Ask Angie & Everyone: How to purge closet & not regret it? - YouLookFab Forum

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Ask Angie & Everyone: How to purge closet & not regret it?

agrace

I really want to clean out my closet. I love the feeling of a well edited closet. Had a wonderful vacay recently where I could only take a few well chosen things and I loved opening my closet there and seeing these few, but carefully chosen things. Made getting dressed *so* much easier.

Here is the rub - I know what I want to get rid of. I have it all laying on my bed. My concern is that so often I get rid of things and then see a blog post or read a magazine and see something I had but got rid of! And then I go out and spend money to try to buy something like it.

Example - I should have kept all my old denim shirts and then when this trend hit again I'd be set.

I just don't know how to go about doing this and not regret it. A lot of the stuff I'm not wearing, or never wore (tags still on) really is cute stuff but I'm not using it. Any advice on how to go about doing a good, thorough purge and not have any regrets?

I thank you all in advance, as I feel this will be life changing

General

19 replies

Latest reply was from MNsara

April

Veteran

If getting rid of things permanently seems too drastic, one thing that organizing experts recommend is to box up the items and put them away in a hard-to-access place. Set a date (six months from now, two years from now, or whatever) and write it on the box. If between now and then you are motivated to retrieve the box and get an item out, return that item to your closet: it has earned a place there. But if the date arrives and you've never disturbed the contents, you don't need those items. Donate without opening the box.

Another thing to keep in mind is that even when things "come back," they're usually just different enough that the old ones no longer look quite right. My older denim or chambray shirts, for example, were cut very boxy, not at all like today's fitted styles.

Let us know how you make out!

agrace

April, I have heard of that and sadly, I have some of those boxes so I guess I could just add some more.

What you said that is immensely helpful is the bit about when things come back, they are tweaked just a tad to make it not feel quite right. That is so, so true!

Frankly, what I wish I could do is get some $$$ from this stuff so that I can get some new things for Fall. I realized that is what I really like - is the new and different (who doesn't?) so hanging onto stuff thinking I can make it work or it might work is not going to be as nice as say, selling all this stuff and taking any profit to apply towards getting the Micheal Kors watch I've wanted for a long time.

Rosie

Veteran

Here here to selling! I think we're all going through this. I basically did a cost-reward analysis and am selling the things that will get some $$, donating the rest.

taylor

Veteran

I have a ~holding~ space in the garage for a month or so for the questionable items. If after a month i don't run down and drag something out of the bag it goes...no regrets:)

agrace

Rosie,
I remember that thread you mentioned in the other post - very helpful.
I'm thinking about putting some stuff on ebay, it is just so annoying when it doesn't sell and then you still have to pay the listing fees. I think ebay is better for me than consignment though.

Mainly, I need to stop buying stuff I don't absolutely love! I have a slight clearance addiction. I think the best thing will be getting out the old and then carefully choosing the new.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

So happy that you are closet editing :0)

I was going to suggest a holding zone too, agrace.

Do you think that your denim shirts from the 90's would have been fab for today's trends?

Louise

Veteran

I know what you mean agrace. I'm after some clogs and recall having the perfect pair in the 90's. While it isn't practical to hang onto everything for decades I too think a holding zone is the way to go then if you haven't thought about the things for say 6 months then you know you can let them go x

agrace

Angie, no they wouldn't have been fab - as April said they were too boxy. But it is frustrating when I get rid of something and I swear it is the next day that a blog post is done and some fabulous outfit or something shows up and I had something really close to it.

A holding zone sounds like my solution. I've got two giant boxes (plastic tubs) another probably can't hurt.

Louise - I had a pair in the 90's too! I wish I had them back as well.
I will say it was vindicating to recently pull about $250 from my paypal account from email sales - unfortunately I had to pay a bill that time, but it was nice to get that from stuff I was absolutely not going to use.

