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It's not fun being accountable(ETA WIBought)-Long.....

celia

Veteran

Dear YLF,
Remember this post about a month ago when I promised to be a good girl and limit my spending to my needs?Well, I have good and bad news for you...
In my defence I was confronted with the dilemma of buying the items I needed on sale now or buy them later more expensively( but that doesn't account for all of it).
Let's itemize things:
1. Needs(now)- I needed some underwear and yoga clothes. I bought them and won't be buying anymore any time soon. I can say this for sure because these are items I don't like to buy.Call it the temptation I can live with.
2.Needs(spring/summer)
- work shoes. I needed to substitute 2 pairs and a friend just happened to come across a Nine West close out sale. I bought this (pic #1 ) for $35 after taxes.
3.Useful to add(spring/ summer)
- another work appropriate dress. I saw this one (pic#2) on sale, in a cut , fabric and color that are good for me at a good price and I bought it.
-a couple of more blouses or tops for work- I really have no pictures because I bought them at winners but I bought a navy top kind of like the pink in the find bellow and and a white with black flowers shell that I may or may not be wearing to work.
So far not too bad, if only I had stopped there.
Still in my list but as Wants:
Still wearable for work:
-pink top like find #1 but with asymmetrical hem
- the knit blazer in find #2 that is the perfect color
The items I have no good explanation for(and no photos):
- boho lace top
-short printed dress to wear with leggings.

I also 'changed ' my closet from winter to spring/summer and some bottoms are a little bit tighter, compliments of my sedentary work.
I do not want to buy new clothes just because some don't fit anymore but at the same time I feel the need to revamp my wardrobe a bit. For example, I love my dress in Pic#3 (and don't intend to trow it away) but it has been around for years now , it kind of deserves a rest and not be my go to dress.
To end on a positive note, I wanted a flower boho top like the ones from Antropologie but instead of buying one I had one tunic ,that was ill fitting , altered to blouse length.(you cannot see it very well in Pic #3 but it is the only one I have)

You if read so far, thank you for your time. And can I just ask you one thing?

- How do you distinguish between a want because you are bored/tired/sad and a want because you need to hone down your style/make your outer image reflect your inner one?

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16 replies

Latest reply was from thimblelina

E

Veteran

For me, the easiest way to distinguish is time: if I wait a month, do I still want whatever it is? Or have I forgotten it? Another way I distinguish is if I wanted something that I imagined while getting dressed vs wanting something that I saw out shopping. The former is more likely part to be part of my style/inner self, while the latter is more likely to be a whim/emotional pick-me-up.

Your spring wardrobe sounds quite lovely. Can you return the pieces you feel bad about? If not, just wear the heck out of them! And that was very clever of you to give new life to your already owned tunic by hemming it.

Thistle

Veteran

E has some fabulous advice, and I can second it. Do I still want it in a month? Is it a piece I am still thinking about 2-3 weeks later or has some new shiny caught my attention?

And YES!! Is it something I want to put on in the morning? Something I am missing? I had this with easy sweaters. I wanted to wear them, a pull on a go sweater, but I didn't have any. Then, when pretty pull on and go sweaters caught my attention, it was easy to know I needed and wanted them

Anonymous

I am the queen of rationalization so I would be the last person to judge another person. In my experience I have found that the rationalization of buying "on sale" to save from having to buy at full price later doesn't always pan out. I frequently come home with sales items that don't fit into my existing wardrobe, but the "price was so good, how could I not buy it?"

I usually know when I am shopping to fulfill a need other than a true wardrobe gap. In those cases, I roam the mall looking for "something." There is no plan, no list, no real need. I just want to placate some undefined emotion (sometimes stress or boredom). Sometimes those purchases work out. Sometimes they do not.

In the past I had a wardrobe that was made up of impulse buys. I spent a lot of money and actually had nothing to wear (pieces didn't work together, reflected my fantasy life, didn't reflect my actual climate, etc.). I am doing a lot better today. But because I know my faults and weaknesses, I have to be especially vigilant. I don't shop sales anymore. They were not my friend.

I hope this helps. Obviously, we've all done exactly the same thing. Some of us (sigh) more than others.

