I can't top any of the advice that's been offered so far. Just know that you're in my thoughts and I sympathize.

(((HUGS)))

You've gotten so much good advice already. I agree with sticking it out a bit more while you search - the stress you know is better than additional stress while you search for a new place to work. Also, consider paying someone to do your resume for you - outsource what you need in order to survive until the right thing comes along.

Both my DH and I are self-employed and if I told you what we pay for the crappiest health insurance ever (for us and our paralegal) you would pass out. Let's just say I could buy 10 pairs of expensive boots a month! I know how it feels to feel trapped and miserable, but not being employed can feel the same or worse with no income. Not trying to say you should suffer - just knowing you are looking for other options may help you blow off steam when you are having bad days at your current place.

Hugs to you!

Hi Kari, I'm only 24 but I like to share my experience with you regarding a soul-sucking job. I had one. It was draining. I came home and cried over random books I was reading. I quit. It was a good decision. I could study for my admission to masters degree, I could take a break and visit my family. I did find another job. One where I loved going. Such things exist. It's like finding a boyfriend. Easy to get one, harder to get one you absolutely love. I don't know what are your variables. In my country insurance is not tied to the workplace. I was lucky to have an option. In my field it was still ok despite recession I did find jobs and entry-level positions are perhaps more easy to find. But I needed that white space in my life to materialize opportunity, go to networking events.
Another advice, tell everyone you know you're interested in a job. Friends, family, ex-college friends. Sometimes they know about positions that aren't listed yet, or offer opportunities you haven't thought of.
One more thing, go "full-force" intro what you desire. I read once it's much more efficient and morale boosting to goo all forces in a dream than make an attempt and hope for the best and if it's not enough you feel down.
And a link that inspired me. It's kind of new-agey, and please don't feel insulted if it's not your thing. I send you hugs and best wishes.
http://binduwiles.com/the-law-.....e-laporte/

Wow, Kari. You're faced with a pretty tough situation...having to balance mental health against financial/job security. Hmm. Is there something else you want to do in particular? I only ask because maybe you could dip a toe into another line of work while you're holding onto this job...and in time that other venture might pay off enough to let you quit. I had a soul-sucking job many years ago. I started freelance editing and writing on the side...pro bono at first, then for money. Eventually, I took the plunge, quit my full-time job, and went full-time freelance...but I only did so knowing that I had some ready clients.

In the meantime, do whatever makes you feel good during the hours you're not at work: take baths, read, mediate, do yoga. It's important to keep yourself healthy at a time like this.

My good wishes are with you. Something will work out eventually if you seek it!

Hi Kari! So sorry to hear you are not happy at work. We spend majority of our daily life at work so it is really a big deal to make it work for us as well. However, I think being employed is important until we have something else lined up unless you know that you'll be taken care of by something otherwise. When it was really bad for me, I remember going to the gym straight after work or early in the morning. It would give me extra energy to have a clear state of mind and think things thoroughly while shaking of all the stress. "Work hard and work out harder" was the best piece of advice I got when work got really though last two years. Have you tried an early morning/evening work out regimen yet?

Kari I'm sorry to hear this, and it sounds like you've gotten some great advice. I don't have any advice to offer, but I would like to offer some fun going out time (somewhere not too crowded ) if you ever want to blow off some steam. And I don't mean that in the Seattle-let's-get-together-but-never-do way! Email me or call me any time! *hugs*

Kari, I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar situation, but with the added knowledge that the company I was working for was a sinking ship. We, the employees, waited things out, knowing many of us would eventually be laid off. While we were waiting, we spruced up our portfolios and resumes and took as much time off as we could. It sounds awful, but we really did "check out" of our jobs until the axe finally fell.

Things are different now, the economy is tougher, and the job market is crowded. I understand all the points everyone has made about how tough it can be for someone unemployed to land a position, but I also know how draining your situation must be and how badly you need to leave. Only you know what is best for you, and I think it's a decision you will make with your head and your gut.

