekend when Vicki and Mochi were in town. We strolled around town, and a hat store was my "downfall" this time. I bought a really great, steel blue fedora, and a scarf that incorporates one of my favorite color schemes (blue, black, white, and rust). Both were on sale, so the whole thing set me back a grand total of $60. I'm counting a mere $60 spent on fashion in the entire month of January a win!

kkards

Veteran

yup---impulsivity is my downfall....l'm in control of so much of the rest of my life....but this fashion thing gets me...i did buy a few things this month (seperate post this morning), but i've been "finding" things like crazy....but i'm also finding that i'm thinking about spring instead of shopping the fall/winter sales, which for me is a big win...

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Congratulations, Sterling. (And also, thank you for the morning laugh! I got such a chuckle out of your recitation...I didn't shop or buy anything!)

First, you really are to be praised; you have kept to your vow and this was clearly a change of behaviour.

Secondly, I do think impulsivity can be tamed, at least to a large degree, or possibly channelled into avenues where it is not destructive. I tend to do what Karie does these days and what you did -- I put things into my Finds or my shopping bag but tell myself that I won't hit "buy" unless I can answer some serious questions about the item's value for me. Admittedly, this sensible resolve sometimes goes out the window, but oddly enough, more when I am bricks and mortar shopping than when I'm online shopping. (That might have something to do with the fact that in Canada I often pay return postage on online returns...which is a disincentive to buy quickly without forethought; whereas in store I might pick something up just because I'm buying something else and it is on sale. Or I get persuaded by a friend or SA. Which probably explains why my biggest shopping mistakes result from bricks and mortar shopping!)

Also, consider alternative distractions. In order to take my mind off shopping I sometimes immerse myself in another pursuit. Reading means browsing for books (either in person at a bookstore or library, or online at same.) This can use up a lot of time! And a similar kind of energy. But browsing at a library is completely free.

Anonymous

As long as I stay away from the mall, I'm in total control.

I'm like Suz in that I find it much easier to impulse-buy in person. And this is true even when the retailer offers free returns on online purchases, like Club Monaco and BR.

If I'm at the mall, I will end up buying something on my list of to-buys, even if that something isn't that great.

Also, what Suz says about refocusing energy is so true for me (and many, I would imagine). I use my excess inward energy on projects: I have a fashion project to figure out my style direction for 2017, and another one to figure out a nice landscape design for the front of the house. So lots of energy in planning and thinking and reading and no money spent. (I suppose eventually I'll have to spend some money, but it'll be better spent with the plan in place.)

I find projects that don't involve mental stimulation--like exercise and social stuff--are not enough of a foil against shopping.

shedev

Veteran

Great job not shopping. I've been buying health and beauty items, but not clothing. A very large raccoon ran in front of my car and damaged my bumper, so I'm buying Jeep parts. I've put a few things in finds to decide on later. I like to look at a lot of things before I pull the trigger. I'm a pretty impulsive person, but I've managed to change some of my behaviors. I think the wanting may be personality, but buying is behavior. Sublimating the urges into more productive behaviors like you have been doing is doable. It just takes time to build the habit.

JAileen

Veteran

I haven't been following this closely, but your post sounds like an addict of some kind. Shopping, I guess. Maybe I'm the same, except I'm not on a ban. We went to Costco last weekend and we only bought food. Oh wait, that's not true - we bought a fire extinguisher and Ziploc bags, too. Of course, I've bought walkable winter boots, a fleece hat, and just now, some sandals. I was forced to shop because my mother gave gave me some money for Christmas. In the past, I've deposited the check and forgot about it. She wants me to buy something tangible, such as the Furla bag last summer. So I've been looking looking looking and suddenly I thought these sandals look pretty good; let's give them a try.

Sheila

Veteran

I have to say I made it thru a rather tough time this week.

I had an email from Marianne Style saying they had a 70 % off collection of Fall 2016 Frank Lyman, Cartise etc..

Well I spent about 3 hours going thru over 100 items, looking at sizes and feeling pretty good about 4 purchases - for a total of less than $ 200. A great value !

I had the items in my cart, it was quite late... and then I decided to not checkout and go to bed.

Woke in the morning... felt good and bad. I thought there was ONE item in the cart that really was important.

Anyway, I went to work... and here I am five days later. I did not buy it... nor anything. I do have something quite similar but not exactly like that.

Getting together my February goals... this is still part of them...

AND I did tell my husband.

