Oh MaryK, I'm so glad you said that -- I also have issues with so many of the fashion sources that are meant for the "over-40" crowd as though we're some homogenous entity.

Sure, there are styles I've left behind (some reluctantly) as I'm now not so far from 50, but for the most part I let my heart be my fashion guide, with a healthy dose of common sense. I don't put much stock in hard and fast rules.

What a wonderfully thoughtful thread. Thank you for bringing it up, Jayne.

Amy, I think incorporating a piece of the "young" with some classic articles is a great way to keep those favorites from the past around.

Jonesy, it sounds like your style eyes focus on the right things when you shop and ignore the teeny bopper clothes. I think that shows great confidence in who you are and what you are looking for.

I think confidence overcomes the need to dress in 20 something clothes. I've been over 40 for 6 years and I enjoy shopping more today than I did 20+ years ago. I know my style better (thanks to Angie!) so I don't waste time and money.

Sometimes, I joke about being old (I just got reading glasses), but really, I don't feel old at all. I am happy where I am personally, professionally and stylishly. Much more than when I was 22.

Suz, thanks for your nice words. Of course, I *do* see your point about the usefulness of some guidelines, I guess I just feel like sometimes all of these rules are sort of condescending or even insulting. Maybe with Jayne, it's a matter of limited brick and mortar options (teeny bopper vs. career wear)? Perhaps I am spoiled with so many online options.

BINGO!! Tarzy !!
totally hit the nail on the head for me. I see a lot of women my age wearing things that would never feel age appropriate for me. I think it is all about how you feel when you wear your clothes. I will also add that i can easily fit into any smallest jr. sized clothing so the temptation has been there, but I ~won't~ wear certain things just because I can..I am very cognizant of the fact that I ~can~ get away with the youngest hippest styles because of my size

When my daughter got married There was nothing in the mother of the bride area that would remotely fit me so the SA said to me "Let's go look in the Jr. section...we can find 00's" I told her as nicely as I could that "I was not wearing a prom dress to my daughters wedding"!! So age appropriate dressing...yea I agree.

Oh, I completely agree about the "rules" - they get under my skin, too, and I mostly ignore them. I'm not going to wear a micro-mini dress at 50 plus. But I NEVER wore micro minis, so what's the difference?

I think you're right; for Jayne, the problem might be largely the unavailability of better options for shopping. If I were confined entirely to my small city I'd be feeling exactly the same way. Choices here (esp. casual) seem limited to teeny bopper and "old lady" styles.

This is a great thread! I love YLF because I feel like I've been given "permission" to try new things that I maybe would have thought previously were too young for me (quickly approaching 50). This has made fashion fun again. I love hearing what everyone has aid about the topic, since so many of you are so eloquent in your posts.

When I was 40, I was pregnant with then had my first and only child. The Over 40 Crisis of Fashion Style somehow didn't reach my consciousness, maybe because I was too busy adjusting to motherhood and had been in the Frumpy Under 40 crowd? In my 30s and beyond, I bought way too much from Lands End, which is not known for being fashion forward (to say the least)! And in my 20s, there was no Forever 21, and in my teens I never felt my legs/body were good enough to wear true miniskirts or skimpy clothing the first time around. So at the age of almost 59, I am trying to figure this style thing out!

One difference between being nearly 60 and fortyish for me is that age inappropriate styles are a lot easier for me to walk away from. (I used to be attracted to cute/twee styles and stylings.) I know I have knees with elephant skin that needs to be covered, and junior sizes rarely fit and their fabrics simply aren't thick enough for my bumps and bulges.

I think that being an aging Baby Boomer in the U.S. means that I am seeming more options for my demographic, especially as I am moving toward a dressier look. Unfortunately, it also means that clothing has gotten bigger along with the average American. I, however, have bucked the trend and now weigh about what I did in high school and early thirties so budget stores don't carry my size although I am truly not particularly small. Gr-r-r-r.

I'm with MaryK, Jonesy and Tracina on this. I'm uneasy with a bunch of shoulds and shouldn'ts about what to wear at a certain age. Apart from feminist concerns (which are important), it doesn't reflect the independence I like to express through fashion (or at least the feeling of independence). And it's illusory. Rules about fashion generally are fluid and not wearing something just because you think you're not "supposed" to, often leads to frustration, especially when you see someone else pulling off the look you'd just banned yourself from.

I'm fortunate in that every day I see women over 40 wearing a variety of looks, some of them boldly - or ironically - youthful. Some pull them off better than others, but I suspect they'd pull off an older look better than others too - it's about having a foundation of being in touch with yourself, your milieu, and of course, your style.

