How do you style “fancy” when you’re not? - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Dressing

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

How do you style “fancy” when you’re not?

ChrisM

Veteran

Aurore reminded me of a time when I stumbled in my quest to remain true to myself, and that was in a situation where I needed more formal wear.

Even thought my sons’ weddings (to two of the finest young women I could have I imagined!) were a couple years apart, both times I ended up wearing dresses that just didn’t look like me. Oh, they were pretty and they fit, but something was a bit “off.” I had a fabulous time at their receptions, but i know I could have looked much better. Fancy occasions just aren’t my thing, and it shows.

Over to you: what do you do for those occasional events that call for an elevated style? Do you have a dressy capsule? Is it cross seasonal? I don’t wear heels (I am a couple inches taller than Hubby,) which to my eye looks less formal tha even a small heel. I’m interested to hear what you have to say!

Dressing

34 replies

Latest reply was from Sal

jussie

Veteran

Sorry you didn’t feel great in your dresses. Sometimes there’s just not the right thing available in the stores either depending on time of year.
I only have one formal dress, it’s a Karen Millen and it’s beautiful. It was pretty expensive but worth it, hopefully I will get a couple more wears out of it before it becomes dated. I guess that’s the trouble with investing in very dressy items- you’re never going to get good cpw. If it’s winter I add a faux fur black jacket, black tights and dressy heeled booties.
For less formal occasions I usually wear a black chiffon top of some sort. I have a button up one and a floaty sleeveless one, generally worn with a black jacket and some kind of dressy pant and pretty shoes. That formula gets me through all but the most dressy events.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Yeah not being in your comfort zone with clothing store in certain situations to make you feel awkward or just like something's off

I go for comfort and style what is essentially me I have 3 dressy outfits that are very elevated but they are versions of me. And they are all slacks and dress pants wide leg pants because that's what I feel comfortable in. I like to plan out my dress outfit so just in case.

Bijou

Veteran

I have a small dressy capsule of thing that I love and happily wear to special dinners, the ballet, theatre etc. None of them are formal, they are cocktail dresses, but unless the dress code was strictly formal and required a gown, I would happily wear my dresses to a black tie event. For the rare formal event, I will rent a gown rather than buy something, unless of course it was for a truly special family event such as a formal wedding, but that is not common in Australia, we are much more casual than that!

In relation to getting milage out of my dressy capsule, I wear these items regularly. I am fine with being slightly over or under dressed and therefore get good use from my more formal dresses (in finds below). I find the way I wear my hair and the use of accessories helps dress up or dress down a specific dress. The teal lace dress is the most formal but also quite timeless in style and therefore is likely to be in my wardrobe for quite a few years to come.

View Info

gryffin

Veteran

Chris - sorry you did not feel great in your dresses. I hate "wedding party" clothes. Often you are restricted to a style or color that is not your own. I have definite minimalist leanings and I don't like "girly" clothes. Simple elegant black dresses make me happy. I can't wear heels due to a neuroma and I favor menswear. I often wear a riff on the Le Smoking for party wear. I do have a great black suit - actually two - theory with 2 jackets and style styles pants/skirts. But my current favorite is the VB scuba jacket and I have 2 pr pants and the skirt. I bought the
A&O Arminda tuxedo blouse and wear it with a kitten heel pump and a pearl and crystal minaudiere. Although, truth be told I prefer to dance in a dress. So I also have the Theory daeverin lustrate which is sleek, unfussy and ladylike sexy. For black tie, I bought a long dress when I did not need it because I don't like many dresses and I'd rather have something on tap. Fortunately, my son is 16 yo. I have time, but I dread his wedding where I will be forced to wear a color I am not comfortable with. I'm not sure what I will do. I will be lobbying for b&w....

