Unwelcome present (mini-skirt) - What to do? - YouLookFab Forum

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Unwelcome present (mini-skirt) - What to do?

Astrid

Veteran

I need your help. I got a belated birthday present from three of my friends yesterday, a mini-skirt. It's soo short and I could never wear it, because I'm really not all that comfortable with my legs. They said I should tell them if it's the wrong size, so they could get me another size. I'm uncomfortable with telling them I don't like the length, since it was a present. But I don't think I would wear it if I should keep it. Should I be honest and tell them the length makes me uncomfortable? Is it okay to go shopping with them and search for another skirt? I really don't want to offend them.

Oh, and I got my hair cut on friday. Just the ends, but I think it looks much healthier now. All in all, my weekend at home was very nice and my mum was in love with the shortened black flowery dress! She said it looked much better with the new length. Unfortunately I now have a cold, I think I got it from my sister. I hope I will be better soon, it's really unpleasant.

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Dressing

24 replies

Latest reply was from Astrid

Marigold

Yes, it is short. That said, I'd wear it in times pre-YLF, I actually wore skirts even shorter than that! (Yeah, I know... LOL). Did they include a gift receipt with it? That's why I hate getting clothes as a gift, as a surprise! Because they usually don't fit or are a style I don't like...
I hope you'll feel better soon!

Astrid

Veteran

Isabella, I have never worn skirts this short. I don't think I want to start with it now.
The skirt still has all the tags, so I could tell them that it doesn't fit and one of them could return it. But they would probably just take a bigger size and that would be it. Or I had to really tell them that I think it's too short.

Debora

Veteran

Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. My first impression from the first picture was that it didn't look all that short with tights, but when I looked at the second photo I did think that it's too short. I would probably tell them that you don't feel comfortable in short skirts and ask if they would mind if you exchanged it for a longer skirt.

Anonymous

the skirt is too short and can't be saved by tights/leggings ! you should tell that to your friends, so they can buy you a longer skirt or some pants/jeans !

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I would give your friends compliments about the purchase before telling them it's unsuitable such as 'this is a fabulous skirt. I love the shape, colour and fabric but on me it's just a little too short....do you think we could find something similar which is a little longer?'

Becky

Veteran

I second RoseandJoan's suggestion of telling everything you like about the gift and then asking them to go with you to help pick out a replacement that works in the length department.

rae

(website)

Veteran

Do you like the skirt otherwise? Is there extra fabric to let the hem out?

I had a similar situation recently -- I actually tried it on with my friend, and she insisted it wasn't too short. I ended up saying that it would ride up and try to bunch around my waist as I moved. If altering is not an option, you could try something similar. If you have a bf, you could say that HE thinks it's too short (this has happened to me as well).

Jonesy

Veteran

First thing: I have to say that your legs look fab and there is nothing about them that demands coverage :). I know that comments from strangers online won't necessarily change your opinion about your legs, but I just had to put it out there! I wonder if your friends think the same thing, which is why they got you a miniskirt!

While I think the skirt looks cute on you, I can see why you would think it's too short. I absolutely think you should feel comfortable telling your friends and exchanging it for something you will wear. You can frame it as a body type issue: "Since I'm more of a pear-shape, with a tiny waist and curvy behind, the skirt looks a little short in the back for me. I really appreciate you guys' efforts in nudging me to try new things, but it's just too short and I won't wear it. Can you come with me to exchange it for something just as great that I will get lots of wear out of?" Or something like that :).

Sarah

(website)

Veteran

If it were me, I'd just say it was too short. Tell them the gift was really thoughtful, and it IS a darling skirt, but on it hardly covers you.
I'm not the queen of manners though, so I don't know if you should not say anything. My only thought is that if you see them on a regular basis they would probably want to see you in it.
Honesty is the best policy I think.

Queen Mum

Veteran

I agree.. as much as you don't want to seem unappreciative, it would be a shame to keep something that isn't going to be worn. I personally would prefer that my friend was honest with me. Julie's approach is perfect.

Barbara

Veteran

Astrid, this is difficult! I would be honest about the skirt being too short - it is REALLY too short - but first thank her for her thoughtfulness.

Your hair looks fab! Feel better soon....

Kim

Veteran

If I bought you a present, and it wasn't your style I'd be sad if it just sat in your closet. (Or weht to Goodwill). I'd rather you tell me that while it is cute, it's simply too short with your body type and you don't want to waste my hard earned money by not wearing it.

We all know when we buy clothes for others we are taking a chance that it might not be their style. No offense should be taken if it turns out we were right! LOL

Lisa

Veteran

Make a date to go shopping to replace the skirt with something else they help pick out. This way it's fun and your friends are included, also so they will know what length skirt you prefer in the future. If you say nothing there's a good chance you will end up with another short skirt in the future.

Ornella

(website)

Veteran

I love your new hair length.

Regarding the skirt, how would you feel if the situation was the opposite and you bought your friend(s) something they are not 100% comfortable wearing? If you'd expect them to be honest, then you should not feel uncomfortable by talking to them about swapping the item for something more to your liking.

After all, gifts are meant to make the recipients happy, not necessarily the givers (if the choice has to be made).

Dee

I think it looks cute on you! I think what the other's suggestions for letting your friends know are great, but I have never been able to do it myself. I have several gifted items that I have never worn. If you decide you don't feel comfortable letting your friends know, maybe you could try pairing the skirt with leggings or leans for more coverage.

Maya

Veteran

I actually really like it on you...but who cares? You have to be comfortable in it, period.

My timing on this is very good, because I was just reading about etiquette the other day (I get really bored on my commute).

