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About: Team Mood Dresser or Team Uniform Dresser

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Emotions and clothes

Cardiff girl

Veteran

I have always thought that I am quite a rational person.ln touch with my emotions yes but not completely at the mercy of them especially when it comes to straightforward unemotional transactions such as buying clothes.
Well,how wrong was I!Angies and Runcarlas recent epiphany post really chimed with me.I think that most of us would at least recognise the feeling of being unable to wear clothes the colour of our old school uniform.l ,for example,have an inbuilt aversion to bottle green having spent my formative years in it.l have also only recently been able to face wearing navy as it was the colour of my work uniform.Nothing really bad ever happened to me at school or work but I still have this reaction to those colours.
What further brought this into focus for me was starting a new job in retail wherewe have to wear the clothes that we sell.Great,l thought initially “free” clothesfrom a retailer that I do shop from.However we were not at complete liberty to choose as we would wish and there were quite a few restrictions on choice which resulted in me wearing clothes that I personally would never have bought or worn-and much to my surprise Iwas really quite perturbed by the idea that people would think that these had been my free choices.
I did not realise that I cared so much until this point and it surprised me.After all I ve worn uniforms all my life with no problem.
Everyone was dressed the same and there were no expectations of appearance other than to be clean and in correct uniform.
The other thing that surprised me was that whilst I worked in this retail job and was in receipt each month of at least one item of clothing,l had absolutely no urge to buy anything myself.lt was as if the process of receiving new clothing even if it wasn’t to my taste was sufficient to quell any need I had to buy clothes.This has made me wonder exactly what buying new clothes does for me emotionally.l used to think that it was because I wanted that particular item of clothing but now I’m not so sure.
So there you go,I ve indulged in some on line self analysis so over to you now.Are you a totally rational shopper or do you suspect like me that something else is going on?

General

33 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

Joy

Veteran

I think that I am a totally rational shopper but now need to think about it. I never had to wear a uniform but did have to wear ugly handed down clothes. I also may have an adversion to black Oxford shoes as that is what was bought for me to wear.

binkle

Veteran

I know that often I'll buy just for the "thrill" of buying. I can easily talk myself into anything (I can wear it to such and such a place, I can wear it with this or that other item, I'll never see any (fill in the blank) like this again.) Just 10 minutes ago, I saw an ivory cable-knit sweater - cropped with extra long sleeves. You'd think I'd never seen an ivory cable-knit sweater before. Why, it's the most perfect one that's ever existed (with price tag to match lol). Binkle, step away from the internet!!!!

But if I were given an item of clothing each month (that I couldn't pick myself), I don't know if that would quell the buying urge.

While I've never had to wear a uniform, I had one Sunday school outfit, a white turtleneck with a dark blue plaid dress over it (what we call a jumper in the US). Did I loathe it - maybe the first outfit that ever made me feel bad - hot, fat, it just wasn't right. No plaid for me for many years after! Now I really like plaid.

Anonymous

So much food for thought!!!! Before I delve into your thread, I'm going back to read the other ones.

This is powerful sentence: This has made me wonder exactly what buying new clothes does for me emotionally.l used to think that it was because I wanted that particular item of clothing but now I’m not so sure.

Anonymous

your post is so fascinating and insightful - while I have had stints in retail for fun- I never received clothes or even discounts but then I was never told what to wear either. But I think I understand your discomfort of “forced “ wearing items that are neither your style or color palette, especially if you are secure in both. I would see it as a form of betrayal of self.... “ this is not me/ not who I am”
With regard to uniforms- I was fortunate that all school uniforms were mostly in my color palette so I actually liked them. When you are a geeky awkward kid you will love any positives- lol.
I can say that after wearing nurse whites ( yeah I’m that old that it was pre- scrubs) for years, I would not wear any white save my wedding dress. This year I actually purchased my first white summer dress and a pair of white pants-ahhh the scrutiny I gave those pieces- hahaha. I had to make sure there was absolutely no way they could be mistaken for hospital wear of years ago.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Fascinating! What a great question you ask -- what exactly does buying do for us? I imagine it might be a number of different things, but now I have to go ponder on this! If it's true that it doesn't even matter if we want or like the item, perhaps it is just the feeling of having something new come into the house. Maybe we could all do massive trades and get the feeling of having bought without the expense!

Canada

Binkie, you are very witty! And Cardiffgirl..I'm still pondering your sage words. Being told what to wear and in what colors at your new job...sounds like a uniform to me, even if you are now " all grown up."

