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discouragement & setbacks

hanna

(website)

hi ladies,

i am chugging along with c25k and just completed week 5 yesterday! and it made me feel SO GOOD about myself, because a month ago i could barely get in 60 seconds, and here i am running for 20 minutes. i find that incredible.

of course, i am proud of that accomplishment. and i know i will do better. but then i talked to a friend who pooh-poohed it ("oh you and your 20 minute runs"), told me that a 5k (my goal race for now) was "nothing," that the 8k i'm planning for after that is "still pretty much small potatoes," and that "you should really be training for a marathon, that's how you get fit."

i couldn't help but let some of that glow of accomplishment go, after that. and i'm still not really over it. i know a 5k is not much, but to me it's such a big step.

so this is for the rest of you on the way to your goals: how do you not let these little things get to you?

General

25 replies

Latest reply was from Sihaya

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I joined the gym back in November. In February, I worked up the courage to hire a personal trainer to give me a basic weight training routine. Number of pushups I could do? ONE - and that was a big deal for me at the time. I can do 3 sets of 12-15 reps now. If anyone scoffs at my pushups, I just remember what it was like to fall flat on my face into the mat in front of the trainer and all the ultra-fit people hanging out in the weights area.

Do not get discouraged. You're building on your own success and obviously improving quite a bit.

Also - training for a 'marathon' can sometimes backfire - since you'll have to eat a lot more food in order to be able to do those kinds of runs. Sometimes this doesn't always work out. Some runners actually end up gaining weight because of this.

I seriously doubt I could run for 20 minutes straight, so your runs are impressive to me.

medusa

Veteran

Ugh - why do people do this? My theory is that anyone who minimizes another person's accomplishments is insecure and needs to put other people down to build him/herself up.

Hanna, you should feel great about your progress! Here's some math to show you how great it is. Going from 60 sec to 20 minutes of running is a factor of 20 improvement - you can run 20 times longer now than you could then. If you decided to train for a marathon, you might want to be able to run for 5 hours - which is only 15 times longer than the 20 minutes you can do now. So what you've already done is huge.

Besides, isn't it Ramadan right now? If I remember right you are doing this training with no food/water during the day, which is utterly amazing.

marianna

Veteran

Goals are really personal, especially fitness goals. Sometimes I think it's best not to compare who can run faster/who lost the most weight/etc because those topics often bring out the worst in people. C25K is a tried and tested program and it obviously works, so your friend is just being a stinker by bringing you down like that. You have to start building your endurance somehow, and C25K is an awesome starting point. It's pretty silly to just jump up from the couch and lunge into marathon training without building up some strength first!

I'd try as best as you can to ignore your friend's ill wishes and discouraging words. As you said, you could barely run for 60 seconds before... and look at you now! The proof is in your progress! 5k training is a HUGE step, and it's a goal that most Americans never strive for. Good for you for being active and healthy and doing it the right way -- slow and steady.

NCYogini4

I for one am very impressed and proud of you! I don't know why people can be so discouraging. My guess is it's her stuff and best just to let her marinate in it. As a personal trainer who sees people in all types of fitness reaching all types of goals, I am just as excited and proud when a person can do one pushup for the first time as when they run their first marathon. Running for 20 minutes is a BIG deal!!

And about the marathon thing- training for a marathon is really hard on your body and not really the best way to 'get fit'. Marathon runners have great endurance (for running) but are often quite inflexible and have limited muscle strength (as opposed to muscle endurance). Not only is this 'friend' being unsupportive, they don't really know what they're talking about. So I wouldn't take anything they say too seriously.

Big, BIG congratulations on your great success to this point. You ARE an inspiration to all of us who need to move our bums a little bit more! Hurrah for you!

marianne

Hanna, my PT used to say, "Running for 30 min 3 times a week is all your body needs, anything above that is for your ego". Even without assuming bad intentions on your friend's behalf, it's a common attitude among serious runners. But not everyone's body is suited for running a marathon. It's a huge stress on your joints and muscles, even at a super-slow pace. Don't let it get to you! I know how hard and frustrating it is starting an exercise program from ground 0, and you are doing a great job. Things will get easier, and maybe one day you would want to do some advanced running, and maybe not, which is perfectly fine.
Congratulations on your progress, you should feel great about it!

Dawn

(website)

DO NOT allow your friend to diminish the results you have worked hard to achieve! You have came so far in the last five weeks from doing little to no exercise to running consistently for twenty minutes. She does have a point about how a marathon is a true test of fitness but you do not run a marathon from having ran nothing beforehand. You work up gradually and I find that many of my fitter sportier friends forget that simple fact.