I am missing the boxes in the mail a bit, and bought some Amope foot rolls, and some aquarium filters, from Amazon to compensate. At least my fish and feet will be happy !

Hopefully February will be OK. The weather is so grim though...and I hope I am not inclined to purchase impulsively just for a brief moment of winter happiness.

I am thinking this about the winter... do I purchase to attempt to get myself out of the winter blahs.. and then just feel more blah after it ?

AM

Veteran

You should feel really good about your success but it was most concerning to hear about your decline in mood. It jumped off the screen at me. It made me very worried. I'm glad you made that observation. Maybe a bad week? Maybe something is out of balance? I'm with smittie, it's important for me to have mentally stimulating creative projects that serve as entertainment and a balance to "dangerous shopping." I also have the curse of not shopping for months and then buying the mother load which I'm "pretty happy with" -- but that isn't good enough any more.

For me "dangerous shopping" is making a purchase that I really don't love and really doesn't do anything to further my style.

Conceptualizing capsules and then naming them has given me benchmarks. As you know, my "Spring/Summer: work from home/errand running capsule" is "urban sporty luxe." If I select that capsule as the priority to "amp up the style", I identifying a key piece such as kick- arse statement high-top sneaks as my next purchase. My "Winter: work from home/errand running capsule" -- "Apres Ski" required big fur boots. This type of planning (of course in PowerPoint slides) is sheer delight for me. And if this is the kinda thing you are into, it might help with impulsivity (and mood). I'm still developing a few of my other capsules but thankfully my great purge and closet/dresser re-org is coming to end.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I've been putting items into the cart but not purchasing them. There is a pair of very lightweight pants and I have been looking for such a pair for the very hottest of days. Just realized navy or ink would be better than black, so a good reason not to purchase them. Working on waiting and not purchasing this far ahead of the season. But now that I have clarity, if I find a navy one I will purchase it, as it is a very specific hole.

There are a few items that I would like to have in my wardrobe but I haven't been in the mood to shop for them. Especially as I am realizing that I have such a low success rate shopping online unless it is for a duplicate.

I've cut in half my online browsing, but should cut it in half again. That'll be my next goal. And I've done more unsubscribing.

Runcarla

Veteran

Been super busy at work, so working through lunch and no opportunity to shop. I did take a break yesterday (Friday) and tried on a delicious pair of pinky-nude leather mules with big origami bows, and I had a bright green Cynthia Rowley bag on my arm....but I put them back. They weren't '10's'.

I'm not really doing THAT green in my wardrobe, and I didn't like the real obvious metal label...and though the shoes said size 10, it seemed like my heel was really close to the back edge, and it said 40 and I'm usually a Euro 41.

So I walked away, and I have no regrets today.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Coming back for a minute to say that I am *sure* you can beat this sales habit.

I assume you have unsubscribed to some of the shopping sites/ mailing lists that you might have belonged to. I unsubscribe to most; others I allow to come but filter to junk mail. I will check junk mail occasionally in case anything important slips in there (it sometimes does, in my case) but mostly it means I simply do not see the ads for sales coming in. Out of sight, out of mind.

That has led (over time) to a situation where I don't start thinking of shopping unless I'm trying to put an outfit together and recognize a wardrobe hole, as in...oh, this would look so much better with x type of top (or whatever). That's not truly a need, of course. So it requires a judgement call; if I have money in the budget and I haven't bought anything in quite a while and I'm wearing all my other clothes regularly but would really like to add this type of outfit to my rotation, I will start to shop, but if it feels less crucial (i.e. I'm putting together happy outfits without this item) I will let the urge go.

Meanwhile, if it is a true need -- undies or gloves or something necessary for functional life --I will go shopping for that, regardless.

Runcarla

Veteran

To add to what Suz said, I think that the 'reset' of a fast gives you as much of an opportunity to set yourself up for mindful shopping as it does break a habit. (I'm using the opportunity to evaluate, re-evaluate, and cogitate as I work through some of the ideas Stylefan introduced in her great post on stye goals.)

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I'm agreeing with Suz too. When I'm trying to change a habit it is really important to replace it with something positive.

Joy

Veteran

Good for you! Pat yourself on the back. Have a piece of chocolate.
I have not bought anything this week except a hyacinth bulb, but need to deal with a $20 REI gift card that expires very soon. Maybe socks, a need but nothing exciting, will be ok? I did eye some Merrell summer hiking shoes that will I need, but they are way over $20. My downfall is going into stores rather than on line, so browsing on line helps me not buy but to do some planning.