I love that Suz used the term "gravitas" because that's a word I've been mulling over lately. I think a fear-based approach of whether we are MDAL or not is less relevant than an approach where we ask ourselves how we can incorporate an element of gravitas, especially when we also choose playfulness (which is also grown-up - a much more intentional word than "fun").

And then for some of us who convey nothing but gravitas, perhaps choosing to convey some vulnerability is in order.

Being grown-up is about being multi-faceted, present in the now (not the forward-looking of youth nor the nostalgia of very old age), and enjoying the confidence we get through being in charge of our own lives.

As a 45 yr old, I think I dress for my age better now than I did when I was younger. I was always trying to dress more "mature" in my 20's and early 30's to be taken seriously. Plus career wear was stricter in "rules" then so everyone looked frumpy in their black and navy suits.
I think the rise of business casual and sportswear has given us more options (and room to make mistakes in some non -YLF folks cases) and freedom to express personality in dress.
It does help when the shops cooperate with stocking sizes and good cuts for all bodies though. When I was in Norway we didn't do any clothes shopping (many years ago) so I can't comment on your choices. Sorry that is frustrating especially with prices and exchange rates what they are.
YLF is the most amazing resource - better than any magazine in my opinion.

Its a great question Jayne, and some fantastic comments... Let me start with a statement I read on a fashion blog once "that type of dress should not be worn by a woman who is no longer ovulating!" - that is way scary! Love YLF and increasingly over mags which I more feel ripped off about for being so blatantly consumerist (lol from the queen of shopping!) and the accompanying fast retail cycle. I am such a nerd, but I find this such a fascinating topic because perhaps we are the first (?) group of women in our history for whom being 40 doesn't mean being almost totally invisible and in the private domain only. Look at us all on YLF - hot gorgeous women doing all manner of amazing things and going to fantastic places - and we want occassion appropriate gear to do it in! Let's just keep the conversation going I say.

PPS... I have been thinking over the last few weeks about doing a research project about how women 'construct themselves' - sorry my nerd speak for what we have been talking about with how do I do situation/age appropriate... I need to get ethical approval through my Uni etc but would people be interested in being involved? Its such a fascinating question!

jenanded, maybe start a new thread about your project? The question might get lost here. It sounds interesting...tell us more!

Jen, are you studying? What's your discipline? *fascinated*

I'm entirely with Jonesy and MaryK here - I rarely worry about dressing my age or think of it as an issue. I do agree with dressing for the occasion, which has made me accept that I'm going to have a semi-schitzophrenic wardrobe for my different roles in life (estate planning lawyer, mom, outdoor fanatic, UWP..). And I count on all of you to call me out if something really does look too young or just not right... so thank you!

Jen, yes tell us more about your project!

Fruitful, I love your post--brilliant! I too struggle to balance my serious and playful sides in my dress!

I agree with MaryK--I don't like lists of "don't do this" rules. I like to dress in a positive rather than fear-based manner and think about what looks good on me, rather than thinking about what I have to avoid or what is not allowed.

You all know I am 53 and I have just a few of my own rules. I stay away from short dresses/skirts and shorts (even though my legs have held up) and sleeveless tops (because my arms haven't).

I will try just about anything but find I reject things for one of three reasons: it isn't my style, it does not flatter me, and/or I have no occasion for it. Like MaryK, "age appropriate" is lower on my list.

I have no problem buying items in youthful stores/jrs dept. I mix them with more serious, tailored pieces and it works for me.

I personally feel much more fearless and willing to experiment with fashion now than I did in my 20s. When I met forum members MaryK, Vicki and Marley in LA recently, I saw that they were all in my age group and so fashion saavy in a fearless way. I have a suspicion that the "rules" are looser in California. There might be other parts of the world where women feel much more pressured to look a certain way after a certain age. I feel fortunate for that.

Another thing: Along with the notion that women can only participate in trends under the age of 40, we also need to break the notion that a woman who is over 40 and likes to follow the trends is trying "too hard" or to pass herself as younger.

Angie has written about her fantasy modeling agency featuring women of all ages, shapes, and ethnicities. Angie -- the time has come.

I have on-and-off issues with this, but I think I have to come to accept that, in some eyes, I dress "younger" than the "rules" say I should be dressing. I totally relate to dressing for the occasion, and I primarily use that to guide what I wear. Thus, different outfits for work vs. mom. vs. band vs. teaching.

So my general advice, as it were, would be the familiar refrain of "Have fun with fashion!"

