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Paring down the book collection

Astrid

Veteran

I've been slowly going through my possessions again and again to pare down and for the most part it went fairly well so far - until I got to the books that is. I have a big packing case which is full to the brim with books in my kitchen (should divide that into two portions) and they have been there for a while. A few hours ago I finally made an appointment and two weeks from now the organisation I found a while ago will come to fetch the books. They resell them for little money to people who can't afford new ones and use the money to fund several charitable projects in the city.

And now I'm feeling kind of wretched when I think about letting them go. Which is really silly, because I have kept all the books that I really loved and want to read again, I kept all the books I never got around to read and maybe finally should and I have a library card which enables me to borrow all the books I want on paper or as an e-book (have a reader I love). I'm keeping most of the children's literature because I can't part with that... Although a big part of my children's book collection is still at home anyway, mostly with my sister. I guess they'll probably stay there until the first grandchild comes along.

By the way, these were books I had gotten as a present, mostly. I have bought few myself, because I've always been a library user and also read all the books my parents got as presents and didn't have the time to read.

So what's up with this? Why do I have such a hard time to let go of those books? Because seriously, I love the look of the room I suddenly have on my shelves...

Anyone else experienced the same? Maybe with another collection you had/wanted to pare down? How did you deal with it?

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27 replies

Latest reply was from Kari

Janet

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I understand completely. I have a problem getting rid of a lot of books too. Fortunately, we have some room for books in our house (some built-in bookcases), so I expect we'll always have a substantial library, but I'm always right on the brink of overflowing the available space. I've made a couple of passes of the collection recently and gave away a couple of boxes, mainly of things I know I will never read again, and of reference books for a job I no longer do (graphic design). I also got rid of a huge pile of backlogged design magazines I had kept over the course of over 15 years -- why didn't I do that earlier??

I wish I had more suggestions for doing this, but so far, I'm finding that a few things help me:

- Taking it in small doses -- when doing a task in a room with some bookshelves, take a few minutes to just skim the books and really look at the titles to see if something jumps out at me as something that can go. I did this in my office yesterday and another half dozen books are in a box to be donated because of it. It may feel a bit piecemeal, but it takes away the overwhelming nature of looking at the whole collection all at once.

- Moving them to a holding zone for a few weeks (in my case, it's a box in the garage, one step closer to the trunk of my car bound for donation at the library!). But honestly, nothing has ever come back in from the holding zone.

- Remembering that in most cases, I can always get this book again. In fact, some things go missing from our house (CD's and books in particular, one of the hazards of having my stepsons around so I've come to accept that if there is a book I really, really want to keep, I'd better store it in my office, where no one will take anything without asking first.

Now, if only I could summon up the courage to get rid of a bunch of my mom and dad's old books that I can't seem to let go... I'm so sentimental! Sometimes my husband is no better -- I was ready to get rid of my old 1974 World Book encyclopedia set, but he wanted to keep it! So it's in the bookcase in HIS office. LOL

Irene

Veteran

I CAN'T. DEAL. WITH THAT.

Seriously, a couple of years ago I took two or three books that I didn't like, or didn't even care to finish, to a second-hand bookshop so that they would give me credit to buy books that I actually was interested in. I felt so, so bad afterwards.

I've gotten a bit better -some months ago I gave away a couple of books that I have in London (I actually volunteer in a second-hand bookshop now), and I was fine... but, yeah, I get your pain.

Have no solution though, sorry.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I just found this. Pretty interesting:

http://www.becomingminimalist......-to-books/

Mochi

Veteran

Books are a special case. They represent so many things to us. I'm not particularly attached to things and even I go back and forth about which ones to keep or not. My husband takes a hard stance that books are all valuable and we should just hold onto them, which I don't agree with....but just to prove my point about the weird attachments we have to them. I met a woman who told me her apartment in Boston had high stacks of books everywhere. I joked about it being hard to navigate, and she replied completely seriously that it was! She said a book contained the author's soul, and thus she could not give any of them away. I think she was a little....inflexible.....: )

Sorry that I'm not offering any solutions : )

crutcher

Veteran

Astrid, I so totally understand your love of your books...For some reason, books become personal and close...
However, this is only stuff...When you say good-bye, in two months, you will not remember owning ordain in purging...From one who knows...

