How Did You Find Your Style? - YouLookFab Forum

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How Did You Find Your Style?

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I have to admit, I'm in a bit of a crisis. I have very few clothes, and yet I've been buying all kinds of things. Stuff that is so unlike me. It's like a weird "let's try everything" vibe is going on.

A few years ago, I gained a whole bunch of weight, and went all 'utilitarian' - didn't really pay any attention to my clothes or style. Prior to this, I'd describe my style as ultra-conservative and somewhat corporate. Expensive suits, blouses, but still very conservative. I remember being invited to one of those Murder Mystery dinner parties and being assigned the character of "Miss Priss". Not kidding!

At one point, I was car-pooling with one of my employees - and she would end up in tears - fits of laughter, because driving to work with me was the only time she'd ever hear me swear. Very, very buttoned-up.

So here I am - years later, gained a ton of weight, and lost a bunch of it - not corporate anymore - very much stuck in the "Mom jeans" rut.

I find YLF - and decide that I am going to learn how to dress well and so forth. The thing is - I'm buying all this stuff - stuff I don't even know if I like. I still can't quite manage to put together an actual outfit. I have so many closet orphans, that I may as well open up the VelvetyChocolate Nation-Wide Orphanage. My whole closet is one big orphanage.

I spent months/years in the utilitarian phase. Mom jeans and basic sweaters with 'walking shoe' style loafers. No style at all. No life. No personality. I didn't exist.

And somewhere in there, my self decides to show up. I'm down about a hundred and ten pounds, and suddenly feeling like I'm coming back to life.

The problem? Bags and bags of clothes. Some way 'out there' (for me). Bits and pieces --things that I don't even have anything to go with.

So now I have a closet full of orphans. I have a bunch of stuff that I've bought - some things are so far from anything I've ever worn, that I feel like returning them all.

I see YLF'ers with truly great style. I can see it. I can see something in a store, and say, "Oh, that would look great on greenglove" or, "I bet Louise would like this" and so on. But me? Ha! I truly have no idea.

So tell me - how did you find your own style?

General

30 replies

Latest reply was from Angie

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

*chuckle*

You are very cute, VC.

Okay! So down to business. You need a fab pair of jeans. Do you have those yet?

Louise

Veteran

Aww VC you made my day!
I'm not really sure how i found my style. I just know what i like. I think Angie described my style as ecclectic.
Last year I had a wardrobe full of things i loved but didn't have the confidence to wear I then found ylf and began posting pictures and got assurance that the things i love actually did look good on me.
After losing weight a couple of years ago i went mad buying clothes that passably fit and i didn't love, so now i have a bit of a rule not to buy anything unless i love it x

rute

Veteran

Finding ones style is a long process, in my case, years. I learned that there are pieces I use a lot and other that I know I will use only once (forget the last ones and invest on the first grup).
The pieces I prefer are clean, structured, slimming lines, like pencil skirts, slimming dresses, white shirts, a good pair of jeans, cardigans, medium-heel pumps.
You'll have to discovered the pieces that you like most and don't say comfy.. thing glamourous, powerful, fabulous!

garmenta

For me, there have been moments when I put on an outfit (or find a new one to try), regard my reflection in the mirror and realize, "This is how I want to look! All the time!" Once I see it together, I can identify the elements I like so much, whether they're colors, shapes, or trends. Then I can go off in the direction that pleased me so much.

It's an iterative process. The more stuff you try on, the more opportunity you have to see what works (and to be surprised by what does work), and the more likely you'll be to have the revelatory moment ("This is me! Who knew!").

Queen Mum

Veteran

I'm wondering if part of your problem is that you're trying to buy too much at once, which is quite understandable with your weight loss and not having anything in your closet.

Here's what I would suggest you do... and I"m just kindof thinking outloud here.....

Angie is right- start with a great pair of jeans, and build an outfit that you like around those. Which of the MOTG formula's are you most drawn to? Build one of those outfits- jeans, a shirt, jacket or sweater, basic shoes.... and then build from there slowly. Buy one or 2 pieces at a time and don't go back to the mall until you've worked those 1 or 2 pieces with what you already have. If they don't work, take them back. Slowly you will build a wardrobe of stuff you love and stuff that you can easily remix into new and fab outfits. I see it as a big web that will grow and grow with each piece that you add.

