Viva your hair looks great ! It is a modern style and has tons of shine... Love it !

It is all personal preference... just like shoes... wear what suits you and makes you happy.

There is ageism in the workplace- for sure. Like Aliona, I would also consider color if I were looking for work. I am lucky to be in a workplace that seems to accept me as I am. I am however the ONLY woman here without dye. Most of the dye jobs are very nice and professional looking. I know there are several men here who dye their hair... some obvious and others not so much. It is their choice as well. A significant number of them have just "shaved it down" to nothing.

Me:-). I adore greys on others like Una, Shevia, Elisabeth and Clearyclaire(wher are you, Claire??) but I'll be mushy and too bald with my own greys, I think:-))

Just to add, in my line of work it's actually an advantage not to look too young - I feel the hair adds a bit of gravitas, so to speak. As a small Indian woman who needs to command some
respect, it helps! It's not that noticeable to me IRL but boy does it stand out in photos!

I have a friend the same ages as me and she is still working. She wishes she could stop coloring her hair, but feels that as long as she is seeing clients she needs to keep dyeing. If I were in a similar situation I'm sure I would have done the same.

It is a decision everyone should be able to make for herself. It is strange to me that so many people, whether relatives, friends or strangers, think their opinion should count in what is a very personal decision.

You look beautiful. No one should have to justify their hair color choice just as they don't need to justify their clothing choices. It's all personal style. But I definitely understand the need to appear younger in the workplace, it's a sad but true reality.

I am very much a feminist in that I believe that women need to make the individual decisions that are best for them, and they need to be free to make those decisions without judgement. While I wish there weren't societal pressure to colour so that those decisions could truly be personal (and not society-driven), I have no judgement for those who colour.

It does sadden me when people say that partial grey (10% or a few strands or what not) is not an "intentional" style. If it is natural and a woman prefers not to colour, it is absolutely intentional, and it is and can be just as stylish as a dramatic streak or greater amounts of grey. In other words, your hair can look great going grey regardless of what your original colour is and regardless of how quickly or slowly it turns. Indeed, sometimes natural greying is preferable to colouring and then going cold-turkey and dealing with obvious grow-out. There isn't a right or wrong way to have natural hair.

And yet despite all this, I am conflicted. I am coming up on 45 and my grey has become noticeable to me at my hair line and scattered along my part. I struggle with whether I want to colour or not. I don't FEEL old enough to have as much grey as I do, but I am not sure I like the idea of colouring because if I start that now, it will be much harder to stop. I have very warm hair, despite it being dark (auburn), and I wonder how grey (naturally cool or ashy) will change how my complexion looks or the colours I can wear well. And to be honest, I somewhat lament lost youth, despite being happier and more confident than I have ever been. But lamenting doesn't make it not so, so is denial (for me, not implying that colouring one's hair equals denial for anyone else) the right approach?

I work with younger children who already think that anyone who is a teacher is ANCIENT. To them, 24 and 44 are the same difference, and both are old. So I am not sure how much it matters in that respect. There are teachers with varying amounts of grey or artificial colour, so I don't expect much judgement either way. It is an internal struggle for me that I have been battling for almost a year.

I will be 49 in a month. My hair is definitely getting some grey in it and I hit the salon every 6-7 weeks. I have no intention of going grey anytime soon. It just doesn't feel like me.

And out of curiosity, what did you wear to your focus group and what should you have worn, in retrospect?

I think you look great Viva. I also think it's wise for you to try to maintain your look, especially if it's important in your profession. I wouldn't have pegged you in your 50s....you look like you're in your early 40s to me. Your whole look is smart, elegant and polished, and the hair definitely is a huge part of it.

I believe hair is such a personal thing. You're the best judge of what works/doesn't work for you. I started colouring my hair in my early 20s, simply because I don't like my natural hair colour at all. It's a mousy brown, so I colour my hair a plum shade, and sometimes burgundy...because I like to change the look often. I also change the texture to smoothen and straighten out my naturally wavy hair. And I don't care how 'hot' and 'trendy' natural hair may be.

I think you do whatever gives you the most confidence in your appearance.

Personally, I felt my graying hair made me more in step with my younger colleagues at the university--and gave me an boost with students as well. The biggest detractors to my salt and pepper look were, oddly enough, women and men colleagues in my own age group. I'm not sure why the younger group were so enthusiastic about my hair, but I sometimes suspect that my refusing to color my hair made me seem more rebellious in their eyes--especially when I wore my leather moto jacket and Fluevog boots, and my hair in a choppy, inverted bob. I looked older than them, but I didn't seem as old as my same-age colleagues?

To my mind, finding a look that displays your confidence in yourself, your work, and your abilities is what, ultimately, gives you the upper hand in the workplace. If coloring your hair gives you that confidence, then it's the right choice for you.

