Bijou, how unsurprising and fitting that the woman who had such influence on you would do something so lovely as take care of the kangaroos after she died! I keep looking at your jacket and dress. That’s the sort of outfit I envision wearing for a funeral. I love Kate Spade and bet I could work a jacket like that into my wardrobe (the description says “tweed”, so even though it’s hard to see, I bet it has great texture), but the dress, which looks perfect for you and for a funeral, is hard for me to wrap my head around for me when I’m not at a funeral, especially because I’m not big on scarves (except for warmth). I might look for a black qipao.

Angie, it makes total sense to me that people don’t seem to fly out the door looking for an outfit when they have a funeral to go to. I hope to join those who have something in their wardrobe that they know will work. (I probably have something now that would pass muster with other people’s expectations, but for myself, I think I would enjoy keeping the ritual of the all-black attire). Fingers crossed on the brocade jackets.

Thanks Anne. Every person who has said what you did, that you could keep wearing your clothes even after the ceremony, is reassuring to me.

Gryffin, it is seriously sweet of you to help with the search! I feel like I have a native guide in the strange new to me territory of dressy jackets. The need to know my size so perfectly in various brands makes me shy about online second hand. But I am thinking of looking in a certain secondhand B&M store for one.

SF, would you wear a black knit dress? I have this knit dress (not all black, but shown for they style) and find that it has the look of a sheath dress without the structure of one. I find this dress works with sneakers and boots casually and can be dressed up with a jacket and pumps.

The tweed jacket is lovely and an Angie NAS pick from about 5 years ago, my one and only NAS purchase. I found Kate Spade sizing to be accurate. I am generally a US size 4 in JCrew and found Kate Spade and Veronica Beard sizing to be totally consistent (having also bought a VB jacket online). The quality of both Kate Spade and Veronica Beard really blew me away, so keep an eye out as occasionally you can get these brands on good discount.

Bijou, thank you. Kate Spade is on my radar, though not usually in my budget. Irritatingly, I can’t get into the US website, which I think has more specials, without a vpn. I get the emails, click on a link, and am redirected towards the German site, where the sale isn’t valid.

I noted on my romp through the mall that knit black dresses aren’t hard to come by this time of year. The photo for this post is a perfectly nice one from Esprit that fit me well. So until I have the pieces in place, my “fallback” idea is to run to the mall where I’m sure I’d find something appropriate for that day.

If I can take my time (& honestly, I might have several years, who knows?), then I think I prefer separates. I’ve worn black T-shirts with many colored bottom pieces, so I assume the right top would work similarly. I think the black in a skirt, away from my face, is less likely to overwhelm me. A great blazer would be great, and I can think of several things in my wardrobe that I’d wear it with, maybe even with my big black boots.

But put them all together in a dress, and it just seems like a whole lot of black. The reasons I think a qipao might work are the fabric (doesn’t it tend to be lustrous and perhaps figured, black-on-black?) and the cut, which seems energetic to me, so easy to fit in my fun wardrobe, and then wear a blazer over for serious events. You wear qipaos; do you think I’m on the right track with them? A couple wedding and formal dress stores near me came up when I googled for the dresses, so I want to check there. And there’s this version on Etsy, although having to mail it back & forth for alterations sounds like a pain. https://www.etsy.com/listing/1.....2092400366 it seems overly plain to me, but I can’t define why. It might just be the photos.

ETA The & Other Stories order arrived. I tried on a couple pieces, but am going to wait & do the full session when the Yoox order is here too.

It’s time for the grand try-ons! But actually, this is such a disappointing denouement that it doesn’t even get its own separate post. UPS lost my package, then delivered it after a complaint. If taking lousy photos of your mom was an offense punishable by grounding, my son would never see the threshold to our building again (anyone else remember how happy he used to be to take pix of/for me? Awwww. That’s over now).

Anyway, here you have it. I’ve turned up the brightness and the shadows on these photos, and they were taken with flash. I hope you can see something!

The wool flannel skirt from Yoox is absolutely beautiful. The pleats/slit make it very easy to move in, and it’s very comfortable to wear. The downside: I don’t see when else in my life I would wear this.

The lace top is fun. I’m wearing it here with a black teddy underneath. There’s no way I could ever wear it without something under it. I could see wearing it in daily life, but is it too much for a funeral?

I’m not sure what I think of the longer black skirt with micropleats. It’s also comfortable to wear, and funeral appropriate. I can see wearing it in my daily life, in theory, but nothing is popping up to fill that spot of what else to wear it with.

The blazer/blouse looked cool online. I don’t think wearing it open would work—it has 10 or 12 tiny hooks. Do I look like myself in it?

Many thanks to those who got me this far in picking out pieces, and thanks for all comments on these items.