Also, start with basic pieces, using accessories as your statements. As you learn what you feel most comfortable in, you should have an easier time then finding those more specialized pieces that make your wardrobe all about you. I really don't think you can wake up tomorrow and say "oh, I want to be a modern classic, or an arty-eclectic dresser" and then head to the mall and bling, you're done.

Finally, even if you don't post all of your pictures here, take pictures of every outfit you try and keep them on your computer. Peruse through them regularly and you'll find some outfits that make you look twice. Then ask yourself what it is about that outfit that caught your attention. Is it the color, neckline, cut? Does it make some kindof statement?

Don't fret about what everyone else is wearing. You just start where you are and in no time at all you are going to emerge with your very own style that is signature VelvetyChocolate!

RoseandJoan

Veteran

I have to say that I have loved the same aesthetic since my mid teens, however it has taken time to refine my style. I have always loved lace, faded colours, corsages and tea dresses but now I understand that it has to suit my body type and lifestyle.

Rebuilding your wardrobe is very difficult, remember to buy for the life you are living today and not buy the items which you aspire to wear.

I have a wish list system in place, it is split into two sections. The first section deals with necessities (jeans, layering tees) whilst the second items are those things which make your heart flutter (handbags, belts). I have a monthly budget and set out to buy an item from the first list, if any money is left over I indulge in an item from the second list. Whether your budget is big or small, setting a budget helps to focus your attention.

I think it was Michael Kors who said a functioning wardrobe should be like the perfect chocolate cake, with the right balance of sponge (wardrobe basics) to icing. This analogy really resonates with me and I try to bear it in mind when shopping.

I'm sure you will evolve your style in time and I'm really looking forward to sharing the journey with you.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Don't dismiss the way things feel, and I'm not really talking about comfort. If you're purchasing items that are in line with your body type, eventually you'll get to the point where you know what feels right and can recognize that feeling when you're trying things on. If you've brought a piece into the change room based on colour and styling and then the item feels great once it's on your body, chances are it has a place in your personal stylebook. The name of that style may not be immediately apparent to you; you might have to let patterns emerge over time. But the bottom line is, consult all your senses when making clothing choices; the way something feels on you and the way it makes you feel when you wear it is just as important as how it looks.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thanks so much everyone - I feel much better now. I think maybe I've been trying to go from point A to like point X in one fell swoop.

Jeans. Ok - I bought some at Kohl's - they are Vera Wang bootcuts - pretty nice for Kohl's jeans. They looked really good, a little on the long side. Won't work with the two pairs of Converse I bought (was trying to do the boyfriend blazer/graphic tee/jeans/converse MOTG formula that shiny explained so well). Thing is? Within two hours, these jeans were sliding down my backside. I will have to go back and buy a smaller size I think. They seemed pretty tight in the store, and I thought I might have even been buying them too small. Nope! They are actually too big in the waist. That said, they still look nice on my shape - compared to all the other jeans I have hanging around that really don't look very good.

I will try and post a pic of the Vera Wang bootcuts on me later today. I'm still going to go back and buy some in a smaller size though. The length is ideal for these somewhat basic 'shooties' I picked up. These have a slight heel and the jeans work well with those.

It's time for a closet clear-out/organizing thing. I have things that I think are too big on me, and things that I think might be too small. Ridiculous! Meanwhile, I have bought something like 4-5 dresses recently, and I'm unsure about all of them.

I wish I could find some boots! I bought some really nice-looking chocolate brown suede Ecco bremen tall boots on super-sale in the summer. I really like them, but they don't fit nicely into my mish-mash wardrobe. I'm kicking myself for not spending the extra money and buying black leather instead. I was drawn in by the 'sale' price on the chocolate brown suede. Meanwhile, I think I have a semi-average calf size (maybe a wee bit on the larger side at 14.75" around), but super skinny feet. I might be having a bit of a tough time because it's turning out that there's a small frame under the last remaining pounds left to lose. I was *not* expecting this.