Even then, I have had people whom I mountain bike with do something similar. There are some cycling trails that I am terrified of... way too steep and scary for my personal comfort but I give them a go and after a few practice runs, I start to hit them faster... but of course after something like this, a friend turned around to me and said that I was cycling like 'a girl' and to toughen up. Unfortunately I let him get to me and I was persuaded that I was a woeful biker for the next few weeks.

You have been doing so well and I hope that you do not allow your friend to dissuade you from all the progress that you have made in the last few weeks.

shiny

Veteran

1. Try telling yourself that if you train for a marathon now, you will likely injure yourself and be sidelined for months, or even wind up quitting.

The most common time to injure yourself running is during the first 8-10 weeks. Why? Because beginners do too much, too soon. This is the beauty of the C2K - it forces you to go slow and work your way up. The 8-12 week mark is the most vulnerable time for a new runner, because your heart and lungs adapt quicker than your ligaments, so you feel like you can run longer and you do - and then you wind up injured.

Lots and lots of people take up running, get injured, and quit. You took up running so you are already doing better than the vast majority of couch potatoes. Your next step isn't to run a marathon (or even a 5K). Your next step is to get through the first 3-4 months without quitting because you got injured.

2. Remind yourself that you are doing this the right way.

Experienced runners will tell you DO NOT train for a marathon until you have a solid year of running behind your belt. I don't know about your friend, but if you want the respect of experienced, seasoned runners, you will not worry about a marathon for awhile. There will be plenty of time for that later.

In fact, if you complete your first 5K, I would recommend a 10K as your next goal. NOT a marathon. Do that, then try a 10-miler. Then a half. Then a marathon. Think in terms of years, not weeks or months.

3. Remind yourself that a 5K *is* a big deal!

Shorter distances are a completely different sort of race than longer races. It's speed vs distance. <insert complicated description of how the two types of races train different parts of your system). There are veteran runners who never run a marathon and only stick to 5K's, because that's what they are best at. There are veteran runners who only run long distances because that's what they are best at. I personally prefer longer distances myself. I do not like 5Ks. I still run them once in awhile, but I don't enjoy them.

4. Tell yourself "I'm doing better than Shiny."

I am running 30 minutes, 3x's a week, but it's taking me that long to complete a distance it used to only take me 20 minutes.

Also I can guarantee you are faster than I am! I am very slow. No matter how much I train, how much I run, I will never be more than a back-of-pack runner. But that's okay. I'm not doing this to win races. I'm in it for the mental and physical health benefits, weight control, fresh air, music on my ipod, and the exhilaration. And you don't need to run any races to achieve those benefits.

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

Hanna- don't get discouraged. You're making changes and challenging yourself, and that is what matters. A year ago, I was wearing a women's size 22 jeans. I couldn't even get through 5 minutes on my elliptical, and I probably was heading for high blood pressure and diabetes. Today, I can fit into some size 12's. I do 40 minutes on my elliptical 5 days a week (plus yoga, spinning and a weight class), and my health is so much better. I didn't do it by jumping into big changes, I did it slowly inch by inch over time. Don't let anyone tell you that your accomplishments don't matter- they do!

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I punch them in the throat.

Okay, that's what I WANT to do.

Kari

Veteran

Hanna, I'm sorry that your friend was so discouraging. I think that 5K is a big deal! It's running for 20-30 minutes without stopping, and when you are doing a 30 minute training exercise 3 times a week, that can really make a big difference on your fitness level & physique. I'm not just saying that because I'm doing the same program.

My goals are similar - I technically *could* run a 5K now & have done a few 5K runs around home with my sister this summer, but I got really winded and sore. I really want to train up to short-distance running (and doing it with my dad is even more fun.) My short term goal is to do a 5K in early October, maybe one more the week prior, and then when I can do 5Ks consistently I'll start training for a 10K. I'm not sure whether I *want* to train for runs any longer than that because it can start to strain your joints, and I'm already hard on my knees & arches as is from dancing.

Kudos to you for working so hard, and please let us know when you *do* complete that 5K so that we can cheer you on.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Frankly I'm appalled that someone would be so discouraging and belittle your accomplishments so blatantly. You have much to be proud of, and are in fact an inspiration to people like me who are working towards greater fitness. I hope all the wonderful words of encouragement from the other ladies have a more lasting effect than the other groundless comments. Keep up the fantastic work!

