Thank you all for your honest postings. My hubby and I are contemplating starting a family, but I am a bit apprehensive. I find your honest assessments of motherhood very helpful.

I felt like I had just gotten my mojo back once my daughter hit about 2. That's about when I quit nursing, and my body started to return to its previous state. I lost the pregnancy weight pretty quickly, partly because I didn't gain that much (gestational diabetes puts a crimp in eating), and partly because of breastfeeding. But my body definitely is not the same. I have more of a belly (which was never small to begin with), and my rear disappeared and became completely flat.

Now I'm pregnant again, and it's starting all over. I so envy those of you who said that you felt beautiful pregnant. I don't, at all. I wore yoga pants nearly every day all through my last pregnancy nearly all the time and didn't have any money to spend on clothes, and we're in a different situation this time, so I hope things will be better in that regard.

I will say that I can't believe how quickly the time has already passed. When dd was an infant, I felt like that stage would last forever. But she's already so big. Whenever she just wants to cuddle, I try to enjoy it because this is such a transitory stage that will never truly return.

Alecia - having kids is fraught with challenges with body changes, emotions, hormones, money, sleep, and logistics. And it's also one of the most powerful experiences I've had. It's really hard for me to capture the positives without making it sound hackneyed. The closest I can come to it is to say that if you're really happily married, even then you realize that it's hard work and that he leaves the toilet seat up at night. And you wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world

Great topic!

I don't think that my body has changed very much since having my little girl. I have always been a size uk size 10 (occasionally creeping to a 12) and I still am after having the baby. However it does change how you feel about your body regardless of how different it actually is and this competely changes your attitude towards clothes. I have totally lost my sense of style, I am not entirely sure it has ever been that good but I was comfortable in certainly never spent as much time worrying about it as I do now. Not having as much time is one of the main problems as I am sure others will agree.
All this aside, no matter how bad you feel sometimes it is all worth it. All I have to do is look at my little girl and see that smiley face and it makes me feel better. I am still not sure if we will have anymore children as we are gradually moving away from that proper baby stage I feel that it would be difficult to go back to sleepless nights, breastfeeding etc etc. Time will tell!

I think with motherhood there's also the whole mind-shift from what your body looks like, to what it is capable of doing. Creating a child out of nothing, then nurturing that child. It's pretty awesome. But, you don't have to go through pregnancy or breastfeed to have this mind-shift. Just carrying around a toddler on your hip, or realizing you are capable of operating without sleep for days on end, etc, effects the same mind-shift.

Motherhood is very demanding - physically and emotionally. I would say the experience is like a couch potato training for and successfully running a marathon. You push yourself beyond what you think you are capable of, there are times you don't think you can go on, or when all that running seems downright monotonous, but you keep going and going, fueled by this adrenalin rush. There's exhilaration and sense of accomplishment and pride and all that too.

Now I feel like we're shifting into a new stage, where it's more like I'm on the sidelines rooting my teens on and coaching them as they train for their own road races. Right now it's just 5k's... one day it'll be their own motherhood marathon.

Well... DD16 has said she doesn't think she wants children, which is fine (I'd never insist everyone should have them). DD15, on the other hand, is taking child development classes and she really adores children and is so good with them... so she'll probably give me a passel of grandchildren someday.

Alecia, why are you apprehensive? Is there specific concerns you are having? Maybe we can help you with that.

Ah, new mommy MOJO! My babies are 11 and 6 now.....and I finally feel like I am getting a grip NOW. I stopped working outside the house after my first was born. When I had a job, style was easy and I always felt put together...even during the days when "casual friday' was introduced! Once I stopped working, I had several issues to deal with...being a new mommy for the first time, not working outside the home, no clothing budget. I quickly slipped into the sweat pants uniform! And I never really figured out how to dress for my new lifestyle. Actually, it is that feeling of never getting a grip on my new SAHM style that lead me to YLF in the first place!

Clothing for mommies needs to meet several constraints: machine washable (i was very surprised at how much i needed to change my clothes since I was now a human napkin), flexible (i now needed to scale monkey bars and sit on the floor), casual (very different than the work clothes i sported previously).

So overall, there is a definite challenge with being a new mommy and maintaining your style mojo. But in the big picture, my kids are my sunshine and my life and I cannot imagine living without them. The sweatpant stage is small potatoes compared to what I have brought into the world. i just wish i looked better in all those newborn pictures

Well, Shiny, I guess I'm just scared. I have the job that provides our health insurance and will likely be that person (unless health care reform happens) since hubby is a musician. Not many opportunities for jobs with health care in that line of work. So I don't have much flexibility in regards to my professional life (i.e., not working or doing something with fewer hours that doesn't provide health care). Plus, it's a pretty demanding job so I am often pretty beat when I get home from work.

But hubby's job demands that he be gone a lot in the evenings so I may be alone in the evening parenting a lot.

