I love the story of your name. So very sorry for the loss of your daughter.
After a bout of chemo where I lost my hair, I, too, wanted a badge of honor for simply surviving....my hair came back rather charcoal gray...kinda dull and with a mind of it's own. I have a small area right in front that is much grayer than the rest. I had hopes it would increase a bit so I would have a white streak like Rogue from XMen after her encounter with Magneto. Something that says 'it didn't kill me, it did make me stronger, but I am *forever* changed.'
My hairdresser put some mahogany highlights in which help add some richness and depth. Your white hair inspires me to add that stripe of silver I was thinking of.