I don't know what kind of work you do, but is it all possible to freelance for a while? This eliminates the "unemployed" stigma and allows you to market yourself and your talents to people you actually want to work for. Turning to freelance work was a huge turning point in my life. Just a thought. Also, do you have sick days or vacation days you can use to take a break so you can focus on your next steps?

At any rate, I mainly wanted to give you some encouragement and good vibes. Please, do what you need to do to take care of yourself! Nothing is worth risking your health for. Hugs to you!

Hugs to you. Such good advice here. I agree that you should try to stay where you are as much as you can.

You write "I really have a difficult time getting into the mentality where I can write a stellar resume/application/cover letter that highlight my strengths; ". But I think that now in this economy, although resume writing is important, spending time to polish the absolute perfect one is a trap. What you need most is networking, and putting yourself out there. And that can be hard to do when you are out of the loop, at home.

It was mentioned that there is a stigma to the unemployed and I am afraid it is true especially when dealing with people who don't know you. If you stay in your job you have better chances of getting in contact with possible other employers.

That said, there is one situation when one should absolutely get out ASAP: when there is bullying or mobbing involved. When a person of power has a personality disorder and or is abusive.

Some years ago I experienced such environment in a job where I excelled, had great results, and that I loved. Pay wasn't the best, but was regular and somewhat dependable. Unfortunately the department became extremely toxic with a few characters who had mental issues, and being among the most 'novice' there, I was in a vulnerable position, which they exploited. It became very bad and I tried to stick to my job as I was then a single mom and there was nothing else in my field in the region. The stress was intolerable. Oh, did I try and try to find anything else while still working there! I explored every option, even those involving full education in a different field. But I lived in a region where life was expensive, jobs were scarce, and my field too specialized. So I tried to keep my job but I didn't know that I had already lost it to the bullies. In this case, I would advise anyone to withdraw themselves from the job and the bullies before anything else, because the job is already no more existent. I paid a very heavy price for staying that long (about 2 yrs more). I became very sick and it took a much longer time to recover.

I have since relocated and am in a totally different situation, however that aftermath of that job is still affecting me in some aspects to this day!

I wish you the best and I hope you are not suffering at the hands of others. You might find that the solution is to relocate too.

Have you thought of turning to a Career Management or Transition consultant company? I know it is some $$, but it might be a better (and cheaper) way than being jobless for some months.

Kari, I've been there. Last year was rough. One day late last year my husband asked me what was wrong...I broke down sobbing...and the only response I could muster was, "I'm just so tired." Stress can do that to you. My situation is much better now and yours will be, too. Two suggestions. One is counseling, for some professional perspective. You might also benefit from a timetable. For example, commit to remaining employed for some period of time, perhaps 2-3 months. During this time, try to minimize your personal investment in the job, and maximize your investment in the search. Give it your all. When two or three months is over you will have a better feel for your prospects, or you may have a new job. If not, you may still decide to quit, but you will have a head start on the search, and in the meantime, the end will be in sight as you actively work toward your goal. I wish you all the best for a healthy and happy 2012.

Krishindoux, your former job situation sounds horrendous. I was going to pipe in about harassment or abuse on the job - I don't believe ANYONE should EVER have to tolerate that, and in a perfect world we would all file formal complaints and get these bullies out of the workplace - or at least on to anger management/psychiatric counselling/how-to-properly-motivate-people seminars. Just pitiful that the harassment victim is the one to jeopardize HER job, when the 'boss' doesn't know how to effectively manage/co-operate with employees. Ick. I guess the trick is to realize when something is abusive, and when it's simply 'pressure to get this done'.

