Looking okay for the normal folk - YouLookFab Forum

Category

General

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Looking okay for the normal folk

Adelfa

Veteran

The title is taken from a recent comment by Zapotee, which totally cracked me up. It can be a challenge to pursue our style goals when surrounded by "normal folk," whether at work or in our personal lives. DonnaF talks about "the pressure not to be fashionable" that she feels, which together with her budget keeps her from embracing trends that she might otherwise enjoy.

I'm thinking many of us, when trying something new, have experienced the silent or not so silent "What are you wearing???" Depending on our tolerance for this sort of thing, it can be quite uncomfortable! I remember shortly into my ylf journey, when I was trying new silhouettes and expanding my boot wardrobe, a subordinate said my recent clothing choices were "surprising." And that did not sound like a good thing!

In your style journey, have you gotten ambivalent or negative feedback about your clothes? If so, does it bother you?

Let's try another 5-point scale (really 6 with a zero):

0--Nobody has noticed.
1--People have noticed, but they like the changes.
2--I've gotten a few comments, but nothing I can't live with.
3--People are commenting and it makes me uncomfortable.
4--People do say things, but I don't care as long as I know I look good!
5--Frankly, I love the attention.

Again, I'm about a 3.2. People's comments almost never make me doubt my choices, but I'm still uncomfortable. I don't want too much attention for my clothes! What about you?

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

General

31 replies

Latest reply was from 4babiesMe

Anonymous

First, I am very humbled to have inspired the title of your post. I think I'm a flat zero. I have always dressed up, one way or another.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Adelfa, you are fast becoming our Queen Pollster!!

And you raise great questions.

Once again, I want to say: No no! Can't pick one!! It's too complicated. It's not either/ or, it is both/and!

The only people to have made critical comments since I've joined YLF have been my husband and daughter. I have received compliments from others only (though who knows what some might privately have been thinking). And although hubs and/ or daughter often let me know they think I'm off my rocker, just as often they let me know I've done well. So it sort of balances out.

As for me, my attitude is #4. Sure, my confidence can take a beating some days, but mostly I figure I"m moving in the right direction.

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Hmmmm, this is really interesting.

For me personally, I find I oscillate anywhere between a 3 and a 5.

This range is because I believe a lot of it comes down to my mood on any given day ('tood matters, I've found!). I think it also depends how "out there" the new look is in comparison to previous style choices I've made. If it is a kind of variation on a theme that I know works for me, I'm less likely to care what anyone else thinks.

Thanks for the food for thought!

Echo

Veteran

Given that many people around here wear workout gear or yoga pants most of the time, I have always "dressed up" in their eyes. So no one has noticed anything different with me because I am just trying to change proportions and tweak things to make them more flattering instead of changing my style completely.

Ginkgo

Veteran

I'm about a 2, the comments have been favorable but I'm a bit self-conscious about them. My husband teases me but does like the occasion when I look "right", and a friend who used to dress up for work (and still works) has sloughed off and has not always been positive. The normal folk that I know seem to include a number of women "of a certain age" (like me) who have sort of quit dressing well. Lately I've found myself considering new purchases through their eyes.

qfbrenda

Veteran

I do get comments though they are mostly positive. Hubby is generally thrilled with how I dress though isn't afraid to tell me when he doesn't like a particular look or item. I try to please him most of the time and occasionally let him know he needs to adjust his eyes.

I guess I'm a 4. I'm not too worried about what the "normal" folk think since they are usually way under dressed in my estimation. I'm going to do what I'm going to do and they can think what they want to think.

DonnaF

Veteran

I would say a LOT of #1; many, many people have commented along of lines of "Boy, you've upped your style quotient since your daughter left for college." This is from my women's group where half of us -- basically, those who commented -- have been meeting for over 18 years, and from my church, an overlapping group BTW. My church is not stylish. Not even the gay members. But footwear IS required. And perfume discouraged thank goodness due to environmental sensitivities.

I'm basically an introvert so attention embarrasses me, but not enough to return to frumpdom. And since I feel that my bright blue suede booties are a bit loud for work, I've worn them to church. And now 19 year old DD lusts after a few items of my clothing, including those blue suede booties, and in the past she was never interested in anything I wore. I just have to be careful that I don't wander into MDAL territory.

Aziraphale

Veteran

Gee, I don't know. I dress how I like, and sometimes it's mainstream and sometimes it's a bit outré. And since I've always dressed like this, no one really notices. People do comment sometimes, but it's always to say nice things, like "I like your shoes" or "you always look so put-together" (although I can't figure that one out, because lots of times I'm in my hiking gear or I'm just a plain ol' hot mess). And I guess I must like the attention, or I wouldn't bother putting myself together, or bother to buy shoes that are likely to inspire comments.

So I guess I'm a zero and a five.

I'm always surprised when people write posts about how they get negative or catty comments when they make an effort to dress stylishly. And these sorts of posts do pop up regularly. I've been reading this blog for two years, and I'd say once every couple of months someone writes a post about a coworker or fellow soccer mom's snide comment, in which it's clear the poster was a little hurt or taken aback. I have literally never had that happen -- so either people are less rude where I live, or else I'm just oblivious.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Heh, I'm at a 2, which is actually the result of feeling both 1 and 3 in different scenarios. People like the changes here and at work, but DH makes the comments at home. In the end I suppose it averages out. He actually said the other day that he never sees anyone else wearing baggy jeans - and we live in LA LA Land, people! I would be in big trouble if we lived somewhere really conservative.

Adelfa

Veteran

Elisabeth, it could be that you're in a different culture from theirs. There are cultures where dressing well tends to be frowned on--I can think of two "opposite" ones: a) some conservative religious circles and b) some progressive circles (think college town with lingering hippie influence). Another key might be that you've always dressed like this--sometimes it's the change that triggers the comments. Very interesting and I'm glad you've never had to suffer from cattiness!

