Thanks Janet. I appreciate that, after your psychological diagnosis, you did come back and admit having some experience in the region, even though you emphasized that you think I should ignore it. If you read my responses, you will see that I am very happy to have received advise of the non-emotional nature on this very simple question. You are correct that I have a lot of emotions around this trip. That's why I really prefer just to get the info I'm asking for, without others trying to delve into the whys and wherefores of what I do with that info.

I should probably stop giving any context whatsoever for any questions I post. I got similar arguments and "concern" when I asked for help getting together black pieces that I can eventually wear to my dad's funeral. Eventually a few helpful people came along and turned the thread around, thank goodness, but only after a lot of pushback from people explaining the obvious, that I don't have to follow a tradition if I don't want to. I write the context so people can get on the road to where the question is going, but with so much argumentation that I should take some other exit, it really doesn't serve my purpose to include context.

I don't have the emotional energy for these arguments. The more emotional the thing I'm doing is, the worse it is to deal with the hassle.

Look, let’s not make this a dust up. Your replies are so wide of the mark that I don’t know how to explain what’s going on here without giving undue offense. So much of fashion is about non-verbal communication, a very dark art in that respect.

I’ll quote that Wittgenstein thing again. That whereof we cannot speak, thereof we must be silent. Meanwhile, no offense meant, and certainly none taken. Shall we shake hands and move on?

Each small area in the US has it’s own style. When I visited my parents in a small town in Iowa were I had never lived, I tried to dress in denim.
One young lady came into a Subway where I was having a sandwhich and knew immediately that I belonged to toe out of state car in the parking lot because I had “clean hair”. Even if I dressed like the locals to try to fit in I faked because of clean hair.
Tstoos or distressed jeans can give you away. Both need to look like they were DIY jobs. Like tattoos are ball point pen works and home made distressing is obvious….wrong placement and done on a kitchen table. Too straight and consistant. Not in the places that would naturally wear. Wear stuff from Walmart or worse. Women were more dresses but June Cleaver or made from flour sacks, with a cheap cardigan. Footwear is mostly Walmart sneakers. Good luck.

Joy, that’s interesting. I have a young friend who has moved to Iowa. She grew up here in California, then her parents moved there and she followed because they need help. But she’s having a hard time… communicating, if you will, she says.

Thanks Joy! That’s a funny example & a good illustration.

Rachylou, good luck to your friend!

Update:

I gave up trying to second-guess and asked the friend I was visiting. I took his non-reply to be negative, so I didn’t take them.

When I was there, he said women wear boots like these all the time; there were other things about the pic that accounted for his silence. He does really like the white boots I took instead.

On other matters, I deferred to his wishes, because I prefer not to stress a friend who is recovering from cancer. He is quite conscious of being a community leader; not quibbling over small outward things is one way I showed support for him and his roles.