Alice + Olivia Arminda Button-Down Ruffled Chiffon Blouse w/ Pearlescent Trim

View Info

Top Pick

4

Veronica Beard Scuba Jacket

View Info

Top Pick

5

Veronica Beard Scuba Leggings

View Info

Top Pick

5

Veronica Beard Scuba Pants

View Info

Top Pick

6

Theory Theory Women's Daverin.Lustrate

View Info

Top Pick

8

Tadashi Shoji Illusion Lace Pintuck Jersey Gown (Regular & Petite)

View Info

Top Pick

6

Aurore

Veteran

I love dressy, formal outfits on others, but have a hard time creating one for me. Just like you, I can find a dress that fits my body and the occasion - but finding something that feels like "me" is much harder.
A posteriori, the special occasion outfits I preferred were the one for the situations where I felt the less pressured to "look good".

For my brother's wedding, where I was not only the only sibling of the groom but also the official photographer, I spent a lot of time searching for a dress that would do my family honour.
I felt very awkward during the whole event - and in hindsight, I understand that the red maxi dress I had chosen was not at all flattering for my body shape and my colouring.

For my cousin's wedding, where I was just a regular guest, I chose an outfit I personnally loved and knew the bride would like as well, without thinking about what anyone else would think. It was a ditsy leopard dress in a very classic sheath cut and beautiful fabric, that I wore with a cream eyelet safari jacket.
Not a "regular" wedding guest outfit, but I felt fab. In hindsight, only did the dress really fit me, but the whole outfit was also in line with my style preferences. It even matches my current style descriptors!

ETA : now I have a very small capsule of reliable dressy items. It still have holes (e.g. bag...) and it took me a while to find every single one of the items, but at least now I feel a little bit prepared!

DOROTHY PERKINS Freizeitkleid

View Info

Top Pick

0

View Info

Polo Ralph Lauren Jerseykleid

View Info

Top Pick

3

View Info

View Info

Anonymous

OMG! I know exactly what you are saying.

I am not fancy. I look and feel so uncomfortable wearing dresses. I need a certain style/silhouette to feel my most authentic and happy self.

I finally gave up and acknowledged this. I built a fancy micro-capsule, loosely dubbed my "wedding guest capsule." It was comprised of beautiful flowing slacks in a wonderfully happy color. Those pants no longer fit and have been retired, but they served me really well. I was appropriately dressed and I felt myself.

My recommendation is redefine your fancy.

cindysmith

Veteran

Im sorry you didn't feel 100% amazing for your sons weddings. I can also totally relate.

My life has become so casual and rural that I completely freaked out over my sister's wedding last summer. It was a Friday evening wedding, which only added to the freakout, and she got married on our late father's birthday to add to the weight of the event. Add in the fact that my personal style has pretty much always trended a little "weird" compared to the rest of my family and you have a recipe for disaster.

So I did the only thing I knew to do. Ask Angie (& others). I wound up with an outfit that was completely situationally appropriate, and the hero piece was something I can totally see myself wearing again in my very casual & rural lifestyle (which was truly a blessing/miracle/home run). I have a couple of "special" occasions coming up that are not formal by any stretch of the imagination, but have so much meaning to me & to my husband that I don't care if people think I'm all dressed up. (For context, DH & I celebrate sobriety anniversaries a month apart, and I'm wearing the hero piece from my sister's wedding because why not?)

If it hadn't been for Angie & the wonderful members of this forum, I probably would have dissolved into a puddle of salty despair. I also might have wound up with something that I wore once & never thought about again because it didn't feel like "me" (which is pretty much exactly what happened in the 90s for my brother's wedding). The next time I'm presented with a fancy situation, I'll be here pleading for help again because it was a life saver for me.

Alice + Olivia Alice + Olivia Kelissa Side-Slit Lace Tank w/Cami, Blue

View Info

Top Pick

6

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I can relate. I always feel like I just sort of make the grade of "acceptable" when it comes to occasion dressing. I make do a lot. Dresses are a hard fit for me, and frankly, I don't like a lot of what I see out there that passes for occasion wear. Either too short and hoochie or too traditional (which reads matronly on my body and for my style), and not much in between. Too many lengths that show knees (not a good look on me). The nicest dresses seem $$$ and usually don't fit me correctly. I kind of simultaneously look forward to and dread these occasions.

