My Style Mistakes

Helena

Regrets ... I've had a few ...! And unfortunately for you all, not too few to mention Some are more over-arching; some more specific:

The over-arching, attitudinal ones:

I try to fit myself too neatly into a box. I love rules, and so I will obsess needlessly over systems like colour analysis, capsule wardrobes, style personalities, etc., only to discard them in frustration when some outlying characteristic of mine doesn't fit the mould perfectly.
I doubt myself. This is an issue that permeates my entire life. My style journey has been a great sandbox to see and challenge this instinct. Successes are flukes; mistakes, disasters. I see it and I'm working on it!
I'm too "either/or" - either minimalist OR a shopper; colourful OR neutral, etc.

The specifics:

I over-edit. I am one of those people who actually does look back on items donated in haste, and think, why did I get rid of that? Often I will edit items out that don't fit with the 'perfect' wardrobe plan I've hatched that day/month/season, and then live to regret it.
I can get too wound up about things, and then end up saying 'f it' and choosing unwisely - or not choosing at all and feeling in a rut.
I don't assess fit as well as I should. This is just a matter of skill, and I am practicing it more consciously now.

Now to the positive side - the fix:

I am consciously embracing a more moderate, 'both/and' attitude. This helps with almost all of these items:

I don't over-edit as much because I'm not trying to shove my wardrobe into a perfect wardrobe template.
I can use rules to help me organize my wardrobe and thoughts, while also making room for the exceptions that make my style my own.
I can make space for doubt and 'trial and error' while still moving forward rather than in circles.
I can relax a little more, which means more calm and space to take my time in assessing things like fit, etc.

If I've misses any mistakes, I am more than happy to have you remind me!! Thanks for reading

3 years ago

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from Stagiaire Fash

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

This explains perfectly how you have the discipline for and enjoy seasonal capsules!

I hear you on the hazards of trying to create the perfect wardrobe. Not that I’ve ever over-edited, but I have occasionally gotten daydreamy over certain peoples posts here, and started thinking about how I almost have an x capsule, just need to add a few things.... It can be tricky to know when the wardrobe really does need additions and when it’s just that desire for “pretty on paper” speaking up.

3 years ago

Helena

Veteran

Indeed FI, and of course, we're all just a piece or two away from the 'perfect' wardrobe ... or so marketers would have us believe, because what an enticing carrot they can dangle before us! $$$

It has helped me to ask myself, IF I had the 'perfect' wardrobe, what would happen to my life? Answer - not much. It's great perspective to recall that if the process of personal style is not adding value or joy to my life, then there's really no point to it!

3 years ago

smittie

Veteran

The “both/and” behavioural model!!! I love it! I need to do this too!
Very witty write-up!

3 years ago

cat2

Veteran

I am on the other extreme and keep everything that is in good shape. Twice a year I toss it all onto the bed and assemble outfits out of what I have, and then put the orphans away out of sight (with my out of season things). That way I don’t get stressed out by seeing them daily, and I can just roll with what I have, and the additions I make mostly to fill in obvious gaps. Maybe pulling out your capsules does the same for you? Anyhow, I keep finding that Angie will post about a trend and I already have instances of it in my wardrobe, so I don’t get the itch to shop. Like army green; rooting around in my closet I already had a Longchamp army green fabric tote and a pair of ancient Coach olive green ballet flats, so I didn’t buy any new accessories until I wore those out. I also had a random wide legged pair of army green silk pants and a long floaty linen twin-set, I think from the last time Safari was a thing. Those were the start of my army green update and I didn’t buy new pants or tops until we did the shut down and I didn’t have access to my dry cleaner! I have since added a washable jacket, 2 pairs of pants and a couple of Ts. But it hasn’t been a major expense to do something new. So maybe think about your wardrobe long term? I find mine saves me a lot of money!

3 years ago

Jonesy

Veteran

You are very self-aware and these are deeply honest--I feel like you are giving us a peek into your psyche :)! It's fascinating how clothing, style choices, planning what to buy, and so on are intimately tied to all sort of different inner conflicts and ruminations, and even transition points in our life; at least, that's certainly the case with me! It's so great to read how you are relaxing a bit into your style journey. Ending your post with words like "relax" "calm" and "space" suggests greater serenity and less turmoil for sure! Yay!

