Gigi: I agree that my doctor was very insensitive and he probably needs a refresher in patient relationships.

Flytigress: This is very good information and is in line what I thought was the practice today.

Joy: Thanks for contributing to this discussion. My shock was probably due to the fact that I really don't have any older relatives or friends that I see often or share experiences with. Although we live in a 55+ community, most are younger because it is such a new development. It sounds like you are experiencing the same treatment I am. I'm glad you chose the lenses that allow night driving. I don't feel ready to give up my options yet and it sounds like you aren't either. It's surprising to face this attitude in 2018.

Applauding Suz’s observation that “ageism is allowable discrimination” and, even worse, it is so pervasive most people are taken aback when you object to something they have said. But, I also believe that, unless we firmly, but politely, point out to the offender why we are objecting, nothing will change.

As for that young doctor, once you get past the shock and indignation of his insensitivity, you might want to consider having a few words with him. Consider it a public service in the battle against ageism—and, who knows, an “elderly” lady of 72 sitting in his waiting room might have cause to be grateful to her unknown champion. People CAN learn to see us differently if we don’t fit their preconceptions.

Resisting ageism takes self-confidence, determination, and, occasionally, a sense of humor to let people know when they have crossed the line—qualities you have in spades!

Appalling doesn't even come close

Gaylene: You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you so much for these lovely and encouraging words. I am going to share my experience with neighbors and friends who may have or not yet met with age discrimination and I will be rereading your wise words to encourage me.

cindysmith: Right!

Our shock was hearing our future from our financial planner... That maybe we had 5 to ten good years left. What did we want to do with them.? That was a wake up call! Looking at older friends and relatives now in "homes" or worse, it is probably true but hard to think about.

TexStyle, as a health care provider in the US, I think it is important to clarify some of your misconceptions regarding billing for health care services. Most providers don't bill services based on time. It is billed based on Medical Decision Making; how complex is your health issue and the care you require. If a provider bills on time it is based on the 15+1 minute rule. Minute 0-15 is one level, minute 16-31 is another level and so forth. It is Medicare fraud to bill for a 60 minute visit if only 5 minutes is spent on the visit and should be reported. Also, medical providers are not involved at all with the costs of labs, X-rays, or other diagnostics. Those costs are set by Medicare and Insurance companies with almost no imput from the medical community. Bonnie's experience was extremely unfortunate and she is absolutely correct to seek out another provider. Most medical professionals are compassionate and caring and really do want what is best for the patient.

Joy, I can’t remember how old you are, but for my parents, it is very apparent that their remaining “good” years are limited. When Dad’s friend who smoked and drank too much and was very overweight died, they didn’t feel it said anything about their own healthy lives, but in their early 80s now, just looking at the various situations of their friends and acquaintances makes it very clear that they won’t live forever. I’m not sure which is more disconcerting to me, seeing my very bright, funny, extremely alert father slowly lose his mental capacities, or seeing my mother accept that it is time to fold and quietly go about sorting through drawers and closets, preparing for the end.

Texstyle, what European countries are you are talking about? In Germany, I have never had an unacceptably long wait for a specialist. I called an allergist in late September for an appointment for my son; they had one the next day, or we could wait until Dec 6. In the US, the wait for new patients at my son’s allergist was 4-6 months.

When I had ovarian tumors in Berlin in the 90s, they were surgically removed less than a week after being discovered, with a one-week hospital stay. I needed that time to recover—couldn’t even sit up without my arms at first, and there was a green courtyard where I sat in the sun and gradually went for walks. There was no charge for any of it.
When I had them again in Tampa 15 years later, I waited a couple weeks for surgery, which was outpatient. I was home that day, and my 7th-grade son brought me my pain meds and food for days, in addition to getting himself ready for school, riding there and home on his bike, and making his own breakfast and dinner until I was able to do so. Even then, he could tell when the pain meds were wearing off, because I’d instinctively hold my stomach with one hand. After Blue Cross insurance, I paid several thousand dollars.