I often wonder about my choice to not color my hair. Lately I've been thinking of trying to change jobs, and I am concerned about how I'll be perceived. People I work with now don't seem to think of me as old and infirm, but I imagine that people who don't know me would assume I'm less capable of keeping up with work demands than if I didn't have a head of graying hair.
In pondering the gray versus non-gray question, I've also come to a realization: my hair color doesn't just influence other people's perceptions of me. It influences my own perceptions of myself, perhaps more than I might even know. Since my hair has become more and more gray, I have noticed that I often think of myself as a "little old lady." When I wear my street sneakers, I do have an inner voice that tells me I'm literally a "little old lady in tennis shoes." I know that I'm remarkably fit and I dress in a way that's current if quirky, but I'm still "old" in my mind, in a way that I was not, before my hair started graying noticeably.
So, coloring over the gray might help a person face the world with more youthful confidence, too, in the way that feeling good in one's clothes is almost as important as looking good in them.

I think those of us who have chosen to go gray just want to feel it's as valid a choice as coloring, and it doesn't mean we've given up on ourselves! I'd love for my hairdresser to suggest ways to enhance my gray rather than hint that maybe it's time for some hair color!

I like what Gaylene said about finding a look that makes you feel confident, and that can include gray hair or colored!

Interesting, Sharan. My grey hair has made me feel defiant. Or as Gaylene mentioned, a bit rebellious. I don't like feeling boxed in by convention and by other people's ideas of what I should do, and I've chosen to embrace rather than eschew the inevitable. Although as you know being given a senior discount did give me pause!

That said, I know most people would find it more appropriate to continue coloring. This is why I love YLF so much - all the support for everyone's personal choices is truly empowering.

Una, I can see that. There's a little bit of defiance in me about my choice of not coloring, too. As in, when I read Kerlyn's response, I thought: I'd find a new hairdresser!
I've had hairdressers suggest color to me before, just as I've had those who insist on styling my hair straight. And even stylists who've suggested I should ditch the glasses for contacts, so I don't "hide my lovely eyes." I guess they are just opinions, but they kind of make me bristle. So I think of myself as a little old lady, and there's another part of me that retorts: Yeah, and you wanna make something of it? And I'm not psycho, really I'm not. Not diagnosed, anyway.

I am not able to give a "keep coloring" boost but for sure support your doing what is best for you. Not that you even need that.

I am going strand by strand myself, and I expect to keep going, mainly because I think I would be the worst about hair upkeep and don't see myself able to keep up with coloring, would fret about roots issues and so on. And yet I know that it's possible for hair color to boost "complexion" and appearance, not even by doing not-gray, but just the right color and highlights. So I might rue the fact that I'm not likely to take advantage of that route to improvement. It's almost as if I don't want to try amazing hair coloring because then it would be hard to go back, if that makes sense.

I think that is one reason I have decided to keep focusing on "flattering colors" in tops and toppers--which means more nearly-neutrals rather than the most classic neutrals-- and make an effort to collect and wear those. It is my way to get what "glow" I can with existing hair and relatively neutral makeup.

Great thread!

At 45 I have a few strands of grey but it blends in with the blonde and brown so it is not prevalent. I am not wild on my natural colour right now, a very dark mousy blonde, so I highlight every 12 weeks. The colour also helps me with fighting greasiness.

I will continue to colour for a while, I hope I know when the time is right to change it up. Or not. I used to think I would be an 80 year old with a platinum blonde chignon but I am too lazy for that.

An interesting read!
I am saddened though, to hear that there is perceived pressure to colour hair for job opportunities.

I color. I'm theoretically trying to date and it's already harder after 40, and harder for me in general, so I don't need another potential strike against me.

CHOOSING NOT TO GO GREY for all of the reasons you mentioned in your post. I want to add another one too, I had a very unfortunate haircut earlier this year. It was totally my fault. I tried something new and it was a disaster. I am still growing out my hair. My hair may not fully recover before the holidays. To even consider going grey at this time would add layer upon layer of wrong.

I might consider it sometime in the futures, but not this year.

Such an interesting thread. Like Una and some others, I feel a bit rebellious for not coloring my hair. It started a strand at a time and picked up speed until it seemed white overnight sometime in my 50's. A modern cut and style can make a huge difference. A woman about a decade older than I rocks a silver spiky pixie and looks amazing. For years I wore my hair long and up in a twist or French roll. It looked great and got lots of compliments but the style felt aging and I like it better now in a reverse bob. Women should be able to color or not color their hair to please themselves. In some ways going grey would not be as fun or make a statement if everyone did it.

It's so interesting to read what everyone has to say about this topic. And please forgive me for not responding to each individual post -- I read them all, and I know I will go back and read them all many more times. There is a lot of wisdom and a lot of therapy in this thread, for me at least.

