Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, from bullying to navigating your childrens clothing requests. I promise you that I will be reading these replies often.

Debbie, I hope Teah grows to have your daughters wisdom and strength of character, she really does sound like a gem.

Michelle, if I had been at school with you I would have tweaked your uniform and defended your choices, girls in particular can be so cruel.

Fi, Vanessa is a lucky girl, I believe you are undergoing some big life changes yourself, I hope everything is now well.

Christine and Suz, I really appreciate your replies, thank you.

Steph you always express your views so eloquently.

Jonesy, I was hoping you would reply, thank you.

If he was my child I'd let him wear the leotard but explain that others may make fun of him because it's not usually what boys wear and then allow him to make an informed desicion, sadly children will *always* pick on each other and a purple leotard is no different to a pair of glasses in the eyes of a child intent on bullying. I would be furious if my child picked on another child for being different x

I haven't read any of the responses, but I believe that as parents it is part of our job as parents to teach our children about the ramifications of their choices, as well as protecting them. Not all kids naturally see those things. I would never say to my kids that they must wear x,y,z, or that they are not allowed to wear x,y,z (unless it clearly didn't fit or was weather or age inappropriate), but I will explain to them what is likely to be the reception of certain appearance in certain situations. Part of embracing your individuality and expressing it through your appearance is being able to decide what is appropriate for the weather, your body, and the situation. I do think that if your child is being harmed specifically because of their clothing (more than once), then you are not doing an appropriate job.

I have no words of wisdom on the topic, but was fascinated by your perspectives. Thanks for chiming in everyone!

What an interesting thread this is!

I think it's totally fine...and necessary...for parents to give children creative choices, but within an appropriate range of their clothes...some for school, some for parties, and "dress up", in a big bin. This gives the child some sense of choice, self-expression and control but also, they learn that they dress for others as well as themselves.

Kids can be so cruel with each other, but I don't think saying "If you wear that, people will laugh at you or make fun of you" is helpful. That just makes kids afraid of other kids, and who needs more of that. Instead, setting the boundaries before it ever comes to that will help our child feel comfortable...enough like themselves and enough like everyone else. It's a balance.

In the case of this boy, if he were my child he'd have to dress better for the party and wait to wear the costumes until he got back home.

Isn't that what we always complain about here at YLF that people DON'T dress as if others see them? ..and with little regard for the appropriateness of the situation ? ( I recall the pajama wearing in a courtroom thread). Well, where do we learn it? And isn't this notion that we should wear "whatever we feel like" one of the reasons that people dress so badly now? I think we have to dress consciously and kids can be introduced to that idea with no harm to their creative spirits.

It's that whole "looking the same vs. standing out" argument we had on that other thread. Children aren't that different than us in that having fewer choices is often much more helpful and less overwhelming, just my take on it. Setting boundaries is a way of caring.