Kari, congratulations on taking care of your deep health and well-being. The right job will come along. You have so much to offer, and some lucky employer is going to discover that very soon.

You are taking a leap and a calculated risk and not doing anything impetuous. Good for you and your partner, Kari. Everyone who cares for you wants most of all for you to be happy and to thrive.

I once DID quit a job impetuously and irresponsibly when I was young, and it changed the course of my life both personally and professionally for the better. I'm not advising anyone to do that, of course, I'm just saying that sometimes when we make these leaps of faith there can be something much much better waiting around the corner for us, and I sincerely hope that is what happens for you.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, and for the advice and suggestions.

At this point, I honestly know I need a change, even if it will mean that my income level may decrease. If I interview for another job, I want to go in as an energetic, articulate, upbeat candidate without the defeatist attitude that Zapotee mentioned, and to do that I need a little breathing room from this job.

My plan is that, though I've been sending out applications sporadically, once I leave, job searching WILL become my "new" full time job. By leaving voluntarily I will not qualify for unemployment-while I'm unhappy with my company and work environment, it definitely doesn't meet the state's qualifications for a quitting for good cause; however, I have enough saved (especially considering that B. and I split expenses) where I will be okay if I do not have another job for a long time. I am also prepared to take a "day job" that would provide income while I am searching (a retail or barista gig?), or an entry level position in a good company where I could eventually work my way up (Nordstrom?) I know I need a plan to create structure to my day - scheduling time for job search activities and time to work out on a daily basis - to avoid a downfall.

In terms of health insurance, technically I *could* purchase domestic partner insurance through B's company; however, it would be quite expensive (not quite as high as COBRA would cost, but close.) Instead, what I am looking into is purchasing individual high-deductible health insurance, preferably with a HSA plan, and have been researching some of the options that would be available in my state. It would not provide great coverage for regular expenses, but would be a LOT better than nothing if anything catastrophic ever occurred. My main ongoing medical costs involve prescriptions - 3 meds, all of which are generic and inexpensive, and two of which cost $4/month. I'm planning to schedule any regular medical appointments (at the dentist, eye doctor, and general physician) as soon as possible so that I can get them taken care of before I leave, and ideally even before I give notice.

I am very hopeful that, even if I don't find my *ideal* job right away, at least I will be able to make positive steps to move into a healthier work environment where there is some long-term growth potential. I am so grateful that my partner, family, and friends are in support, and I include YLF in that group. Thank you so much for caring and for offering help, even if it is simply "being here" in a virtual environment.

Big hugs and best of luck, Kari! I'm excited for you!

Good luck, Kari! I second the suggestion to get the appointments handled before giving notice. It's not uncommon for employers to walk you out the door the very day you give notice rather than keeping you through the notice period.

And also, this was in the NY Times just today -- tips for surviving in a job you hate: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04.....8;src=recg

Sometimes in life there's no right or wrong, it's just a matter of making a choice and moving forward. Good luck!

MaryK, those are good suggestions. At my company, though (and especially in my department), most employees are kept through the notice period. The exception would be if someone is resigning in lieu of discharge, or (not in my department but in a sales position) if an employee is leaving to go work for a competitor, neither of which apply in my case. I'd be completely shocked if they decided to do this when I resign - though the employer always pays the employee out for the notice period even if they do make the resignation day the last day of work, and we're paid for unused vacation time too (though not sick time/floating holidays.) But I'd still like to be prepared just in case it does happen.

Hugs to you! I wish you all the best. It is a tough decision and obviously you have thought more than once about this. Even your life partner has seen how destructive staying there is. I think you are taking the right path.

I am now in the process of looking for a job - I'm doing it thoroughly, with the help of a professional firm, and it is a full time job. But it's very helpful to have guidance and method, which I only had a little of when on my own. The big goal is broken down in smaller, tangible tasks such as networking and market searching. I am amazed I had never done this before. I feel empowered with the information I gather on making a better choice. For example, through Linkedin, you can contact others who already work where you are thinking of applying. You can get an idea as of what the office culture and atmosphere is.

I am also astonished at how proactive one has to be. Informational interviews, making your own business cards, contacting others through Linkedin etc.

All this will be done much better if you aren't sabotaged daily by a job that is dragging you down.

I am so happy for you Kari. I know it's scary but like you said, it will help you focus better if you are able to look for a better job full time. I also LOVE the idea of getting a fun, low-responsibility day job while you network. Something that doesn't withdraw (and may even add) to your 'emotional bank account'.

