Shopping with friends- a slippery slope! - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Shopping

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Shopping with friends- a slippery slope!

Staysfit

Veteran

I have been down this road before! Shopping with a friend and they absolutely love what I try on and insist and push that I purchase it. That internal voice says "no" but then the questioning voice says "but she says it looks great" and my reason is overcome by the complement. I pull out my credit card. I live to regret it each time.

I'm embarrassed to admit it has happened again. I purchased something less than excellent, and knew it in my gut. Does this happen to you? How do you handle this?

Shopping

21 replies

Latest reply was from crutcher

E

Veteran

It used to happen to me with my mom! I look for reasons not to buy something, but she'll try her best to convince me to overlook those issues. She'd even offer to buy it for me, because she liked how it looked so much! I used to frequently end up being talked into buying it, but then I noticed that I never wore the things I'd dithered over in changing rooms, so now I just stick to my guns. My mom & I have a very close & open relationship, so I also told her about the problem, and now she makes a special effort to not be so pushy (she'll still tell me when she likes me in something, but if I point out problems with it, she doesn't argue). hehe

unfrumped

Veteran

I never shop for myself with friends. It is for your reasons and also I feel self- conscious about bending, checking the back, dithering over size. I like to shop with DD's for them.

catgirl

Veteran

I love shopping with and for friends. But I am much more controlled than I used to be and willing to argue with them!

Joy

Veteran

It happens to me. Usually I find some reason not to buy it but sometimes I do and later return it when alone. I can usually truthfully say that it didn't look as good when I got it home or just wasn't "me". My shopping friends know that I am very picky and usually give helpful feedback.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

This is why shopping in stores with a generous return policy is a good thing.

I've done it too. Knowing that it's an issue is the first step to avoiding it. One of my friends is a fairly impulsive shopper too, so it's easy to get caught up in her enthusiasm. But I try to stick with my practice of mentally filing the item away and seeing if it sticks with me. If I forget about it, it's not meant to be. If it sticks with me, and I go back the next day (or week), and it's not there, well, again, maybe it was not meant to be. If I go back, try it on again with fresh eyes (alone!) and still want it, it is more likely to be a hit in my wardrobe.

Frankly, I used this process for many years. After finding YLF I started getting into more of a BBQ mentality, and lately I find I'm going back to my more measured approach. I'm paying more attention to budget and curbing the never-ending case of the wantsies.

I still enjoy shopping with friends (I don't get the chance very often anymore), but I do my best to keep my critical, realistic eye. I think this ends up being more helpful to my friends too. We can be serious enablers!

DonnaF

Veteran

This happens when I'm with DH or DD. At least now I've figured it out. I return the item(s) at the earliest opportunity. And I no longer go into thrift shops or other stores with them if they don't have great return policies.

Firecracker (Sharan)

Veteran

Um, I usually don't need the encouragement of a friend in order to make a shopping mistake! Ha ha!
But I do get what you're saying. I don't think it happens to me so much anymore. I tend to shop alone more, or with friends who are pretty picky on my behalf.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Sigh.

Back in the days when I never bought myself clothes, I had a kind girlfriend who was just trying to get me to buy something pretty. Anything!!

I had no clue about my style at the time.

It never failed. Out shopping with her, I would buy things that:

Felt way too expensive for me. (This friend is much wealthier than I am.)
Felt way too "feminine" and "frilly" for me. (This friend would always compliment how I looked in them.)
Were not practical for my lifestyle or climate.

My solution was to move across the country so I would never go shopping with this friend again!

In all seriousness, sometimes you just have to stick to stores that have great return policies. Because it's easy to get caught up in the excitement.

I do think that as you become more and more clear in your style, it will be easier for you to say, "Yup. You're right. It DOES look good on me. But it's not my style." Or, "It just doesn't fit my aspirational style."

Silly question: Does your friend have a different body type/ colouring from yours?

I ask because my bad-shopping-buddy's body type and colouring are much different from mine. I think part of her excitement about items I would try on came simply from the fact that they looked so different on me than on her. Not necessarily better, you understand. Although she often believe that, it wasn't true.