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

Man, the situation mentioned in that blog post makes me sad. 20 books, six of which are craft books? What a soulless place to be. But then it reminds me of all the discussions we've had about minimalist wardrobes here in YLF - someone else might be happy with only two pairs of pants but I would feel anxious and punished. Like anything else your possessions and your living space should reflect your interests and loves.

When I read this topic subject line my ears perked up like an excited bunny. I am a lifelong book lover and I have a lot of books. Astrid, it sounds like you've made the right decisions with your collection: you've gone through and kept the stuff that's sentimental, that you plan to read, and that's really important to you. Now you're stuck with the emotional work of letting go of the ones you've decided not to keep.

Like Janet suggests, I alsodo this sort of thing often, the looking through shelves and cullling. I did a big cull when we moved last summer so I should probably start again. I participate in two different book swapping sites, book mooch and paperbackswap, and it's reassuring to send your books to someone who actually wants them rather than just donating them or whatever. I donate what's left to the local friends of the library because I know they take better care of them than the thrift stores. But I've heard horror stories about how FOL groups who are overwhelmed just recycle books, so look into that if it concerns you.

It depends a lot on what you read, too. I read a lot of history and older books, most of which is out of print and will never be digitized. So this 'you can always find it online or at the library' stuff is nonsense, frankly. If you read mostly best sellers you would probably be fine.

Did I give any useful advice, or just babble on about my love of paper books? (I like ebooks too, especially for travel; I'm no Luddite.)

kkards

Veteran

let me say that i have been known to read an ebook, then go out and buy the hardcover. so, i don't really have any advice, but i wanted to say i feel your pain!

Gaylene

Veteran

I think this is a very touchy area for those of us who love to be surrounded by books. The sight, feel, and even the smell of books has delighted me for as long as I can remember. When we built our custom home a quarter century ago, in addition to our sizeable office/library with its floor to ceiling and wall-to-wall bookshelves, I had our builder install built-in bookshelves in EVERY room, including the dining room and bathroom! People who visited our house invariably exclaimed "wow, you have a lot of books!"--an understatement if I ever heard one. But I knew every book in our house and could grab whatever one I wanted in seconds.

All this is just some background so you'll understand how I managed to cull a library that numbered into the thousands into a couple of hundred volumes or less. Downsizing into a small condo meant I had to fit my books into a couple of tall IKEA Billy bookcases. I won't say it was easy, but it got done--oddly using more or less the same techniques I used for downsizing my wardrobe.

My first step was to set a fixed number of books that could reasonably fit on my two bookshelves without cramming or double-shelving--and leaving room for a few new additions. I tried to think of the culling process as I'd think about my friends and acquaintances. Some are near and dear, while othe friendships were more the result of a particular time in my life. I have friends I still make an effort to see a few times a year, while others just get an occasional card, or visit, when it's convenient. I have childhood friends with whom I am still close, but others who are now just fond memories. And, I had a sizeable number of acquaintances that I called friends, but were not, at least in any deep and meaningful sense. Thinking of my books in this way made it easier to let go of ones that had been significant at a former stage but were no longer as important. And, just as with people, I realized that it's probably better to treat those who are closest to your heart differently than those whose impact is more fleeting.

Culling meant picking the books that held the highest happiness factor to keep close beside me and introducing those that got left behind to new people. Hopefully some of those new relationships turn out to be good ones.

