Ah, that does hurt... not just the price, but the fact that you did something you didn't mean to. That is what really gets to me! Big hugs to you and DH. :T

FWIW... it sounds like your friends do not ask for grocery money when they cook for you. And if A is as good a cook as you describe, then you easily got your money's worth in food alone over the years - forget the would-be hotel fees. And I don't think they were insensitive. They most likely figured they would help pay, and now they are having a very similar, how-could-you-let-that-happen conversation at home.

As a funny aside: I don't know about the Japanese culture too much, but Filipinos and Chinese have made stealing the bill into an art form. It is not uncommon to fight long and hard over the right to pay - and afterward someone might still try to sneak money into your bag on the way out.

heh, rae, I have heard hysterical stories about how Chinese-American dads and uncles will jockey and do all sorts of subterfuge so they can end up with the check. It's not quite that way in Japan. We're usually all pretty equitable when we go out.

Actually, we have been giving them money for their groceries, because at the holidays things get really lavish. Of course, I am still sure that they are spending more than what we give them, and we're not being stingy. In addition I bring a housewarming gift which is usually some kind of dessert I made, plus a nice bottle of wine....anyway, it wasn't so much I think we needed to give them something--I just wanted to give them a break from being in the kitchen (though it turns out this is what they really like).

Suz, tell Mr. Suz hi for me!

It's done I know & I would take a little while to get over something similar but that's okay The more I think about this the more I think what you did was right. When I look at the cost of accommodation you have saved over the years & the meals these fantastic cooks have made for you I don't think $450 for five people is a huge amount. You went to the only restaurant they would have enjoyed & so "gave" them something very valuable imo.

Paying for the bill is a mitzvah. You are chalking up points in heaven.