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Another wedding, another last minute panic

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

We have a wedding to attend on Sunday. Since I learned of the couple’s engagement, my outfit was a no-brainer. However, due to recent body changes, and the groom informing us two days ago that he wants to include us in wedding photos, I panicked and ordered a few back-up dress options. This might have been overkill, because photo #3 looks like the right size, even though I know that it fits differently.

I also splurged on a pair of stiletto heels, which I do and do not “need”:
*need because I don’t have a pair of black dressy closed toe shoes. I have a pair of strappy Mary Janes (#4) that could work, but they don’t have an elegant vibe. Maybe that’s just the disconnect between what I want to wear vs what I should wear speaking; and
*do not need, because their cost-per-wear would be high, and I would only wear them at weddings/celebrations. I just sent back footwear and garments that don’t fit my lifestyle, so it feels odd to be considering these. The stilettos would get significantly less wear than my recent returns, but they also fit a wardrobe niche.

Not pictured is a Theory tux blazer (out for delivery today) that I would consider pairing with slim wool pants and black shoes. It wouldn’t be as dressy, but it would be comfortable. I’m leaning toward the trench dress I already own, even though I’ll have to be mindful of how I move.

Signed,
A Wedding Unenthusiast

ETA: #2 is too big now but won’t be in the next while, while #3 fits well now but will soon be too small. Photo #6 is arriving today but will probably be too small.

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Urgent

26 replies

Latest reply was from

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I still like the trench dress best. And I think the black pumps are much better for the occasion than the Mary Janes.

Cardiff girl

Veteran

Going purely on your photos I like dress #1 and 2 .#3 strikes me as a bit sombre colour wise for a wedding.I really like the lower strappy heels I think that they are really trendy and agree that you would probably get more wear out of them than the stilettos AND they would be more comfortable if the wedding involved a lot of standing about.All of this is with the caveat that I don’t know what sort of wedding that you are going to which always has a bearing on type of outfit to be worn,for example would you need to cover your shoulders in dress #1 if it’s a church wedding?In which case I vote dress#2 with strappy heels nice makeup and a fab hairdo!

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I feel like #3 is pretty dark for a wedding, but of course that depends on what the other participants are wearing. I do like #2. And the pumps are really pretty if you can stand them.

rachylou

Veteran

I too like #3 with the stilettos. Maybe some bright jewelry. I’m ok with black for a wedding. Feel that’s, like, Italian or something from watching movies

Mainelady

Veteran

I like dress number one and vote for shoes number 5. Pick your outfit, put a big smile on your face and have fun at the wedding. You will be fabulous!

Anonymous

I like 2 best and think the strappy shoes would be fine but if you love the stillettos keep them, they look great on you.

Something about the way you're anticipating size changes makes me think that very high heels may not be the safest and most comfortable possible choice "in the next while"?

Emily K

(website)

Veteran

I really like #1 with the stilettos and feel that the trench dress feels a bit severe for a wedding--however, you know the participants and the specifications of the event.

Runcarla

Veteran

That trench dress or one like it in a colour should be a key piece in a dressy capsule. That way you will have something you can reach for when these last minute things come up. Change up the look by varying your accessories or hair (down or up), and wear with the pink coat if you kept it (the Burbury trench.). You wear this style very well and might consider it a signiture.

The pumps look great, but are they okay for your feet?

Zaeobi

(website)

Veteran

I think you need to consider the context here. What sort of wedding is it?
- Day or evening? (Black may be more appropriate for an evening affair)
- Indoor or outdoor? (No stilettos if you're going to be walking on grass!)
- Does the couple like colour (& would therefore frown at black?)
- Will the bride wear white (& therefore not be OK with the white in dress #2)?

In my culture, it's not appropriate to wear solid black to a wedding, so I don't know if my opinion counts much for dress #3, but personally I would push up the sleeves & add a colourful scarf or necklace to break up the expanse of black a little (you could also swap out the belt for a colourful one, but then that would look more casual & like a real coat).