Oh Kari - I am so sorry that you are going through this! What an awful place to be in! I have experienced both sides of this issue: being in a job that I HATED so much that I could barely pull myself out of bed in the mornings to go to work. Falling into a deep depression that overtook ALL aspects of my life. Sobbing on Sunday nights at the thought of another week at the job, getting migraines and ulcers, etc. I finally quit and went back to grad. school - but I had a husband who supported me while I was in school so it was an easy decision to make (very little risk.) And no surprise, my depression lifted and all of my physical symptoms disappeared! That was quite a few years ago. Now, I am in the position of being unemployed and not able to find a job. My husband is also unemployed and not able to find a job. We are both highly educated and have always worked. My husband is going on 3 years of being unemployed next month - me, 2 years. I can't begin to tell you how stressful it is - and yet, I think that working in a job that I hated was worse. We have almost completely gone through my retirement funds (living on them the last couple of years) - and dont' know from one month to the next where we are going to get the money to pay our bills. Some of them we can't pay - and the shame and anxiety and pressure that we feel over that is almost immobilizing. So I guess that you need to consider what kind of stress, depression, anxiety can you live with? One that comes from working a job that you hate? Or, potential stress, depression, anxiety that you MIGHT have to go through if you can't find a job? I know which one I would choose - but each person is different and has to make that decision for themselves! I wish you the best - and send you my love and support on whatever you decide!

(((Hugs))) to you. Everyone has given such wonderful advice and ideas. There's a lot for you to read, digest, think about. . .

I hope that you'll begin to sense what direction you want to take, what decisions you want to make. . .

I just want to throw out a couple thoughts:

- please don't be without some sort of catastrophic medical insurance if you do quit before another job -- whether it's COBRA, or some BlueCrossBlueShield young adult plan, or if you're able to get coverage on one of your parent's plans (as I don't know your age). Accidents & illness happen even when we take good care of ourselves and one major event can wipe out a person financially

- I have two unemployed young adult children, and I am a proponent of being more attractive to a prospective employer if they take you away from a current employer. But that doesn't mean it has to be your current hellish employer, maybe something short term is out there to bridge the gap.

- Ultimately, do what you need to to stay healthy. It's true - that saying about if you don't have your health, you don't have anything. . .

We are all here rootin' for you

By the way, no one here is saying "Stay in your crummy job forever."

You will leave - it's just a question of when. Now might be the time for making a plan, setting a timeline, and getting the ball rolling!

Once you make the decision and start working toward it, you may start to feel a bit better.

Um, on the uninsured front . . . on my first leave from my Tahoe job I had the opportunity to do COBRA but didn't. Haven't had insurance since. My appendix burst 2 months later. To the tune of almost $30,000. Not to scare you or anything, but I was in fine health as far as I knew. At first I thought I'd just had too strenuous of a yoga class but a day and a half later in the ER realized that wasn't the case.
All in all, we can't live our lives scared of what will come if we make changes and take chances - but it's good to have your eyes open to what that might entail.

I'm sorry you are going through this:(...You are just too sweet and kind to have to work in a toxic environment!! But I suppose every job has the potential for ugliness!

The women here have really opened their hearts and I think you have been presented with both sides...we all want what is the best for you!

I have actually walked away from an ugly toxic job with horrible people...it healed my heart and mind...better things came out of that very scary decision....but those were different times.

I like those who said give yourself a time frame......I wasn't able to do that, I just had to walk away one day...I never looked back.

Marley , Kyle, Tarzy your stories really hurt my heart..we are all close in age and this is no time to be stressed about one's future and job...I hope that you and everyone struggling here find the answers the need:(

Keri, I wish you the very , very best outcome whatever your decision is!!

Kari-I just wanted to offer hugs. Whatever deceision you make know we are here for you.

Really sorry to hear of the stressful work situation you're in, and wanted to offer up a slightly different suggestion...

Get a "day job" for now. A bridge, something you can do 'for now' while you're looking for the something better. Something fun, energizing - but that still gets you out of the house and around people.

I have a few family members who've done this. One is way into theatre lighting - but it wasn't so easy to get a full-time job in that field, so he got a job as an entry-level bank teller, within walking distance of his house. Not fabulous money, but decent benefits and it pays the bills. It also leaves him with enough mental and emotional energy to keep working theatre at night. Another person in my family *loves* acting, but again - not something he could do full time right away - again, a simpler "day job" while he continues on with plays and auditions. He has the mental energy to do it, and has a non-stressful day job. He just auditioned for a brand new television series, so we'll see if he gets it - but the thing is - his "day job" allowed him the space and energy to pursue acting while still being able to pay the bills.

