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Fashion over 40: your opinions!

Aziraphale

Veteran

I'm fast approaching my 40th birthday and it does, in fact, feel like a milestone in a way that my 30th birthday did not. I have a question for the fabulous 40-and-over YLF ladies (and any younger ones who would like to comment!). I've read a pile of websites detailing the fashion dos and don'ts for women over 40, and they all list similar things. I place more value in YOUR opinions, however.

So, what is your take on fashion after 40? In your opinion, what are the dos and don'ts? ARE there in fact dos and don'ts? Are certain items must-haves? Are certain items off-limits? If so, why?

Uh, that was more of a cluster of questions than a single one.

I have my own ideas here, of course, and I feel like I'm going through a kind of fashion renewal at the moment. But I'd love to hear your opinions.

Dressing

46 replies

Latest reply was from Aida

Anonymous

I think there are no rules about age.

Whatever you like wearing and whatever feels good I say.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

I think it's entirely dependent on the individual - her body type, way of life, work and home activities, where she lives, and so on.

I don't think there are any universally generalizable rules for over 40s....except the only rule that really counts. "Have fun with fashion!"

It is arguable that a good haircut, a good bra, and comfortable shoes become more important after one reaches a "certain age" (though I'm not sure 40 is that age...). Otherwise? You'll get as many answers as there are women!

cciele

Veteran

What Suz said

The same "rules" apply at all ages: dress to the occasion, your lifestyle and comfort level. Take into account your body type, style persona, and fashion goals. Are you dressing for yourself or others? How do you want to be perceived?

I will use myself as an example (I'm turning 47 soon). My work wardrobe is smart casual with some funky, eclectic touches; my coworkers often comment (positively) about my clothes :). My at-home/mom clothes are based around comfort, durability, and washability. My going-out clothes could be considered "out there" and "too young" (e.g., harnesses, shorts, deconstructed clothing), but with the group of artsy/musical types I hang out with, I actually don't stand out that much, regardless of age. Overall, I am enjoying having fun with fashion!

kellygirl

Veteran

I agree with Suz. I will add that I also take into account what DD's think. I wouldn't wear anything they would think is dressing "too young" or "too out there." While I don't always agree with them, I do not want to embarrass them in front of their peers. Honestly, until middle school carpool, I didn't put much heed into DD's opinion. It was surprising to hear how much they dislike adults dressing like teens--I was kind of taken aback. Since then, I've been erring on the conservative side. If I didn't have teenagers, I think I would be more hip No hard and fast rules for over 40--I think it depends on the individual.

MsMary

Veteran

OMG I can't stand those "fashion over 40" web sites! Believe it or not, you will still be exactly the same person on Day One of your forty-first year that you were on the Day Three Hundred Sixty Five of your fortieth year!

I dress for my body, the weather, and the occasion. When I do that, the "age thing" generally takes care of itself.

milehighstyle (Linda)

Veteran

I think that women of every age should dress appropriately for their body type, the event, and their lifestyle while remaining true to their personal style. There is no reason why you should completely change your style at a certain age, unless you want to. I think some things are inappropriate for any grown woman (mostly showing too much skin unless they are at the pool or beach, and by that I mean really obscene stuff).

Sally at Already Pretty has a great take on this subject: http://www.alreadypretty.com/2.....-over.html

Victoria

(website)

Veteran

As others said, its all about your body type and your style but as I turned older, I started going into more classic as opposed to trendy direction. I have seen women(over 50) who were wearing booty shorts and trendy tops with glitter that I see a lot of local teens wear. And believe me, they looked like fools. So in my opinion, if you see something teens wear, its probably not a best idea for most of us. Modern classics work for any age, with trendy styles you have to use caution

catgirl

Veteran

I'm 46 and I, like MaryK, pay zero attention to what I "should" wear! My taste has changed and evolved but I don't attribute that to age (unless it has to do with the mature wisdom of making better choices for my body type and environment). Wear what you love!

Anonymous

I feel much more confident and have more fun now in my 40's than I did in my younger years. Wear what delights you!

Aziraphale

Veteran

OK, so bottom line is, wear what makes you happy. I agree with this in general. I feel like there are very few items that are truly off-limits to an over-40 woman, but it's all in how you wear it. So towering stilettos are fine, as long as they are paired with a skirt of an appropriate length.