Gaylene

Veteran

My test is to ask myself if I'd buy the item at full price. Simple, but effective in removing the sales goggles. Then, I try to think of possible combinations with items in my current wardrobe. If it's easy to think of half a dozen items I currently own that would work with the new piece--and at least that many places/events where I'd actually WEAR those combinations--that's promising. Putting the item back on the rack for a cool down period is also an effective way of de-escalating my urge. A piece that makes it through all these stages has a better chance of being a "good" want.

celia

Veteran

Thank you for your words and thoughts.
One thing that I forgot to add on my initial post is that all the pieces(both needs and wants)reflect my tastes, are flattering and totally wearable.
I usually don't buy things on sale unless is something on my list (the shoes and dress fit this)
Although I make no claim of being stylish my wardrobe is pretty cohesive.I became pretty good at Angie's exercise of imagining items in my closet that go with it while buying an item.
I know what I like and learned to trust my initial reaction to an item.
Apart from the boho top all the rest has the tags off.
I still have wardrobe needs, mainly shoes and sandals that I have to substitute every summer.
Maybe( and I know I laughable this is) I should set a budget/ month and if something on my list is available at a good price and I am within my budget I can buy it?
(I blame North America retail for the constant sales and promotions.... :0) )
Nevertheless I still have to play in my closet to see what I can take out of there that it is my current self.

Anonymous

I too blame North American retailers. There are some stores that I won't even consider buying at until the item is on deep discount because those stores always have a sale. I find myself in a constant buy - buy - buy cycle.

Congratulations on your purchases. It sounds like you have a very good handle on your wardrobe and wardrobe needs.

Author Linda

Veteran

I'm going to second what Sterling says about being wary of shopping sales. The excitement of getting a great "deal" is not the same as getting what you want or need. If I can manage both--like buying a much needed coat at the end of the season and therefore at a great savings--then hurrah. But I find I actually save money by buying fewer items even if the item I buy is not on sale.

Wardrobe needs are terribly individual. Each of us has a distinct life and style. For me, I need to resist buying dressier things (which I gravitate toward) and focus on more casual looks I can wear often. So if I see something that seduces me with visions of a sophisticated luncheon, I've learned to put on the brakes. That's a want. Pure want. I might wear it... once? And then what? I certainly don't need it, not even to fill a missing piece of my wardrobe.

What helps me is to have a marathon closet session. Before the start of a season I'll try on everything. Often something leaps out as being needed. A white jacket. A pair of nude shoes. A pop of color I can fill with a new belt or booties. That kind of thing. Then I shop until I find the one item that will meet that "need". I put "need" in quotes because it's still a want... but it's a want that fills a gap I feel.

For what it's worth, sometimes it's really nice to fulfill a want. That one thing I want so much might be the item that "makes" my whole wardrobe. A need? Perhaps not. But something that makes me deliriously happy and will be worn again and again can be a worthwhile investment.

Jeweled

Veteran

Seeing if your desire for the item lasts the test of time (weeks or a month) before buying it is a great strategy. I'm always amazed at how my desire for an item cools off during a waiting period.

And if you find your wardrobe-gap items on sale earlier than you expected, that seems like a good purchase.

An additional strategy that helps me avoid clothing purchases I'll feel guilty about:

I narrow my focus.

My wardrobe is made up of four neutral colors and four color-colors.

And I made a list of the lines, silhouettes, and details of the clothes that flatter me the most.

I do shop mostly at sales, but I stay within my focus.

I have fun shopping only sale and clearance racks. Every purchase has to fit within my wardrobe colors, and has to fall within the lines, silhouettes & details that flatter me.

Anything that doesn't fit those parameters (which is about 99% of what's on the rack), I know will be a wardrobe orphan and a regretted purchase. I've bought too many of those "regret" pieces in the past - so it's easy for me to leave them on the rack now.

I've made some wonderful finds on the clearance racks - it's a fun sort of shopping serendipity! But I don't always find things that I deem worthy of buying when I shop.

My wardrobe is smallish, but it's complete enough that I'm not in desperate need of anything - so I'm seeing how long I can go by rounding out my wardrobe with my sale / clearance finds.

My previous wardrobe was a mish-mash of all sorts of colors, few neutrals, and it was impossible to pull together a head-to-toe cohesive look.

