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Re-imagining yourself as a MOTG

shipskitty

Veteran

Something I still am struggling with is figuring out my style as a MOTG. Work is fine and I feel I have found my groove. To be honest that is where I wanted to pitch my effort when I started this whole style revamp thing three or four years ago after my son was born. It was initially triggered by trying to understand my changed body shape but also trying to restart my career which I felt stalled in the time I had off work with my son.

My MOTG style though still feels unsettled and undefined or...not entirely coherent. Partly it is an identity thing because even after 4 yrs as mother to my delightful DS I still feel kind of confused that I am sombody's mummy. It isn't part of the career-focused identify that I built up over the years. Partly it is that I came somewhat late to motherhood and partly it is that am 40+ now and some looks I used to wear without thinking feel too try-hard or too young or no longer suit my body-shape - I carry weight differently on my body now.

Not 100% certain what I am asking here...I guess I am attempting to ask if others have felt like the journey to figure out their MOTG style has been a long one... Also maybe ideas as to how I can find my MOTG groove if anyone has any.

General

26 replies

Latest reply was from RoseandJoan

deb

Veteran

Oh, I remember those days. It sound like you have your business clothing all settled. Can you try adding some smart casual pieces form you business side to you MOTG side? Play around in your closet and see what might work together before you go out and buy anything.

rachylou

Veteran

Maybe this is a dangerous question... but which camp of mummy do you see yourself in? Your son probably hasn't started school yet, still... Regular school? Charter school? French school? Showcase fundraiser? Ghetto PTA? That last was me, lol.

abc

Veteran

Following along bc I am right where you are. Oldest is 3. Have the career capsule down. I struggle with MotG and my now WFH lifestyle. I'm nearly 40 and had kids late and also freak myself out sometimes thinking I'm a MOM to two little angels. So yeah... When you figure it out can you give me your notes?!!

shipskitty

Veteran

LOL abc!! Welcome aboard

Seriously glad to know I'm not the only one!

Robin

I never had a great daytime weekend look mastered, so kids plus body changes plus leaving my early 30s left me feeling really frumpy. I still prefer my work clothes, but focusing on picking good MOTG shoes and outerwear has really upped my style in the last year.

Mona

Veteran

I struggle with weekend clothing which is very similar to MOTG clothing. I have spent a lot of time and energy in my career clothing though.

shipskitty

Veteran

Yes that's it exactly Mona! I have spent the time and energy on the career clothing. Which is as it should be - for the lifestyle I have - 5 days a week for about 10 hours a day that is what I am wearing. It is the other 2 weekend days and after hours (occasion wear is also ok since there has been career-related overlap) that I feel I haven't got myself in order. With some overlap for casual fridays at work when they are happening...

Rachylou - I'm not sure. I hadn't really thought about that much since DH works less and more flexible hours I expect he'll be doing most of the school runs. So that isn't really part of my thinking at this point.

Deb - That is good advice. Perhaps I need to think about how I can incorporate the two capsules more. While my little dude was small I tried to keep them more separate to ensure my work clothes didn't get ruined but now he's older I can probably get away with being more flexible. Though my work wardrobe skews fairly dressy/formal in the main.

abc

Veteran

For me, too, going back to one of your other threads, it's the shoes. I have an urban walking lifestyle now, two kids under 3 and I WFH. Before when I went to an office every day I drove a car and walked from a parking lot or garage into the office and that was it. Heels worked fine for that lifestyle. Now, I routinely walk a mile or more a day just in my regular activities. So for me I'm starting from the shoes up, trying to find fashionable yet comfortable walking shoes. Usually slip ons don't fit my feet but I'm warming up to the idea for spring / summer because I think they could up my outfit quotient. Maybe in a metallic or with cutouts. I saw the post recently on "how do you wear your oxfords?" and read it, but to be honest I don't feel feminine in oxfords so I think they're off the list for me. I do like them on others, though.

Anyway, so glad to see your post and we are in the same boat!! Let's share so we can both learn and advance.

Deborah

Veteran

Skipkitty, I hear you! I also arrived a little late to motherhood and was very career focused, and my wardrobe reflected that. Also being childless meant that my weekend wear (which was always a challenge) was more about activities that one does sans kids. After my DS was born, it was very confusing. I didn't want to embrace the 'uniform' I saw a lot of mum's wearing so had to find my own. Jeans became part of my MOTG look but with nice tops and jackets. I like to look dressed, so jeans and hoodies has never been my thing. Maybe if you an break down the elements you love about your professional wardrobe and include some of them as you develop your MOTG capsule, you will put together something weekend appropriate but still something that feels like you.

