In short, no, you can't have it all
At some point you have to do the equivalent of a quote attributed to Catherine Deneuve:
"... a woman has to choose between her a** and her face"

ETA, honestly life is too short to deny all pleasure. Few people are wired to be ascetic

Thanks so much everyone for your responses. I can't respond in full right now, but did want to address one point - the idea of cooking for others and enjoying the process of baking.

I do cook for others - 12 times a year for school, add in at least another 2 occasions. But I don't eat a skerrick of it. Cooking gluten free is too expensive to lavish it on people who don't need it, so I just bake with gluten on those occasions

And even my gluten free cooking does get shared! Half of the apple cake I mentioned above went as a contribution when we were invited out to afternoon tea (and a good thing too, as my two GF daughters and I wouldn't have anything to eat otherwise). Some of the rest was frozen for school lunches for the girls - as was the rest of the cranberry cake. All I am talking about is that I eat more than one piece in total on the day. I'll lick part of the bowl (I do share that privilege with the kids if they are home), eat scraps and crumbs while I'm cutting it up etc, possibly have a couple of bits while it is fresh. But I'm rarely tempted to get it out of the freezer once it is there.

Lots of food for thought in what you've all said, and I hope to get back to you soon.

Boy, Anne, if that's all the cake you're eating - I'm not sure you could lose fat by skipping it all together. You have celiac's, yes? I'm wondering now about all the effects on metabolism...

Rachylou has a good point.

There are a few eating threads, and I eat too much sugar, and drink too much wine sometimes. For me, and I stress this is for me only:

- I feel best when I eat healthy main meals
- I love sharing cake and baking with my family and friends, but I have cut back on this area
- My will power is limited - if I have it in the house I tend to eat it.

Within our own guidelines (allergies/intolerances etc) I think we do not have to be purist forever. Elimination can reset the bar, so to speak, with things like coffee, sugar, and you can choose whether you wish to re-introduce them.

I honestly think that you are having your cake and staying slim Anne. You are fit and strong and slim. Yes if you avoid cake altogether (and chips etc) you may be slimmer, but you have to decide if you will be healthier and happier for it. If you will be, then maybe it is worth doing, but given you are starting from an in-shape place, you may not be.

I'm off on a medical track now, Anne. My superhero name will be Type 1 Girl, haha. Did you ever mention the 35% bodyfat thing to your doctor when you did the bloodwork? There's a connection between type 1 diabetes and celiac's (they're both found more frequently in certain genetic pools), and these two things are naturally both associated with belly fat (skinny fat?). In light of this, since you're in range BMI-wise, I wonder about targeting this stat directly. A different effort/yardstick might be better in terms of maintaining best health. Just musing... about myself really. Ahaha! Never forget it's all about me (says happy bunny ;).

Thankyou so much to everyone who has responded to this thread and I'm sorry that I've taken a while to get back to you.

Jules and LisaP - tell me more about "baked oatmeal". I love porridge and oaty things, and my Mum regularly buys me the expensive wheat free oats, so I'm all ears.

Jules -I grew up with a mother who regularly cut sugar in recipes and I do it sometimes too - probably need to do it more. And I love baking with pumpkin or sweet potato and could probably branch out to zucchini.

Carter - I think I've heard you speak before about your finding it easier to abstain than be moderate. I've actually been getting into nuts only recently, after not liking them my whole life. But a dietician I went to about 18 months ago reckoned I should add them to my diet. Just almonds so far. I am a bit tempted to graze on them but I moderate by counting out 20 of them and making little bundles. Then I take one to work and let myself have 10 a day. If it is a bad day I may eat all 20 - but then there are days when I forget to take any.

Viva - I've been reading your whole30 thread with interest. I am fascinated by the Whole30 - I even get their newsletter and have read heaps on the site - but haven't actually done it. I do think that a "brief hiatus" isn't a bad idea and is something I've managed before.

