PSA: Anne Lamott Quotes on Self-Acceptance

Laurinda

"At 59, I finally love my strong, jiggly thighs. They just happen to be a part of the package, which is so gorgeous and juicy that a swimsuit can scarcely contain it."

It breaks my heart to read a recent post at YLF that asks 'How can I grow 5"?' or learn that there is now a type of surgery to fit feet into smaller shoes. Sure, we all do things to improve our appearance, from exercise and eating healthily to personal grooming and selecting flattering wardrobes. But I want to send out hugs and reassurance to my sisters that your bodies and your height and your feet and your wrinkles are just fine the way they are!

"Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you
never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in
warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly
and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out
on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big
juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring
off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart.
Don’t let this happen."

The Definitive Manifesto for Handling Haters: Anne Lamott on Priorities and How We Keep Ourselves Small by People-Pleasing

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

10 years ago

Off Topic

18 replies

Latest reply was from Laurinda

Joyce B

Veteran

Your post is though-provoking and timely, what you said is really what is important to keep in mind.
Self-acceptance is important for leading a happy/ happier life and paradoxically the only way to change (such as in a weight loss program) is to accept yourself first.
Sometimes we can be our harshest critics and when that is the case it needs to be addressed.

10 years ago

(website)

Veteran

Yes, good points about not enjoying your now because of some silly, inconsequential thing as your thigh size! In the grand scheme of things, what the heck does it really matter??
As for the taller post . . . I honestly think many of the teen posts I've seen lack a certain maturity level that most of us grown women are used to on this forum. If I'm being honest, I simply don't respond to teen posts for that reason.

10 years ago

Adelfa

Veteran

Thanks, Laurinda. It's a big job to build and maintain a healthy self-image and we need all the help we can get!

Your AL quote reminds me of a time over 15 years ago when my mom was stressing about how she'd look getting into a swimming pool with four of her grandchildren. I said, "But Mom, you're a grandma!"

Obviously stung, she said, "Well, just wait till you're a grandma and we'll see how you feel about wanting to look good in a swimsuit!"

The thing is, I wasn't saying, "You're a grandma so it doesn't matter if you look like crap." I was trying to say, "Please tell me that with time and wisdom you might get to a point where having fun with your grandchildren in the pool trumps swimsuit anxiety!"

The thing is of course my mom was right that mere years do not bring about that transformation. Anne is challenging us to get there anyway.

10 years ago

crutcher

Veteran

Beautiful, Larinda...the absolute sadness of not just adoring your ownself...There is nothing wrong with being completely taken with me (ones ownself)....The imperfections are just not important...What fun life can be when you are in harmony with you!...Three cheers for Anne Lamott...Just had Traveling Mercies rec (by her).....
THX for a thoughtful post...

10 years ago

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Anne Lamott is great; thanks for sharing. It is sad to think about how many things women are choosing to not do because they're worried about how they look doing them, or think that only 'acceptable' bodies (whatever that is) are allowed to do certain things. And it's all a culturally arbitrary standard of beauty anyway.

What I've found is that for me, when I get in this mode of judging my own body, I can reframe it by thinking of not what my body looks like, but what it can do. My body can carry me around all day and hug my friends and cook dinner and see the sky and think of weird things to write down that might entertain people one day. That's more important, and more expansive, than how it looks in a swimsuit.

10 years ago

kkards

Veteran

I heard an interesting interview this week with Barbara Walters were she was lamenting that she was only good at one thing, TV. She said she couldn't cook, wasn't athletic and couldn't even drive. And it reminded me, that no matter who we are, we all have some self doubt, but that we shouldn't let that get in our way of being the best US we can be.