I like the shorter pleated skirt, the one I assume that is from Yoox. It fits you well and to me, it’s a very versatile piece. You can wear it casually with a sweatshirt or any sweater plus a puffer or a puffer vest. Can be dressed up with a blouse or a top. For more somber occasion, it will be easy to find a top in black or navy or dark burgundy colors.
As for the rest - a jacket looks like it pulls, maybe too small. The second skirt is just OK. The lace top is nice but would require a camisole, so potentially it might work.

That top needs a tank or camisole under it, IMO. I like the pleated skirt. I want to like the jacket, but it seems long in the torso and that it’s bunching up.

Irina and Rachylou, thank you so much! I was apprehensive about this post, so really appreciate your comments.

Irina, here is a photo of that skirt in a different color. I love it, would be sad to send it back, but am wracking my brain trying to think where/how I would wear it otherwise.

RL, you mean the longer skirt, yes?

I think the lace top would be fine with a fairly substantial tank underneath and possibly a jacket over. Based on my Catholic family/upbringing, I would say all-black is good for a funeral, and the traditional rules would be covered knees and shoulders. I agree with Rachy; something about the jacket isn't quite right; it looks a little snug to my eye? Fwiw, I think those pieces would mix pretty easily with other pieces, but I know you've said you've not had luck with black, so maybe an outfit lab?

Sorry, I was unclear - the skirt I like is in the photo #1. Because of its length it can worn anywhere, like a pair of good black pants, it can be dress up or down. For for a walk or to run some chores: high lace up boots & a sweater & a puffer vest. For a gallery visit: a black sweater & your cobalt parka or under your long wool coat. You can also try with your cobalt vest and a simple turtleneck underneath.

I like Irina’s suggestions for the skirt. But if you can’t think of when else you would wear it….would you actually choose those outfit possibilities over others you have in your closet?

If I were purchasing something with a plan to wear it at some time possibly several years in the future and maybe very little in the meantime, I would want something quite forgiving in fit. The lace top and especially jacket, while very nice, do not seem like that. Sorry, I know that sounds rather negative! I just think life, and the effects it can have on our bodies, is rather unpredictable.

Yes, the long one… is the shorter the same as the grey Find? Gosh, they look totally different to me.

I think I like the top with the shorter skirt better, but with a much more covered tank or cami underneath so that you don’t see much flesh, looks more respectful to me. Then black tights and shoes.

I love the long pleated skirt, maybe because I want one just like it. Try it with a long sweater.

FWIW, I agree with SarahD8 about getting items with a forgiving fit since it may be years before you would wear them to a funeral. My weight is relatively stable, but I still have occasional fluctuations and as I age I carry my weight a little differently at the same weight.

Rachylou, you made me double take! It really is the same skirt (but wrinkled). New photo attached.

Donna and Sarah, excellent points about needing these things to fit at a moment’s notice over the years.

As much as I want to love the blazer top, I don’t, and I don’t think it’s just a size issue either, is it?

Irina, i’m sure the skirt could go to the office, the grocery, and the phil. That’s a different look than I usually wear, so the question is whether I want to go that direction. It is a lovely, well-made skirt, so I’d be sad to send it back, but …

I’m still on the fence about the lace top. Clearly, JenniNZ is correct that for a funeral, it would need something more substantial underneath, and I might very well wear something over it too. But for the rest of the time, in quotidian life, I’m trying to think if/how I could wear it.

Helena, I did pull out all my other black pieces with the intent of shooting them all, but I don’t think any are funeral appropriate. In velvet I have 1 mini dress, 1 stretchy dress with full skirt and lace sleeves, 1 ls shirt and 1 pr pants with red ribbon roses on one leg. Then there are several T-shirts, mostly long-sleeved, a shawl-collar sweater I can get back into rotation but don’t think is funeral-appropriate, ditto for a longish cardi, and the baby boot cuts I’ve posted a few times.

I prefer the longer micropleat skirt, and the lace top needs a camisole under it. I can see both these pieces being versatile. Skirt with lace up boots or oxfords and an oversized sweater; the lace top could be paired with a jacket (just not the one in #3), as the fit is wrong to my eye.

The short skirt … I must say that it doesn’t strike me as very ‘you’ and I don’t know how you’d make it ‘yours’…

Rachylou, it’s starting to feel like a personality issue. Do I want to be a scrappy, spunky, and quirky kid, or do I want to behave and be a grown-up gentlewoman? How does age figure I to this anyway?

Lozz_oz, I’m pretty much sold on the longer skirt. Actually wound up lounging about the living room in it and the ls black velvet top for a few hours last night. I’m not sure that’s an outfit I’d wear oitw, but I sure was comfortable. I like your suggestions for outfits. But the lace top, I’m still on the fence about, especially with the question of what to wear underneath. I should try it over black cotton tank tops. I don’t think I have any camis that have more coverage than the teddy/bodysuit I’m wearing in these pix.

It has just dawned on me that I will either need two tops—one for warm weather and one for cool—or I need a blazer, like the ones Gryffin graciously picked out. But what kind of topper looks like me? Maybe a black tweed jacket with fringe edges?