Anonymous

I really don't really have much personal attachment towards any of my possessions, though my DH and DD do. My DH was so adamant about getting rid of any books for a while. After 30 years he was able to let go of his college textbooks as I noted that in the 30 years he never referenced them. Next to go were the paperbacks as they really started to deteriorate. I remind him that by donating the books that he is passing the enjoyment of reading these books to others and so now it has not been so difficult for him. (our local library holds 2 book sales every year as a fund raiser for various library programs)

My DD who will be 21 very soon has kept a good number of her childhood books and I know there are a few she will probably never get rid of (she has a first edition Winnie the Pooh) like her Berenstain Bear books (the authors of these books lived near us and she even got to meet one of the authors and her sons on numerous occasions. She has also held on to most of her college textbooks. So far I have stored these books for her, but in a few years when we downsize she will ultimately have to make the decision as to what to do with them.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

I saw my books as some kind of physical time-line of my mental life & was much more attached to them than I was to my clothing or anything else - even photos. I now have about one tenth of the physical books i used to have - partly because of e-books but mostly because I made the decision to let them go if I could easily buy them again or if I knew I would never read them again. It has worked well for me & there are no regrets

ETA: I did keep my favourite books from childhood.

Ruth M

You have my sympathy, Astrid, because I too find books more difficult to get rid of than almost anything else.

There is a lot of good advice above, and I hope it will help you to move forward. However, if you are still feeling "wretched" about it, can you postpone the pick-up appointment for a while? (Sorry, I know this is not helping you to get rid of them :()

You ask "What's up with this?" and I'm wondering if it's because the ones you have left were presents. Is there a sense of obligation attached to them? Or are they a happy reminder of kindness and generosity shown to you?

unfrumped

Veteran

I can so relate and speak as one who kept most books all my life. Love books and reading. This despite being interested (but not too successful) in de-cluttering--I always thought books would be different/immune regardless.

Recently have been going through some re-evaluations regarding career and stuff in general.

Got the Mari Kondo book on tidying even though I've read lots of other books on, well getting rid of stuff and books.

I'm not even a big fan of the "talking to your possessions" approach or anything special about the book except that I think it was just time. And maybe the joy factor resonated since it's so much akin to the YLF process, yet I never really applied it to individual books. Somehow they were off limits.

I have taken several large cartons of books to the library book sale this past week, and plan to offload more. I am keeping as many sentimental books as I want to, and I give myself permission to keep books I'm not sure of for now, but what I can say is, the idea that a book has to be kept because it's a book is just GONE.

Also, I'm much more in tune with the idea that I can read anything again without too much trouble, and that I had a number of books that I'd read that didn't even feel special.

I have had a few moments of insecurity as to losing "proof" that I had been in contact with so many books. So another epiphany, you can't always judge who's a reader by how many crammed, dusty bookshelves they own. I'd like to be the reader who reads and not just a book collector.

The thing about the Kondo book that also resonated is that for the first time I could see the book collection as possibly inhibiting new book experiences and new experiences in general. I finally started using a Kindle product that I don't expect to replace "real" books completely at all, but it changed my idea of what books and information and space might look like for me in the future. Some kind of hybrid of print materials, e-books, Internet searches, or who knows what is yet to be invented.

Good luck--remember to focus on what you want to do and not what you think you ought to be doing.

anne

Veteran

No advice from me Astrid - I have never thrown out any book unless it was falling apart. I don't buy many - mostly I borrow from the library - but those I have I keep
What Laura said is true for me too
"I read a lot of history and older books, most of which is out of print and will never be digitized. So this 'you can always find it online or at the library' stuff is nonsense, frankly. If you read mostly best sellers you would probably be fine."