The more I think about this, the more it seems to come down to dressing **my** body so that it seems to be appropriate with the head that comes with it. My body--no one elses.

I'm short and busty and 51. I think this shape has to fight frump harder that someone who is long and lean, like Claire or Angie, because of how easily it can look chunky and matronly. I cannot even begin to tell you how terrible I look in a high neck shift style dress, even with "good" arms, because of the bust factor.

But the short thing makes me conscious of a need to fight age-inappropriate cutsie things that a taller version of myself could pull off. Case in point: I wanted, but didn't buy an argyle sweater vest (which I would have been all over when I was in my 30s) because to me it gave off an aging preppy vibe that to my critical eye, called attention to my age because of the disconnect between the youthful vibe of the garment and the less-than-youthful face on top of it. Do I think that other people my age or older look "too young" in argyle? Of course not! And I might buy something argyle tomorrow. But that garment did not work for me, for some reason of color or shape or cut or age, and I know I was right to leave it behind.

I do have some sleeves with a bit of a puff to them, but I thought long and hard about each of them, and they are the most casual go-to-the-lake things I own.

I think what I am looking for is a look that seamlessly integrates my body, my style and my age so that no one's eye is caught by any one element that is "off" or "trying too hard."

I have some self-imposed rules about clothing and self-imposed limits on how much I'm willing to spend on clothing. For me, it's all about looking my best, not about age. I don't even pretend to be in my 20s, but at the same time I don't want to dress my age (50). I don't look my age and I don't feel my age, so why dress that way? My goal is to look good, plain and simple, and not to spend a fortune doing it.

On the plus side, I have a lot more discretionary income for clothes shopping than I did when I was younger, so aging has its perks! There's no reason why I can't enjoy fashion and try to look stylish.

so many good points...so many of you noted that the money is available now, in our 40's, for really enjoying fashion...and actually the time to think about our styles is a factor too! because the kids are older and careers in place.

I didn't even notice that the responses were still coming in ....now I have to read them again more carefully to consolidate the thoughts. You gals are fab, just feeling all sorts of warm fuzzies from all your positive energy!

I do cover up the parts of my body that aren't so attractive anymore, but I do not have any wrinkles yet and people tell me I look like I'm in my 30s. For this reason, I have no intention of dressing like I'm 50. I like to think that I dress sensibly, but not the way people expect a 50-year-old woman to dress.

I know I'm a little prickly, but my position on "dressing like a 50 year old" is as follows: See my WIW's? THIS IS WHAT A FIFTYSOMETHING DRESSES LIKE! I dress like myself, I'm 53, ergo that's what a 53 year old dresses like.

LOL, MaryK! I feel the same way about being, looking, and dressing 44: "Oh, you don't look like you're 44." "This is what 44 looks like :)." And my SO is almost 47: This is what a 47 year old man looks like! Hot!

Well, I can see this is a a spicy topic:)
Let's put this in my perspective...what I mean by age appropriate:)
Here in Norcal the most popular look by far in Spring and Fall with the teen through mid 20's is very skimpy, often belly baring tanks and Cami's , short skirts and uggs! You can literally put this look into an age catagory instantly...they all look alike Down to the long purposely messy hair. They look adorable and very JCREW-ish. I would venture to say that any woman in her 40's 50;s and 60's would look less adorable. This is why this 50 something yr. old would never wear this look...just not appropriate. But hey if someone in her 60's wants to give this a go because they think they can...no rules apply...knock yourself out and prove me wrong:)

Jonesy, you are a lucky lady ^_^

MaryK, wasn't it Gloria Steinem who (about herself) said "This is what 40 looks like!" She was actually saying it to a reporter who assumed she was younger based on her looks. But the intent was the same: to challenge the norm that makes age a "great penalty for women". http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/.....ures/2438/

Yes, that's one of my fave Gloria Steinem quotes! Thanks for the link!

YES, Jayne. I completely agree. It was not a coincidence that I had such a horrible time switching over from a full time professional in a high tech corporate environment to a SAHM...until I found YLF a couple of years ago. But I floundered for years. Most of the casual clothes were for high schoolers or college students ( bad jeans and sweatshirts, t shirts with sayings or designs...) and then the flip side.

MaryK : "I know I'm a little prickly, but my position on "dressing like a 50 year old" is as follows: See my WIW's? THIS IS WHAT A FIFTYSOMETHING DRESSES LIKE! I dress like myself, I'm 53, ergo that's what a 53 year old dresses like."

This is how I feel - except I'm nearly 48!

Rock on, Sistah!! *fist bump*