Personally I like dress #1 the most for its versatility - it would look good with a cream/ white/ brown scarf (& gold jewellery) for a more casual or day affair, but also black or navy for an evening affair. The silhouette also makes it more versatile for other situations too (you could easily layer another skirt or a cropped shirt over the top of the dress, to get more mileage out of it after the wedding as separates. It also wouldn't look out of place with tights). This will depend on your figure & lifestyle needs of course, though.

The last point is the shoes. Stilettos may not be appropriate for your everyday needs, but have you considered other events too? Would you find the Mary Janes to be more appropriate for a job interview, for example? Or a funeral? Or even another wedding? They look more like ankle wrap block heels to me personally than Mary Janes, so I think they are expecting bit more versatile but still more casual than the stilettos. You know your lifestyle needs though, so only you can decide this, but I just thought I'd throw something else out there in terms of appropriacy.

Don't sacrifice your comfort if you think the stilettos or dress #1 would be too much for you, though - I'm sure the couple care more about you being there for them on their special day, as opposed to whether you wore strappy heels or stilettos!

tanstaafl

I have to echo Zaeobi, I would need more context of the event to offer an opinion. What was the outfit you had planned to wear and which of these fits that level of formality?

unfrumped

Veteran

Ha. I think high heels can be fun for those ghat can wear them. I almost hate to say it but I kind the look( conditioned response likely). So there can be items one wears rarely because occasions are limited and one can’t HIKE in them, but can enjoy them JCE “ just comfortably enough” on those occasions. It can be high CPW but high happiness. For me I have to still choose carefully- I can do a kind of paltry higher heel, but s half inch too much or wrong tiebox and they’re an unwearable waste even for special occasions.

OK, that was sort of random but aimed at, if these are YOUR perfect high heels for special occasions, it might be worth it.

Jenni NZ

Veteran

I could not wear those heels. You may be able to. They look hellishly uncomfortable to me. I hesitate wearing black to a wedding also. I only did it once and was criticised by my daughter who was I think 15 at the time! I had a little bling on the black top but even so have avoided black for weddings since. I like dresses 1 and 2 ( in 2 the black is softened by the white) and like the shoes in pic 4, I still find them quite dressy.

Barbara Diane

Veteran

I think they look like they are for different events, so I'm too confused to advise you. I'd need more info. But the best advice was to smile and enjoy yourself.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I am with Barbara Diane here -- the dresses all look as if they are for very different types of occasion, so I'd need to know more about the type of wedding, etc. to know for sure.

As for footwear, if the shoes are not uncomfortable for you and they fill a niche, you might consider. I have pumps that rarely get worn and I simply accept that because when I do need them, I really need them. If you get a classic style they last a long time.

The Cat

Veteran

A wedding is a happy and fun occasion, so please avoid wearing all black, as there will always be some who consider this as too sombre and funeral-ish, and there is no reason to reduce others' joy on what should be a happy day.

Black party skirts, however, can be very versatile. If you choose to wear a black skirt/dress, please use it with one or more bright items, preferably near your face, especially when you know you will be photographed.

If you are expected to attend a religious ceremony as part of the wedding, please be aware than in many churches i.e., others will appreciate that you cover your shoulders and, in general, refrain from wearing too revealing clothes. So a dress like #1 will need a shawl or jacket.

Your shoes in #4 look feminine, young and festive. They will be fun with a dress where the hemline is uneven and/or stops above the straps.

karen13

Veteran

I really like the dress in #1 for a dressy event. The stilettos are gorgeous, but I think the strappy pumps are lovely in the pics too and would work well. There may be something IRL that makes them not read as dressy enough, but I don't see it in the pics.

I had my bridesmaids wear black velvet, so I am not anti-black at a wedding, but it is interesting to see how many are. I like 2 on you, and it could be blinged up. for a dressy event. I think the trench dress will also work with bling, but it is my least favorite (maybe I am anti black? but I think it is more the tailoredness, although I love a good lady tuxedo), but add enough bling and it too will look good. If you decide on a largely black option, perhaps check with the bride and confirm she is good with black?

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

Weddings here are generally black-tie optional affairs, and there’s a lot of variety in what women wear. I’ve seen white dresses and black dresses, short cocktail dresses and long evening gowns, hence the different vibes of each of the dresses. Generally, women go “all out” in terms of hair, make-up, nails, etc. They tend to wear colourful dresses, but the style here also tends to be blingy and more showy.

