OT - request for good thoughts.. - YouLookFab Forum

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OT - request for good thoughts..

Lynne

Veteran

Hi, All, I have been wanting to write this for ages and somehow the time was never right...in Oct last year my husband fell really ill. Since that time we have been through investigations, probable diagnosis, surgery, confirmed diagnosis, and a worsening prognosis. It has been an immensely stressful and sad time for us. The generous and wise forum here has been a 'lifesaver' for me - both as an escape, a diversion, a source of inspiration, and an encouragement to keep making an effort with my appearance. There have been days where just being dressed nicely to face the world has really given me the 'leg-up' (an Australian term, referring to helping your buddy onto their horse or over the fence by holding or supporting one foot) that I've needed to get me started in the mornings.

This Friday, we go for a cat scan to determine the effectiveness of his current treatment (chemotherapy). We get the results next week. I oscillate between hoping for the best and dreading the worst. We have been realistic, and have made plans for all scenarios. I know some of the wise and inspirational ladies on the forum have been or are solo mums, and I would really appreciate your encouragement....we have been together for 21 years, DH is young (42) and this is something that just never crossed my mind as something that could ever happen. Being a solo mum frightens me, being the solo bread winner frightens me, but I can handle both of these. Being without the companionship and support and wisdom of my husband is what brings me to tears - he really is my 'complement' and I feel incomplete at the thought of being without him.

We are lucky that we do have time - maybe a lot of time, God willing - left together. But I am finding it really hard not to worry about the future, especially as the next cat scan draws nearer. Please do keep him in your thoughts and prayers, and if anyone has been through chemo with a loved one I would really appreciate any insights that might help us to make this time better...sorry for the novella :(, and THANKYOU if you're still reading.

General

67 replies

Latest reply was from kellygirl

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

{{{hugs}}}
We are here for you

Queen Mum

Veteran

oh Lynne, I am so sorry to hear this. I have no insight but I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Bless you for being a wise, loving, and compassionate wife.

Jonesy

Veteran

Lynne, I am so very sorry. I have experienced a tiny taste of what you are going through: a few years ago, my SO was diagnosed with a very rare, rapidly fatal disease, with a life expectancy of 12 months. We were in agony--I literally couldn't think straight, I was out of my mind, crying all the time, absolutely panicked. After a few months of this, we went to the Mayo clinic for a second, confirmatory opinion, and we were stunned to learn that he was fine--the original diagnosis was based on a series of botched lab tests and false positives. I realize that your devastation is very real--no false positives in sight--but I wanted to let you know that I can empathize with how you must be feeling.

I am amazed at your strength--I hope that you can draw some comfort here, and that it can help you cope. I would imagine that your feelings are overwhelming at times! I will be thinking of you.

Lynne

Veteran

thx guys, I feel strange posting here, but I so much appreciate the wisdom and support and inspiration I see in the women here. The grace and kindness of a lot of the forum members as they deal with all sorts of situations - illness, family, financial, kids, pets - which just kind of come out when we're all gabbing about fashion - has been such a strength in itself. I really appreciate your thoughts and I really hope to post good news next week. Thx for listening :).

Sheila

Veteran

My heart goes out to you, Lynne...the gift of love is a precious thing, and I will pray for your husband, the love of your life, and for you -- for courage, for hope, and for caring friends to surround you when you need them most.

greenglove

(website)

Veteran

Lynne- You and your husband will be in my prayers.
You are brave and strong. I so understand the love you feel for your husband which is what will carry you through. Reaching out is the best thing- let others carry you in this time of stress. Do be kind to yourself.
I am not a single Mom but know there are others with your experience will chime in. We are here for you!

MsMaven

Veteran

I am so sorry you are going through such trying times. I do hope the tests will show a good result. I understand a little of what you are going through--my husband will be having surgery in three weeks, but it is not nearly as serious as what yours has been going through.

When you are feeling all alone please know that there will be those of us who are concerned and who are keeping track of you.

bella

(website)

Veteran

Lynne - I am so so sorry to hear this. I cannot even begin to fathom what you're going through. From what you've written I can see that you are a very strong, brave women and I send lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way so you can keep being strong for you and your family.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I'm so sorry to hear your story, Lynne. It sounds like your husband is your true mate, with all the time you've been together, and it kills me that you have to go through this. Good thoughts going out to both of you. <hugs>

Lynne

Veteran

thx, all....the YLF community is such an inspiration and support.

Jonesy, that must have been awful for you....I would be traumatized. Unfortunately we had the opposite error - a false all clear, with the result that this has been found at a very late stage.

Ms M, all the best for your husbands surgery. It's a scary time. Can you be with him in the recovery room? It was really speciall to be there as he regained consiousness. he has sat by me through 3 caesarians and it gave me an insight into what it must have felt like leaving the person you love in someone else's (albeit capable) hands!

all i can say is thankyou for your support and i do want to share good news next week - that the chemo has been effective and the metastises are shrinking. Remission and the extra time it will give us are our hoped for outcome....

MsMary

Veteran

Oh, Lynne, I'm so sorry to hear this! Sending you my love and support as you face these uncertain times!

sinead

Lynne, I just wanted to add that I truly hope for the best for you and your DH. I am sending all the warmest thoughts and big hugs your way. YLF is such a supportive community- do let us know how things are going.

Patty

Veteran

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Positive vibes --and hope there is positive and promising results from next weeks ultrasound. All the best Lynne !!!

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Oh my, how hard. I hope for the best right along with you. It sounds like you are holding strong and I hope coming here continues to help you deal in even a small way with such a hard situation.