I think trying to jump from a bad/stressful job situation into something much better is kind of a hard thing to do, and I think you're right to be considering getting out of there first. I know that sounds crazy, given the job market right now - but I'm suggesting getting a "day job" for now. Something fun. And you never know, that "day job" could turn into something better than you expected. Bank teller/theatre lighting guy has been promoted three times at the bank and is making a much better salary than when he started.

What do you think of this idea? A coffee shop? Sephora/Ulta where you demo mineral makeup? A fabulous gourmet food shop? A wonderful clothing store? Can you see yourself getting a job like this in two weeks? I can Putting intense pressure on yourself to get something better than your current situation, while still *in* a pressure cooker of a workplace makes things that much more stressful. I'm suggesting getting another job first before leaving the current one, but that you lower the bar - take the pressure off, and get a "day job" so to speak. Think of yourself as a very talented artist, but that the bills still need to be handled. You want to nuture and nourish your talent/creativity, and protect your energy a bit. Create space so that the very best of what you have to offer can thrive, flourish and truly shine.

To me, that means taking yourself out of a situation where you're feeling beaten down by things day after day.

How does this sound? Definitely get a job before leaving the current situation, but it does *not* have to be THE job right this second. It can be a bridge job or a "day job" so to speak. And like I said - you just never know, sometimes these things have a way of working out rather well, just like it has for banker/theatre guy in my family. Don't stress about having the perfect resume and applying for the perfect job(s) while still in the midst of a bad situation. Get something, for sure - but don't put so much pressure on yourself to get the next career-type job before allowing yourself to leave your current situation. That could take months. It'd be a lot nicer to be out of there, working, but maybe not in the ideal career, while continuing to look.

Just a thought.

Velvetychocolate these are wonderful tips.

Helenincanada, I had gone to the institution's ombudsman and she told me quite straightforwardly: "If you were a student, there would be lots we could do. But you are an employee, and you are not tenured. So basically, we can't do anything for you". And she handed a me a self-help book on how to deal with angry people.

I was shocked. I felt so powerless back then, it never occurred to me to go to a lawyer. Today, that's what I would do. Not so much to remain in the job itself (as I said, with the bully it was lost anyway), but to have someone defend me. For closure, for me to get the message deep down that what was done to me was fundamentally wrong, and that in my country, there is justice, or anyway intention of justice.

Life is wrong, life is unfair. But the danger is when it is not recognized. Bullying is terrible because others around are scared and become silent bystanders. Silent bystanders help the abuser. The result is that the target doesn't recognize the wrongness done to them, because every body seems to minimize it, close their eyes on it. The target then starts to think there is something wrong with them. And that is a worse wound, that will take longer to heal.

The marketplace is scary, and work is where we could feel more vulnerable, especially when one has dependants. That is why workplace bullying is one of the worse.

And it seems it is much more common than we think!

The ordeal ended 5 yrs ago for me, but today I still have to deal with it. I have been shaken to the core by it. I have worked below my diplomas, at lowly wages, out of fear that a similar job as the previous one would bring in the same suffering. However I have turned my life around and it prompted me to win other battles and know myself, as well as human nature, a bit better. And am always hopeful to do better in the coming years.

Kari, I've also been in the same position & it's too awful.

I left a very successful but stressful career behind me just over 10 years ago & have not regretted it for a second.
I earn a fraction of what I did but I am about 1000 times happier & I now have the mental space/capacity to do other things (such as dressmaking) that make me happy.

I didn't have another job to go to but had taken a voluntary redundancy package so I had (in theory) a year's worth of money to live off which I promptly blew (on rubbish) in about 3 months!

I've temped off & on and have found that work never dries up if you're reliable. It's a great way of finding out what a company's really like before you sign on the dotted line too & a great way of making networking contacts.

