Hi Anna

Sounds like now that your father is out of your place you are taking stock and finding a big imbalance in the ledger. I just want to give you permission to set limits on the time, energy and money that you spend on your dad. There are likely to be more caregiving demands in the future and you need to pace yourself or get burnt out. The long term care insurance is probably a good investment - but otherwise limits have to be set.

I would tell any family member/caregiver that their first responsibility is to themselves and their own families. That is true whether you are single or married with kids. You NEED to have time and energy to put into your own relationships and activities, and by the way, that is just as important as anyone's "auspicious" whatever. If you already made the switch for long weekend, probably too late to change, but just think of the money you'll save (hopefully some holiday premium pay too). In the future you must make your own plans a priority and let others work around it.

I appreciate your honesty and it bodes well that you are insightful and aware of your own needs. Now keep them in mind as you rebuild your financial and emotional stockpile.

Big hugs!

Like Zap, I have my own issues with letting go of resentment. For me, I find it is harder to let go because deep down I am mad at myself for allowing certain treatment. It is not only okay but also healthier to set boundaries. It does neither of you good to ruin your finances. DH and I fear for the future, because neither of my parents saved a dime for retirement... but at the same time, we simply don't have the capacity to fund four retirements between the two of us. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone.

Just coming back, Anna, for a Friday afternoon hug! Hang in there! Better days are coming!

Thanks everyone for all your support and advice. I'm already in a better head space now after a few days space from Dad.

ETA I think I found my next solo vacation

http://www.mountaintrek.com/bc.....s-retreat/

Oh my gosh, Anna! That looks amazing!

Well I have to do some more financial jiggling. My Dad doesn't have enough to cover his own health insurance. He said he'll pay me back. Sigh.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but you just have to change this pattern for your own sake. You're not his credit card company. I'm sure there are years of history to be undone here, but start on it now. You owe it to him, as well as yourself to set some clear boundaries. The set up you've got here is not going to work out for anyone in then end.

My bottom line answer to how to not be resentful is to not give anything that you'd be upset about if you don't get it back.

I'm sorry Anna. I'm sending you big hugs!

This is a late reply but if you ever want to talk PM me. I have gone through a lot of the same issues as you except I do have siblings to lean on (that itself creates complications) since they indulge my mother too much which makes her guilt me into giving her a lot of money for luxuries. We have to remember to take care of ourselves. Like Rae my parents saved nothing for retirement and my mom says that is why she had 4 kids. Seriously? Anyhow I have run the entire gamut of resentfulness even though I know you and I are good giving people. At some point it's you first and him second! Take time to yourself.

Coming back with more hugs and some wine!