Another biggie is fit -- lots of writers urge older women to make sure their clothes fit properly. I'm inclined to agree with this. (I'm sure Angie does too).

I think there are a few "proceed with cautions", though. For example, too much skin at any one time does not look classy on an older woman, at least to my eye. (It might not be so classy on a younger woman, either, but she's more likely to pull it off). So I still wear short skirts, but when I do, I don't go too bare on top. No legs and cleavage at the same time! If I do cleavage, my skirt is fuller and covers my knees, or else I wear jeans. But it's not like I'm going to suddenly start doing this the day I turn 40. I've already been implementing this personal "rule" for years.

Milehighstyle: I had already read Sally's post on over-40 dressing. She's got some good points, and I like that she is careful not to list too many hard-and-fast rules. What works for one woman may not work for another. I was also very happy to see that she encourages us to indulge our taste in shoes -- that there are very few shoes that are off-limits for age reasons. Woohoo! Bring on the 4" heels.

Suz: very true about the good bra, shoes and haircut! You're spot-on.

rae

(website)

Veteran

I agree - whenever I feel something is off, it is usually based on appropriateness for the audience, occasion, and body (e.g. fit issues, proper support, etc.) rather than age.

The one thing I would add is that everyone should always be evolving. Most of us don't dress like we did in high school because we are not the same people mentally as we were back then - different priorities, different jobs, different goals, different inspirations. It's not so much breaking "rules" about what age can wear a mini, for example, but becoming out of touch with yourself that can make something look too young.

Echo

Veteran

I may be outdated in my POV, but I've always believed that style "rules" applied to ALL women, not just younger or older women. For example, skirts that are so short a person cannot sit down, cleavage down to there and nearly naked looks aren't so great on ANYONE. The idea of covering on top when you show more leg or vice versa applies to everyone, too.

A person needs to dress for their own body. I've seen older women look GREAT in some things that would look awful on some younger women, simply due to body type. Age rules are no substitute for a full-length mirror and being true to your own body instead of a slave to trend.

Many older women dress in a more structured or conservative manner simply because of lifestyle or career considerations, but all women ought to dress appropriately for occasion.

There is often the argument that a younger woman can "get away with" more, but I think that's simply because people realize that a younger woman often hasn't found her style yet. Just likesometimes people excuse the behaviour of children, people sometimes excuse the fashion of a young woman trying to "find herself". That doesn't mean that most of the looks that young women "get away with" are GOOD! It means young women often get a free pass and people shake their heads and think she will grow out of it.

Anyway, I think most rules about looking good and looking appropriate apply to ALL women, regardless of age.

Jjsloane

Veteran

Honestly at 45 I think I finally know what works best for me. Still experimenting, trying not to dress "too young" but as others have said, if it's flattering to me and not inappropriate then I think it's good. I find that I want longer dresses/skirts/shorts because I have more jiggly bits. I rarely find things in the juniors section (and really don't look there much). I similarly try to stay away from anything that makes me feel too matronly (no need to rush the aging). Keeping current is my best defense against looking like I dress too young (or too out of touch - dated) or too old.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

Elisabeth, this is THE reason I discoverd YLF in the first place! I'm 42 but didn't feel I needed to dress differently all of a sudden at 40. That is, until I was carded and realized I was wearing what a 20 something might. Junior stuff and not the expensive kind lol. I looked for dressing over 40 search and was mortified at what I found! Until I found YLF.
I would echo a lot of what Rae said. We should be evolving in our style as we grow. And if one is still wearing what they did 15 years ago at 25, it means they are not evolving. I still wear a mini here or there. I'll still do an occasional spaghetti strap. But as you mentioned, it now gets balanced by a little more coverage somewhere else. Better cuts and fit is the A #1 thing I found makes a difference.

Deborah

Veteran

Elisabeth all great advice above. I agree wear what you like. The question I always ask myself with reagards to my outfits is "does this outfit communicate what I want it to about me? I also think quality and fit is important, but this relates to any age.