Some of the comments here concerning long held emotions over uniforms somehow made me think of The Handmaid'S Tale and her restrictive red cloak.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Thank you ladies for all your interesting and thoughtful comments.l really do believe that there is a psychology to the buying of clothes in our modern world that I have yet to fully understand.

rachylou

Veteran

It’s such an interesting question. I don’t know what buying clothes does for me at all. I like to imagine. I like to deconstruct looks. I have a sense that clothes are important but in an odd way... not in terms so much of status but as to your powers of perception and judgment and independence of mind (this is probably a familial thing). I’m interested in beauty as a philosophical concept. I probably enjoy looking too much... if only math were as fascinating to me (!)

cindysmith

Veteran

If I get gut-level honest, I have to admit that I shop to change the way I feel. My 12-step sponsor says she'll happily accept a shopping binge or oversized slice of cake if it keeps me from taking a drink, so I just roll with it LOL

krishnidoux

Veteran

Cardiff girl you bring up so many fascinating points, but I just wanted to add this little aparte. I can't beleive your experience working for a clothes company that forced you to wear their clothes, but only some of them, with such poor choice that you had to don pieces you would never pick for yourself otherwise! I am completely appalled by this, somehow, I find it so invasive. Ok, ok, I agree, there are worse things, and those companies do worse things too (abusive sweatshops in third world countris come to mind), yet, for me, what you describe you were forced to wear is worse than a uniform. A uniform at least everybody is subjected to the same thing and everybody knows no one has the choice. Here, you are given the illusion of a choice yet have no opt out possible. It's machiavelic almost.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I’ve thought more about this over the last 5 years. I found the one shopping break I took very instructive. My craving to shop lessened over time and I freed up lots of time not looking at clothes online.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about looking as good as possible versus wearing something that I want to wear for other reasons. Like, my mom handed it down to me and I like wearing something she wore. Or, a third piece that I like the fact that I’m finally getting wears out of again, even though the dress looks better with the usual topper.

jussie

Veteran

I just like eye candy I think. I was always obsessed with colour and clothing, even when I was little. I also enjoy fiddling around with paint chip samples, painting, drawing, dressmaking, flowers, children’s picture books etc.
I even enjoy trying clothes on that I’m not going to buy, and window shopping because I like creating the outfit and seeing how colours and shapes interact. I don’t nescessarily need to own the stuff.
For me, creating and looking at beautiful and colorful stuff is almost like a drug- it makes me happy. I feel the same when I read an amazing poem or a beautiful passage in a book, or hear a brilliant piece of music. It literally thrills me.
I don’t know why I’m like this.
However, being this way seems to have a flip side: I’m not very good with any type of math, spreadsheets, documents, legalities, logistics etc. Entrepreneurship is not my jam. The house is falling apart around me. Thank goodness we have a cleaner. I don’t do conflict. It’s hard to remember to pay the bills on time..... gawd I’m a shambles.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Wow ,lots of very honest and thoughtful responses.Thank you all so much for responding.
Cindysmith-I guess that there are worse things to do than buy clothes !(provided we don’t go over budget)
Krishnidoux-I think that you ve just managed to articulate how I feel about my new “uniform”
Barbara Diane-that’s so interesting that the urge to shop faded overtime.
Jussie-There is undoubtably a creative element to clothing and, how one dresses.

lyn67

Veteran

Wow, this post (and Angie's blog of course) is so disturbing. You both really got me thinking.
I never rationalised it like so but I did have averse of gingham's and light/mid blues as these were my all time school uniforms till college.

Than I was always wondering how those who work in clothing retail can limit their purcahses to their very own personal budget having all those candies at hand all the time-I thought one would need such a strength to resist....

BTW I am completely emotional/moody dresser and an emotional shopper (plus a creative DIY of any kind of alteration person-which is the worst of all!:-)). This means I can never plan my wiw in advance for 100% sure, so am a notorious overpacker, too. And Jussie, are we sisters (enjoying trying on clothes and making outfits from early childhood:-)) thus I cannot help and am a perfectionist who sees and wants to correct every flaw. Also, a mechanical engineer by carrier myself:-))

Style Fan

Veteran

I love clothes. I love playing with design and colours. I am similar to Jussie that way. I also like making diagrams and charts. Clothes, planning outfits and organizing my wardrobe are ways to express my creativity. It is partly emotional but also analytic. I don't see why clothing can't be a hobby as well as functional. It is for me.

I never wore a uniform. I don't wear pink, florals or ruffles. I am not drawn to that look but those things have some difficult associations for me. I don't think it is all emotional because I look dreadful in pink.

I have also shopped when life has been difficult. I don't do that now but it was a way for me to feel better.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

FASCINATING. I'd love to know which retailer you're working for, Cardiff Girl.

A few thoughts. First this - and one of my shopping strategies:

https://youlookfab.com/2015/01.....-shopping/

Second, I LOVE fashion, style, dressing, colours, and creating outfits. I am a Style Activist and LOVE helping others find their style. I eat, sleep, drink one of my passions and it's my livelihood. That's why I shop regularly and edit AS regularly.

That said and more to your point, because I am shopping all the time for others - I am EXTRA particular with what I commit to so that I do not tire of it. I am just about as fussy as can be.

p.s. I schooled the British system and also wore a school uniform for 12 years of my life. Not an issue at all. Strongly believe that all kids should wear a school uniform.

Helena

Veteran

Cardiffgirl, such interesting thoughts! It's interesting about having to wear certain clothes vs. the uniform ... I wonder if perhaps a uniform is obviously someone else's choice; whereas, the clothes you wear for your job look like they are your choice - so in a way you are feeling misrepresented.