I have lucked out a few times. I had my nine year old (2009-era Presidential Inaugural Ball) gown I got to wear again a few months ago to another inaugural ball. I still managed to squeeze into it and got lots of compliments, but even so, the train tripped me up and I would consider having it altered to something less voluminous before wearing it again.

But lately you've seen me struggle with the search for a dress to wear to my niece's wedding this summer (getting a long lead has helped, and I have a couple of options in my closet, with tags until I make decisions!). Having any sort of capsule has not really helped me, because my occasions tend to be so varied in terms of venue and season. A perfect dressy dress in January is not perfect in the least in August around here. Sigh. Men have it easier.

Anonymous

Style books always say to have something in your closet for all occasions so you don’t have to run out and get something quickly that you are not happy with.
With that in mind I stumbled on a great long dress champagne satin finish with beading- for some reason that dress was $200+ marked down to $40. Why I don’t know because it was perfect and classic and my DD was in a serious relationship. So I bought it.
Relationship ended I gained weight and there it sat- lol.
So I had to go hunting like the rest of MOTBs- ironically I hated all MOTB dresses and opted for a simple style bridesmaid dress in teal- my strong color and used mother’s jewelry to glitz it up. It was perfect and perfectly me and on that day we finally got our son, (yay)
I keep 2 capsules on standby- horrible to say
- funeral comprised of a simple navy dress that I can scarf and a classic pants suit from workdays (dated by not badly as its classic and no one notices at funerals unless it’s a great faux pas.
-a wedding one- comprised of 2 very nice cocktail dresses of a simple line- one blue one purple plus 1 other. Can be used for date nights and parties too.
Oh- and I managed to lose just enough weight that I cut down the champagne dress and wore it to niece’s wedding- that’s the plus 1-
lol.
Sorry you had to settle and in retrospect are not happy with your fashion choices for both son’s weddings but when you look at the pictures- remember the fun times and the fact that you and I lucked out-many are less than thrilled with children ‘s choice in spouse.

rachylou

Veteran

I think this is an interesting question. I’d maybe start with defining what is me and then trying it in a fancier fabric...

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Rachy, Cindy, gryffin, and Sterling give great advice. Figure out what would feel like you and aim for that type of silhouette in a dressier fabric. That might be trousers (silk palazzo or Le Smoking). Or it might be some kind of dress. Or both.

I do think it's wise to have a dressy capsule for weddings, funerals, awards ceremonies, more formal cocktail parties, theatre, opera, and even "date-night" etc. if you ever attend any of these types of events.

My own lifestyle is extremely casual -- I live in a very casual city, work mostly from home, am a part-time student and part-time university instructor. In the fall and winter months I am almost always in jeans and boots. But I keep a small capsule of dresses for special events in both seasons because I spent too many nights in front of my closet tearing my hair out, with nothing suitable to wear. Having things on hand simplifies things and ensures I'll feel like myself and look my best.

All items were purchased on sale. And all have been in my closet for 3 years plus. In other words -- dressy outfits do have closet longevity!

It's pretty easy for me to find things because I do happen to like dresses, my style is fairly classic, and I'm not super hard to fit. Even so, it took me a long time to find my first occasion dress and I had to try on a lot of items to figure out what I wanted.

I don't own a long gown but if I knew I had need of one, I'd get shopping way in advance for sure!

Incidentally, I don't think you need to wear heels to look dressy. A refined flat can also look great!

Nicole Miller Lauren Stretch Linen Dress

View Info

Top Pick

9

David Meister Side Pleat Woven Sheath Dress

View Info

Top Pick

13

Norra Silk Dress

View Info

Top Pick

15

Halogen Pleat Midi Skirt (Regular & Petite)

Sale

View Info

Top Pick

11

Ginger

Veteran

This is a hard one for me. I can do fancy. I think I look pretty darned good in fancy. I do it a lot in my historical costuming stuff - I'm used to carrying off a big hoop skirt, I can wrangle a train, I (obviously) can wear a tiara. (I actually struggle with smart casual!)