My new wardrobe that focuses on specific neutrals, colors, and styles is actually freeing instead of limiting. I can really use each piece in a lot of different ways, so the limited color / style parameters never look (or feel) like I'm repeating things. And I can easily pull together outfits that work well for me.

I love this wardrobe versatility so much that it's easy to say "no" to the pieces that aren't a good match for my existing clothes.

E

Veteran

I was certainly not judging your shopping! And that's wonderful that you have such a cohesive style; I think based on your WIWs you're definitely stylish.

I've set a monthly budget in the past, and every month once I'd spent that amount, there was no shopping until the next one. It worked well, but didn't really limit my impulse buys. This year, I'm thinking of taking the same budget & looking at it quarterly, and trying to do some shopping every 3 months instead. I took a three month break from shopping beginning in the new year, so that money has accrued enough that I could spend it in one chunk on my spring additions, and then start saving up again for summer. I don't know if that'll work better for me or not, but it'll be interesting to try it!

Gaylene

Veteran

Ah, those "wants" ARE in a different category because they all are, at least theoretically, "good" buys. Honestly, the only way I was able to put the brakes on my shopping was to impose an arbitrary limit on myself.

I think it's important to determine WHY you want to limit your shopping--crazy though that might seem--before deciding on what kind of discipline you want to impose on yourself. If you need to limit the amount you spend on your wardrobe, then a pre-determined monthly, quarterly, or yearly budget might work. In my case, the issue was more about accumulation than dollars, so I chose to limit myself to an arbitrary number of items I could purchase during a set time frame. Mine was 12 items over 12 months because I liked the sound of it and I really didn't "need" much. I became very choosey every time I contemplated buying something--be it a watch, top, or pair of shoes--because buying the item meant "losing" one of my numbers. That reluctance, over the course of a year, is what really changed my attitude towards accumulating.

Anonymous

I'm more of a practical person than a theoretical one, so I will focus on the actual clothes rather than the shopping process here. (Please feel free to disregard if that's not at all what you wanted.)

From an outsider's perspective, it looks like the Anthro dress was your best buy from this shopping trip. I guess the best test is: would you wear it tomorrow for work?

I don't work in an office any more, so it's hard for me to judge how much variety you need. It sounds as if you are not enthusiastic about the black/white top. Nor the navy ... but does it fit well and work as a basic to pull other things together? The boho lace top sounds intriguing as a wild card. Which one(s) would you wear right away? (Weather permitting, of course.) Do you have the right bottoms for them, or would they require another purchase? (You mentioned that some of your bottoms aren't comfortable right now.)

The shoes, though a bargain, seem out of place here -- unless they are stunningly comfortable. Does the heel work for everyday wear? in spring/summer? Work shoes are important ... I'd say, don't settle. Anyway, just a few thoughts from someone who still makes many, many impulse buys -- particularly from Winners!

Marlene

Veteran

Want vs Need. I consider those items that I wear all the time....jeans, layering tanks and tees, boots, underwear....most basics and workhorses...as Needs. Whenever I shop for a season, I make sure those items are covered and replace those FIRST. I find I need those things to have a basic, functioning wardrobe. Wants are all the extras that make getting dressed fun each season.

So for this spring, as Needs, I chose a new pair of jeans (flares!), a pair of boyfriend chinos, two basic tee shirts, two layering tanks and an anorak jacket to replace the one I've had for 5 years. Actually all my Needs were purchased to replace last year's versions that I plain ol' wore out!

For my Wants category, I chose a new skirt (I rarely wear skirts as a rule), a pair of boyfriend shorts....a striped blazer and several brightly colored tops/blouses. Note: I always consider toppers/blazers as Wants since I seem to tire of them fairly quickly and yearn for the next new thing.

None of my Wants were expensive....on sale or "fast fashion". Whereas my Needs I paid full price and were a better quality than my Wants items and I expect them to last many wears and a couple seasons. I am finding that by being clear in my mind about what is a Want vs a Need, I am able to make better decisions when faced with all the bright, shiny stuff in the stores.

Keturah

Veteran

I have been the impulse buyer in the past and still battle it! Do I really need a new summer dress? Depends on how you qualify "need." It makes me feel good to have something new, and puts a spring in my step. But I have a summer dress, maybe 2. So...do I need another dress? Maybe, maybe not. If I can stop with one dress, or just one or two small purchases until the fall, and I love, love, love them and will wear them a lot, then okay! Otherwise, I tell myself, wait. You can still go get it later.