Most of my older books were collected because I couldn't easily access them in the library

I have to admit though, that my no throwing out books habit even extends to about 50 ex state library service children's books (non-fiction mostly) that a friend kept giving us until I asked her to stop. If I had to, they'd be the first to go. But as long as we have room in one of our seven bookshelves I am fine to keep!

fern

Veteran

We have very few books now - kept mostly reference books, including some I use for house/garden/art inspiration. But that's all online now. Like Caro, I did keep a few of my favorite books from my childhood, for when kids come to visit. I do think it was harder to let go of books when I was younger and closer to the textbook age - maybe they represented hard-earned knowledge?
It took several rounds of sorting to get here, but it's the same as the wardrobe - what is here that I don't need?
I go to the library every week, and I have plenty of books checked out. My local library is outstanding, so it might be different if I'd settled in a different area. Or did I feel at home here because of the library? Anything I've looked for has been available there (or I can put a hold on it). I have the Marie Kondo book checked out right now
You can't walk in to our house and see what we've read, but "what are you reading?" will start a long conversation.

Gigi

Veteran

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses, but I had a similar reaction when I had to get rid of a lot of books about ten years ago. I felt like the walls were closing in in my small apartment, and I really needed the space. Most of the books were about music and languages, which was tough because I was a music major in college and also took a lot of foreign language courses, which I loved. I even had several books of Old French literature that I had painstakingly collected from various used-book stores over several years.

I gathered up all but the most necessary books and took them to a place in the States called Half-Price Books, because I also needed money (they buy your books and then resell them). I felt like I was doing very well emotionally as I lugged in my several boxes of books. They examined them and then told me how much they were worth to them, giving me a ticket to take to the cash register. And that's when it hit me really hard: I just looked at all my books spread out all over the counter, no longer in my home or in my life. It was good-bye. I would have packed them back up and told them no thank you, but the deed was done.

I think that our books in many ways represent our lives and also our aspirational lives, so it is hard to let them go. If you think about it, if you went to someone's house and looked at the books on his bookshelf, you would probably be able to learn quite a bit about the person without even seeing him! They're a very personal thing.

I still think back to some of my books today with a wistful feeling. But I know that I made the right decision to give them up. I can't offer any amazing words of advice other than to say I had grief too when I got rid of my books, so know that you aren't alone.

Astrid

Veteran

Thanks to everyone for sharing your own stories and commiserating with me! It really helped. I didn't come back to this thread sooner because when I had finished sorting through some other things yesterday one update resulted in a major crash of my computer system and I spent the rest of the day rescuing data and installing a new OS. (So people, if you don't have an up-to-date backup of your important files, do it now!)

First off, I really think I can deal with it now. I made some room on my shelves yesterday, not because I moved more books but because I sorted the rest of the things still in there. I now have some space to put a few of the books from the kitchen back, which relieves me greatly. I'm not sure yet if I even need that option, but I gave myself permission to move some books back. The only rule there is, is that at least 40 books have to go - because with fewer books they don't come to fetch them (and I don't have a car to transport them myself).

It's still some time until the appointment and I'm planning to go through the box slowly, book for book, once before Italy and once afterwards. I suspect it will be easier when I realise anew that I won't want to read them again.

As for the types of books, these are not only bestellers, but they're not anything rare either. I would definitely find these in a library again if I wanted to. Even if my local library wouldn't have it, you can get a lot of things via interlibrary loan, if you really feel the need. Which I think I wouldn't.

As for presents and feeling obligation - that's definitely true to some degree. I have to work on that, especially because with most of these people won't even remember they gave them to me. Or I don't even remember who it was, just that it was a present. Should be no reason for keeping.

And I realised that I have a certain idea that having a book collection in your living room (or anywhere else) is kind of recquired. Probably playing into the whole idea of them representing a picture of ourselves to visitors and the remark that having very few books seems kind of "soulless" - a thing many people think even if they don't say it. But really, not owning those books is not the same as not reading them. When I was a teen I couldn't afford to buy more than one book a month with my pocket money, but I borrowed five (or more) new books in the library each week. The librarians always joked there was no way I could have read them all in a week. But I did, I was always a fast reader. My bookshelves in no way represented the amount of books I was really reading. Maybe I should let go of the books I don't need and make it a new habit to visit the library more, once again, instead.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I know what you mean about the "soulless" thing -- I can't imagine having a home in which some collection of books was not visible. I just realized there is book storage in every room of our house, except for the bathrooms.