3 years ago

cat2

Veteran

FI, I totally understand with the color capsule thing; it can be tempting! It really helped me to write out my colors; I am not going to invest in colors that I don’t want in my closet long term. It also helped to look at the actual gaps and try to figure out the fewest pieces to fill them. Like I found one wool scarf with cream, blush, red and burgundy in it, so it pretty much goes with everything I wear in the winter; a pretty dull camel scarf goes with everything else. So I don’t have moments where I grab a winter jacket or a pair of leather gloves and don’t have something to wear with them. But I didn’t get all glassy eyed and buy more than two scarves!

3 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Cat2, thanks, but it’s rarely about color, because that is so readily apparent. More likely to be something like anchie’s perfect little takes on a 30 piece capsule, or the French 5 (or is it 6?) I recently started trying to find colored patterns in my wardrobe that are similar to and could be worn with my black and white patterns (similar to that post about the zebra stripes recently) and found myself browsing on line for floral tops to match a certain skirt. That sort of thing.

3 years ago

slim cat

Veteran

Very thoughtful and very real post - I’m often in the same boat with feeling regret about some donated things , or thinking “ if I add that - I have almost a capsule “. Relaxing is the right strategy- thank you for reminding me about that!

3 years ago

Anonymous

I'm with you in all three of your "specifics" .

I think you've done a great job of pinpointing who you are, fashion-wise, and seem to have a good handle on how to move forward while not driving yourself crazy

3 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

Oh I’m guilty about imperfect fit... esp with online ordering, because both I and retailers loathe returns like that...

3 years ago

Cardiff girl

Veteran

The struggle for wardrobe perfection is real!l think we have all been there,lm glad that you are finding it easier to live with the”imperfections “.l think wardrobes are like housework,there is always more we could do.

3 years ago

cat2

Veteran

FI: If you don’t have anything to wear with a particular piece, I think that’s exactly what you should be buying; one piece that can yield an entire outfit is worth it. However, I try to tell myself to stop when I am going beyond what I need to stay dressed that season. My exception is when a color or style is trending that I love and has hit the sale racks in a big way, and I can fill a future need at a sensible price. This sale season it was a bit of overstock on blush Ts and summer weight sweaters, because I love the color, think it’s on the way out, and the only summer pieces I have left are dressy. It’s the random shopping without a list that gets me in trouble!

3 years ago

Sal

Veteran

Helena- so well written and insightful. And very self aware.

I think you have such a good eye fir what suits your personality, colouring, preferences and lifestyle.

I can think that I have “got there” with my closet and then something changes and so it goes on.

I think we both are naturally prudent people who don’t like to be wasteful - and this drives some decisions.

I am pleased you are feeling good about your position and progress - that’s awesome.

3 years ago

SarahD8

Veteran

Love structure and analysis; hate being put in a box. Omg, I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

This is a very eloquent post, Helena. I think that your style is naturally quite simple and polished, to the point that even your wildcards read as considered and well integrated. I hope you are able to be gentle with yourself and see the grace and humor that the rest of us see in you!

3 years ago

LaPed

Veteran

Love that you've included strategies for moving forward! Big yes to a calmer, more relaxed attitude towards wardrobe building and editing. I think the zeitgeist is making this somewhat easier to achieve. We seem to have moved past the era of Peak Capsule Wardrobe; I'm seeing a lot less Project 333 and 10x10 these days (perhaps pandemic life makes that sort of challenge less relevant?).

3 years ago

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Helena, you are very eloquent, self-aware and earnest. And way too hard on yourself FOR SURE.

FWIW, here's how I perceive it:

Your successes are intentional and INTUITIVE, and a testament to what you've learned over the years - not flukes

You are not at all extreme! You are very moderate from the get go, and again that's part of your great intuition. You might argue extremes and sides in your head, but the results are level headed.

Enjoy the empowerment of fitting into a "Custom-Made-Helena-Box". Not someone else's box, and not someone else's rules. (You are so finding your way!)

Getting the fit right comes with time and practice, and you are managing just fine!

I'm watching your edit-happy-hand, which is taking regular vacations this year ....... good job

And last, you're relaxing into it all sooo much more these days, and that's a brilliant achievement. I can feel your calm and confidence shine through. So a big pat of your back! You are fabulous.

