I feel ya Elizabeth. I really do.

It is exhausting to have a partner that can't be a partner because work/work stress eats up their life and time. They don't have anything left to give at the end of the day and often take more than you can spare, since it is already bumming and stressing you out . . . I can't imagine having kids in the picture.

I'm not much for the tedium of being a housewife either-- it is hard work and I need to see other people and use my brain and do something that isn't just going to be undone in 4 hours anyway. You can feel under-appreciated. I can relate to turning to YLF when I need a place with female friends and a place I can just be a woman.

The health problems are also irritating and I suspect you probably rightfully feel a sense of frustration and loss over the situation. I do hope you'll get your energy back soon.

The parent situation is incredibly sad and stressful. On one hand you want to be there for and around your mom in what will probably not be a lot of time left together, but care-giving for an ailing parent is exhausting and trying and I do have family that has regretted giving up so much of their life for it.

No great advice, just hoping things work out and you find what you need in the meantime and know that I feel ya and will be thinking about you.

elisabeth, I'm glad you posted, and I hope that with all these lovely comments, suggestions and encouragement you're starting to see there IS hope for things improving, and even things you can do right away that will make you feel better...book club, or whatever!

I don't have nearly the stuff you have going on, but even I get down feeling sometimes, and lonely (hubby is in school). Your post really resonated with me and I am sending good vibes and hugs your way!

There are so many pieces of wisdom in the previous posts so all I have to add is a hug & a whole lot of positivity coming your way.

I can't add any more to the wonderful advice you've already be given, except to say to put yourself first once in a while (book that sitter!) and be kind to yourself while you're recovering from surgery, with all these additional demands to cope with as well.

Big hugs x

Book club is a great idea. You might meet someone in the club who is more...um..on your wavelength than your running partner. And even if you don't, at least you get good books and a night out and some discussion, and who knows where it goes from there.

I understand that feeling of being so utterly overwhelmed. Too many things on your plate and no clear way to deal with any of them in this moment.

A wise friend once told me that after I dried my tears on days like that, the kindest and smartest thing I could do would be to ask myself:

1. What do I want or need?
2. What's one SMALL thing I can do, right now, to move me in that direction.

Figuring out a concrete task to do - whether that be picking up the phone and calling the person who invited you to join a book club or simply wiping up the counter — and doing that small task - gives you at least a tiny sense of the control and agency you've been missing in a time when everything seems so out of your control.

Big hugs.

Elisabeth, I've nothing to add to the wonderful advice you've had already, but just wanted to wish you health, helping hands and joy---and a huge slice of time for yourself!

What Suz said is so wise. One little gesture can begin shifting things. Join that book group. You need to know you're not alone, and even one friend you can really talk to will make all the difference. Even if you have to book a sitter and drive into the city once a month to go hang out at a friend's house, I bet you will feel a tiny bit better. Having small kids is a huge challenge. I also recommend http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com. We all need to laugh!

No new wise advice here, just wanted to send big hugs. It does look that it is very important to cave up some free time for yourself, so book club might be indeed excellent idea.

Elisabeth - big hugs! Just like any job, there are moments of tedium and moments of excitement. There is plenty of opportunity to use your brain as a SAHM! (In fact, many friends who work outside the house complain their jobs are nothing but busy-ness and office politics, so don't feel you're missing out too much. Just think of all the YLF posts recently where people have complained about job dissatisfaction...you are not alone!) You mentioned your youngest was in kindergarten...is he reading already? I taught my eldest to read at age 4, and it was the most fulfilling thing I ever did.

I like the idea of a book club for you. Babysitting costs can add up, but you should still make it a priority to get together with a friend to blow off steam.

Laura -- Rants from Mommyland is hilarious. Thanks for the link!

MPJ -- my little boy starts K this coming September. I'm going to let them teach him to read, after the debacle with my daughter four years ago. I'm not quite sure what I did to mess up so badly, but I could not get her to even try reading until grade one! I"m not kidding. It was stupid because she loved books, and would "read" to herself (make up the words) for hours. And she'd let me read to her. But if I even pointed out a letter, she'd sprint off and that would be the end of reading time for that day. (I couldn't get her to draw, either. I'm an illustrator and I can draw exceptionally well, so I've always wondered if she was just intimidated). For some reason she has always been oddly resistant to the idea of learning ANYTHING until she's good and ready. In K the teacher didn't know what to do with her. She spent the entire year insisting to her teacher, "I'm not going to read and you can't make me", although she did start drawing pictures for the first time ever, and did them so carefully that she would decline to go out and play at recess in order to complete them. By the end of K we were wondering if she had a reading disability, but the teacher said she didn't think so -- she thought it was more likely that we had a perfectionist on our hands. Well, two months into grade one, our daughter started to read, and by Christmas had surpassed everyone in her class. By the end of the year she was reading at a grade four level. By grade two she was reading Harry Potter to herself. So all's well that ends well, but I'm too traumatized to try to teach my son anything for fear of messing up again! (Although he seems a little less reluctant than she was -- he's at least learned some of the letters, and all of the numbers, just by osmosis when we read together).

Elisabeth---I've used "new show/employer" and "clusterfuck" in the same sentence before too--LOL.
Not to know what you are feeling--I have to say your husband has been pretty lucky to be steady employed for 6 yrs!!! He must be really good and have great resources within the industry. It's been feast or famine in TO for a while now--lots of companies but little work/ short contracts it seems.
Do you have a website Elisabeth I'd LOVE to see your work!!!! If there is anything I do miss since being home is having artwork in my hands!