Good etiquette dictates the following:

-First, once the giver releases the gift to the recipient, they must do so with the understanding that the gift is no longer in their possession and that they have no say in what the recipient does with it. It is completely acceptable for the recipient to give it away, sell it, return it, or just not use it. Furthermore, it is bad etiquette for the giver to inquire about it later, as this may cause an embarrassing situation for all parties (obviously you can't control that, but take comfort in the fact that it's bad manners).

-Second, in every situation, you must always accept the gift graciously and leave it at that. If it isn't to your liking, you must never make it known to the givers. As stated above, you are free to do what you please with it once it is in your possession, so there is really no reason to express dissatisfaction. The only acceptable request is to swap for a different size.

Now, obviously a lot of people here disagree and think you should tell your friends--so you could very well say "to hell with etiquette." But I felt obligated to share the Emily Post standard

NK

Oh boy. That's a tough one.

I understand the etiquette part of it, but truly, if it doesn't work for you I'm sure your friends would prefer to know that.

I have a kind of similar situation with an accessory one of my friends gave me recently. I feel bad, but honestly, I kind of thought she meant it as a joke, it's just so large and garish. I would never dare to tell her it isn't quite my style so I plan to suck it up and wear it soon.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Call me a rube, but I'm disagreeing with Emily here. Discussing the figt with those who gave it to you may not be strictly correct, but it's a lot more practical and may save a great deal of embarrassment down the road. I think Julie's approach is perfect, and I hope your friends will see the wisdom of it too!

Jenava

(website)

Veteran

Your legs really are darling in this skirt! But, as someone who has been uncomfortable with legs in the past, I can see why you're disappointed. If the givers are close friends then I'd just let them know that you tried it on, really liked the idea of it, but just couldn't get past the length. Ask them if they'd mind taking you with them to exchange it for something a tad more wearable.

If the givers are not very close or there is some other thing about your relationship with them that makes you less comfortable with the idea of being straightforward, then I'd just let it go. Try wearing it with thick leggings, or get it let down as much as possible, or re-gift it...

Katiepea

(website)

Veteran

I love Julie's (R&J) response to handling this situation. It's not that you have said you don't like the skirt, just that it is too short to be practical for your lifestyle.

Now, I'm going to blunt here with the reality of what I see as the situation in terms of ultimately deciding what you do......

In essence, true friends want you to be HAPPY. If these girls are true friends they really would understand that you feel uncomfortable wearing the skirt and would be ok with exchanging it for something else, I'm sure.

IF..... these girls are the kind of friends where friendship is somewhat "conditional" (I'm sure you know what I mean), to be honest, I'd probably be more likely to just put the skirt aside or sell it on ebay some time in the future - why risk the angst?

Good luck coming to a decision. Let us know the outcome!
x

Irene

Veteran

Hey! I'd tell them you think it's too short, it's a pity they spent their money on something you will not wear, and nobody will be happy in the end because they WILL notice you are never wearing that skirt. Although, let me say something and hope I don't ofend you: you are young, have slim and lovely-shaped legs and I don't see why you can't wear that skirt. It's not that short anyway. I mean, it would be short for my mother to wear, but not for my 22-years old best friend. I used to wear skirts like that one all the time last year amd nobody ever looked at me like I was commiting a crime or something like that. And I know every girl has her own little worries and obsessions on their own body but honestly, your legs are more than fine Maybe this is the perfect occasion to get over your complex.

Scarlet

Veteran

That seems like a very thoughtful gift from your friends. Personally I would not tell them that I don't like it because in this case I subscribe to the idea that etiquette is about preserving other people's feelings, especially when they had good intentions. Obviously most people here are not agreeing with me on this point. I actually think the skirt looks very nice on you from the front and in the back I think it could be let down a few centimeters if there is enough fabric. I would wear a skirt like that all the time. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Polly (thunalata)

Veteran

Etiquette aside - I seem to remember that you are a student? And presumably your friends are too? So money may be an issue, in the sense that your friends may be really keen to give you something you look good in (and you do) and also something that you wouldn't buy yourself at the moment, but they will also be sad if it backfires and you don't ever wear it.

I am 37 and have spent the last nearly 20 years wearing calf-length skirts. Since YLF I wear knee-length and can see good reasons for going even a little shorter. I have missed my chance to wear much shorter hem-lines, because I am too old for that now. If I had found YLF earlier who knows what I would have had fun wearing?

I would try this skirt with a shorter top and take another pic for yourself to look at before you make up your mind what to do. You may just need to accustom yourself to you in the look...

Astrid

Veteran

Wow, thank you so much for all you answers, it really helped me! I'm writing only now because I didn't leave my bed for the last three days due to the cold. I'm feeling a little bit better today.

I think all of you are at least parly right with your recommendations. I would have never thought to look at the problem from this angles and you have really made me think about some things.
I'm certain that my friends bought me this skirt to show me that I don't have a reason to be uncomfortable with my legs. My friends are, like thunalata guessed, students like me and definitely wanted to give me something I wouldn't have bought for myself. But I think that makes it more important that I be honest with them, so I can have something I really wear. And I know that many of you said I had great legs, but for me the skirt is just too short. I would be uncomfortable in it and probably pull down the hem all the time. And that's not fab! You can't let the hem out, by the way. No excess fabric that I can see.
And I thought about our friendship and realised that it was in fact needless to worry myself this way. So I talked to them this mornig and basically told them what Julie said, that I really like the skirt but that it's too short for me personally. We are now going to change it together on monday, combined with a visit to the Christmas market and some mulled wine (my suggestion). It was no problem for them and they agreed that I had to feel comfortable in it, because they would naturally like to see me wearing their present!
So, thanks again for all your advice! I will show you some pictures of the new skirt on monday.