But I have very very few (non-historical/costume) fancy occasions. (I have never been to a formal wedding.) And "fancy" comes in many grades, from "nice church clothes" on up.

When they arise, it's always in different grades, and in different seasons of the year, just like Janet mentioned. There's no point in building a capsule to cover all those different grades AND seasons, for something that happens so rarely. Ironically, I would find it much easier to do full-on white tie equivalent - ballgown, updo, the whole nine yards - but I haven't yet had that opportunity. Assessing the grades below that are hard enough, and then finding a good option? Very hard. Add in my height, and I don't own a long formal that I haven't made.

I've accumulated a couple nice party/cocktail dresses in retro styles, and a long gown that I've only yet used for choir concerts. But I struggle with the thought of fancy, because I know I can do it, but only if I have enough time to find or make just the right thing.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Mmmm,I never feel great at weddings either.l always think it’s because I’m slightly built and formal clothing looks so much better on a person with more figure than me.l feel like I’m playing dress up in my mum s clothes even though I’m now old enough to be the brides mother!l so rarely have formal occcasions these days that it’s nor worth buying in advance but then if one does arise you can never find anything at the time either and end up settling.I don’t know what the answer is but as long as you enjoyed yourself that’s the main thing,they are only clothes and I bet you looked great even if you didn’t quite feel it.

Sisi

Veteran

Until now I have ended up putting together an outfit with which I was not happy at all. One of my wardrobe holes is an elegant /formal capsule that feels "me". I am on the sportier side. If I look too ladylike and precious I feel unhappy.

Anonymous

Oh dear. My anxiety level rose dramatically just reading this. I DREAD the day when I have to wear something really dressy. Luckily, there haven't been any occasions to wear a dress in a few years now, but I know that that can't continue forever. What I see in stores just turns me off - promlike or matronly - and I know I don't have the look and physique to wear a fitted dress and look good in it. Also the hair is always in the back of my mind. I want to cry just thinking about my daughter getting married and having to dress for that . I have no idea what the answer is, and am sure I'll be asking for solutions when my time comes . If something came up tomorrow, or this week, I would literally have NOTHING to wear , but I cannot wrap my head around buying something just to have "in case".

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I used to feel this but realized it was such a seldom needed thing that I shouldn't really over invest my time stressing over it. I don't do "formal" events as even weddings in my group of friends and family are not overly formal.

So over time I invested in two dressier, but simple dresses that I feel good in and can accessorize different ways with belts, jewlery, etc. One is black, one is EF ink blue leaning towards the cobalt shade. Both are below the knee length, super soft knit construction, flattering to wear (no shape wear for me) and extremely comfortable. They seem to work no matter the season as I don't really travel great distances for weddings and such. Provided I don't over emphasize the need for a "perfect" coat to wear with them, I am fine. I don't really have a dressy long coat as it would not get used each year. I also keep at least one pair of dressy but very comfortable shoes on hand. I only wear these for special occasions with either the dresses or black dress pants.

ChrisM

Veteran

Thank you all so much for your input! It’s good to hear your stories...I took a little time at lunch to check replies - and I’m really excited to spend some time reading your responses thoroughly.!

Jussie, nice with the all purpose black pieces. Makes complete sense.

Ledonna - I think you’re on to something. Flowy trousers, pretty top. Yes. I’ll bet you look fantastic.

Bijou - OMG! What lovely choices! Love that you’ve chosen more color over black. I can soooo see you in those dresses.

Aurore, I’ll bet you looked amazing inthe ditsy leopard with the eyelet safari jacket. So pretty.