Summer

Veteran

I can't improve on Deborah's reply. Don't try to force yourself into a casual style if it really isn't you.

unfrumped

Veteran

I always was very casual and not very stylish or put together on weekends and after school. I also was not a big jeans person back in those days.
If I were doing it again I might veer toward some elements of Sporty Luxe( as a goal for comfort + more style) , some things like washable knit blazers for polish and comfort, and definitely experimenting with footwear - figure out whether loafers, slip-on sneakers, minimal trainers, flat leather boot,or what, would be my go- to shoes-/ would also depend on pants, track
pants, bootcuts, BF.

Have you looked at a the MOTG and casual ensembles? See if one or more resonate with you, and maybe you'll find a couple of formula silhouettes to try.

abc

Veteran

Knit blazers were a nice discovery for me. Polish and structure yet comfy. I only have one but its been a workhorse. Light gray and bought second hand!

Dimity

I can understand this. Work is central to my being.

I also wonder, however, why we women seem to want to define ourselves by our relationships. I realise how life-changing having children is (I have two grown up boys), but over a lifetime, the time spent as carer to small children is relatively short, and I don't think there is a need to classify our clothes by it. After all, when I got married, I didn't say, well, what do married women wear? And when children are grown, you are still left with you and you still need to be you.

When was the last time a man said: 'I need Dad On The Go' clothes? They might say 'I need casual wear', or 'clothes that take a beating', but it wouldn't be the kid thing that defines the look.

I would say to you that rather than finding a MOTG style, look for a 'casual YOU' look. I've recently been down this path, and I have found a style that is consistent with my natural tendency to want to be polished as well as my need to look relaxed and be comfortable. For me, it consists of flowy cotton tunics and blouses in summer, with shorts or a knee length straight skirt. In winter, it's oversized knits with straight leg jeans or pants or a straight above the knee skirt, loafers or brogues and tights.

Of course, you may well say that you're not really defining yourself in this way, and that MOTG is just an expression, but given that you're finding some previous styles don't work for you now, it seems as though it's part of a bigger identity process that you need to explore.

shipskitty

Veteran

Dimity - Thank you. I really appreciate your insights here. Yes MOTG is 'just an expression' but it does also carry extra connotations of defining myself in a specific role rather than as me. I need to think about that some more.

anne

Veteran

I think "MOTG" was made up by Angie - perhaps she'll chime in on it. Lots of forum posters have found her MOTG posts more generally useful for casual looks, but I think it is fair to say that Angie does have many clients who are Mums and is experienced in helping them deal with that change in lifestyle that parenthood can bring.
I had children younger than you (late 20's) and didn't have so much of my identity tied up in work, but I can relate to having to change my wardrobe.
I have always had a minimal wardrobe, and prior to kids I think I just wore my work tops with one pair of jeans on the weekend, and maybe a casual dress or 2 in summer.
Once I had children I discovered that I needed more multiples because they would get dirty and I had to buy a few items I hadn't even owned - eg shorts and a casual skirt. In the Australian context it meant also more clothes for extremes of weather - because my homes were much hotter in summer and much colder in winter than in a AC/heated office.
I had 3 kids, and by the time the forum stated I had just had the third and of course spent a fair bit of the previous 5 years pregnant or recovering from pregnancy. I found Angie's help invaluable with learning to dress for this new normal in my life (eg not pregnant, but not at work) I was someone who, like you, tended towards a dressing, tailored style. (I am back at work nearly full time now, btw so similar to you again)
Hope to see and read more from you skipskitty (and fellow Aussie!)

Roxanna

Veteran

I totally hear you. I also have had 2 kids in four years (I'm 38 now) and I never even wanted kids until four years ago, so it's been a big shift for me, too. Here in canada we get a one year maternity leave, and being practical, I spent all my time in yoga pants and casual castoffs (who wants to get spit up on something nice?) Now that I'm back at work, I too wanted my weekend capsule to be upgraded - less sad, exhausted mom and more hip, trendy mom (though i was never really trendy before - i guess it makes me feel youthful.) I had an epiphany about making it work with my lifestyle through layering and bought a bunch of skinny jeans, beanies, thin shirts, layering tops and a down vest. Together with flat booties, I was able to craft a comfortable, trendy MOTG look that felt like the 'new' me. Still wonder sometimes (many times!) how I became a mom to my two amazing kids - but go easy on yourself. It's a lot of change in a short period of time, and your identity needs time to catch up

Dimity

I find the MOTG capsules here really useful and I've used them as a template for myself too. They help me to figure out how to put things together in new ways and colour combinations; Angie thinks of things I never would have.