Anonymous

The strategy of saving things to a list instead of buying them immediately does seem to work. I've noticed the same thing with clothes that I pin on Pinterest. They say that making lists helps people because when we write something down (a to-do, a pithy quote) it immediately relives our mind of the need to hold on to it. We essentially delegate the need to remember to the list. I think the same holds of shopping--whether we buy something or save the idea somewhere, we know we won't forget it and can clear our mind of it. And if it turns out we didn't truly want/need it, we'll know that when we come back to the list later and forget why we saved it!

I made a single purchase transaction (3 pair of shoes) in January, but it cost nearly four months of my budget. Cutting back on mindless browsing is going to be key if I have any hope of sticking to my plan for this year. I get caught up in sales, too. Two of the shoes filled genuine wardrobe holes for the upcoming spring/summer, but the third was a pair of boots I won't need until next winter. There was a discount for buying three pair and I couldn't seem to leave it on the table.

Anonymous

Karie -- Congratulations on your shopping fast. My fast is getting easier by the day. Is yours? It occurred to me reading your post that I never put a time limit on my fast. Doing it day-by-day seems easier than thinking I have to go 60 days without buying anything.

Janet -- The steel blue fedora and scarf sound beautiful. I happen to love hats. Unfortunately, hats are not worn in my area of the South and I think I would feel silly wearing one. I will certainly admire your hat in the WIWs. $60 is a win!!!!!!!! Yay for you.

KKards -- your new backpack is a definite win. It is both beautiful and functional. Preparing for a trip illuminates so many real needs. You always need something to make the trip comfortable and successful. I tend to buy while on vacation as well.

Suz -- It is a win for me!! I am actually evidencing new behaviors. I don't shop sales now AT ALL. I have no interest. I have exactly the opposite problem. I rarely buy in bricks and mortar stores. I once had the thought that if I could only buy from bricks and mortar stores I would go naked. I'm sure if it is the crowds, the distractions, the sales people, but something always makes me leave the store empty-handed.

Hi Smittie -- this is an interesting statement: I find projects that don't involve mental stimulation--like exercise and social stuff--are not enough of a foil against shopping. You may have inadvertently hit on something that is so obvious I completely missed it. I need to think about this some more.

Shedev -- I did start out the month by buying more health and beauty products. This was not rationalization because with the exception of the lipstick I really did need to stock up on those types of items. I have been thrilled with some new finds and so-so about others. Once I restocked my supply, I stopped all together. So I got that under control in a week or so. I'm hoping that this statement is true: I think the wanting may be personality, but buying is behavior. Sublimating the urges into more productive behaviors like you have been doing is doable. It just takes time to build the habit.

Hi Jaileen - I did describe my behavior in terms of an addiction in early posts. In time, I came to re-evalaute that behavior as just a bad or unhealthy habit. It served a need at one time in my life, but it is now time to retrain myself and substitute healthier habits.

Congratulations Sheila -- That is such an inspiring story. I'm glad you told your husband too. In response to your statement: do I purchase to attempt to get myself out of the winter blahs.. and then just feel more blah after it ? I personally have been craving color. Any type of color to break up the greys/blacks that make up my landscape. That is why KKards red tee shirt was so seductive to me. RED!!!

Anonymous

AM -- Thank you for asking about my mood. I am hoping this is a very temporary thing. I over-extended myself at work with projects that extended into the evening hours. By the time I got home each evening, I was too tired to think about working out or cooking. Although I had tons of really healthy food in the house, I stopped on the way home each day for take out. I got everything done though!! Next week should be significantly easier. As for snapping at my BF, very unacceptable behavior and one I am not proud of. He is very understanding, but I hate when I get like that.

I love your idea of conceptualizing your capsules. It is my goal to do that in the near future. I haven't had time to think about wardrobe planning just yet, but I hope to start in February. I do not plan on buying anything until I have an actual plan in place.

Congratulations Barbara Diane on cutting your online browsing time down. I think it was Smittie that assessed her online shopping / return rates. In my mind, I am a successful online shopper, but if I take the time to evaluate it, I wonder if that will be true. So naturally, I'll be assessing online return rates in 2017.

Yay RunCarla -- Major success. I'm curious. Do you think you might have bought them in the past? I'm planning on doing an analysis similar to what StyleFan, Suz and others have done. It is a great idea and the timing is perfect.

Suz -- I like your thought process about adding new items. I think this is the key phrase: and I'm wearing all my other clothes regularly but would really like to add this type of outfit to my rotation, I will start to shop. Your process is logical. And yes I long unsubscribed to ALL those emails. There was one company, can't remember which, that was sending me emails multiple times a day. Annoying as he1l.