Then I also do the bulk of stuff around the house. We are talking about ways to even things out a bit but we've done that before and it's never really stuck much. He and I have very different ideas about what a functioning household looks and operates like. I know I'll have to let go of a lot but I already feel like we're just squeaking by and we don't even have a kid.

I feel a bit spoiled worrying about this. Lots of single moms and dads raise kids alone and I've got a husband to share the load with. But I guess that's the crux of it. I have a partner but I'm a little worried that I'll have to function a lot like a single parent and that's not part of the deal I signed up for.

The crux of the issue for me really boils down to the house stuff. I just want some more engagement there. (For the record, my husband is wonderful and I love him to pieces. And I love our life. I could do it the way it is now for a long time. It's the addition of another factor that freaks me out.)

Does any of that make sense or am I just being totally irrational?

Alecia,

Being on the other side...my children are raised, I am still fairly young and now my babies are having babies...where did the years go!! Some of the happiest moments of my life were when my children were small and safely tucked in bed at night...I do miss that:(

Of course you are scared...the biggest desicion of your life, bringing a child into the world and caring for it!! Do I think everyone should have a child...no...are you less of a person if you don't ....no

I am however blessed beyond words for the joy I had and continue to have , the joy and love that only having children can bring. Each age is wonderful and exciting...even now as they are young adults.

Don't try to Overanalize...you will never have a rational answer...follow your heart in this matter...there is no right or wrong way to go.

As far as providing....There is a very old saying....*Babies bring their own bread*....I can't tell you how true that one is...:)

Alecia, you have legitimate concerns and you're not irrational at all. It's good you are thinking through this angle.

This reminds me of a story about my sister. When she first got married, her husband discovered she is an A number 1 slob. (Of course, all of us in the family could've told him that, but he was so smitten he never thought to ask us, hee hee!). This caused lots and lots of strife in the initial years of their marriage (many many years before they had kids). They almost got divorced over it. Finally, they decided to get a house cleaning service. My sister and her hubby swear this saved their marriage. To this day, they have a service, and have ramped it up to twice a week once my niece came along. My sister and her hubby aren't overly wealthy and they say they would find the $ for someone to come in - because it is worth it for the health and happiness of their marriage!!!! They joke that the price of it is much cheaper than a marital counselor.

So perhaps that is something you and your hubby might consider? It wouldn't solve having to single parent on nights he's working (which I'm not going to kid you, in the beginning stages with an infant can be very tough - thankfully that stage passes very fast). But it would remove any arguments over housekeeping. Does he work every night?

I would say that the first time it took about 3 years for me to start feeling a bit like my old self again. Of course, shortly after, I found myself pregnant again after I had finally settled my mind on us being a family of three. Baby number two is now 20 months and I don't feel like I am quite there yet. I agree that my fashion mojo might have recovered a bit faster had I gone back to work. I was making the transition from mostly work wear to more casual wear at the same time and it has taken me quite some time to figure that out.

Anyway, my body is not even close to being the same - my breasts expanded to the size of melons and now I'm left with a deflated, droopy mess, the stretch marks on my belly look like a topographical map of the himalayas, I have lots of saggy skin leftover on my belly (even when the fat is gone, the skin unfortunately remains on me because my skin is not very elastic), and my butt has completely disappeared. But honestly, none of it matters compared to the sheer, exquisite joy of having a child in my arms. My life has changed forever and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I definitely felt wonderful pregnant! Like Shiny said, what a relief not to suck my gut in for a change! With big boobs and an undefined waist (I'm an inverted triangle with apple tendencies), I felt "normal" for the the first time in my life with my pregnant belly! Oh and my hair - as gorgeous and thick as it was when I was a teenager. I really miss my pregnancy hair. And also agree with Shiny about the revelation about my body. I now regard my body with awe and appreciation. I grew, birthed (with no epidural or pain relief) & nurtured two children with this body so there's nothing I can't do now!

Alecia, you don't sound irrational at all. What does your husband think about having kids? It certainly takes alot of commitment from both parents and your life will definitely change ALOT. I agree that it's not something to overanalyze but at the same time, it's best to discuss these changes, responsibilities and expectations upfront with your partner. I remember debating if I was ready years back and I had a wonderful discussion with my college advisor. At the time, I was concerned about giving up my career and how I would be able to carve out a meaningful career while also raising a family. At the end, she said, "well, Shana, no one ever sees 'Beloved Colleague' on a tombstone, do they?"

I've so enjoyed reading this thread.

