My favorite mistakes #2: buying for the life I don't have (yet) - YouLookFab Forum

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My favorite mistakes #2: buying for the life I don't have (yet)

Stagiaire Fash

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I've been scraping up professional attire from the bottom of the clearance barrel at the outlet store again. On this one, I think I am behaving reasonably, but enough people have warned me about it that I want to get more feedback.

Right now, I live in shallowest suburbia. I want to get out of here, back to my career, back to a place I fit in, back to a life I see as mine and back to being me. There are quite a few steps I have to take before being ready to pull up stakes, including getting in position to apply for jobs. But I'm buying clothes for that someday. Why?

Motivation: seeing the "office apparel" in my closet makes this jump seem inevitable.
Time/money balance. A Laundry sweater in my preferred fabric for under $15, a Nic and Zoe tank and that silk tank top for under $20 each? These prices don't happen often--gotta catch 'em now, 'cause when "it" happens, I won't have time to shop around.
Fit. The things I'm buying aren't extreme (imo) in any way. I can't imagine a job/city where they'd stick out. And I can't picture me fitting in at a job where these items were out of line.

Am I making sense?

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Nic + Zoe Perfect Tank

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Laundry By Shelli Segal Winter Shadow Printed V-Neck Sweater

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Stateside Star Print Tank

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Shopping

19 replies

Latest reply was from Suz

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I should perhaps add to this that I have not bought blazers, and have only gotten one pair of pants (from BR, as a requested gift). The fit and specific details on those matters more, imho, than on these. I have bought dresses (in my Finds) and some cardigans/toppers.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

These tops look as if they will work under jackets in most environments, so it's probably not an issue.

I will say this -- post-weight loss it can be easy to get over-excited and buy stuff you don't really need (or even like) simply because everything fits better than you are used to. I made that mistake.

If it's best to buy for the body you have now, it's also best to buy for the life you're living right now. A small capsule of things you can wear right away is a better use of your money. Your style preferences may shift. But it sounds as if you're confident that you'll like these no matter what, so full speed ahead and enjoy!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Suz, did you buy too-small clothing to motivate yourself to lose weight? I have been doing that, with only a couple missteps.

rachylou

Veteran

I remind myself I could save even more money if I don't buy something that is meh but at a great price. That said, I really like that new green top on you - both colour and v-neckline. Exposed but not too exposed. Seems also to flatter your shoulders.

Meredith

Veteran

When I'm anticipating (or hoping for) a life transition I often think about and sometimes buy the things I think I'll need. I think such behavior is pretty normal and related to "motivation" as you put it. I wouldn't go too far down this path, though. I agree with Suz that you should primarily buy for the life you have now. You can hone your style and make even better choices when it comes to those interviews when feeling like a million bucks really matters. As an aside, I think the V-neck is a nice neckline for you. It's a little sharper than the scoop and straight lines of the tank tops you posted. What do you think?

Laura G

Veteran

I've gotten myself in loads of trouble over the years buying "deals so good I just can't pass them up." After a (long) while and a lot of money under the bridge I figured out that there are *always* deals too good to pass up out there. Always. It's not a rare thing. Nordstrom Rack was there a year ago, it's there now, and it'll be there a year from now.

I understand wanting to dress for a future life, believe me--I'm recovering from an illness that kept me housebound and sometimes bedbound for most of the last twenty years. Buying clothes is fun in itself and lets you enjoy that fantasy life (fantasy because it's not here now). But it doesn't actually bring that life any closer, so there's a danger of buying and buying instead of taking steps toward that life that are less fun but more effective.

kkards

Veteran

i like your thinking, but want to caution that with so many office now casual, you may find you have a lot of clothes that don't fit with your new office's culture. so, if you can use it now, but think it will work later, give it a go, otherwise, i'd step lightly

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Thanks, all of you, for the caveats and cautious affirmations.