I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous skin cell growth condition shortly after I "retired" and that's had a huge impact on the way I view myself, my work & my life so I've never hankered after the status I'd previously achieved through work.
My goals & ambitions literally changed overnight & I developed a new perspective of what was really important to me - living an all round healthy lifestyle (which even included giving a few toxic friends the chop).

I like Velvetychocolate's ideas a lot - it might give you the mental rest you need to regain your energy, drive & passion. It's certainly worked for me.

My husband is currently unhappy with his current work situation and he's actively looking for another job. To make it more bearable & in case he doesn't find anything else, we've agreed that he won't be staying any longer than March 2013 at the very latest. He's cheered up quite a bit since - perhaps that might work for you? Putting an end date to your current position whilst actively working towards finding alternative employment?

Sending you big hugs & positive vibes, Jane

Kari, I hope all of the above is helpful. Everyone is rooting for you!

Before you do anything, update your professional network on LinkedIn. There are likely career groups you can join there. I also spent some time going to networking events for my profession; it's not bad to start doing that now.

People get jobs through people, so don't burn any bridges - but get yourself to a good place ASAP!

So many wise ladies here.

Krishindoux, amen to everything you said. One of my former co-workers DID make a formal complaint to the Ontario Human Rights Commision (after approaching the offender first, and asking her to stop the nasty treatment, and then going to the Head of the dept, to no avail.) She had begun to keep a detailed log and record of every abusive outburst, email, and statement. Obviously, though, lodging a formal complaint and pursuing it meant her time at the job was over, but man did she feel relieved she had a part in ending the terror, and she herself felt better mentally, and the person who engaged in this uncalled for behaviour was transferred to a different department - but I'm not sure if ultimately she was terminated. (I wasn't privy to all the details.) Let's hope for more workplaces to adopt proper guidelines for morale and reasonable treatment.

Sorry to hijack the thread!

Helenincanada what a great story about your friend. Good for her! In taking action, she saved herself, and probably walked out empowered even if she had to find a new job.

Thank you for sharing!

This is quite belated (I apologize for the delay in getting back to this thread - I've had a crazy week) but I really want to thank all of you for your empathy and sound advice. The differing opinions in this thread actually mirror a lot of my own thought process over the last few months. In November I was seriously thinking about quitting my job in January and taking some time off; then I had a heart to heart with my manager about some of my concerns and frustrations and *some* small things changed. (Not enough to keep me at my job long term, mind you - but enough where most days I *think* I can probably stick it out until I find another job.)

Because the end of the calendar year typically tends to be a very slow time for employers posting new positions, and because I had some vacations in November/December, I gave myself some time to regroup before starting my job search activities (which I'm doing now.) I actually have some very helpful leads from friends, including from some YLF forum members (which I'm incredibly grateful for.) I am also considering potentially leaving my job if I can find a "for now" position that will just help pay the bills - I've considered even going into retail for a while, not only to have a change, but also because it might help add some skills to my toolbox that I don't currently possess. A lot of decisions to think over.

I do want to say that I'm lucky that my immediate team is great, and full of people that I truly respect and enjoy working with. There are also a lot of people that I get to interact with in our field that are incredibly enjoyable. But there's a lot of friction/toxicity with another adjacent team that I interact with, mainly because their team is incredibly overburdened, and our overall department is dealing with some repercussions of incredibly poor project management that have essentially set us up for failure. (I know that's pretty vague but I don't want to go into specifics here.) Basically, it's become clear that this company is not where I want to or need to be, that the issues I'm frustrated with are not going to change any time soon, and that to learn and have an opportunity to eventually move upwards in an organization, I need to go elsewhere.

Thank you SO much for your thoughtful, supportive words, and especially for those who shared their own experiences of suffering through a stressful, frustrating job. While I don't expect any job I work in to be perfect, and I'm totally capable of interacting with (and placating) difficult personalities, it's another thing altogether to be lying awake at night unable to sleep due to the dread of what will come the next day at work, or hoping for a car crash during the commute to work, etc. I'm hoping that the next environment I work in will be both more interesting and less emotionally toxic/draining.