Thanks Caro In Oz -- positive reinforcement helps more than you could ever know.

Hi Joy -- I think you might need those Merrell summer hiking shoes. You have started a new life in a completely new location. Sturdy hiking boots seem to be part of that new life. I would encourage you to buy them and then hike as often as is feasibly possible for you. Some Forum members would not even consider them "clothing line items," but "health line items." I'm inclined to agree. How was Steamboat? Did you have fun?

Hi Catty -- I agree pining and/or making lists really does relieve my brain of having to juggle it. And the most amazing thing is that when I return to those pins/lists, I rarely want or need those items anymore.

Shoes/boots are SO EXPENSIVE. When I was reviewing my 2016 clothing budget, a full 1/3 of my budget went to shoes (no boots for my climate). I can rationalize this because I have fussy feet and need comfortable shoes. When I find shoes that work for me, I duplicate without batting an eye. No regrets on that front.

Anonymous

A comment that jumped out at me. A lot of posters said that they were more likely to buy while in a brick and mortar store than online. I am exactly the opposite. I do more than 90 percent of my shopping online. I always feel the selection online is just so much greater. I can always find my size and my color. Shopping in a store frustrates me. I feel "pressure" to find something because I made the effort to get to the mall, park the car, hit the stores. There is an "energy" in the stores that I don't like. I rarely enjoy the experience. I want to buy a cup of coffee and leave as soon as possible.

Another comment. Several posters also said they were not impulsive in life in general, but did tend to make impulsive purchases. I am that way. I plan every single aspect of my life. I am never impulsive in life, but shopping is an entirely different matter for me. It is reassuring that we think we can retrain impulsivity.

My purchasing fast as evolved greatly over these past few weeks. From a ban on sales shopping to the realization that sales might not be the problem after all. Impulsive purchases might be the problem. Something to consider going forward.

Thank you to all those that took to the time to support and encourage me. It is your collective wisdom that has gotten me this far.

kerry

Veteran

You've been doing great! And spending some time gaining insight into your behaviours and setting yourself up for success. I've learned a lot from reading your posts. Thanks!

I promised to join in the shopping fast for Jan and Feb and haven't. Oops! What I realized, after my promise, was that I didn't buy any new indoor clothing for fall/winter. I'd bought practical boots, basics (camis, sports bras, socks), puffer vest, special occasion item for my capsule but no bottoms, sweaters, tops. I've had a winter silhouette change too. I've moved from lots of long cardies over drapey tops and some tunics to proper pullover sweaters. Problem was I didn't have too many of those (3!). And because I've decided to create a somewhat distinct spring and fall/winter capsule I had tucked some sweaters away.

Anyway, I think I've bought practically - four new pullovers. I did avoid buying an exact duplication. I was convinced I needed it. But I decided to give it some time and ended up buying something different with a similar function that lightens my winter looks (something I'm always trying to do - our winters are so long and this year very grey). I also added a new bottom which has added variety to my silhouettes for winter (bought with a gift card). It's a J Crew denim pencil skirt and it's exactly perfect. I think it will transition between capsules because I can wear it with and without tights (how I love fleece-lined tights - a new discovery!) and with lots of different footwear (short and tall boots, sneakers, sandals) and in Spring I think it'll deorphan my beautiful Frye boots. Score and fun!

Oh and I had two pairs of jeans hemmed so that they are much more versatile. So I feel like I've really expanded my options with these additions/alterations.

Frayed denim pencil skirt

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Frye Veronica Shortie

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Rag & Bone JEAN 'The Dre' Slim Boyfriend Pants

Sale

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Banana Republic

Gray High-Waist Skinny Ankle Jean

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Anonymous

Hi Kerry. I have long admired that J Crew skirt. I decided to buy it in white last summer. By the time I made up my mind to buy it, it was sold out. Nice to see it back. The blue would work even better in my wardrobe.

LaPed

Veteran

Smittie -- I'm the same sort of research-driven shopper. Obsessed with fabric content, origin, artisan methods, supply chains. Once I start thinking about something, I really think about it. Luckily my free time is completely taken up with theater commitments and politics right now, so no time to shop recreationally!

Sterling -- you're not alone in disliking the mall/retail shopping experience. There aren't many stores left (in my area at least) with really friendly, helpful staff. The sales floor is often a disorganized mess, and b+m selection can't compare to online inventory. I use my local stores mainly to check fit/sizing, and for free returns. Rarely buy anything there.

approprio

(website)

Veteran

Good work Sterling! I've just filed my own report, so we can compare notes.