I am currently considering getting rid of a bunch of travel books, and I gave some thought as to why this is so difficult. For one thing, I do more of my travel research online now, because information is so much more up-to-date and easy to find. The books are years old, so anything other than the most general information (and the photos) is outdated. And they take up a bunch of space. However, there is something sentimental about them -- at least some of them. They remind me of trips I've taken. BUT, I have other ways of remembering those trips -- I took photos, I kept mementos...so I really don't need those books, do I? I think I just talked myself into getting rid of most of them.

I have a hard time getting rid of coffee table/art books too. In some cases, I think some have become fairly collectible (I did a little searching online for a couple of titles and my eyebrows went up at the amounts some of the out-of-print titles are fetching), so if I decided to cull that collection, I'd probably sell rather than donate.

I think almost all of my old textbooks are gone. Only the most recent ones, on architecture and interior design, are still in my shelves. Oh, and I kept my mom's old, marked up, psychology text. I remember when she went to nighttime college classes (she went straight to work in an office after high school, so she didn't set foot in a college class until she was nearly 50), so that holds sentimental value. I do have a small bookshelf full of my childhood books and some of mom's books too. I may edit that down over time, but those are hard to get rid of. Oh, and that's not even counting my box of Nancy Drew books! Yikes. Those are in our storage room. Talk about sentimental. I started reading those in first grade and piled up quite a collection.

So yeah, I'm not a good one to give advice on getting rid of books, am I?

Gaylene

Veteran

What--no books in the bathroom, Janet? Maybe I shouldn't have been surprised at my builder rolling his eyes at that particular request...

But I do totally relate to Gigi's comment about books being an outward manifestation of ourselves--much like clothes, come to think of it. A book that gives me pleasure becomes part of me and getting rid of it leaves a mark. But, these days, I've tried to judge how easily the wound will heal and be forgotten--a minor scratch, or a trip to emergency for a major patch up.

Despite the convenience of my IPad and the library, I'll never stop buying actual books; I just like them too much, so I'll always be stacking them under a table, beside my bed, and on my bookshelves. Just trying to control the habit instead of letting it take over my life.

Astrid

Veteran

Janet, I totally get keeping the marked up text - that's a different animal altogether. I wouldn't want to get rid of my marked up texts from theatre playing either, even though I'm never going to read them again. And I definitely would have a very hard time to part with children's literature, I'm glad I don't have to. Somehow there's much more sentiment attached to those books, in comparison with most other things I've been reading more recently.

Gaylene, I don't think I will stop buying them either. But maybe I will rather keep only paper versions of my favourites. And first borrow or read the electronic versions. I've also been borrowing a lot of ebooks lately...

chadya

Veteran

My story on this, I come from a family of readers and had many and had packed and unpacked as most of us had.

This is my reasoning on this, when I was young it was not as easy to find a book as it is now so that once you bought one you held on to it "because you may never find another copy". Now I can find that copy. \

So I have started to clear out my books and have actually stopped buying new ones.
The only ones I am keeping are my Penguins from when I was a kid in England and my Agatha Christies and some Golden Age Mysteries and some art books.
The others I have been selling or donating.
Catalyst was cleaning out my Mother's house of all the books that no one wanted.

Just food for thought.
As you get older you don't want to be burdened by things.

Echo

Veteran

I grew up in a home with floor to ceiling bookcases covering two walls in the living room (the rest was windows), and bookcases in almost every other room of the house. And yes, while there weren't proper cases, there were small shelves in the bathroom attached the the side of the cabinet.