You can come from a few different angles, and I think everyone has already offered such great advice and perspective. I know i've taken away a lot from this thread -- I favorited it!

You're learning a lot, and have asked good questions of yourself and others. You can return these items, yes? Or... make it a challenge to wear the lace blouse and printed tunic dress X times this spring/summer. If you don't, you learned a lesson. If you do, maybe you just needed something a little new that you could experiment with. That's okay too

I think the difference between need/want is to ask myself this: If I bake, knit, or take a walk (insert another hobby or personal pleasure here), will I feel just as good? If yes, than I probable am shopping for wants and/or boredom. I am discovering I can't always just go shopping or I get bored with that... and want to buy MORE...until I get the real need met. Maybe I just need me time. Maybe I'm stressed, sad, bored. Maybe a bunch of flowers from the supermarket ($5 carnations anyone? ) will make me happy because i need color! Maybe sitting out in the sunshine or playing my piano. I think just asking what i really need -- clothes or some relax time -- makes the difference.

I love new underwear. There I said it! There's something about new knickers that just makes me happy and feel good. A single pair or two from Target isn't expensive. So once or twice a year I sort through my knickers and refresh them. Tom Ford says he throws out his socks and underwear and buys new every six months. I think that's a bit excessive, but replacing a pair every six months I can do, and it goes a long way in making me feel content and fresh.

The shoes do seem a bit out of place... a bit safe? Would you be happier with a splashier pair, even if they weren't on sale?

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

It actually sounds like you made some good choices - sometimes it is wise to pick up items on sale if it's something you know you have a use for and you really love it. I have a bigger wardrobe than I need but it is a hobby/pleasure for me as well as a requirement. I don't travel much or have other expensive hobbies so it's fairly easy to rationalize. I try to pass things on to others who could use them when I am ready for a change, so I don't feel I'm wasting either. I sometimes buy things on sale on a whim and sometimes those work out better than the ones for which I paid full price and carefully took the time to consider in my wardrobe. So - I think you shouldn't feel bad unless you spend more than you know you can afford.

celia

Veteran

All of your answers were incredibly insightful.
I revisited all my purchases and came to the conclusion that the boho top was not 100% what I wished it would be, so it was returned pronto.
contrary to what I said before the short printed dress still had price tags on but I decided that it is one of those easy grab items, so I decided to keep it.
Answering some of your questions:
- I love my navy top although I didn't sound like it
- the black in white top was one of those situations where I wore it for the first time and the day didn't go so well . I don't blame the top but sometimes it happens that certain items are not happy in certain situations.
- the shoes are ( to me ) just a classic ,appropriate dress shoe for work. A neutral building block.
- the colors in my wardrobe all work well together. I have plenty of neutrals and great to me colors. That was one of the reasons I bought the jacket, that color will make me look better no matter how I woke up that day.
- why do I want to limit my buying? I am not a collector of things in anything else in my life .I don't like to be surrounded by stuff. I like to feel that if I had to move there wouldn't be that much to carry. I had the same issue with books and solved it with a kobo (~kindle). Somehow I cannot keep my wardrobe in the same condition.
I also don't like the feeling of always finding something new to like.
Finally budget. Not exactly a pressing issue but who wouldn't like to feel that they control what they spend and not the other way around ?
You can all send me your therapy invoices via PM :0)

thimblelina

(website)

Veteran

Yeah the cooling off technique works well with me. I make a pinterest board for each new semester I'm working & its HUGE at first with lots of ideas and gradually it just gets whittled down. (And there are always about 20 pairs of shoes! LOL) Tracking wears too puts the kabosh on an overload of new items. I'll tell myself I don't need a new skirt until I've worn the skirts i have 10 different ways or something like that & then when that moment finally rolls around to add one I really do have a better idea of what I could actually use. (Ironically, it has improved my impulse purchasing too... Last fall I had a $200 pair of anthropologie d'orsay flats on my board for soooooo long I was just sure I would end up getting them; instead I recognized their BCBGeneration doppelgänger marked down to $20 on a TJMaxx clearance rack & didn't even have to think twice!!)