One other thing I should have mentioned is that even though I've been a grown up for a while now, this is the first time I've assembled such a "grown up" wardrobe. Most of my adult life, I've been in an academic discipline where rolling out of bed to your desk and on to campus is the norm. I once texted a friend a pic of the crowd for an exciting, famous speaker at the biggest annual conference in our discipline. He replied that it looked like a Dungeons and Dragons meet. So, besides not losing my head and buying all the things, I also don't want to make the kind of sartorial mistakes an intern might. That blue Talbots fit n flare dress was one of those "OMG, I'm losing weight" things Suz cautions against. I couldn't wear it at all, then I could, now it's a bit big on me, and depending what kind of office I land in, it may be a $30 mistake. This isn't exactly the one I have--there is no lace on mine, but otherwise I think they are the same. I need to learn things like what makes a suit more suitable for the "ladies who lunch" set than for work, and what differentiates a blazer from a suit jacket.

Rachylou, your comment reminds me of a friend who likes to point out that you haven't saved anything at all if you buy something you wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
I think a big danger in picking things up along the way will be disorganization. I want all the individual bargains add up to a coherent wardrobe of items that work and play well together (even at work, I don't want to be totally somber, just appropriate in my joviality).

Meredith, the tank tops haven't arrived yet. I may post when they do. I've never heard of the label for the black tank top before. Have you?

If I see what looks like an incredible deal on something like a charcoal suit or blazer, I may post about it here and get it, or I might just listen to feedback for next time. That's the sort of thing I should be especially cautious about. I really like the gold dress in my finds, think I could wear it with black blazer, pumps, and hosiery in a conservative environment, but for right now, I have a black knit cardigan from BHWM that I could wear with it to give me sleeves.

Eliza J Cap Sleeve Shift Dress

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by Stagiaire Fash

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Ledonna N.

Veteran

Fashiontern you have me cracking up lol I would say buy pieces that you can mix and match. I've found that people don't really pay attention to what we wear. I like your top because it seems timeless and I agree with what has already been said.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

LeDonna, I might be swinging too far in the opposite extreme? OK. Thanks for your comment.

Kkcards and Laura G, whoopsie! Your comments slipped in while I was typing. Sounds like I'd better put the brake on more tightly. But I don't know if the Rack will be there when I get a job. I think regulations about when retailers can put things on sale and how low they can go may be much tighter in N Europe than they are here, and I really don't know how much time I'll have to go shopping. I truly am the one and only person this child trusts, and he can have considerable difficulty adjusting, so he may need large amounts of my time. Seeing as he's a teen, there is no "press to talk" button; I have to give him 100% or my attention while we hang out, look at funny and sweet videos, laugh, and then he eventually is able to come out with it. I can't be online shopping or chatting about finds then.

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I started this thread thinking about an exchange with La Pedestrienne on my "Ask Angie" thread. She's come back with a solid response over there, as has Liz. I want to summarize their comments and respond here, consolidating the two threads and keeping that one for talking about defining style. (I started it asking about replicating the style of an outfit, have been led down an unexpected (for me) path of figuring out what about that outfit speaks to me/what my style is.)

La P described a similar move from a place she didn't fit in back to a familiar, cooler, more populated place. Because she'd lived there before, she thought she knew what she wanted, but it turns out her tastes had changed during that time out in the desert and she is wearing totally different things than she fantacized about while she was away. Holy analogous situations, Batmom! It is very rare for me to look at my clothes and wonder "what was I thinking?" or to laugh at that old trend I wore, but this is the first time I've ever thought about style as a thing to think about. If I can change that much, then maybe the things I like will change too.

Besides my own style changing, KKcarda points out, offices are changing too. I might get lovely sheaths but no place to wear them.

