Thank you for sharing your memories of your beautiful daughter. I am touched.

My kids definitely all have their own quirks. Having twin daughters really shows me how very inborn personality is - they have been going their own way pretty much from the beginning. One can't stand pink and the other is all about dressing girly with sparkles and frills. I impose my will in the hygiene department and pretty much let them do their own thing with clothes (within reason).

This is such an interesting thread! Sarah, your daughter is beautiful, and how wonderful that she had such a well-developed sense of style.

Adelfa, if I ever have a daughter, I am using your rule.

This is mostly an issue I've thought about in abstract. DS is only 4 and hasn't exhibited too many strong style preferences, yet. I mostly get to impose my will at this point. I do honor his color preferences, though. I'm also good with most character tees because he's a small kid, and why not? (I draw the line on characters that aren't age appropriate.) I also pay close attention to what he finds comfortable vs. what he gets cranky about wearing. Jeans are fine, but chinos annoy him. My BFFs son -- same age -- is the opposite.

Sarah, It's hard to read this thread and not want to jump in. You are so generous to share your sweet daughter with us, and I love your honesty in reflecting on so many aspects of parenting her. She was a lucky girl. And your son seems to be very typical, putting you through the paces as he experiments and tries out different things.

I will just add my favorite story of parenting through wardrobe choices. Our second daughter was very, very headstrong early on, and when she was about 12 the battles were always about proper footwear (they all wanted to wear flip-flops until there was snow on the ground) and very short shorts. Sometimes the school would push back, and sometimes not, and there was often a battle royale at home in the morning when she came down dressed for school. One morning she was late for the bus and would not change her short shorts and just ran out of the house. So my husband called the Vice Principal of her school, and said, "My daughter will be arriving soon in a pair of shorts that I am sure are not appropriate for the dress code. I'd appreciate it if you would not let her know that I called, but I am sure you'd like to talk to her when she comes in." When she arrived home that day, she was in her soccer uniform and in quite a mood! And she never talked to us about what happened when she got to school that day. (Until she was older and we let her in on what had happened.)

Oh, your daughter - I can see the sass and strength in her beautiful face. She was clearly a force to be reckoned with... Thank you for sharing her here. My heart breaks for your loss.

My son is 10 and he is pretty much jeans, sport-related tee, and hoodies. He gets mildly obsessed with having the sneaker du jour, but otherwise doesn't really care about brands or colors or anything. He does love to dress up and will put on a suit jacket for dinner if I set out fancy plates and candles. He also will wear an Indian outfit to school for picture day which I appreciate.

Oh, I like the way your daughter put together outfits. A hipster!

Re. my own - I ridicule hoochie, on dd and off, and encourage creative dressing with my delight, for better or worse, because I enjoy it. The creative dressing doesn't go down with all family members... and I scoff with outrage at their conventionality.

...Except when it comes to job interviews. Once, not too long ago, this interviewer told dd they were a "casual office" and so she dressed casual - nice, mind you, but way too creative. DD was very upset when I made her change and put on "uncomfortable" pants and shoes. But sometimes, you just have to lay down the law.

Sarah ... Your DD was such a beautiful little girl. Thanks for sharing her pics with us. As about your son, he seems to be a little sports star ... The cool kinds! I love his cool bracelets! Hard to see boys who love accessories!

My two boys (3 and 6) are already stylish little chaps. They love shirts over t-shirts and the shirt has to be open. My elder one even likes to wear his hair long! He prefers clean and ironed clothes. And he has a penchant for shoes! Younger one just imitates his brother for now. They too refuse to wear pants without pockets (must be a boy thing!) and for some reason they refuse pink in any form! I did not put that in their head I promise! Since, they are still young I play a major role in their dressing up. But it will be fun watching them grow

I had to smile at your lovely Ellie, her skirt outfit reminds me very much of the shilouette my oldest daughter, 5 yrs old, enjoys most... each of the three pieces (leggings, skirt and top) in three different patterns is her most preferred iteration. If we arent going to a family wedding or special event like that and are mostly seasonally appropriate (legs covered if it is 20 degrees out please!) pretty much anything goes in my book. I am hung up on the need for flat shoes that are flexible enough for proper foot function and development. Thats about the one place were I have no intention of compromise for everyday footwear (and lots of time that i've spent in physical therapy for my feet helps hold me to my guns on that one). I can see a heel for a high school dance or something but 4th grade... Oh my! And I'm using Adlelfa line too!