10 years ago

Nebraskim

Veteran

This has been circulating on Facebook. I like Anne Lamotte so much and cognitively get what she's saying here. But that being said, as I approach 59 in a month, I affirm that the jiggly thighs and soft belly have kept me from swimming, or actually even enjoying a bath, since I was in my late 20s. I've been overweight much of my life and even though I'm fit enough to run 10ks and half marathons, the flabby skin jiggle from weight fluctuations is just too much for me to look at, let alone inflict on others. Sorry but my body acceptance won't extend that far. I have never felt the desire to swim as an adult but did swim when I was a kid. And no matter the temps, I wear compression capris and long sleeves. I'm glad my body is strong and sturdy. But I fully understand its limitations.

9 years ago

Isabel

Veteran

This is so great . Thank you. I particularly liked, " if people wanted me to speak warmly of them then they should have behaved better. ". So many great lines.

9 years ago

Lyn D.

Veteran

Thanks for posting Laurinda, I will look-up this writer to read more of her wise words.

9 years ago

JulieJohn

Veteran

Thanks for this! It reminds me to reread Bird by Bird which is a great book. "Just take it bird by bird, buddy." Jiggly thighs aren't a sin. Everybody loves Jell-O, right?

9 years ago

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Really wonderful. I really did not start feeling that way what I call my own self empowerment until after a longterm toxic breakup at 38. Now at 40 I'm good.

9 years ago

jackiec

Veteran

Thanks for the PSA, I find these types of quotes so beneficial. lOL at julieJohn!

Perfectly imperfect! I always try to jump in the pool or ocean when my boys ask me. They'll remember splashing around with mom way more than watching me lounge on a beach chair....

9 years ago

Helena

Veteran

Very interesting; thanks for sharing!

9 years ago

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I know I have body image issues, but they end where I make choices on whether or not to participate in things I enjoy! If anyone is offended by the sight of any part of me while I'm out running, biking, or playing in the water, they are mistaken if they think I care.

9 years ago

Laurinda

Veteran

Thank you for all the great comments. Maybe it is an age thing, I know that with age has come security and comfort in my own skin.

I love love love to swim and cannot imagine denying myself the pleasures of swimming. The freedom of movement, and of being weightless -- it is the closest thing to being able to fly! (Plus subcutaneous fat can be beneficial, it helps with both flotation and warmth).

Nebraskim, only you know your comfort zone. I guess I am lucky to have found a gym that welcomes all ages and abilities from pre-natal through Parkinson's and Arthritis rehab. I swim regularly at 195 lbs, I swam when I was 230 lbs. The water aerobics classes have a wide range of ages and sizes with at least two attendees who I estimate are over 300 lbs and we all sing along and laugh at our crazy underwater moves (or lack thereof).

9 years ago

Joy

Veteran

I love Anne Lamott and her sometimes uncomfortable directness. I think acceptance of all those imperfections will come with age. When you see your friends no longer able to walk from a parking lot or do stairs, you will bless those jiggly thighs, thick ankles, and big feet that you used to hate because they still work.

9 years ago

rachylou

Veteran

I was listening to the writer, Edward St. Aubyn, on the radio - whose father was monstrous and who perpetrated unspeakable crimes on his family. In any case, St. Aubyn said an interesting thing about the deranged and how their minds focus on what's available to them by way of rationalizations. The thing is, they are rationalizations, not reasons, and quite arbitrary foci.

To be quite blunt: chopping your feet up for the quote-unquote sake of beauty is not about beauty. Beauty is not the reason; it's the rationalization. Or the random focus of some impulse gone awry.

I know someone who had foot surgery to even out the length of her toes. The surgery went wrong. Wrong wrong. Surgery is not a casual undertaking, no matter how "routine." If you crave something so much that you're begging to get cut up to achieve it, you really need to step back.

People don't like to hear that, but it's not ok.

9 years ago

Laurinda

Veteran

That is fascinating Rachy.

My philosophy is to try and make the best of what I was born with, while others seek out nips & tucks here and there. Imogen Lamport has been very forthcoming about her breast reduction surgery, and it sounds like she is very happy with her decision.

I wonder where a line could be drawn between self-improvement and pathology? [And how sad that there are medical doctors who aid such people!]

9 years ago

Category