3 years ago

Helena

Veteran

You know - this expression is thrown around a lot these days, but truly, this thread makes me feel seen and known, and it's extremely touching and meaningful to me to read everyone's comments. I think you all might know me better than I know myself

You are such a wonderful, generous, supportive and LOVELY bunch of people, and I'm extremely grateful to have you all in my life! xoxoxo

3 years ago

Active Member

Aww I love this thread and I can see a lot of myself in your post Helena, I definitely err on the side of editing out things too quickly, which also results in me not taking many chances when I buy things as I don't want to be wasteful. So far i've sent everything i've bought back for some reason or another, except my vejas and those are probably a half size too big, though stay on my foot well enough. I'm scared the size down would be too small. I think shopping online and internationally adds to the fear. You are petite whereas i'm very tall and we probably both have fitting issues. If I hold out for the perfect fit, I often don't get anything...not many pieces are made for our size so I always just had to make do. Arms and legs too short? Oh i'll make it seem like it is meant to be like that. Cropped leg and bracelet length sleeves are always in for me haha.
I also like analysing and researching and making everything seem perfect. It might be our personalities. I happen to want everything perfect or I just give up completely. I'm sort of an either or. I also need to work on being calm. I'm taking some organic adaptogen blends from four sigmatic in my drinks (I usually mix with matcha latte or turmeric latte). They are meant to help with calming, destressing and clearing the mind. I definitely need as much help with that as I can.

3 years ago

Anonymous

Love this! I can definitely relate and am working on moderation too. A "perfect wardrobe" isn't static like our lives aren't static- and that's ok

3 years ago

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

This just resonates so much with my experience as well. I feel like you articulated it so clearly. As I've aged I've gotten more in tune with my instincts, so now my goal is to combine my "book learning" with my point of view to find my sweet spot. One thing I realized is that, if I get to a point where I don't have to think about getting dressed and I still feel satisfied with my outfit (this happened today)...will I even LIKE that? There is definitely a side of me that just likes the navel-gazing

3 years ago

nuancedream

Veteran

Helena, what you said about fitting yourself too neatly into a box really resonates with me. I have my own style rules, which I have developed through a lot of trial and error because I don't always know what will work until I have actually worn it. When I deviate from my personal style rules, I guarantee the result will be an unworn purchase taking up space in my closet. I have zero tolerance for waste and closet orphans.

3 years ago

nemosmom

Veteran

First - I don't think you need to fix anything! That implies that something is broken and you are most definitely NOT broken! You have found ways to use those things you perceive as flaws and turn them into guiding posts as your style and confidence grows. You are beautiful inside and out!

3 years ago

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

! You are very tough on yourself, but you are also very funny! Yes, giving yourself some slack is definitely a worthy goal. Meanwhile do not forget you already look (and are) fab.

3 years ago

Anonymous

I relate to this SO MUCH:

I try to fit myself too neatly into a box. I love rules, and so I will obsess needlessly over systems like colour analysis, capsule wardrobes, style personalities, etc., only to discard them in frustration when some outlying characteristic of mine doesn't fit the mould perfectly.

I am forever researching systems, trying to find one that clicks with me, and wishing that I could just choose a system and be done with it. And I feel very scattered, but I think if I actually wrote down what I buy and wear, a pretty clear set of rules would emerge! I also feel like I’m too either/or, and I’m still figuring out how I can get comfy with all of these aspects, enjoy structure while also breaking the rules, and not drive myself nuts.

3 years ago

Helena

Veteran

Gillian and other 'system-y' people - I honestly think the only solution is to say the mantra "there is no perfect system" over and over again ... it took me a long time to identify this as a weird type of FOMO that says, there IS a perfect answer and if you just look hard enough ... it's a lie, I tell you, a lie!

Nuancedream, I am cutting and pasting your words into my style journal - you are where I am aiming for. Thank you!

Thanks so much EVERYONE; you guys are so encouraging. xoxo

3 years ago

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I appreciate the way you reframed this. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to something productive that isn’t just shouting back “nuh-uh—you are”. Your gentle exposition of how you’ve changed is a good approach to dismantling the idea of “mistakes”.

3 years ago

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