Freckles

Veteran

I don't do formal either and this Jones blouse and black skirt has suited me perfectly for the occasions I have had in my life.
Then comes mother of the groom....
I started out with the idea of understated long skirt and silk blouse but could not get a seamstress or designer to do it for me. Then came the kilt with an Eileen Fisher blouse. Well they messed up the kilt and the blouse was unavailable in my size.
Off dress shopping. Ended up with extreme for me but added a jacket to tone it down a bit. Would never have tried it on in the beginning but I put it on and felt like a mother of the groom. You just never know is my policy...

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Anonymous

Many wonderful answers to a super interesting question.

Starting early, if I have notice, works for me in part just because it gives me time to experiment with unusual clothing and alternate personas, after which I just buy clothes that are familiar styles in fancier fabrics.

It's a struggle because I don't like to spend a lot on something I won't wear often, I don't like to rough up more delicate clothes by wearing them as regular day wear, but most of all, I don't like to wear something I don't think is beautiful or practical or both.

If I have an important role to play for someone else, I approach it very objectively, almost as though I'm dressing someone else playing my part.

Anonymous

I have a real problem finding dresses for weddings. I always look a little off. Too bold or too dowdy or not put together enough... I am a much better shopper now though.

I wonder why you didn’t like your wedding outfit. Maybe fancy outings ARE your thing, but you were just wearing the wrong thing. Maybe you didn’t like the fabric or the stiffness, or flowy-ness.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

Oh, Isabel, I’m going to try your practice of pretending I’m shopping for someone else who has my style, preferences, size and body shape, and event. I think it will help me get out of my head. I have special events I need dresses for and I have been stressed about finding them.

tulle

Veteran

I can't remember the last time I wore something truly formal, and as I am a hard-to-fit petite, the thought of my daughter's wedding (which I suspect is on the horizon) makes me anxious, too. I keep an eye out for something special, but every dress I see has at least one thing that makes it wrong for me. When a friend of mine was invited to an Inaugural Ball years ago, she panicked about what to wear. She's tall, with a straight, boyish figure, and a great look in casual clothes. My advice to her (It's so much easier to advise others than to help oneself!) was to find a dress that felt like a long t-shirt, but fancy, in a great color. And she did! She ended up renting a designer gown in fire engine red silk georgette, long and straight from the shoulders, sprinkled all over with tiny red tubular beads. She looked stunning. So maybe the trick is to find the dressy version of what you feel best in every day? I'll never forget a picture I saw of a French woman's outfit for a wedding: slim silk pants and top covered by a fabulous 3/4 length lace coat, all in the same pale color. Amazing.

The Cat

Veteran

Party dresses, whether knee-length or long, seldom fit me. (There's always something "wrong" somewhere - at the shoulders, bust, midsection, or hips ...) Besides, they usually make me feel I am wearing a costume.

I have one long sleeveless dress in black with silver lurex. It has a relaxed fit, so I feel comfortable wearing it. It is quite simple, and I have styled it with white, blue and red jackets or long elegant shirts worn as jackets.

Apart from that, I have a few party skirts in various lengths and enjoy wearing them with different tops, blouses, jackets and wraps. (For more casual occasions, I also style the party tops and -toppers with dressy pants.) This concept (dressing in 2 or 3 pieces) is very "me"--I love relaxed elegance, and I enjoy playing around with my clothes and making new combinations. It is easy and relatively inexpensive to renew my capsule, by buying just one new item, i.e. a top.

I don't wear high heels any longer, but low pumps or ballet flats in metallic or with sequins match my casual elegant style perfectly.

Most of my party capsule is cross seasonal.

DonnaF

Veteran

When the time comes, I hope DD elopes. Or at least has a very informal wedding. The thought of looking for a MOB dress that fits and looks good and is in a particular colorway pushes me OTT. My life is very casual. I attend Celebrations of Life and not funerals. My MIL will be having a 90th birthday celebration but it will be in a casual restaurant and not a hotel so wearing wedding garb in casual San Diego where that particular crowd is also casual would be out of place. I actually have been looking for a new dress but won’t sweat it if I don’t find one.