Haha yes, Patty, that colourfully descriptive word gets used a lot in the entertainment industry. My husband is in visual effects for film, so it's post-production, which usually means more steady work than those who are crew on a show. We do have quite a few friends on that end of it, though, because my best friend ended up in art department for film and TV, and she married an actor. (I'm actually the odd one out, having studied science instead of art).

But as it has turns out, I'm now an illustrator, I guess, albeit a baby one. A couple of contracts fell into my lap last year, so I did them and it was fun. But I haven't got around to setting up a website yet (because this year has been such a mess). Will do that in September when the kids are both in school. For now the only artwork that's online, I think, is that painting I did for the Fluevog ad contest last year (which I didn't win...grrr). http://www.fluevog.com/code/fc.....&p=17

But thanks for your interest! When I get a website up, I'll send you a PM.

So your husband is in "We'll fix it in Post". We were in the "Just give me something to put on TV" end of cartoons >=+P

This reminds me of when I was particularly down a couple years ago--I thought I should start a comic strip of something I know--kids was played out by everyone by then so I chose my VW Beetle. I did some drawings and posted them to some enthusiasts' sites and got good feedback and stories of them pinned to work benches and fridges--that's pretty much what I want outta drawing so it felt good. I was pretty inspired (I even stayed up too late ) but as with most things it all fell aside as the family was growing until I basically became challenged by time and lack of computer abilities. It was a great run tho and it worked for that hard time--might even get back at it again.
You should try this yourself--I remember the great feedback you got for your Fluevog shoe set--you deserved it--you should find a site/forum in your interest or broader interest (book club?) and try to post sketches (I know time is tight but quickies you're comfy with)---it's fun and you can get some real feel good time in return. If you post to forums you don''t have to make a website right away either!! <=+D
Only just a thought.

Just for reading if your interested in kids' books:
http://www.canscaip.org/

Oh Elizabeth! Been there and... been there again! I got a dog. Haha. That sounds like the last thing a person would need... a forever two-year old. But she fits in with the schedule, is content to just follow around and entertain herself sniffing. Has been a friend-maker for me - before her, I'd met no one in my town - and there's always a ready built activity good for any time of day (dog walks). Also have to say, I've learned a lot about parenting through her (and something about animals). She doesn't let me flake; dog keeps the schedule whereas kid flakes with me, LOL.

Anyways, I am the sort who also finds an identity in my own right necessary for any kind of self-respect. An identity not in terms of others. That's where my sustatinable energy comes from.

Finally, I just have to say that's funny about your daughter and reading. My daughter is an old lady now (19!), but I remember her getting mad at me when she was 11 or so, wanting to flounce off from her school work and saying, "I'll never read or write as good as you!" Of course, I make my living writing so, um, yeah, that was true. I had to tell her that I didn't expect that of her. She is so unlike me, it's mind-boggling. She's not my natural child, we don't share genes, but she is still *really really* not like me. Before, I'd only seen people like her on t.v. and didn't think they actually existed. She liked planning school dances and matching clothes with her friends! I've learned, tho, the value of this kind of personality. She can seriously organize people towards any endeavor.

Anyways, especially at the very young ages, kids really vary as to the exact moment when those neural pathways kick in. My boyfriend didn't talk until he was 3; his parents took him to the doctor.

My brother is a storyboard artist and camera guy, btw, down there in Hollywood.

Elizabeth, you are NOT a failure ! I am the antithesis of the happy stay at "mom" type that one thinks of ( June Cleaver ). I am not a crafter or real detail person with art. I have never owned a glue gun and we don't have bags of beads and feathers for my children to explore. It has been very difficult on so many levels.

But there are some absolutely hysterical things too. When my son was in kindergarten, I jumped at the chance to volunteer weekly. Since my background is molecular biology, I thought I would saunter in and start teaching how to sequence DNA to 5 year olds. They would be fascinated...

So I go in for my first day, wearing a beautiful cashmere sweater and silk scarf. Like I dressed for casual work days, and the teacher sends me to. the. crafts. table. OMG ! I start to walk over and everything goes into slow motion. There 7 kids waiving glue sticks and sparkles and snotty noses.....right at my cashmere sweater !!!!!! I tell the teacher I would prefer the math or science table. She replies that they are not exactly doing science or math at this point, but that art helps with geometry. I look back at the kids, take a deep breath and hope that my sweater makes it !!! ( It did not. But I did. )

You sound so much like my sister, you really do. I am sending you lots of hugs. It does get easier, as the kids grow older. I remember how drained I felt when my daughter was little. 17 years later, I am not sure what I'd do with myself, once she is off to college.

I know it sucks to be in the house all the time, I really do. I stayed home with my daughter for about 2 years and I was going crazy. I love of all the volunteering ideas given to you.

I will tell you what I tell my sister: Staying home with the kids is a luxury these days. I live next door to a lady who takes care of a few kids and it breaks my heart to see the parents, stroller in hand, dropping their 2-3 month babies off at 6 am, so they can go to work, rain or shine, because they cannot make it on one salary. I have a few colleagues going thru the same ordeal as well. That is the biggest positive that I see with your situation. It does not make it any easier, nevertheless.

Hang in there!!!!