I too wore a uniform for school and think all schools should have uniforms! It is such an effective (though obviously not perfect) way of leveling the playing field in terms of socio-economic status and other judgement factors, and teaches kids that sometimes you must wear what's required, not just what you feel like. (my kids beg to differ with my opinion on the matter ha)

The psychology of shopping is a fascinating subject ... will have to contemplate further! I would love to believe I am totally rational, but I know I'm sometimes driven by the desire to perfect my wardrobe - which is clearly a fool's errand, since there is no 'perfection'. I need to be mindful of this.

Thanks for the insightful post!

Jessikams

(website)

Veteran

I notice that I shop more when I feel stuck or frustrated in some other part of life. Like, “I can’t resolve this legal issue but I can find a pair of red shoes.” And then I feel like I accomplished something (?!?)

Runcarla

Veteran

Shopping (collecting clothes) and playing in my closet satisfies a need to push the pleasure button (along with gardening, cooking, music.) My participation in these activities increases when I am stressed by 'ugly' things and provides a way for creative escape. I can surround myself in a cocoon of comfort, beauty, good smells, lovely sounds that I can control - and it provides a barrier to the harsher aspects of the real world over which I don't have control.

It's not really 'just clothes' is it?

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Lyn67-Its been surprisingly easy to resist buying clothes,maybe it’s a bit like working in a chocolate factory,it sort of puts you off over time.
Style fan- you sound laudibly sensible about clothes and shopping.
Angie-I totally agree with you on the school uniform front and I re read the post that you provided the link for.lt makes complete sense but Im not always sure that one is totally aware of the motivations behind some purchasing decisions.l guess that’s the challenge isn’t it.
Toronto girl-one thing that has been fascinating about working in retail is learning about how retailers try to drive sales but that’s a whole other post!
Jessikams-been there ,done that!
Runcarla-exactly!

Anonymous

I think you get to a point where you become very picky about what you want to introduce into your wardrobe, so you can’t just spend money at any old retailer, even if it’s free! I know I find it hard to pick things from specific retailers if they don’t have the exact thing I want, even though the retailer might be great in every other respect (quality, price, etc). I so badly want to find leopard shoes at Ecco or naturalizer, but nothing’s available so I don’t buy anything.

I do understand why you might not want to wear certain colours that you strongly associate with school. I never wore a uniform growing up so I have no issues. I think my childhood influenced me more towards the positive. That is, the colours and types of things I wore as a kid, I still like. I’m thinking of scratchy wool sweaters, tights, wool pants and skirts, madras, tennis shoes, navy, and bright red. I still don’t mind/love all these things!

Anonymous

I agree with Jessikams, i like to fuss over my wardrobe instead of dealing with un fun problems!
Emotions definitely play a part in my choices. I had uniforms for jobs (at least not school) and absolutely hated it. To this day i refuse to wear dominoes blue, even though i only worked there a few weeks, many years ago. And white button up shirts, that i wore for work in an Italian restaurant...where we served marinara sauce and red wine...And im a klutz anyway. Plus nearly all uniforms are androgynous and sized for men

JAileen

Veteran

I understand your feelings about your non-uniform. If it looked a uniform, then no one would judge your taste. Since your non-uniform doesn’t look like a uniform, then other people might think badly of your taste in clothes.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Smittie-You are so right,maybe we ve just matured in our clothes choices.
Suntiger-you are right about uniforms being made for men and not taking gender differences into account.
JAileen-Yes,I didn’t realise I minded what I wore so much so that’s one lesson learned.

lyn67

Veteran

Hah, I could never put me off chocolate no matter what!:-)
It has to be more Angie's point shopping all the time for others - teaches one to be EXTRA particular with what commiting to buy, as you have seen(and tried) them all, the better and the worst, too.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Cardiff Girl, emotions are complicated! Purchasing items can satisfy all sorts of needs that are deeply embedded in our psyches

Anonymous

Wow. I took an entire day to write a reply here, left the browser open all night, finished it off just now, and found myself logged off when I hit submit. Oh well, the emotion is lost now. No pun intended

Bijou

Veteran

I wore a dark green uniform. I don’t hate the colour, but it really is not one of my best colours and so I don’t have much of it in my wardrobe. I really have fond memories of my school and liked how the uniform created a sense of belonging. There was no angst about what I wore each day because it was fixed, my creativity was channeled elsewhere.

My relationship with my wardrobe is like Carla’s. For me too, it is more than just clothes , it is a form of self expression.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Lyn67-seeing clothes irl on a lot of bodies other than mine has certainly helped to hone my clothes picking skills.
Angie -this is true.Didnt you do psychology once and have you found this useful in your work?
Lisa P-I’m sad to know that your words of wisdom have been lost to us forever.Never mind thank you for taking the time to respond anyway
Bijou-I can tell this by the very creative way that you dress and put clothes together.You obviously get a lot of enjoyment from your wardrobe which is nice to see.

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