My big problem is shoes. Black patent Dansko Pros don’t exactly cut it if I need to look really nice. My one pair of comfy heels (below) are stained and look sad but even they aren’t very dressy.

Sole Society 'Emma' Ankle Strap Pump (Women)

Sale

View Info

Top Pick

20

Irina

Veteran

I had really difficult time last year hunting for a MOG dress. I don’t wear dresses. Period. But I felt I had to. First, I tried to rent - nothing felt like true me. Second, I tried to find something that I can potentially wear again. But I needed a floor length dress and it is unlikely I would want to wear a long dress again. I made my peace - it would be one time dress only. Bought a nice, navy dress from Nordstrom and got it altered. I was comfortable, like it in the photos and friends were kind with complements. I doubt I will wear it again - too formal for my lifestyle and I have only one child It made me think about planning a small , dressy capsule. I recently bought a navy, silk wide leg Theory pants. Now I’m looking for a summer top to go with it. As for a winter, hope to find a great pantsuit and a silk camisole.

ChrisM

Veteran

(What's the old advice for MOG? Wear beige and keep your mouth shut!)

Thank you to everyone - and it sounds like there are others in the same
anxiety-laden canoe as me. Such good advice - and support - here.

Here are the MOG pics: picture 1 was taken September 2016, picture 2 in September 2015.(Ignore the hair. Yikes.) It was hotter than sin and supremely humid at both weddings (welcome to the midwest.) I feel like I should have been more covered in pic1. Pic 2 is all about the fit, or lack there of.

(ETA: corrected the dates. Sheesh.)

I think I need to get over myself and, as Rachy, gryffin, Sterling and Suz say, find a fancier version of me. I can do that. Sisi, it never feels like a hole, until we need something elevated to wear, right?!
LisaP, I get it completely. The hair, the shoes - the expectations of a "look" when a son or daughter gets married. ugh.

Isabel and Ginger, you both present yourself as actors in a role, so to speak. What a great headspace to be in . . . so interesting.

Part of it is the little voice whispering in my ear that I need to wear a dress. (Mom, is that you?) Gah. Need to thank the little voice for it's concern and do what I want.

A micro-capsule makes a lot of sense fit wise since dresses are tricky. Tulle, the lace jacket over narrow pants - sounds fabulous! Cindysmith - that hero piece is fabulous! Yes, wear it over and over. And Angie has made a strong case for beautiful yet fancy flats. (DonnaF, you and me both sistah - I would wear my patent Danskos everywhere if I could.)

Texstyle, EF and I have a love/hate relationship, and I'm a little jealous if you can wear her clothes successfully. Gryffin, le Smoking is my dream - my fantasy look.

Efbgen, sounds like you're sorted. I know it's because you've done the planning in advance. Good job!

Relaxed, easy elegance - an attitude enhanced by a look, because, well, you all get that here - is a gift to give myself and to the people I'm around; to enjoy holidays, weddings or concerts, and show the proper respect and care at funerals.

Cardiff girl, yes - most importantly, I did have a fabulous time at both weddings - my favorite people in the world were there, there was fun, music and dancing - and I came away a very happy Momma.

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Mainelady

Veteran

I have never had to go ultra formal. When I need to fancy up I add lace and jewelry. I have a classic sleeveless v neck LBD that I can wear with either a shawl or a black jacquard dress coat. I also have a gray sleeveless, lace sheath by Adrianna Papell and a cobalt long sleeved lace sheath, with a front and back v neck, also by Papell. The dresses fit beautifully and I feel great in them. DH has gifted me with some jewelry that is too fancy for everyday wear, so I add that and I am ready to go join the celebration.

lyn67

Veteran

You look great in both weddings but wow, I actually took a screen shot with your dress in nr 1 I liked it soo much with the pashmina, and so perfect for the most fab MOG you were!

rachylou

Veteran

Wow. You look like two different people. Great in both, but in different ways.

12