The fact that you are asking this question suggests that you are aware enough to recognise that there may be some looks/styles that are best left to the twenty year olds. And this is all quite subjective. I have a friend who is also in her 40's and she wears outfits that I would say suit girls in their teens and twenties. Her look IMO is not classy or sophisticated BUT she likes it, so who am I to judge.

I really think it's all about the look/image you wish to project.

Mellllls

Veteran

happy birthday! i kind relate as i am approaching the big 3-0....i'm sure in 10 years i'll think 30 was no big deal but right now i'm thinking the same thoughts as you.

as many have said, there's no one size fits all rule, but i think if a trend, style has passed is now beyond you, you will know it when you see it. in my mid-late 20s i thought i was past short shorts and skirts. but ive discovered recently i can still wear them, with a long flowy breezy shirt

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

I agree with the above comments. Nothing magical happens on your birthday - what was ok last year is still ok next year. It depends much more on your own body, personality and situation than your age. But if there is a guideline I guess it is to make sure your clothes still align with those factors.

Joy

Veteran

Many wise and wonderful words on the subject already. Lifestyle, especially if you have children, is part of it. As Kellygirl pointed out, preteen and teen boys and girls can be embarassed by a mom who doesn't dress appropriately. That doesn't mean frumpydom, but not blatantly sexy or like they dress.
40 isn't very old. 50 is probably the new 40. Menopause and health issues will probably force style changes upon you at some point. Enjoy those 4-inch heels while you can!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Forty is finally old enough to demand respect. I think so long as you keep that in mind, you can't go wrong. Wear what brings you joy!

Sheila

Veteran

So much wisdom here! MaryK is right--you don't wake up on your birthday feeling any different than you did the day before. What happens is that gravity and other forces of nature begin to take their toll. Skin starts thinning and so does the hair. Sensitivities to cold, heat, allergies...sometimes these things start to surface and all of a sudden you find that you can no longer wear wool...or your left foot pops out with a bunion and the shoes you used to wear with nary a thought must be donated or consigned.

Make yourself happy, first of all, that's my best advice. I am turning 68 in August and have learned to please myself, holding fast to my guiding principles, and everything else will follow. "To thine ownself be true..."

christieanne

Veteran

I think YLF is united on this front I am halfway into my 40's. Physically, there are changes that I know about but I don't really think the rest of the world does. I think I dress a little more stylishly and fun than I did in my early 30's (when I was so concerned about the world taking me seriously) but not like a kid. I try to avoid any "frumpiness" but otherwise, wear what I like. I sport my Converse and jeans all the time and they are "youthful".
If heels make you happy - go for it.

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

I'm gong to wear my Converse, Docs, Raybans and denim jacket till I'm a hundred.

velvetychocolate

Veteran

I don't have a whole lot to add, since the posts here are *amazing* when it comes to the realization that any kind of 'rule' that might apply to someone who is over 40, also applies to those under 40 as well.

Having said that though, I must admit that YLF has changed my entire perspective on this whole condundrum. I don't feel like I have to rush out and get a short, matronly haircut, I don't feel like I have to suddenly dress more conservatively or anything of the kind. If anything - YLF has me looking forward to aging - can you believe that???

In the meantime - the only suggestion I can make is that if you're wondering about whether there's anything special or different about 'over 40' dressing (there really isn't) - it's that you want to indulge your sense of style and really enjoy fashion. That said, I think this is particular to YLF and not a certain age.

Just recently, I looked through some old photos of me, and even though I look older these days, the totally weird thing is that due to YLF I look better than I ever have. I look better in my early 40's than I did in my early 20's. This would *not* be the case if I hadn't found YLF.

Even my husband has commented on it - we got married about eight years ago now, and he says, "You just keep getting more beautiful".

I haven't *done* anything in particular, other than pay a bit more attention to the way I dress. No fancy skin care stuff, no intensive anti-aging regimens or what have you. Oh sure, I discovered Pond's Cold Cream and CeraVe cleansers and moisturizers, but I don't think that counts as anything all that radical.

What's radical is me feeling good about throwing on a mustard coloured linen skirt, pairing it with an ink blue silk blouse and some nude sandals. Not "the usual" and certainly not my old 'uniform' of fleece jacket, frumpy jeans and clunky walking shoes.