Lara - I prefer cooking from scratch too. Funny about your oatmeal cookies

Diana - my husband is always saying I just get the kitchen cleaned up and then I mess all over again! I do have to be careful about how much I take one and factor the cleanup effort into my cooking plans, as I am often overambitious and don't realise how tired I'll get by the end.
I definitely have a sweet tooth. I never eat crisps, salted snacks etc - my DH is the opposite

Lisap - Thanks. You are clearly not alone on this thread. I'm kind of hoping I don't have to take things as far as you!

Crazyone - I certainly cook too. 3-4 nights a week for a family of five. And I've tried way more savory recipes in Nigella's recipe book than sweet (of which more later) When we had chickens I cooked so many fritattas that my family got sick of them! GF lasagna isn't great, and I'm a bit off cooking pastry since it was part of a cookfest last year after which I threw up, but I do bake savory as well - I made a savory sweet potato and almond bread last weekend as well as the pudding.

Angie - thanks so much for responding. I was really hoping you would. I'd love to hear in more detail how your moderation works.
And a few years ago you didn't eat potatoes (except in Belgium!) and pasta - what made you change?

I know that I'm a normal weight - it's my body fat percentage that I'm trying to change. And fitness is taking a bit of a hit right now because I have hurt my knee.

Thanks for the encouraging words though. I guess I thought I was doing alright until I was asked to record my food for 2 weeks. The PT said it doesn't look good and he is going to rip in to it in detail for me later!

SW Ann - I hear you on the deprivation thing and by having it around all the time taking off the scarcity thing. I do think I have a bit of scarcity thinking - of eat it while you can. I was a fussy eater as a child so if Mum did cook something I liked, or I was at a buffet, I'd eat way too much. Plus I sneaked sugary chocolatey stuff behind her back.
I'm trying to amp up my weight training too - 3 sessions a week, though what with injury modifications and needing to get my form right, I'm not sure that it is doing much to put on muscle at the moment.

RL- I like crumble too, though usually cook it in winter, and more often when i was a SAHM.. Went off to google German Lightning cake but it looks like a normalish cake recipe to me, I'm afraid!

Lyn D - portion size sounds exacty what I should be watching

Joy - I like that 2 or 3 bites idea. When I cut cake I probably have about 3 bits in a piece so that could work well. I think that'd only work for me if I wasn't hungry to begin with.

Helen - thanks for the encouraging words. I don't think I need to eat cake everyday though, though I see the point you're making. I may, however, to Joy and Rachy's point - need to eat starchy food of some sort everyday. Maybe that's what I need to address.

Anna - Yep, I'm,not wired to be acetic. And I've always had something of a large bottom proportionately! I also don't want to be as slim as I was once in my 20's because I'm pretty sure I'd get a very gaunt looking face at that weight in my 40s

Rachylou - Yes I have celiac,diesase and yes most celiacs do put on weight once they are on a gluten free diet, not just because of the unhealthiness of replacement foods as already discussed, but because their gut is healing and they can absorb more from food (which is good in lots of ways). I did lose weight the first couple of months on GF, but then put it back on and last year, a bit more too. I'm currently very slightly lower than I was at diagnosis. Last year though, my body fat went from 32 to 35 in about 8 months, with some exercise, but not doing weights. I don't have that much on my tummy though, which as you say is the dangerous part. Lots on my arms.

Sally - I like your wisdom, and could probably emulate you! I don't manage as much exercise as you, though i'd love to.

RL - I had my sugar level and cholesterol checked (on Angie's advice) when I had the 35% reading. Both fine

And here's my thoughts on Simply Nigella. I'll first just say that Nigella is my favourite cookbook writer because I just adore her prose. I've enjoyed it since the 90's before her first cookbook ever came out - she has a food column in British Vogue. I identified a list of recipes I wanted to try and so far like (typing form memory so possibly not the exact names
-Glass noodle with cinnamon and prawns (mind you, very sweet)
- indian flavoured shepherd pie with sweet potato as the topping
-Strapatsada
-Cornflake encrusted fried chicken (I'm not saying this is healthy though!)
- Red cooked chicken

-turkey mince meatballs in thai curry soup (though made with chicken)

I didn't like
macaroni cheese with sweet potato (but since I made it with GF flour and pasta, that doesn't count for much. I've yet to enjoy a white sauce made with GF flour)
Chocolate buckwheat cookies (WAY to chocolately for my taste)

I have a few more picked out to try yet, including 2 GF cakes with polenta, and some others that just seem more appropriate for winter.