I should have known something was wrong last night when I was showing my husband how the new jeans had loosened up around the waist, and I was able to pull the pants down without unbuttoning them. Who knew that close-fitting bootcut jeans would turn into pull-on pants?

Ok - I've veered way off topic here, and I want to get back to the 'style' thing. I feel much, much better having read everyone's replies. I realize now that I'm probably trying to do too much at once.

I will start with jeans! And *one* outift.

Thanks a bunch everyone

Queen Mum

Veteran

vc- I bought the vera wang bootcuts a couple of months ago- I put on one size that fit nice, put on the next smaller size that fit snug, and then put on the next smaller size that were obscenely tight. I'm talkiing poured myself into them and could hardly breathe- those were the ones I bought. After a couple hours they fit really nice, and still do. I wash them in cold water and hang to dry (I can't afford to lose any length in them) I will say they are starting to show their wear, but I think I paid less than $20 for them so I don't mind. They are my comfy go-to kick around the house and run low key errand jeans. They also still dress up fairly well, but I can tell that they won't be "nice" jeans much longer. But they have definitly been worth the price I paid.

medusa

Veteran

VC, I wouldn't say I've found my style yet, but what I have done was mostly trial and error, with lots and lots of feedback from the kind women of this forum.

When I get something new I take a picture of it on me (before I take the tags off) and post it here for advice...the suggestions from forum members help me decide what to keep and what to return. People also give great suggestions on how to wear things that I might not have thought of. Lately I'm getting more confidence in what I like and don't feel like I have to post of a photo of every single thing I buy....

I also look at the other photos people here post and think about whether I could see myself wearing that look.

I agree with Angie and others about doing one outfit at a time. For me a huge initial goal was to build up to 5 outfits that I really, really liked - then I knew I could get through a work week.

Good luck VC! You can do this, it may seem overwhelming but it's much, much easier than losing 100 pounds!

marianne

I second everything Medusa said. It's very similar to my own process, and it took a while with a few purchasing mistakes along the way. Good luck, and I hope to see the pix!

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

VC

I am right there with you! I found my specs, got a new hairstyle and updated my jeans (darkwash).

I purged my wardrobe (mostly).

I am left with almost nothing to wear (seriously, it's awful how often my three turtlenecks get worn, and I'll let you do the math on how often my 1 pair of jeans gets warn...I've only duplicated them in the last day, but haven't hemmed either yet properly).

My Sunday (church) and evening looks pull together so nicely. I feel the most "me" I ever feel. But my daily wear is still so schlumpy! There's such a disconnect between evening and casual wear for me, and I don't know how to bridge that gap.

I, too, find myself buying (and then returning) some of the uber cool trendy items I see other YLF members sporting with such success (um, 20-eyelet silver docs? yup, bought, styled and returned, because I looked ridiculous).

Ugh - I'm sorry that I hijacked your thread! I will definitely go back and read some of the responses because I think you're getting good advice. But just know - you're not alone - maybe we can make this journey together!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Thanks again

MPJ - I haven't gone so far as to buy 20-eyelet silver Docs, but I did buy a rather 'mod-looking' 60's style shift dress. My husband took one look at it and said, "Yeah baby!".

Thing was - he liked it! A lot. It's very "out there" for me, but I liked the colours. Just that the pattern is pretty wild.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

How did I find my style? Trial and error.

Here are my tips for anyone rebuilding a new wardrobe after a significant weight loss:

1. Take pictures of your outfits every day. Even the ones you don't like. Then post them on YLF every week, and ask for feedback. You will start to see what others comment on, and soon Angie's very very gentle feedback will sink in. It took me a while, but eventually I figured out when everyone kept complimenting my legs that maybe I should wear more outfits that highlighted them. Thus my dress obsession began.

2. Try on a million things at the store, even the weird stuff you think would never work. Bring a patient and honest friend with you if you can. If you're not sure, buy them, but be prepared that they might not be keepers.

3. KEEP THE RECEIPTS AND THE TAGS ON until you really, really wear it (not just try it on in your bedroom). And if you don't wear it within a couple of weeks (or months, if the store has a long return period), then bring it back.