Anonymous

I am currently in the process of reducing my clothing inventory and I am struggling with the "what if" mind-set. I want to hang onto all those random pieces because I MIGHT need them some day. Or they might come back into style. Or whatever.

One of the ways I am overcoming the feeling like I will regret passing something on is to assure myself that if I feel like I made a mistake in getting rid of something then I can go out and buy a replacement. Its kind of re-framing my mindset to a position of abundance, rather than deprivation.

I am also implementing a "holding tank" system. Some items I am really on the fence with so I put them out of sight for a month or two and if it haunts me then I give it a reprise and let it back in the closet for a second chance. So far, there have been a couple pieces that were purged then returned then purged then returned. Once they have been through the cycle a couple times, I am just passing them on.

agrace

Marlene & everyone - and this is what is so invaluable here - the wisdom of all of these ideas. I love what you said about the mindset of abundance vs. deprivation. I think I am so worried I'll want it in the future and yours is such a wise mindset!

I think it also goes to the thought of 'one man's trash is another mans treasure' so I get worried that maybe I"m not seeing the value in a piece that is probably there. I much prefer your mindset!

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

I have used the holding-tank approach, but I also keep pieces put away that have great sentimental or emotional value to me. Even if I never wear them again, I feel better knowing I still have them. There were a couple of suits from when I was heavier that I just can't bring myself to wear -- and I never, EVER want to wear them again!

I also have a couple of suits of my mother's from her Miss Connecticut days in the early 1960s. They have never fit me, I have never seen her wear them except in pictures, a couple even have moth holes (and no moths, I checked!). But I have moved them to every apartment I have had as an adult. I just love looking at them and remembering a bygone era.

These sentimental pieces are not in my actual closet, of course, but they are stored with my seasonal clothes.

judy

Veteran

About the purging/regret thing...I have had moments of regretting selling or giving some things away...but I have also discovered that it's not the worst thing that can happen :).

What I got at the time, that's better than keeping those items, was SPACE. Space for my clothes to hang beautifully and easily in my closet. Enough space so I know what I have and don't have to go looking for it in boxes or other locations. Peace of mind is worth it.

I love the idea of you buying yourself that beautiful Michael Kors watch. I sold a lot of my clothes a year or so ago and bought myself an expensive ring. I wear it nearly every day, like you will with the watch. It will remind you of how you want to live!

Hope the purging/editing goes well for you. Take it in stages if it's a big job. (a glass of wine and music can help a lot!)

MNsara

Veteran

agrace - for some of us, this can tap into all sorts of emotional/psychological issues and make it very difficult!

But someone whose advise I respect talked about giving away things so they can be used by someone who needs them now. And then trusting that if we need an item in the future, we will be able to get it.

Of course, I don't know what to think when I am dealing with the EXCESSIVE amounts in my closet. . . and my version of 'need' isn't always too clear, but I have tried to get this through my head

I also employ a staging area for things that are leaving my house: there is always a donation bag in progress and items for consigning are moved to another closet until I make a trip. I don't remember ever missing an item I let go of. I do wish it could be done in one pass, but for me, closet purging is like peeling layers off an onion. . . one layer at a time.

Christie

I once read that to de-clutter you should give yourself permission to repurchase an item if you change your mind after getting rid of it. This would work for the denim shirt dilemma, right? Get rid of it, not care for 10 years, then repurchase a new one you like equally later.

agrace

MNSara - you are spot on. I think it does get into some psychological stuff. Strangely at the same time, *after* I get over the fear of purging my things and get them out of the house, I feel so good! I love the literal space and the mental clarity that comes from having only useful and beautiful things in my home and closets.
I like your idea of a sort of holding room - I've tried that but it is in my husbands closet and he doesn't take to it too well I need to find a new spot.

Cricket - also a great point. It is frustrating to me to go out and re-spend but honestly, as so many pointed out, when things come back, they are tweaked a bit and the new version makes the older version seem pretty dated.

I'm going to employ the box it up and date it method and then I'll see if I miss any of it. And, a few things may go on ebay. Thanks again!