It seems that for some of us, coloring our hair can help us feel better equipped to face the challenges of a youth-dominated workplace, or just the workplace in general, or the dating world, or just the world in general. I could really relate to all of you. I also could relate to some of you who have gone grey (or is it gray? I never know!). The idea that going grey can influence how you see yourself, can make you feel defiant. Let a thousand flowers bloom indeed.

I have clients where my age and life experience are clear assets -- a health category where the average patient is a 45 - 70 year-old woman. (I am exactly the right person to speak to patients and physicians there.) And public television, where the average viewer is in his or her 60s. (Again, I am a great choice.) But I want to be able to bid on work where the consumer is in her 20s and have clients feel like I can speak credibly to these women. If they see me as a mother figure, that is okay -- but if they start to think grandma, I am sunk.

UmmLilla, the groups were in LA, and I dressed head-to-toe JCrew (I packed at 5am -- that was the problem). It made me look older and more conservative. Actually, if I had worn the outfit from the other day (the green Zara top, the dark AG stilts, and the cropped black JCrew jacket), it would have been perfect. Lesson learned.

Viva - I am so sorry to hear you are in such turmoil. I pulled my first gray at 24, one week before my wedding. My grandfather was completely white at 18 yo. I have very pale rosy skin, dark brown eyes and hair. My skin and small features would be totally washed out by gray hair. I do not feel pressure to color or not color my hair from the outside. I choose to keep it as close to it's natural shade of brown because that is what looks most flattering on me and allows to me to wear a very natural minimal make up look which I prefer. Plus it means I look good in my favorite color - black!! Viva - like make up, clothes, glasses, shoes, every element should be a personal choice. No right or wrong but right for you at the time. You only need to do what makes you feel wonderful, competent, empowered, attractive - most yourself!

There is a well known Australian TV newsreader in her early 50s who published an article recently with a photo of herself digitally manipulated to show herself completely grey. She said that this is how she would look if she stopped colouring (she went completely grey young) and how she would be happy to look but felt she could not go that way because it might affect her professionally. Imo she is very good at her job (and also beautiful) but even she felt she was not allowed to go grey. So you are not alone.

im not going grey either, yes, partly its to main a youthful look in a competitive work environment,but also I like changing it up. I like being blond and red and toffee, or whatever else seems like fun. I'm at the point where I'm not changing the cut as often as I did in my younger days, so colors were the fun is.

I love my grey hair but I know many women feel differently from me, it is always a personal choice. I only want each woman to have a REAL choice.… not just a choice based on the fear of looking older. The sooner our society accepts that the lucky ones among us get to age the better imo.

If you are happy with your choice, I fully support you! We all have to do what's best for us.

Echo, sorry about the intentional. I didn't think about it...any slight was definitely unintentional! I will rethink that phrasing.

Actually, I may not have to make this decision. Mine is thinning at an alarming rate, much faster than it is greying. I will hardly have any hair left to dye if this keeps up!

Just wanted to add to my previous post...I think that all of us here on the forum may have a bit of an advantage in that we all enjoy fashion and are seeking to hone and polish our unique styles. We may color our hair or not, wear makeup or not, embellish with jewelry or not...but in the end we are each actively working to learn and express ourselves through our individual styles.

I get a lot of inspiration from all of you and your unique styles, so I hope all of you will continue to express your individuality!

Viva, I applaud your choice. Everyone should make the choice that makes sense for their life. I believe it's unfortunate that we are put in a position of having to factor in our hair color when it comes to our careers.

As you know I have made a choice to stop coloring my hair. I have had grey hair since my early twenties. I'm not yet sure how people will respond to my hair being grey, but I'm happy with the choice to stop coloring it, and also feel comfortable with the idea that I can change my mind and color again. I have a hard time believing that anyone truly looks bad with their natural coloring. I haven't seen this in anyone, and that has given me more confidence to move forward.

While I believe my appearance is important to my success, I am in one of the fields where grey hair may leave people with the impression that I have much career experience, a strong positive. It is more important that I look genuine and trustworthy as opposed to youthful.

I came back to read everyone's comments - so interesting . I had two more thoughts here :
1. Like anything - if you make a change in your appearance , make it intentional. And change up or adjust your clothes , makeup, jewelry etc to work with it. As in- let's not go grey ( gray in Canada ) and start wearing sweat pants and white reeboks .
2. And here's a statement from my hairstylist last week ( hence my new red hair ) that I still haven't figured out: I floated the idea of starting to let my roots be their natural selves and just keep up the blonde highlights - and she blanched . Her comment was - I could never do that ! I still have young kids ! And she's 3 years younger than me ( in other words, your age ) but still has a 12 year old and a 15 year old at home . Never mind the fact that she completely ignored my comment and started talking about herself (which is one of the reasons I am breaking up with her ) but that intrigued me.