Anne, completely OT but could you share the recipe for the sweet potato/almond bread.

Sure.
https://iquitsugar.com/recipe/.....ato-bread/

Thanks Anne, just the thing I need!

Anne, you may or may not have guessed that I am not exactly the domestic goddess type so I don't bake! Or rather I bake very occasionally for say a special occasion or a birthday. This probably doesn't answer your question, but for me, I have just chosen not to eat those type of foods. And if I do, it's a rarity. I do follow a high protien/low carb diet and lost 9 kg last year. I find I no longer really crave baked goods or sweet things and my health is better for it. I do have one day a week where I can eat what ever I want and I find I reach for all the wonderful healthy things that make me feel good, not what I will loosely refer to as the naughty foods.

Thanks Deborah. Did you eat the cake you made for DS's birthday recently?

I know you have done amazingly on that diet, and I am tempted to try it about once a week!

We do seem to have a clear divide between those like you who are pretty much don't eat sweet things, and those who do, in moderation.

Anne I did have some of his cake, and it wasn't gluten free .. paid for it later. lol

I must be honest and say that a year on from starting my eating plan I do allow myself the odd sweet thing but because of my gluten intolerance I tend to stay well away from baked goods.

I am not a big sweets eater, which is not the same as not being a big eater! Salty and umami flavors are my downfall.

However, when I do eat things like pie and cake, I will most often have it for/instead of breakfast, with a glass of milk. Maybe layer in some fruit.(Sorry to invoke Bill Cosby, but remember his "chocolate cake" routine?). Almost never as typical "dessert".

Yes Deb, I am kind of lucky with the gluten thing in that way too. Otherwise at work I would be eating from the crackers and biscuits in the lunchroom without a doubt, as I get pretty hungry at work.

UF - my husband is like you, I think - much more inclined to overeat chips etc I fortunately don't like any of those sort of snacks (with the exception of plain corn chips).

Dessert for breakfast - interesting! I sometimes make brown rice pudding for DD and me for breakfast (I cut the sugar down a lot). I didn't grow up on the Crosby show, so I don't understand that reference !

I have decided to try a "moderation" plan of my own, since the PT is taking a while to get back to me. We'll see if I can manage without going cold turkey. I have allocate a certain number of desserts per month, cut out sweet drinks entirely, one square of very dark chocolate per day (though probably not actually consumed daily) and, and this will be the hardest, allowed myself only 8 servings a month of refined flour/white rice a month.

This last will be difficult (and day one already was) because while I have cut back on carbs for lunch (and less so breakfast) I find them very hard not to eat at night. I rely on them to fill me up!

Most of my cooking is from scratch, and I bake. A lot. Sweets and savouries with cookies and pie my specialties, and bread not far behind.
As I type this I have a pot on the stove with the fixings for stock (last night's chicken carcass!) and pasties (left over pork roast and pot roast) in the oven. Before the weekend is over I will make blueberry scones, a cake, and a batch of cookies.

The DS's consume a lot of food as sporty 20 somethings are wont to do. They are both tall and slim. DH and I do not require the same quantity of food, and I foresee baking less once the boys are fledged.

I take in my carbs early in the day, and work out regularly. I do have a sweet tooth, and indulge daily, but keep portions modest.

Ok.., I think I may have had a personal revelation. I've been way overeating the carbs, and I think it's because my meals have been too low fat to be satisfying. I've increased the fat and it seems to be working... Will have to see now if I get fat from the fat...

Carla,
You do work out a lot, and I wonder too, if I'll have to be eating more if I get back to cycling and running as much as I was before Christmas.

I probably can't even imagine how much sporty 20-something men eat! I have a hard enough time keeping my own younger children fed! DD12 has extra toast nearly every night.

Rachy - I know that's the dilemma. In making it through the day yesterday I ate 2 dessertspoons of light cream cheese!