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

Hi agrace, I used to hoard clothes for exactly the same reasons as you mentioned above until I went through the following experience two years ago. I'd like to apologise upfront that this isn't a light hearted post, but hope it may be another impetus for you to re-frame (for lack of a better term) those "excess but neccessary(?)" clothes in a different way that makes it easier for you to get rid of them with a clear conscience. OK, here goes....

When my mum died a couple of years ago, I was left to go through all of her clothes as my dad was too distraught to do so. After many months following her death, it was one of the last tasks left still to be completed. Dad really had tried to do the clean out many times, but just found it way too distressing. I ended up offering to do it for him as I guess I was made of "tougher stuff emotionally" so to speak.

I went in to her bedroom and opened her substantial wardrobe doors. Oh no. Mum had SO many clothes. Clothes from the 60's on. Piles and piles of clothes and that's not including shoes, bags and accessories. My mother had so many clothes that I would say that she wore probably 5 - 10% (max) of her wardrobe. The rest of the wardrobe was based on (I guess) either a "it will come back in fashion" rationale or would have to be a strong emotional attachment.

Agrace, it was to be blunt, a HORRIBLE experience! I honestly found this task more emotionally traumatic than planning and reading out the eulogy at her funeral. Yes, I am writing that very seriously - for me, it really was THAT BAD. I felt absolutely dreadful having to go through these mountains of clothes - afterall they still smelt like her; I could still picture her in some dresses and it ripped at my heart to have throw these items away (even if it was donating - it still was very hard).

This horrible experience was the catalyst for me to decide that I would not want my husband or children to EVER have to go through this much trauma (or at least, anymore than necessary) if I were to die unexpectedly. I felt it would be a really unfair thing to do to them - I mean, why would I possibly make them have to do something that could compound their grief when I could do it myself?

I went home that afternoon and purged my own bulging closet of all the suddenly seeming excess "carp". I cleaned and purged until I got rid of everything but the clothes and accessories I REALLY wore plus no more than three "sentimental" dresses. I made a decision that when I would buy something new from that point on, it would be on a "one in, one out" basis. This policy seems to work really well for me!

Once again, I'm sorry that this was probably heavy read. I just know that this is what helped me for once and for all overcome this issue. It also helped my best friend who was worse than my mum (seriously bad!) overcome this as well (I am so proud of her - and SHE feels so much better and has a great working wardrobe now! :-)).

I just thought maybe this story might also help you see things a little differently when you see all those little "extras". x

Claudia

Veteran

This is a very helpful and thoughtful thread here for many of us I imagine.

judy

Veteran

Katiepea, that is a great story. It illustrates so well how our choices affect more than just us.

Did you ever watch the TLC show Hoarders? http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/hoarding-buried-alive/ It was so interesting, and scary at the same time. But it sure made me think about my relationship to what I own!...or does it own me?

My ex-husbands Grandma was a compulsive shopper and hoarder. When she passed away in the early 80's, her daughter had the same task you did, of clearing out both bedrooms in the once adorable bungalow her mom owned. (but mom had to sleep in the living room because the bedrooms were floor to ceiling "bargains"!).

Her daughter subsequently made the same choice you did, to let go of much of what she had been keeping because she never wanted someone to have to clean up after her the way she did with her mom. She told me she knew that all of her memories (nine children!) were in HER and all the meaning was "in her heart", so to speak. It's not in the "stuff". It made a lasting impression on me.

The thing is, charitable organizations really need those clothes that we have and don't use. I feel like everyone benefits from the choice to share the good we have had. It's ironic that giving things away can actually make us feel more abundant.

MNsara

Veteran

In her autobiography, "Leap of Faith", Queen Noor of Jordan wrote about regularly purging and giving away excess possessions (apparently giving LOVELY gifts to royalty is the norm) and how liberating that was. I guess it made an impression on me considering I remember it from 2003!

She's not the only one I've heard call it 'liberating'. . .