4. When you get it home, try to make at least 2-3 outfits from each new piece. If you can't, then it's probably going to end up an orphan, so back it goes!

5. Accept that this is a lot of work, but it's necessary to do. You might end up shopping several times a week, and you might be going back to the same store a lot. Until you get the hang of knowing your body size and your style, you're going to make mistakes. RETURN THEM. Don't feel guilty and keep them.

Even now after a year, I still have a continual pile of new clothes in my closet waiting for final tag-removal -- I just picked up new turtlenecks this weekend, for instance, but I am not sure yet if all 4 are keepers. One I pulled the tag off and I'm already regretting it. I kept the tag so I may return it anyway; I never wore it outside my bedroom!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

Just for laughs, here is the "Yeah baby!" dress (from Macy's site, not on me yet):

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/.....ryID=46369

It looks more like this on me:

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/.....sn_results

The neckline isn't as close-fitting on me as pictured on the model in the first link.

In any case - you see what I mean! I may not have any boots or even a winter coat, but have somehow managed to end up with a "Yeah baby..." dress that I'm not sure I have the guts to wear. (laughing at myself here).

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Heh. that's the style of dress or tunic that I can't bring myself to wear either; I love the cut but the pattern is, well, too, "Yeah, baby"!

velvetychocolate

Veteran

It gets even worse - I also have a "Groovy man..." dress hanging there with the tags still on.

http://www4.jcpenney.com/jcp/X.....CMID=50434

medusa

Veteran

VC, do you want to wear your two new dresses/tunics but you're scared to do it, or do you feel like you SHOULD want to wear them but really you don't?

Queen Mum

Veteran

let's see you in your dresses!

Louise

Veteran

We definately need to see you in these dresses. I have a tunic very similar to the first dress just more floaty and a bit shorter but same type of colour and pattern i wear it with skinnies and bootcuts and i love the pattern of the second dress i'd wear it with thick brown tights and brown booties or i've got some burgandy tights and knee high slouch boots i'd wear it with.
Also don't be afraid to post piccies i still frequently do this with new purchases. I love things in the store then get uncertain when i get hoem and need advice x

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Medusa has asked a crucial question. Trying things that are our of your comfort zone is one thing, but trying to force yourself to like something you are inherently averse to is quite another. Personal inclinations have to come into play too!

Debbie

Veteran

I'm still looking for my style. When I first came to YFL I was looking for a dress to wear to my husband's retirement. I shopped for weeks and bought everything but. I finally made a list of the top three things I wanted and shopped for those things.

Narrowing down what I needed and not wandering around buying nothing or everything in sight helped me focus. I was over thinking everything. I would have never tried skinny jeans before YLF and now I love them. Boots I didn't think were necessary because I live in south Texas. I'm now wearing them just about everyday.

My point is you will start to figure it out. It just takes time and in my case a lot of returning things. I don't totally have it down yet but with the help of everyone I'm getting it.

The dress you posted from Macy's I have a similar one and I wear with leggings and flats or tights and boots. It is a little out of comfort zone but I love it and feel good in it. Post pictures it really does help.

Anonymous

I like those dresses and I think you do too and that's why you were attracted to them. I think that what's scaring you about them is you haven't yet put them together in an outfit with the right parts. Maybe for starters YLF can help you do this. I really don't think they are too loud and if you put a vest or jacket over, part of the pattern is covered and it changes the feeling off it. Kristen is very good at styling dresses.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

Excellent, suggestions!

VC, you need to address your lifestyle before you do anything else. Which are the dominant dress codes? Re-read the wardrobe capsule post when you have a moment:

http://youlookfab.com/2009/06/.....lifestyle/

I have to admit that I am not liking the sound of the Kohls jeans that bag out in 2 hours to the extent that you have to “pour” yourself into two sizes smaller in order for them to stay on during the day (sad face).

Try the "perfect bootcut" at the Gap.