Liz made a smart observation on the time/money crunch similar to Merideth's point above: if I use the time now to define my style instead of stocking a "someday" closet, then the buying will be much easier if/when the time comes. That rings true because the last time we moved within this city, I got sick of all the crap being dragged in, plopped down and started making a very limited list of things to take the next time we move. (Son's bungee cord desk chair, yes. Any other "office" furniture, no). That led me to interior design sites, where I've done a lot of thinking through what I want. I expect that getting basic furnishings will go quickly and (relatively) smoothly, with other touches added more slowly. Most times I've moved across the ocean, I've had no idea what to put in our home, so I'm pretty excited about this. Thinking about my style isn't exactly the same, but I can see a similarity, which helps me get my head around her comment. And moving stuff takes money too.

And--ouch--Laura G is right that the time spent shopping could be put to better use to actually make this move happen (I wonder if I'm hedging because I'm somehow intimidated or lazy. That's a topic for a different blog).

Meredith

Veteran

Glad I could help. You'll figure out the right balance. Regarding the neckline of tank tops, I was actually referring to the tops you posted in your other thread (about making the same mistakes). I wonder if you are drawn to those open necklines but may actually prefer the way you look in the v-neck. Or not. Just something to think about. I have not heard of that brand in your find. Will be curious to see how it looks!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Officially owning up to "sales goggles" here! I I'll need a (mostly) black, knit/stretchy, knee-length skirt, I've probably got that base covered without the EF-pencil-skirt-for-under-$40. In my defense, structured pencil skirts don't work well for my legs, so I thought a softer version might. In reality, there is no need for this. I will return it.

Come to think of it, some of these skirts were "too good too pass up" as well. #1 and #3 were on my first ever outing to a Saks Off Fifth, new years 2016. It is two hours away, so not much danger I'll return. Those two skirts are different sizes, so one will go away. #2 was some "amazing" BR deal. I included #4 to laugh at my own consistency. I got it years ago. It's from "Ojai". I know nothing about that brand, but wear this to beach restaurants or other very casual places.

PS--it's me, in black and white! Do I surprise you?

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Eileen Fisher Stretch Ponte Pencil Skirt

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Stagiaire Fash

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Here's another thing I should maybe return.

I ordered the pants hoping that they might work with my fantastic sash. They didn't, but I like all the blush things out there for home and clothes. The color is warm and soft, but is used in ways that don't look fragile or frilly the way things in that color range typically do; there is no fussiness about them. So I'll keep the pants.

But then I came across the navy blouse a few weeks later, thought "silk blouse $25--snap it up!". Now I'm not so sure. It matches, but maybe a little too much. It fits me perfectly, absolutely perfectly. But instead of letting the pants do the "tougher blusher" thing I like in the way blush is being used now, doesn't this go back in a more conventional kind of way? It's the kind of thing that might be perfect in certain offices, and I'd enjoy wearing it there, but I'll have to think about if I'd wear it otherwise.
LeDonna and Racheylou have both commented on all the thinks in my posts. They're right, lol.

Emerson Rose Floral Silk Shell

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Philosophy Apparel Slant Pocket Ankle Pant

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Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

I need a term for this "It's the kind of thing that might be perfect in certain offices, and I'd enjoy wearing it there, but I'll have to think about if I'd wear it otherwise."
I'm trying to remove that find, but it won't go away.

Theory Treeca Check Stretch Wool Blend Crop Pant

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Laura G

Veteran

If it helps, fashiontern, I was mostly talking to myself there!

Stagiaire Fash

Veteran

Laura G No need to apologize! You may have been reflecting on your own situation, but you shone a light on mine too.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Can you wear the clothes now for any part of your current life? Even if you are more dressed up than others?
Have you inquired about the dress norm for the position you aspire? Asking people in those positions/companies?

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I didn't buy too small clothing to motivate myself, no. I didn't buy any clothing! :). I hadn't bought clothing for years, apart from tee shirts and undies -- really truly! I bought maybe one or two items per year and had no wardrobe to speak of. (I worked from home).

As I lost weight, about halfway through I bought a pair of jeans and a couple of tops. And apart from that I wore exercise gear until I had lost all the weight, and then I joined this forum and went nuts!