I'm not getting any younger, and I still struggle with a few extra pounds - but it's almost like those things don't matter. I can make the best of it, and thanks to my time here at YLF, I'm much more inclined to do just that.

In closing - the only 'suggestion' I'd offer to someone who was wondering about whether there's something to be concerned with when it comes to "over 40 dressing" is that now is the time to be as stylish as you want to be, and really enjoy it.

ManidipaM

Veteran

Anything goes, as others have said, that matches your personality, situation and body!

The only possible exception I can imagine is along the lines of Kelly's comment --- iconic and articulate prints, like slogan T-shirts, character clothing etc need to acquire a sense of irony or at least less investedness very often for an older woman to pull that off, when a teen's naivete and starry-eyed hero worship seem more apt there. But I'm not sure I'd wait till 40 to acquire that wisdom, whimsy or irony! Possibly much earlier, like a whole decade!

(Oddly, I had this argument with my SO the other day --- he was about to pick up one of those Che Guevara shirts, and I said a little thoughtlessly, 'too teenybopper'; he called me on ageism, fair enough, but it IS a fact that a college kid putting it on for props and a politically informed 35-year-old need to be making very different statements with that image, even if they are young at heart.)

cheryl

Veteran

Loved reading all of these responses. I am 46 and agree that there are no rules that start once you hit 40. I think fashion should be fun and you should wear what makes you happy. I think fashion, especially for those of us that love it and make almost a hobby out of it, is constantly changing and evolving for us. As long as you aren't wearing anything obscene wear what you like and what makes you shine...at any age.

mrseccentric

(website)

Veteran

Fascinating topic and very close to my heart, i have so enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts!

I'll have more to say later (when i have time). In the meantime, here's Citizen Rosebud's awesome blogroll of style bloggers over 40:

http://www.thecitizenrosebud.c.....-roll.html

i remember when i was thrilled to have found out about a dozen! These ladies really run the gamut, you couldn't make a better argument for 'no rules' than to take a look thru these blogs. Have fun, steph

Deborah

Veteran

I just popped back and saw Angie's comment "I'm gong to wear my Converse, Docs, Raybans and denim jacket till I'm a hundred" which really made me smile:)

And I can see her rocking those items no matter what age, because it's all about how you wear it!

I actually came back to this thread because while out at lunch I saw a woman who I would think would be in her 50's wearing a layered skirt look (a little like Audi http://geekthreads.blogspot.com.au/ ). Very generally I would have pegged this woman's look as a "younger" look but she totally rocked it. It was well put together, she had a great hair cut, carried her self well and confidently... she looked awesome.
Just thought I would share ...

Aziraphale

Veteran

Hehe Deborah, me too -- they can pry my Converse off my cold, dead feet. But then again, Converse, Docs, Raybans and jean jackets are not on my personal "off limits after forty" list!

In fact, there aren't many items that make the list. But I do think certain fashion choices are -- how shall I put this? -- not advisable for older women, although personality, attitude and a woman's actual figure are mitigating factors.

Thank you all for your interesting responses! I'm not actually wondering if there's anything special or different that I should do after 40. I think my question has been misunderstood. I was looking for more specific answers -- like, anyone had a personal list of dos and don'ts, or a list of off-limits items. I was going to compare it to my own list. (Like what Kellygirl said about taking her daughter's opinion into consideration -- that has not yet been an issue for me, but now it's on my radar!). Instead, I got a lot of answers that boil down to "have fun with fashion" -- great advice, of course, and I'm already doing that. YLF is helping.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I would say the biggies - like mini skirts, short shorts and skimpy tops are the ones I had to grapple with. I wear different versions now than I did 5 years ago. Mini's are definitely at least mid thigh or longer and not in any junior-ish styles or fabrications, and if it's short it's NOT tight. Short shorts used to be 2 1/2 inches, now they are more like 4 or 5. May sound like silly differences but they matter. I'm still fit enough for spaghetti straps but have less and less of them around.
I am not a conservative dresser. That does not mean that I dress sexy. Far from it. I just don't like conservative style.
Here is THE outfit that brought me to YLF. It was all $5 pieces and decidedly young looking. I don't think it looked bad on me per se, but I can also see why the cashier was prompted to card me. The more recent shorts incarnation (1.5 years post YLF) is much better, I think.

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