I think it's very natural to feel down in the dumps right now. You're not alone. I'm with Suz on browsing the bookstores, and with AM on having creative projects to work on, although I'm in danger of forming an addiction to knitting wool. I'm also research-driven like Smittie and LaP, which helps to set standards and narrow the field.

As for online shopping, I've been deleting Yoox promotional mails as they come in, so no temptation to even look. I'll own up to browsing Farfetch, but that's just for ideas because I can never afford it anyway.

Anonymous

So nice to hear from you, Approprio!!! I'll watch for your post. I look forward to reading it.

I'm glad I'm not alone in hating bricks and mortar shopping, La Pedestrienne. I too see those stores solely as a convenient place to return online items that didn't work for me. Have you noticed how many bricks and mortar stores are closing? Our Banana Republic moved to a space literally one-third of their former store.

Anonymous

This is the top I am going to buy when I break my purchasing fast. It meets all my requirements: white, sleeveless, dressier, interesting. The one problem would be if it is not opaque. Lasts years tops were all too sheer for my liking. I rejected them. I hope this one will be more opaque.

Brooks Brothers

Non-Iron Sleeveless Ruffled Blouse

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Jenni NZ

Veteran

Hi again Sterling. I think eventually it was the posts about purging and about shopping fasts and sales shopping addictions that got me to join. At that point as a non- member I couldn't see the photos. It was some years ago I realised I had what felt like a clothes and shoes addiction. I had liked shoes since at least late teens and sometimes clothes, but the years in the 90s as a young working Mum were hard with 3 children and I didn't think about my clothes that much. It was late 2007 that simultaneously I got badly bullied at my church and hit menopause and gained another 7 kg to hit my highest weight ever and all the kids were teens and preteens ( 16,13 and 11 at the time) ! I began to buy a lot more clothes after that- partly I had to as a lot of previous items didn't fit. I started keeping my receipts about 2009 but not tracking wears until last year when my rate of adding to the wardrobe was so much greater than my rate of purging that the spaces in the house to keep all the stuff were overflowing. Stopping buying for now ( no clothes or shoes since 24 November) is helping trying on, wearing or purging to create space and more awareness of what could be actual needs. I did buy a ring in December on sale that my husband gave me for Christmas, really I gave it to myself. And I bought a new perfume in January. I've not promised myself a total fast but every day I don't buy clothing or shoes, especially if in a shop, feels worthwhile. I no longer see it as an addiction, but more as a habit. It initially arose out of poorer self-esteem from the put-downs and the weight gain and over nearly 10 years I have worked up to feel overall better than I did back then. Thank you for your posts and insight.

Anonymous

Jenni NZ -- I am so glad you decided to join us. Your voice is full of wisdom. Let me start this by saying there are some really awful people in this world. We all encounter them, but that doesn't make it any less easy to bear. I am so sorry you had to go through this and I wish I knew you personally when you could have used support from a friend.

I am glad your self esteem is starting to return. It takes work and positive re-inforcement. I think you will find enormous support here on this Forum.

Congratulations on your shopping fast (since November 24!!). Wow that is an accomplishment.

Anonymous

I have come to realize a total shopping fast may not be in our best interest. Life throws obstacles at us and we have to be able to adjust our plans. Flexibility is key in life.

There will always be times we need to pick up new bras or replace clothing items that have worn out. Or buy clothing for a major life style change. I hate the idea of anyone feeling guilt or failure because they exercised good judgement and bought something they needed. EVEN Janice from the Vivienne Files bought a backpack in January (and she declared a one-year purchasing fast). The fact that I haven't bought anything during the month of January is tiny miracle (and I've been busy as he!l).

I am not saying shop with abandonment, but perhaps well thought out and intentional purchases should be allowed.

Having said this, I am going to try to continue to avoid purchasing anything through February. I know for a fact I don't need anything (I proved that with that Unfancy Analysis). But I am going to try something new for February. Janice from the Vivienne Files identified a CORE SET of garments for February. She then identified a second set of garments that she wants to target to wear more often. http://www.theviviennefiles.com

This is a rather brilliant idea. We've had Forum challenges that were somewhat similar. I plan on identifying my core/target garments this evening. My goal will be to have a set of clothing will meet all my needs during February. My main challenge will be weather. Our weather has been inconsistent with 70's one day and 40's the next.

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