frannieb

Veteran

I hear everyone on this post. This is the reason I found YLF - I have a wonderful work wardrobe and had no weekend - MOTG wardrobe to speak of. I was going on a wonderful 2 week vacation to paris and had to buy a mini capsule because all I had was yoga pants or work clothes. Of the 12 pieces I brought 10 had to be purchased to have any kind of casual mix and match wardrobe.
I have been working on my MOTG wardrobe - but it is hard because for me work and MOTG are very different capsules and not much overlap.
It has been a struggle for me to put the time and money into the capsule because it 2 days of my week. Yet when I am able to leave the house and feel fab which happens more often then not on weekends now I'm inspired to keep slowly working on this capsule.
My next capsule is a lounge capsule.

rachylou

Veteran

You know, it just occurred to me that what hooked me was Angie's MOTG looks. My dd was an ol' lady by then, so I didn't think of myself as a MOTG, but that's not true. I was, actually...

K.M.

Veteran

In my case I struggled not simply to find the MOTG look, but the mom look, period. I breastfed my daughter for 16 months and I had lots of issues with plugged ducts. As a result I could not wear anything constrictive, not even nursing bras; even a shoulder bag would give me a plug. So I had to wear forgiving sports bras, and in order to nurse with them I had to wear loose tops. This, for 16 months. It completely threw me for a loop. Nothing I already owned went with those bras. I stayed at home for most of this time, and the physical demands of caring for my baby full time meant that I lived in yoga or sweat pants and sneakers. It was tough fashion-wise. I feel not only frumpy but also lost, because till then I had always been somewhat dressy: mid-heels, pointy toes, jeans, wouldn't have been caught in public in sweat pants... I went through a real identity crisis, and I'd say that it's only now after 4 years (and a lot of help from this forum) that I'm finding myself again while trying to balance the needs of a mom whether on the go or not (i.e. stable footwear is a must if I'm with my daughter, for example).

harmonica

Veteran

Lots of great thoughts here. Finding a MOTG style was harder than building my work wardrobe. There are so many things to consider - like being functional, practical and washable etc etc. Jeans + blouse + long cardi, jeans + plaid shirt + long cardi has worked really well for me, as well as everyday jersey dresses. Angie's MOTG posts are great inspiration. Also Goldenpigs MOTG outfits are worth a look.

austennut

Glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Nursing can place definite restrictions on the wardrobe, and pregnancy/childbirth has also changed my body's shape. Since I'm still nursing, I feel as though I'm in a transitional period (in terms of nursing fit issues as well as heading down to pre-pregnancy weight). But after having done a minimalist* wardrobe throughout most of the pregnancy and trying to make do with whatever I had postpartum, my self-esteem took a real dive.

(*Not minimalist as in well-curated pieces that I love, but pieces that were affordable and would be functional for the time and that didn't look awful on me.)

So I now have much more interest in my wardrobe, fashion, etc. I now have the desire not to look so frumpy (and to be honest, my casual wear was never mind-blowing before), and am interested to see how everything works out. As the warmer weather arrives, I've been reaching for knee-length circle skirts. But that's about as far as I've gotten with the wardrobe thing. Looking forward to seeing how everyone else progresses!

Joy

Veteran

I remember that time well because I never felt good about the way I was dressed. What I should have done was invested in some good MOTG stuff like a couple pairs of great jeans and the right footwear ( not sneakers and flipflops). Some great jeans with nice tops or tee and a blazer with booties, loafers, ballet flats, etc. Will have you looking smart but still casual. Look at Angie's posts in the archives for ideas and pick what appeals to you.

Sara L.

Veteran

I still struggle with my weekend casual looks. I think I have work wear pretty sorted out. But weekend casual looks were problematic even before I had kids. For some reason, I felt like I couldn't wear anything that I normally wore to work on the weekends. I have gotten past that thinking and I'm able to combine some aspects of both styles. It's made my style and wardrobe more cohesive. For example, I can wear the same sweater on the weekend with jeans and boots and to work with a skirt and pumps. Or a graphic tee can be worn to work with slacks and a blazer or with jeans and a cardigan on the weekend.

Anonymous

This may be more about getting older and less about being a mother. I feel like your post is very shadowed by who you used to be, and while you will be incorporating that incarnation of yourself into the present and the future, you wouldn't be going back there even if you hadn't decided to have a child.
I think if you just let go of that and start from where you are now, which sounds like a very good place to be, you'll be able to see what suits you best now more clearly.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

Whilst evocative MOTG is such a broad term, I have several capsules within MOTG to cover activities ranging from trips to the museum/ meals uptown to dog walks/ park trips. What range of activities are you needing to incorporate within your MOTG wardrobe?