My story includes 2 children with one on the way. With my daughter (my first) I had terrible morning sickness first trimester and didn't gain all that much weight over all. I also remember feeling my belly was beautiful and how my focus about how I looked shifted from my face to my torso. It took me about 6 months to get back to my "normal" weight which means actually 10 lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight which was higher due to taking birth control. I actually liked my body *better* after pregnancy than before. I had never liked my thighs and something just changed. My problem spots changed; I have no idea if my body type changed (probably not) because I'm not sure what I was before but I've probably been rectangle all along. Now my problem spot is my belly which will never be washboard again but that's okay. It's worth it.

With my son I had a midwife who approached morning sickness much more proactively. This means I gained a lot more weight but the morning sickness was also significantly better. This is a big plus when you're already chasing one child around. It took me about a year to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and even longer for my breasts to shrink back but they did. I nursed my daughter 20 months and my son almost 29. Even though it was more of a challenge to lose weight after my son, I found the toll on my body to nourish him and work so great that I think it was actually a good thing for me to have those reserves. I made a deal with myself that I would be healthy but not stress about the weight and just trust my body to do its thing. It took time but it worked. This time around my belly stretched even more-- got a ton of stretch marks-- but over time I've come to really appreciate my narrow hips which grew 2 in. and 2 sizes with my son and eventually went back. Pretty amazing.

Getting pregnant again has really been an adjustment since I can't wear a lot of the styles I love. I tend to be particularly sensitive about my chest being wide. But I still think my belly is beautiful and thinking back, I know how short a time it will be before my body adjusts back, and I'll have a baby to enjoy in the meantime. And I just embrace what I can wear now.

Whew! I hope you don't mind the story. Anyway, now for the fashion. Really, this site has made a world of difference in helping me know how to find my style. It CAN be done. This time is going to be different because I will be a stay at home mom instead of going back to work. I definitely get to have fun dressing smarter at work. But the past couple of weeks I've been mostly on vacation with kids and I think I've done well. I'm convinced that that with this site I'll be able to make the transition. Think about it this way-- you're a mom which means you can do *anything.* "Seriously", as my daughter would say. But give yourself some slack because it does take practice.

My advice would be to start with the basics. I mean find basics that REALLY work for you and are easily duplicated and replenished when they wear out. Jeans that look great and are comfortable. Camisoles that are comfortable have a fabrication you love. Awesome bras. Hair that's easy and looks great (I'm still looking for that killer style myself.) Etc.

Alecia, I think it's a good thing to be scared. Because you will be prepared and it won't be as bad as you worried it would be. Good luck!

OK, you're all making me reconsider the cashmere. I'll try them on again before I sell them. I'm not sure the styles are the best for me, so that in itself is enough reason to pass them on. I'm on a tight budget, too, so in order to get more of what I really need, I have to sell some of what I don't really need at this exact moment in order to raise funds.

Alecia, good luck with your decision. I second shiny's suggestion of considering a cleaning service. My husband is really busy this month finishing his Master's thesis and I'm carrying most of the housecare and childcare load (by mutual agreement) and it's really exhasuting. If we could afford a cleaning service, I'd be happy beyond belief! Having a baby is wonderful but it's definitely hard work and a big change, even when you have a textbook angel baby like I do.

It's been wonderful to read everyone's stories! I've been feeling quite worn out from the kids lately, and this really helps me to put things in perspective and remember about all the amazing things they bring to your life.
I also remember that I felt extremely confident when I was pregnant - I never felt that way before or after. And yes, the pregnancy hair!

Thank you for continuing to share your stories ladies.

Alecia, I have read your posts with interest. You have received alot of good advice on here already. What I would ask is practicalities aside do you feel emotionally ready to become a parent? If both you and your partner are ready this is a major step forward. With regards to the practicalities, will the right time ever arrive? With two small children and the credit crunch my husband and I are having a hard time financially but we are also the happiest we have ever been. Motherhood sometimes feels like you are juggling a dozen different balls and occasionally for your sanity you have to let some drop. My house is by no means upto it's usual standard but I am willing to sacrifice this to spend more time with the children and my husband.

To Patience, thank you for your advice about buying the best basics. This is what I plan to do, however because of the limited budget I expect it to take some time to achieve. Unfortunatly this means I am still wearing jeans which are two sizes too big. It just like I said though sometimes you have to let a couple of balls drop.

Thank you so much for your candor and sensitivity. It really is so helpful and calming.

My husband was ready to have kids the minute we were married. He will be a wonderful father in that he will be very attentive and caring. I know that it will be magical to behold when it happens. And I have been inching along toward being comfortable with the idea. I do feel like I'm emotionally ready to be a parent but continue to have those few nagging worries. Worrying is nothing new, I should be a professional worrier. So at some point I just have to make the leap and trust what I know - that I love my husband and want to have a family with him, that we have an extraordinarily strong relationship and skills to effectively communicate, that it will not be easy but we can do it, and that my husband will always make me laugh in spite of myself.

I also love the idea of help with the cleaning. We are having a budget discussion here soon and I think I will broach that topic again.

Hugs all around! You all are really the best.