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I don’t get why people are discouraging, hanna. They reflect their own insecurities when they are as far as I’m concerned. Hold your pretty little head up high and get on with it. Don’t let insignificant and unconstructive feedback like that get to you. Your accomplishment was fabulous and you had better keep on believing it!

cciele

Veteran

Well, boo on your friend (if she is indeed a friend). I don't know what she gets out of telling you that your accomplishments are meaningless (which they totally aren't)! Like others have said, ignore her and believe in yourself, in the results that you've seen with your body. Post a chart of your accomplishments and milestones. Be proud of what your body (and mind) can do! I know I can't run for 20 minutes straight (I can't even run for 2 minutes--bad knees).

Debora

Veteran

Oh, Hanna! There are some people who can walk into a room and just suck all the joy out of it! Please don't let this negativity diminish your accomplishment. You should be so proud of of yourself. I wish I could run for 20 min. straight! Keep up your great work and don't let this friend throw you off your stride!

anne

Veteran

Hanna, I think that person was totally talking about their own issues and perhaps wanting to boast a little!. I wish I could run 20 minutes straight. Even when I have done 10kms I always have little walking stops.

At the moment I don't think I could jog more than 2 minutes. I have been trying to get back into exercising this term (ie last 5 weeks), and every single time after 1 or 2 sessions I come down with a cold or (once) flu. I am finding this very discouraging!

hanna

(website)

wow. just wow. honestly, you guys are the best. thank you for pumping me back up :). i was feeling very down after that conversation, but reading these replies this morning really helped.

i'm not sure what my friend -- a man, by the way -- was trying to prove. the vibe i was getting was sort of a macho, "psshhh your little accomplishments are piddling" kind of thing. yes, medusa, i am training in ramadan -- i run just before sunset so that i can come back and drink and eat to replenish my strength right away. this made no difference to him though, as he is also muslim and made a big deal of telling me how he used to fast during wrestling season.

i just have to remember that i am running for me, really, and not to let others drag me down. thank you very much for all your kind words!

shiny

Veteran

It also occurred to me that world-class sprinters don't even run 20 minutes at a pop, and nobody would minimize their accomplishments.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I am sure it was some macho posturing.

Let me know if you'd like me to give him a good throat-punch!

marianne

Heh, for some reason I assumed from the start it was a guy - I've only heard these types of things from guys.
You're doing great, don't even think twice about it!

Melody

Snort! If you think about it, in nature, what animal just ups and runs for 26.3 miles at a time on a regular basis? Heck, even animals being chased by predators either get caught or outrun their attacker pretty quickly. I think it's completely un-natural to run a marathon and I run. What is natural is exactly what you're doing ... building up distance and time safely and setting manageable goals. Keep up the good work!

Vani

Veteran

hanna, I've been meaning to reply since I read your post but time has been limited lately.

Everybody has had most acute observations and have offered some delightful retorts (PUNCH him - Kristen, you go girl :-D).

I wanted to chime in just because I did train for a marathon and I did run a marathon. And I still get a kick when people admire that I did so. But, I have to tell you that the reason I did run a marathon was to prove to myself I was stronger than some circumstances surrounding me at the time. And I never felt like I had done anything remarkable. Just stronger and more confident that I could accomplish something I set my mind to.

It was getting myself from "Oh my God, I'm dying" after 5 minutes to "Oh, only 5 more miles to go". And every step of the way I felt good about myself. I was training in a group with folks who had run several marathons already. And it was my good fortune that they backed me up every step of the way. But the best validation, is what you give yourself. Even 5 minutes more than yesterday or the day before is 5 minutes more than you've ever run. And every day that you run, you're doing more and getting better at it. That is all there is to it, whether you're doing a 3K or a 5K or a half marathon or a full marathon. Everybody has to start somewhere and pshaw to the rest of the world. You are better than you 10 days ago. And thats the only person you should worry about being accountable to.

I don't know if I've been able to say what I want to say, but I just want you to know that you are awesome and getting awesome-r with every run. (hugs) You ROCK!

Tanya

Veteran

Hannah, I think that you are doing great and I am very impressed. I couldn't run even for a quarter of a mile, and I really envy and admire all the runners here. You should be proud of your accomplishments and ignore all the people who are trying to make you feel bad.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Who needs enemies when you can have FRENEMIES? I'm very proud of what you have achieved. The ladies on this forum are an inspiration in so many ways and that includes you and your progressive approach to running.

hanna

(website)

thank you for the encouragement, everyone. i had a bad run yesterday -- nothing gelling, my rhythm was off -- so i was sort of down on myself. but reading this thread always helps!

Sihaya

Veteran

hi Hanna - you should know that at least for me you're a role model. I WISH i could gear up for a 5K or even less and am having trouble even getting restarted. You go girl!