Quietgirl

Veteran

I don't shop with friends. I recently went to the mall with a new friend who has VERY expensive taste and pocketbook. Of COURSE we started at Neimans! Fortunately, she says she never pays full retail and we didn't find anything that fit her standards of quality. relief!

I went back later and purchased what I liked! I won't be going with her again except out for lunch.

I can still be pressured by a SA and it bothers me.

Thistle

Veteran

This happened to me all the time with my mom and sister. I don't shop with them anymore.

I hear you, though. I knew it was time to end our shopping days when they were trying to convince me how great something looked and I was clearly skeptical. When I went back into the dressing room, another customer quietly took me aside and told me to trust myself that I was right.

Summer

Veteran

This is why I always prefer to shop alone. If I get it wrong I've only myself to blame.

gradfashionista

(website)

Veteran

That happens when I go shopping with my mum, which is rare. I don't take her advice anymore, because it doesn't fully overcome my doubts when purchasing clothing items. Everything I bought with her that I doubted, but that she loved, I've ended up giving away.

Zibbets

Veteran

Oh yes. My mother, my sister, friends and even my kids have talked me into buying things that weren't quite right. The person whose opinion matters most is my husband, both because he has the best taste and most discerning eye of anyone I know, and because he will see me wear it more than anyone else.

Anonymous

I am no fun to shop with , nor do I have fun when someone is with me. I get bored when I'm with someone else, and I have little patience for doodling around browsing myself, so - no. The only time this ever happens is when I take my mom shopping a few times a year to the only store she likes: Nygard. I get totally bored waiting for her, so I end up browsing around the store convincing myself that their clothes are nice and that I like them and should be buying them. I am of course wrong, so always end up returning everything I buy . Again, I am horrible in stores. Do not go with me, nor let me tag along with you. We'll be mad at each other within the hour.

rachylou

Veteran

I can't shop for myself with friends along. It feels so pressured to me just to have them waiting while you're in the dressing room.

Anonymous

I used to shop with a friend and it was so much fun. We were the same height and the same build. We worked at the same company and we dressed very similarly. Despite the fact that we dressed similarly, we were still very much individuals and no one would think we dressed a like because she would tweak her outfits and I would tweak mine a different way. It all worked out well.

What a great thing it was shopping with her. We hit all the same stores. We tried on all the same things. I could instantly see what looked good on her and knew it would look very similar on me. I could also see what was a fail on her and knew not to even bother. If she found "the best looking pants in the world," I went looking to buy the same pair.

As sometimes happens in life, our paths started to diverge and we rarely see each other any more. I still remember how much fun it was shopping with her.

I was lucky that once. It never happened again. I can't shop with other friends because it never works out. I shop solo with the help of YLF.

Anonymous

I don't shop with anyone.

Anonymous

If you're thinking it's not for you but someone else is pushing you to buy it ask them why they think it's flattering on you. When they've described those qualities, thank them, tell them how helpful they are and say you're going to try to find an even better version of something with those qualities.

Ruth M

I enjoyed this post, Staysfit - so interesting to read everyone's shopping preferences and solutions.

I'm amongst those who make purchasing mistakes when with friends. It's not that friends or shop assistants pressure me - I'm stubborn enough to just say no if that's what I'm feeling. It's more that I get caught up in the fun of the occasion and see things through rose tinted spectacles.

No solution from me, I'm afraid. I won't give up shopping with friends - it's fun to share in THEIR purchases! But I intend to learn from the wisdom in this thread

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I never shop with anyone, but if I did, I would not be pressured into buying anything and would simply (firmly) say that "I guess we just have different opinions on this but I appreciate your enthusiasm." and move on to the next thing. And if they continue to push I guess I'd say "You wouldn't want me to try and push you into getting something you weren't sure about, so how about we agree not to do that to each other?"

crutcher

Veteran

I go walkingthroughthesmallstores with friends, I have coffee at the food court and maybe lunch at some fun place, I help my friends buy for some special occasion that they have...BUT...When I want to shop for ME, I travel alone...I do not shop for myself with anyone...