It is interesting to hear about boys and their style takes too. Your son and his accessories are fun, I hope boys clothes will have more variety and acceptable variation as time continues. Most boys I know IRL (preschool age) arent at the point where they have a great opinion on the matter (according to their mothers), but my girls have since 18 months. Fun to think about and a great post, Sarah

My heart is breaking for you, Sarah, but thank you so much for sharing these photos and memories of your beautiful, Ellie. It's clear from what you wrote that she knew *exactly* what she wanted and had style in spades (just like her gorgeous Mama).
The entire family was born with the "style gene" it seems, love how your son is expressing his individuality, and I had to laugh about the "sweatshirt story"

My girls are now college students (ages 19 and 21) and they have always been very different, especially when it comes to fashion.

When DD#2 was around 4 or 5, she insisted on wearing the same purple turtleneck every single day. At that time, I was going through a divorce and I viewed this as her need to have some control and consistency, what with adjusting to the back and forth visitation schedule between her dad and I. I figured it would have been a mistake to battle over her purple turtleneck every day, so I went out and bought 5 identical purple turtlenecks.

Otherwise, my M.O. has always been to de-emphasize fashion and appearance and beauty and all of that, to try to counteract the messages our society gives girls and young women. Instead I focused not on how they looked but on what they could do. How strong their bodies were rather than how pretty. Etc. And when we've shopped together (which all three love to do), I've always stressed choosing clothes that fit and flatter their unique figures, to counteract the inevitable pain of wishing you had a different body shape (I had enough of that growing up, which still haunts me to this day).

DD#1 went through a phase in which she refused to wear dresses and skirts, we look back on that now and laugh, since that's all she will wear now. She's very bold and experiments a lot with her fashion choices. It's not about fitting in for her -- it's about standing out and being different. She is playful with it and has a lot of fun. One day she might be goth, the next hipster, the next preppy, on and on. She has dyed her hair every color of the rainbow, and in fact, at this moment, she is sporting the full rainbow (see pic). She got into making her own clothes in middle school and continues to this day.

Whereas DD#1 has always been more pragmatic/sporty with her clothes, preferring comfort and ease above all else (hoody, tank top, jeans, Con's -- and she's done), but she is now starting to embrace skirts, dresses, trendy items, and in particular "date" and "party" clothes... so that is getting interesting.

Oh you guys, your stories are so great! It is so wonderful that every child has their own unique preferences and opinions, and every post I have read shows how much wisdom they are being raised with! I love how in tune everyone is to the comfort and emotional needs of their children... 5 purple turtle necks - what an absolutely perfect solution/ rainbow hair / jeans versus less comfy pants / healthy footwear choices / traditional garb on picture day / dressing up for dinner... There are just so many wonderful examples of wife and creative parenting here that celebrate unique styles and personalities of children. I just love it!

Rachylou: You have such a way with words: "I scoff with outrage at their conventionality." I don't know when or how, but I need to use this someday...

Seriously, though, who needs therapy when they have YLF?!

What a beautiful girl your Ellie was, and what a great gift you gave her by giving her the freedom to be her beautiful self! And continue to give to your son

For my part, that is what I try to do to, and will be even more inspired after this. My daughter in particular comes up with some pretty funky stuff and I love it! It's so her. I have a few basic rules: nothing with holes in it, must meet the school dress standard and be reasonable for severe weather if that applies, must be somewhat appropriate (e.g. no pyjamas to church, no dresses to gymnastics) ... other than that, it's a free-for-all!

Thanks for sharing your beautiful memories Sarah!
Just to add that I am glad that in Australia the majority of schools require uniforms and school-shoes to be worn.
This is a great equaliser and saves time in the morning rush I am sure.

What precious memories of your daughter, I feel honoured to share in them.

My son is aged eight. I kind of adhere to IK's idea - try not to let things into the house that I really can't abide! But I let him have some free reign too. He really likes accessories, and rocks a fedora like no other. He also likes to wear a tie occasionally "to look handsome" as he says. He is much more interested in clothes than his dad! But he pays more attention to style if we are going somewhere special, in the main he is happy to wear a tee and shorts!
The hardest thing I find is fit. He is very skinny, and clothes tend to fall off. I have only one brand of jeans that fit his tiny hips, and I just buy them on repeat every year!

Thank you again for sharing your little angel, she is beautiful, and it is very special that you can talk of her with such joy as well as sadness.