Why I dress casually at work: an example

A few days ago, I mentioned on another thread:

My ideal style is somewhere in the neighbourhood of "minimalist modern classic". As I've gotten more confident in my time here at YLF, I've started to tiptoe away from the "casual" descriptor. But I can't let go of it entirely because [of] ... my workplace's environmental norm. In fact, last month one of my co-workers called me out on my increasingly "nice" outfits, and there were definitely a few folks who looked away awkwardly [during that conversation].

Four days ago, an unrelated male colleague noticed my ballet flats. As much as I like to think they're The Best Ballet Flats Ever, they're just ballet flats. And he's been stopping by my desk every morning since then to talk and gawk at my shoes.

Now, this hasn't crossed the line into sexual harassment or anything. In fact, I think it's rather sweet in an awkward and endearing way. But since I am the newest member of my team I do not appreciate having my clothing choices advertised to my coworkers -- especially when I'm not functioning at my highest productivity level nor have a track record of contributions to "offset" my clothing choices.

I will likely be wearing tees, jeans, and cons more often in the upcoming weeks. I'm not setting out deliberately to change my style because of these comments, but I suspect my desire to push my personal style boundaries will be blunted (farewell, experiments in pattern mixing) as I contemplate the daily question of "what should I wear?"

Am I being overtly pressured by others to change? No, of course not. But the insidious power of the environmental norm is in how it changes your desire to be different.

11 years ago

Kristin SF

Veteran

I'm really sorry to hear that the reaction you're getting from coworkers is leading you to revert back to your original style, which it seems you might like to change.

I do understand that - as the newest member on your team - you probably do feel some pressure to have your work accomplishments, and not your clothing choices, speak for you. Can you add one new style change (i.e. item) to an outfit per day, or every other day? Or 2ce a week? Slowly transition your coworkers into your style change?

I just read this - scroll down to conservative/intolerant environment:
http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....-like.html

On my end, after wearing the same jeans and t-shirts for years, I finally started to branch off into new clothes (finally, new clothes! never mind changing a style!) and I received only positive feedback. (Granted, it was in conjunction with a major weight loss, so a lot of the comments were around that, too.)

Even receiving only positive comments, I do admit that it feels weird to have my appearance commented on at all by my coworkers. So on the days when I go into the office, that's always in the back of my mind..... Will this outfit elicit too many comments? Should I play it safe and wear something old?

It's a shame that we think that way. I'm trying to be brave in the face of my personal style change, but it's been interesting to note the fear that holds me back - even with something as simple as changing the clothes on my back!

BTW, this guy sounds sweet, but also sounds like he wants a date with you.....?!?!

Niefern

Active Member

Charmian, I am surprised and sorry you have to tone-down your style. I have looked at the pictures on your pattern mixing thread and your style does not seem too daring or too much or loud at all. Just nice and I think that should be appropiate for any environment.

Anonymous

Maybe he has an interest in fashion? Maybe he is just friendly?
I don't think having fun with fashion undermines or changes the perception of your professional capacity, but take a step back. It is not " so important" at the end of the day,

missvee

It's not all bad that you can dress so casually for work. That way you can save your fashion budget for some great outfits for evenings and weekends!

Suz

(website)

I find it interesting both how different environmental norms can be, in different workplaces, parts of the country, parts of the world -- and the different ways we respond. And some of it is pure chance, I suspect. There's nothing inherent in your actual work that dictates a particular degree of casualness. But for whatever reason, that's how the others at work dress. And so your attempts to switch things up a bit attract comments.

I do think, though, that if you would still like to make inroads towards dressing in your preferred style, you can do it...as long as you move slowly and carefully. Ballet flats one month....a (quiet) pattern mix the next. And so on. Eventually you'll just become known and accepted as the "fashion conscious" one. But I can see how until they know your work abilities you would rather not wear that name!

rute

My advice is that, of course people notice changes in your style, but soon they'll forget and they'll get used to it!
Dressing a bit for the work can improve the way you feel, your confidence and the way others perceive your value, so don't go back now!

Sarah A

I really liked your awesome minimal style posted yesterday! I agree that it can be hard to stand out in a workplace. I hope you find a balance that makes you feel happy and not feel too out of your environmental norm

Charmian

Thank you so much for all the encouragement. I am already known as "the fashion conscious one" at work, and I have no intention of relinquishing that title :)! And -- to be 100% clear -- nobody at work wants me to do that either. Everybody here is supportive, understanding, and well-meaning.

I am happy and comfortable with my existing style. I'm merely going to slow down the rate at which I push my boundaries. There's no anger or resentment here, just a smidgeon of surprise at how environmental norms are enforced within the self, not just by the community.

Lastly, I wanted to show you two grainy photos of today's outfit: yes, it's cons, jeans, and a tee, but there's a little wink to pattern mixing here. Don't worry, I'm not dressing in a burlap sack and a barrel! (also: please ignore the pre-caffeine goofy smile)

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Beth Ann

Love today's photo. And I appreciate your reflections on environmental norms --- we're all working out ways to be ourselves and yet strengthen community bonds --- even in our offices!

kellygirl

I love today's outfit and would totally wear it in my environment too. I can relate to not wanting to dress to far out of the norm--I do think people get used to whatever you wear after awhile though.

Category