When we got here this year, we didn’t have health insurance at first, so we paid cash for our appointments, from 14 to 27 Euros, about the same as an insurance co-pay in the US.

Despite the scare stories Americans are told about “socialized medicine”, if you’ll do your own research, you’ll see that the reality is that when money doesn’t decide if you can get treatment, and what type, most people receive what they need. One way to compare is to look at average life expectancies and infant mortality rates. The US has some of the worst of all developed countries, with infant and maternal mortality rates getting worse.

Hi Bonnie, I believe he was absolutely wrong to treat you as he did. Statistically, with the good health you currently have, the odds are you will live many years yet.
Many countries with public healthcare systems such as mine, do stop paying for the ( free, in our country) mammograms at certain upper limits. In NZ they are free for ages 45-69 inclusive every 2 years, but the upper limit will soon increase to 74 which I applaud, as the risk does not decrease with age. After menopause, for argument's sake 55, 2-yearly is fine unless the breast tissue remains very dense. You have been told yours is,so you may still need annual.
I encourage my healthy women to pay for a bi- annual one themselves after they age out of the free programme. Because if they are fit, they would still rather detect the cancer sooner. But I give them the choice and explain my recommendation. By the time they may be very unwell with something else ( varies, but maybe mid to late 80s, or 90s), then breast cancer may be less of a concern than other conditions, and I still offer breast examinations if they wish, so at least a lump could still be found. The oldest patient who had breast cancer died of it aged 99 years and that was horrible- she was demented and in care, we saw her seldom as her physical health was pretty good but the caregivers who showered her sadly failed to notice an ulcerating lump breaking through the skin, until it was too late to treat it, with her frailty and dementia. So it had to be dressed regularly until she died.
That young doctor has a lot to learn!
I do have to say though, the older I have got, the better I have become at dealing with older patients, although I hope I was never that insensitive.
Good luck with your move.

Ultimately, you got a crap doctor. There are quite a few out there unfortunately. It’s a bit like clothes that aren’t right..... NEXT!

Fashintern, my son who lives in Japan has had great experiences with their medical system. He gets right in to see the doctor of his choice and pays very little. Medicines seem to be no cost from the doctor. His company pays for big lab work ups each year.

Bonnie, first, I can’t believe you’re 76! No wonder your labs are great. Second, yes, fire the doctor. I did that a few years ago. He said, well, you’re not *very* overweight. I didn’t fire him for that, but because he didn’t bother to get my records from across town in a month. He said it wasn’t his fault. I said who’s in charge here, and walked out. Third, my primary care doctor said I don’t need a pap anymore, but I do need to continue getting mammograms. The doctor I fired was recommended by a friend of mine!

I'm all for firing bad doctors and I had one I wished I'd fired sooner, so go with your gut on that, wish I had.

Regarding breast cancer and mammograms: my mom had a mastectomy when she was younger than I am now. She is still going strong and may even outlive all of us! My grandmother had a mastectomy in her 70s, and cancer did not kill her. She lived into her late 80s and died of natural causes. I had a suspicious lump removed when I was in my early 30s, so have had mammograms regularly since.

What's more my dad and brother were dx'd with prostate cancer in the very same year as each other; my brother was quite young for this (40s) and his cancer was very aggressive. My dad's (60s) was not. They were told that prostate always comes back. But at my dad's age it was likely something else would kill him, so he went for the radiation pellets. For my brother... different story, because he was so young, and the cancer so aggressive. He chose the surgery. And he gets regularly screened and so far so good.

Meanwhile.... prostate and breast cancer are related. So you could say I am high risk.

But with every passing year and the mammogram turns up nothing, I get lazy. I still do my own exams and I do think I could pick something up sooner than a mammogram.

As for the breast tissue density, I was told that's true in younger women, and women who've never been pregnant or breastfed. When I had the lump I was young and tissue-dense enough a mammogram showed nothing, despite having a very obvious and large lump that was palpable. Ultrasound revealed it was solid. Needle biopsy revealed it needed removal for further inspection. Surgery took it out and revealed it was benign. I've never had anything like that since, but critically, I felt it, I found it... not a mammogram.