In my own house now, I strongly feel that books help to make a house a home. I am VERY resistant to re-homing books. However, as difficult as it is, when we remodeled the kitchen and I realized I had enough books to fill several cabinets, I had to pare down the collection of cookbooks. And we have had virtually unlimited books for the kids at every age, so we periodically have to go through them and re-home them (the kids are always allowed to keep their favourites). And then I found that there are actually books I had a visceral dislike towards, and I was happy to re-home those.

Still, it is an ongoing struggle. I seem to acquire them faster than I am able to cull them, and there is only so much room in any home, even with bookcases everywhere they will fit! I wish I had better advice for you, except to say that giving books is giving pleasure, imagination and knowledge. And those are some of the most valuable gifts there are. So as difficult as it is for you to pass them on, know that you are making other people's lives richer in the process.

Astrid

Veteran

Just wanted to give you all an update: almost all of the books I had put aside are gone. I went through the box yesterday and put maybe five or six books back on the shelves, another is going to a friend whom I know to be interested in the topic. The rest was fetched a few hours ago and I feel great about it. No bad feelings at all! On the contrary, it feels good to have the box out of my kitchen...

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

More book love here - I've done *pretty* good at paring it down though after our last move especially. I still have a good collection of recipe books, art books and health related books. They are more like "reference" to me an I don't want to part with them because I go back to them often enough to justify keeping them. And if the internet ever goes black...;-)

Alassë

Veteran

That's great, Astrid!

rachylou

Veteran

Oh yes. I gave up a room full of books, to move to this tiny city apartment. Books on paper are a treasure and have a future. eBooks, which I rely on almost solely now - when the power is gone, so is that information.

I console myself with the knowledge that when the grid goes down, I won't survive long anyways. Haha!

unfrumped

Veteran

Another thing, though it sounds like an excuse for more collecting, is that I do have some keepsakes and vintage items (nothing really Roadshow-worthy) that give me "joy" but less so if not used or at least displayed. This might include kitchen ware that is both decorative and useful, containers I use for cut flowers from my garden, or items that can be dressed up for holiday decorating. I had some of these items in closets, meaning, at some point I wold have to find another place for them, and also, they're not bringing much joy while hidden. That's where some of MK's idea of "handling" things is helpful an it's also akin to wearing your wardrobe items--over time you may re-evaluate whether you still like and want it.
So I have been reviewing books both for joy themselves and for whether, upon reflection, I would rather use the space for this or that group of books, or some other item.
So overall, paring down considerably and also choosing items. That helped both with, books are not great just because they're books, and also, some non-book items have uses throughout the year, and so are more part of a hobby or activity than a book that I haven't opened in 20 years. Again, I've been letting go of the idea that my intellect or reader-ness is measured by the number of books on the shelves.

Kari

Veteran

Oh, Astrid, do I ever know what you mean! My grandma was a former bookmobile librarian (one of the first) and later worked in a bookstore. While I was growing up, she had multiple rooms with stuffed bookshelves, and even inside unfinished basement closets I'd find books stored inside on the wood planks. I have quite a collection of my own, and feel sad giving up a book. I'm not into e-books. My test now is whether its one I would want to re-read. If yes, I can justify keeping it with the space in our current home. I'd probably pare it down a lot if we moved farther away. What's key to me is books with an excellent story or sentimental value. I prioritize:
the books I read as a kid-The Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, Pippi Longstocking
those that have been meaningful reads for years like The Princess Bride, Pride and Prejudice, To Kill a Mockingbird
special books like my grandma's antique copy of Jane Eyre, Willa Cather novels
Meaningful books given to me as a gift
Newer books that I want to read over and over again
Coffee-table picture books that I often pick up to look at

If they don't meet these criteria, I can let go of the sentimental attachment. It helps to know that so many books get a second life in used stores. I've bought many great bargain used books both online and from brick and mortar stores. I also try to see if books are available at the library and reserve buying them for when I truly want a copy that I'll read many times over.