Elly

Veteran

Lynne, medical problems are the absolute worse and no one likes to see their love one's suffer. I'm sorry to hear how serious your husband's condition is. I think that there is great solidarity here on YLF and I am glad you were comfortable sharing your struggle with all of us so we can offer you all the good energy, thoughts, and prayers that we can spare. I hope that you will be able to share many more years with your husband, but whatever happens I think you know that you can find support here.

Last year was a very hard year for me personally being diagnosed with my own medical conditions, ending my engagement after my fiance of two years became abusive, and having many, many deaths in my close family. I was drawn to YLF not only because it was a fun escape from life and fashion and how we present ourselves to the world is something we can control, but also because of the kind people here and the environment that allows us to bring small parts of our lives into a safe, caring place. I know that sometimes other forums and support groups can get so depressing and I sometimes turn to YLF to read or when I need to get out of that headspace.

Deb

Oh, Lynne - my heart is aching for you and your family. ((((Hugs)))) You've been very brave and very strong to have supported your husband and family through extremely intense and frightening times.

Take it one step at a time. Try very hard to live in the present. No matter what the outcome is, make every day that you are together with your husband the very best day it can be. Do not let worrying and negative thoughts about the future be barriers to happiness today.

Someday, if it does evolve that you are alone, you will be very comforted to know how good life was for you, your husband, and your children while he was still with you. You will be able to smile, remembering all that was happy, and you will have solace in knowing that every memory is a treasure you will carry in your heart.

Please know that I'm sending warm and strengthening thoughts your way.

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

Lynne, hugs! I can understand what you are going through very much. Two years ago my hubby had a ruptured aneurysm in his brain. That was the biggest scare of my life! There was only 20% chance for him to survive that without any damage to his brain. He underwent a brain surgery to clip the blood vessel and spent 2 weeks recovering in the hospital with immenent danger of stroke.
What hold me up all this time was to constantly tell myself that everything is going to be OK and believing in it. Thinking positive thoughts can help to bring up a better outcome. Try not to think "what if" now and concentrate on the positive so your energy is spent in the right direction. Human body is a wonderful and misterious thing and sometimes healing comes unexpectedly!
I will hold all of you in my thoughts and send positive energy to you. Have my fingers (and everything else) crossed for good results!

Louise

Veteran

Sending lots of healing thought and positive vibes xoxoxoxox

Debbie

Veteran

I will be praying for you and yours. Olease remember we are here if need us. Please keep us posted on the testing.

Lynne

Veteran

Thank-you so much, girls. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate our community here!

Elly, I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through, and you were very brave to break off the relationship - well done. A dear (young) colleague made the opposite decision and went ahead and married her abusive fiance....it was tough for all of us to stand by but I do appreciate that when you're in a situation it's hard to break out. I hope there is someone special out there for you after all that you've been through.

Anonymous

I'm so sorry. Holding good thoughts for you and sending prayers.

Isis

Veteran

Lynne,

I am so sorry to hear this. I have not been through an experience like yours with a loved one, but I would like to echo Deb's advice to live in the present as much as possible, trying to let go of the future and the past (which you cannot control anyway).

I have found mindfulness meditation to help me through stressful times, especially with its emphasis on the present. Here's a link with some information and meditations.

http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22

Please let us know any updates, and I will keep you in my thoughts.....hugs.

AJ

Veteran

I am so sorry. I will keep your family in my prayers. As a mom, I can relate to your fears of having to raise your kids alone.

I have several dear people in my life right now dealing with cancer and it amazes me how they can go on each day...I guess they just have to.

Thank you for sharing your fears with us. Please keep us updated. ((Hugs))

Isabel

Veteran

Lynne, hugs, prayers, good vibes..all of it to you and your family.

Of course you are worried. I think that sometimes the worst part in all this is just waiting for the results. You can't plan, you can't be strong ( for what ? ) and so on.

I wrote in another thread once that sometimes the only time we fully have for ourselves, is the time that we are getting dressed to face the day. Do it for yourself, fully present and joyfully !

Please keep us updated.

catgirl

Veteran

Oh, Lynne, I just read this and my heart breaks for you. I don't know if you know that I'm an estate planning lawyer specializing in elder and disability law, so I see lots of folks dealing with potential life-changing illnesses, and I know how turbulent and devastating it is. I'm glad you and your husband are able to discuss things openly, and I will be keeping everything crossed for a positive outcome next week. Miracles do happen, and I think "planning for the worst while hoping for the best" is a wise tactic.

On a related note (and I hope this isn't crossing any boundaries), I hope you will really ask your doctors about quality of life issues for your husband. As a lot of the ladies here have said, every moment is precious and should be made the best it can be for all of you. Hugs to you.

Ljubica

Dear Lynne, you and your husband will be in my prayers and thoughts.
I hope that your strength and positive thoughts will help both of you to go through these hard times.xoxoxo

biscuitsmom

Veteran

Lynne, I am so sorry to hear this...both my parents died from cancer and my sweet boy B has had it and I am praying for you both. Your DH is very lucky to have such a caring, loving wife and a family that loves him and we are keping our fingers (and paws) crossed that the news will be good...Im really glad you found this fabulous, supportive forum

CocoLion

(website)

Veteran

You are in my thoughts... this is a difficult story to hear. My sister lost her husband of 23 years to cancer when she was in 44. I had known him since I was 15 and was very close to him as well.

She was also a single mom, she didn't have a career and had to learn a new work skill. But she is doing great now 10 years later as a professional Organizer and has many clients; she has become quite successful. The first two years were the most difficult; she moved in with our parents for those 2 years because she needed support (emotional and financial -- it takes forever for estate issues to resolve in the US).

As others have said, don't fear asking for help! Others will understand. I share this story because I wanted you to know you are not alone as well as to add how it's been for others. However I really hope your DH comes through; it sounds like he has a chance.

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I just can't imagine how it feels to be going through this, all that I can say is that I will be thinking of you and your family.

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