I’d style the trench by pushing the sleeves up, adding my metallic silver clutch, wearing either a simple bracelet or necklace, and adding my tiny black hat (with white lace front).

Re the shoes, good to hear, Suz—it’s my rationale toward keeping them, even as I pare down my shoe collection.

In an unfortunate twist, the tux blazer, which was supposed to arrive yesterday, was delayed by UPS and is now set to arrive Monday. Argh! So long for overnight shipping.

Liz

Veteran

I think both pairs of shoes are lovely, but I confess to being puzzled by the sky-high ones. Haven't you posted many times about your very strict shoe requirements because of painful feet, even to the point of having to get shoes custom made? Or maybe I'm confusing you with someone else?
I think both pairs are lovely. If your feet can tolerate those heels, and they would make you feel like you matched the "all out" dressiness of the other women, then they might be the ones for you.

Joy

Veteran

You have gotten lots of great advice. In general, I'm on team anti-black for weddings unless lightened up a lot with pearls or jacket, and team comfort for shoes. wear these around the house standing for a few hours. Are they comfortable enough to dance in? They are beautiful and if comfortable enough, keep them even if cost=per-wear may get high. Them seem classic that will not date. Smile and have a wonderful time.

LaPed

Veteran

I see the trench dress as a signature style for you. It sounds like you have a clear idea of how you want to style it, and if you think it won't fit soon, perhaps now is a good time to get some wear out of it. Shoe-wise, I think either is fine. I would go with whichever is more comfortable (I personally could not manage the stilettos). If you dislike the look of the strappy pumps and don't want them memorialized in wedding photos, do they really deserve a place in your closet?

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

Liz, same person. I put dress shoes in a different category as far as comfort is concerned. Since they can never be comfortable for me, I never wear them unless I’m going to an event with minimal walking. There are still huge differences among heels in terms of balance, stability, arch support, and vamp tightness, though, and most shoes are immediately uncomfortable upon putting them on. When I wear pants, I’m happy to compromise on footwear because shoes aren’t as noticeable, but I can’t stand wearing a dress with frumpy shoes.

hgr

I like all of your choices. You have a very nice figure. The black and white is my first choice with the floral as my second choice. You said that you have to be careful how you move in dress #3. If I can't be completely comfortable (not loose just comfortable) in an outfit then I don't wear it because I know I am always going to think that "something may go wrong tonight with my outfit" That being said you know what works for you. I also am not a heel person. I used to wear heels but now wear wedges and boots with low heels. You look nice in the heels but I think you could wear the Mary Janes giving the outfit a more French look. That's my 2 cents. Good luck with your choice.

Anonymous

I like the trench best. Very sophisticated and glamourous.
I could see it with a sleek hairstyle and red lip.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I’m a little surprised by all the anti-black for wedding sentiment here. But hey, one of my BFFs had me and her other bridesmaids wear black for her wedding and it was gorgeous.

I think of that black trench dress as one of your signature pieces. The first seems a little bare for the season, and the second just doesn’t wow me. But I hope you are going with whatever makes you feel fab! Most importantly, have a wonderful time.

jussie

Veteran

My favorite is number 2, the black and white dress. I love the stilettos, and if they are "just comfortable enough" I think they would be useful for almost any formal event in the future. The block heels are really cute too though. I also love the trench dress, it's a stylish piece but perhaps not quite festive enough for a wedding, not so much because it's black but because it's got long sleeves and a heavier fabric. The first dress is also nice, quite unique. However I'm not sure how many times you would wear it in the long run?
Best of luck with it!

Anonymous

You say the word "wedding" and I feel abject terror. I do exactly what you just did. I panic and buy.

Based on the pictures, number 3 seems dark, heavy, and somber for a wedding. Although I love the garment itself. I can't imagine it at a wedding. I wonder if Winter weddings are different though. Every single wedding I have ever attended has been in Spring or Summer.

My favorite on you is number 1, but for a wedding, I would choose number 2. Let us know what you finally decide.