Angie's advice (and everyone else's) is spot on. Glad things worked out, and lots of hugs Rae.

I'm so sorry you had to go thru this, on top of everything else you've been dealing with Glad to hear you can re-arrange your 'off-'times' , so its not a issue for you/them.

Hang in there Rae... there is some good advice here on taking care of yourself, putting time (and money) into perspective, and career is not in itself a selfish thing as Rachylou says because it gives your family a home and food etc... loads of kisses and good wishes...

Thank you kindly for all the wisdom here. Sometimes I feel like the hostage thing has been, like, so totally over for months now and that I should be over it already. But in reality it has seriously altered my ability to deal with stressors. Talked about this with Dr. Shrink. Anyway, the point of my story is that it is wonderful to have y'all to de-warp my perspective. Even though I feel like it's a universe-imploding conflict, it's not that big of a deal. The facts are manageable, even if the reaction is uncontrollable.

Just found this and you have excellent advice. Sending hugs and soothing thoughts. Your DH is probably dealing with his own stresses over his family, maybe even worried about what you think of them.

Rae, not advice but it sounds like this has worked out for you. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rae I don't think anyone would expect you to be "over" what you've been through. I think it's great you can recognize that it affects the way you cope with stress and talk about that with the therapist. You're doing great. I hope the family situation improves too.

Rae I only just saw this & can't add any more advice than what you've been given already. I want to give you a virtual hug though & le you know that I do understand PTSD. It is absolutely Norma for you to still feel stress or anxiety & check corners etc. so don't beat yourself up. I hope you find ways to feel better & also that the family members in this recent incident get what they need too.

Rae, I am so sorry you have to go through this. And "the whole hostage thing"...please, don't put so much pressure on yourself to "get over it". You don't get over something like that. Your expectations are just unrealistic my dear friend. Be kinder to yourself. The fact that you were taken hostage still haunts me and I only learned about here all the way across the country. What does that tell you ?

Regarding the plane tickets. There is something called the sunken money theory. It is basically that the money is sunk ( spent ) already. What you do or don't do after the money is spent doesn't matter because it is spent. It is done. Kaput. ( I know, easy for me to say...)

And Rachy is absolutely correct. You job is your livelihood. It is family business. And it does sound as if the timing doesn't matter. When all is said and done, you still have to be able to support yourself.

Hi Rae,

You have enough good answers, I just wanted to lend support. Your posts are some of the ones I always look for and admire...I had no idea you were going through troubles. This is the first time I ever checked the off topic posts.

Anyway, mental hugs. Hope it gets better soon.

I did not reply right away because the advice you got was spot on and things worked out in a way.I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I think you have some PTSD from the overwhelming incident and you will continue to have flashbacks. However how you deal with them can change. I practice mindfulness that I learned at the mayo clinic and It has changed my life. I would recommend mindfulness for dummies. As a therapeutic approach mindfulness and meditation have a lot to offer.

Rae, it is unfair to expect yourself to be "over" something that affected you deeply. The mind doesn't work like that.

Remember that dreams are your brain running over triggered neural connections. If you are feeling stressed and pressured, it jumps to recently used triggers that mean "stress" and "pressure." The emotions in dreams are true, the dreams themselves are not. However, because the images it brings up are not neutral, they can combine into a heavy mental load!

One thing you might speak to your therapist about is ways to unarm the triggers. In other words, once you understand the emotions, you can start managing your reactions to them and make them less stressful.

Big hugs Rae! That's all!

Hugs Rae, you'll get it sorted! Yes, work is very very important to everybody, so if you can make it work a rescheduling, that's a good solution!