Since you are young and healthy, an HSA might be a very good idea for you in the interim. You can use the dollars you invest as you see fit and if you never need them for health care, they can be rolled into a Roth Ira when you retire. Win-win in my book!

Kari, good for you! I know this is a tough decision and scary, but I know for me (and I am 56), when I look back on stressful jobs, I feel I should have left sooner rather than later. I stayed too long at stressful jobs and they take their toll. It's not worth it. And you'll learn about yourself and you'll find something much better! You've thought this through and we're here for you!

I applaud you and your partner both being on board with the decision. It's always scary to leave the known for the unknown. I have left several jobs in the past after quite a few years (seems like 7 years has always been the magical number. Maybe the seven year itch?). I finally found my job in IT in the school district and love it. I have been at it now for 17 years. In the past I always had a job lined up ahead of time so the fear was minimal but the economy is much tougher now as is the job market so this is definitely an act of courage for you! Brava for you!

Kari - congrats on making such a big decision! I know that the unknown is scary but at least you will be in more control than you are now. And your mental well-being is worth more than a paycheck...especially a paycheck that comes at such a huge cost. Good luck with the transistion and I'm sure the right job is waiting for you!

You are very brave Kari! It sounds like you have made a good decision and you wish you best of luck in everything!

Sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive partner in B Kari! We need to put our mental and physical health first and our relationship with our loved ones should never suffer because of our work situation. Good for you on taking such a brave step - best of luck and please keep us posted.

Good luck, Kari, I am sure it was not an easy decision to take that leap !!! FWIW, I do find that if something is just so stressful that it is affecting your health, some times the best is to take a breather. Especially when your current lifestyle can still be somewhat maintained.

With the economy upturning, you may even be able to find a part time job somewhere and dedicate the rest of the time to looking for a full time job.

I hope that this finally brings you some peace. YAYYYYY for B.

All I can offer is support across the nation. Hugs and good thoughts for a speedy resolution to your job situation. It really sounds like you are making the right choice for your health and fabulous that you have such a supportive SO to back you up.

Thank you all for being so kind and supportive.

Isabel, yay for B. indeed. This year has not been easy on him either. He listened to me blubbering away last night and hugged me when I needed to be reassured, and was willing to put up with a partner who hasn't been fully there, and in fact have been at my worst for much of this year.

We are both hopeful.

FWIW, my best friend made the same decision two years ago in a job she had reached her breaking point with. She was fortunate enough to find another better job pretty soon afterwards, and that may not happen for me-but she is very encouraging of my decision and said she is proud of me for making it. It's very helpful to know someone who walked this same road before and came out in the other side.

Kari;
It sounds as though you have made a wise and thoughtful decision. I see signs that the economy is picking up and that it is not nearly so bad as a year or two ago. Companies are hiring again, and one or more places out there has your name on it!

Kari, did you ever apply for the item analyst job at Nordies? I think you'd be a great candidate and I can try to get your resume fwd to the right people. If you apply be sure to let me know so I can notify the people I know in that area.

Also, I just read an article:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/life.....-the-dying

Hopefully that makes you feel better about your decision! Good Luck.

Also, in terms of how to frame this to a potential employer in an interview I think you should mention in as positive a voice as you can muster that you are someone who values efficiency and change for the better and that it got to the point where you weren't being supported in making these kinds of changes and it was detrimental to your attitude. I think if I were hiring I'd like to hear that you value efficiency and are pro-change...and if the interviewer doesn't think this is a good thing that you probably don't want to work for them anyway!! (-:

Kari, hugs!
I know it is a scary decision but I think it is the right one. It is very hard to be successful in your job search if you are emotionally drained by your present job. I personally was not in this situation but I did dropped everything (including my job) to move to another country - and neither me or my hubby had jobs lined up and we also had two kids in tow. It was really scary too but in the same time very liberating because we were sure it could not be worse that it was before - and it was not! Actually it was the best decision we have ever made and I am so happy we took this risk.
Your B. is a real trooper and you are lucky to have his support in this hard time. I am sure you will be able to land a good job if you put all your energy and will into the search.
Best of luck!

Kari, I can't find the exact listing. I sent you a similar one that I think you should still apply to...if you email me your resume I can make sure it gets to someone.

ETA - I just texted the manager for that job and she said she'd like to see your resume because they'll likely have an opening in the next month.

Change is as good as a holiday they say....... getting out from the old crap has to have a positive catchy saying too!
All the best to you Kari. You'll be a great catch to the next company!

Jenava, thank you so much! I'll email you privately tomorrow - that is so immensely nice of you.

I must say you have a really caring and loving husband. I pray to God everything goes fine for you very soon. Best of luck for everything you do.