JewelryGirl

Gosh that is a tough one! It is what I feel most comfortable & me in. By comfortable I don't mean cushy comfy. I mean what I feel good in & like myself. For me, that is a more casual look. I love love love denim but also like a nice casual pant as well but still want to dress either up with killer heels/boots/pumps, statement/signature hip/classic jewelry, animal (leopard is my favorite but I also like snake & some zebra). I also love mixed metals (brass, silver, copper). Favorite colors - cognac, cream, black, wine, olive, rustic orange. I also LOVE to mix brown & black so the leopard pattern ties in very well for me.

I tried to focus on color combinations that I liked & worked together first. I think it all came together for me when I started tracking what I was wearing & what I felt good in. That combined with pulling pictures from different lines of clothing that really reasonated with me. Then, it all made sense & came together.

Now, it's much easier when I go shopping or try a new look. Example - when I got my black ponte knit pants & knew I needed a longer sweater (top layer) I knew instantly that I needed cream & black. Everything else I had would mix in. I try to know what my preferred capsule wardrobe style is; then, everything I get I try to have as an extension of that & have it work with it.

It's definitely an evolution for me. I still try trendy things from time to time but try to catch myself when I do & see if it works with my long-term vision. What a fun journey this is though!

taylor

Veteran

By finding what looks good...what is flattering and staying away from those that aren't flattering.... be it color or more important fit. Find what works for you...Once you have a *base* style you can add different elements to it.

For example: I am truely a classic, tailored style, I rarely venture out of that frame, , so I spice it up by adding a trendy fun shoe, a splash of animal print, a colerful handbag or scarf and a current hairstyle...I can add a current or trendy element to my look, without changing my style, because I know it looks best on me....much as I would love to wear some of those boho looks or super trendy styles and colors...they just don't love me:)

shiny

Veteran

The "yeah baby" dresses make perfect sense to me. You are saying you are trying on stuff that is so unlike you, but have you considered the possibility that everything you were wearing before was so unlike you?

"Miss Priss... Mom jeans... utilitarian... no style, no life, no personality ... I didn't exist"

None of that was the real you, was it? All of that was about wearing a uniform to play a role that you thought was expected of you at that stage in life.

The dress, on the other hand, may be closer to the real you. The pattern screams look at me, I count. It's fun - just like you are. It's daring. It's even a little sexy: you're not just mom and corporate drone, you are a vibrant woman and wife ...

I apologize, VC, because I forget how old you are, and how old your children are. At 44 with teens, I read your post and nodded my head... it resonated with me so much! I am at that point in life where I am comfortable in my career and don't need to be "safe" anymore, and my kids are nearly all grown up. I'm not sure what this next stage is supposed to be all about, and there doesn't seem to be an expected role to play. With more and more free time on my hands for me, I am finding myself asking the questions "what is next?" and "who am I, aside from my career and role as mom?"

For me this is where style transformation becomes more like therapy! Yes, there is definitely a lot of experimenting to be done, trying on this and that and seeing what feels right, what feels like me. It's a journey, and a very enjoyable one. Although it can be completely intimidating and scary at times, because you don't have the uniforms to fall back on ... I think I like YLF's formulas because they give the comfort of a uniform, with lots of leniency within which to still experiment.

Please wear the dresses out on a hot date with your hubby and report back.

Laura

(website)

Veteran

What thoughtful responses! I had to add that I like the Inc. dress. The pattern is bold, maybe too much for you right now, but you can always layer over it too (black cropped moto jacket? denim jacket? long boyfriend cardi, belted?). I think you need to grab a camera and start trying on and photographing outfits.

My style evolved over a year, from jeans, sweaters and Dansko clogs, to dresses, Docs and a pixie cut. Best yet, my style is still changing. Although I'm nowhere near Angie's level of ability to adapt trends and edgier styles, I aspire to it

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I just look at it this way: I wear some sort of clothing every day, and I replace my clothing as necessary (which is pretty frequent at this point), so my style is constantly going to be evolving. I don't think it's a process that ever ends.
I had a friend once who said "People don't change- they just become more of what they already are." I think this applies to style. I find that I am most comfortable when I go back to my roots- edgy, funky, and ecclectic, but also casual and comfortable. Trial and error and feedback brought me here. The camera is your best friend. Even if you don't post pictures here, start taking pics of yourself in different outfits so that you can see what works and what doesn't.

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