Donna, LOL!!! "My church is not stylish. Not even the gay members." Oh, I have to remember that! Sort of twisting my brain trying to picture that church. One of my gay colleagues told me that on a recent trip, he took a separate suitcase just for his footwear! I'm introverted too, and often dislike attention.

Brenda, you and hubby seem to have a really great fashion relationship! I thought it was so sweet that he requested strapless!

Gingko, what effect does it have when you consider your purchases through the other women's eyes?

Echo and Zapotee, that makes sense! It seems like the fabbers who've always dressed aren't really drawing comments!

Katie, it's so true that our tolerance for attention might vary with mood!

Suz, of course you don't have to pick! You know that! Pick as many as you want, or none of the above. I always appreciate your thoughtful responses.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

I am a 4. People make snarky comments, especially when the rest of them are in scrubs. What I tell them is ... "They can take away my freedom, but they can't take my clothes!" And I either get a laugh or a strange look.

Oh well, I like dressing differently

Adelfa

Veteran

Rae, that's funny! (We cross posted.) Is he right, or is he missing the many bf-clad Angelenos? I'm trying to think of my recent visit to Venice, and it was skinnies all the way. I'm wondering if LA people are more reluctant than average to give up body-con trends.

Adelfa

Veteran

Lyn, that's a funny line. I bet your patients appreciate that your look is lively and fun. Once I was leading a depression group and my clients had a little mutiny about my wardrobe. "You wear so much black! It's SO depressing!" I had to reconsider the effect of my clothing choices!

Lyn D.

Veteran

2 and 4 for me.
D.H. jokes about things he doesn't love- patterned pants or shoes for example.
Overall I am happy, budget be-dammed!

Adelfa

Veteran

Lyn D, happy is good! And so are DHs who can joke about things they don't like!

Diana

Veteran

I'm some combination of 1 and 4, depending on the outfit and setting. Oddly, although I am an introvert, it doesn't discomfit me when people talk about my clothes or my style. But say something about *me* (and more often than not it's a compliment, like "you look pretty today" or "you have a great smile") and I still get really uncomfortable.

Adelfa

Veteran

Diana, that's interesting! Interesting that some types of attention you're fine with, others not, and you can describe which is which. I'll have to think about this!

Hmm, if my knitting gets complimented, I'm fine with that!

Greek Goddess

I vary between a one and a five. People always think I have spent a fortune buying clothes and nothing could be further from the truth. I have eclectic tastes and have learned how to put a good look together out of what I have. Most of the time I go out I get compliments on what I am wearing. My husband gives a compliment often, but he will say if something does not look right. I was in the clothes shop yesterday and he commented on how pleased he was that I was buying clothes that will flatter my small waist this summer. He often tells me he is proud of me and loves to be seen with me. I guess that is the ultimate compliment.

Sarah A

Veteran

Interestingly I have moved recently and have become a 0 -- no one here has known me long enough to ever think I dressed anything but like I do now! LOL. DH really likes the new attention I spend on how I look so I am on the positive scale all around right now. Will be interesting to see as things evolve how that may or may not change...

Adelfa

Veteran

Sarah and GG, you've got keepers! That is so sweet!

modgrl

(website)

Veteran

I think I'm a 2, but I've done this on purpose. I want to look stylish and trendy but I also use my clothes as a uniform or camouflage to fit in. I want to look good, the best "me" that I can be every day, but in a way that is appropriate to the situation.

Tanya

Veteran

I think I am somewhere between 2 and 3. I am a scientist working in a lab, and being fashionable is generally looked down at, and sometimes it can even hurt ones carrier. I personally love clothes and tend to be an early trend adapter. So I am always trying to balance things, to come up with outfits that are modern and polished and me that still do not raise too many eyebrows. I will purposefully tone everything down on days when I have meetings with superiors.
Outside of the lab though, I am a 4. Funny how things change depending on the environment.

jayne

Veteran

I guess I am a 5. The comments are almost always positive and the few negatives I mark down to differences in taste. I do want to note that I have been 'doing' new outfits for about a year now and in the beginning I did get uncomfortable with the eyes! You see, beng frumpy before no one looked. But when I made an effort I started getting at least a once over from women and a man here and there. So no comment, but it was odd to be visible. Now I am pretty used to it and just enjoy it as I am doing something (right or wrong) that makes me stand out. Better than being invisible!

Tina.b

Veteran

I can't exactly gauge where I fit in on the scale. But I haven't undergone a significant style evolution. Usually the only people who comment on my clothes are people who have a similar interest in fashion. Great question and I enjoyed reading all the responses!

Adelfa

Veteran

Jayne, I think you've nailed an aspect of the issue--the transition from invisible to visible can be uncomfortable!

Astrid

Veteran

I'm somewhere between 0 and 2. I think my style changed slowly (mostly because of my budget) and people who saw me regularly didn't notice a big change. I didn't get many comments, but a few positive and negative ones. Those came mostly from people I hadn't seen for a while.

RandomThoughts (Andrea)

Veteran

I'm a 0 or a 1. I don't get many comments but when I do it's positive feedback about my shoes in particular.

cciele

Veteran

I've always dressed a bit differently from the norm and have always gotten comments, pretty much positive. So nothing's really changed in my style journey -- it's all par for the course. I guess that'd be a 0 or 1.

rachylou

Veteran

Mm. I don't know how I chart. Have always been beyond people's comfort zones sartorially, but not in a bad way (I hope). I would say my zaniness is entertaining and we all enjoy that. However, I prefer not to have people comment at work (positive or negative); that I take as a bad sign. Work is not my catwalk.

12