Dressing for a memorial service: Tuck or Untuck - YouLookFab Forum

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Dressing for a memorial service: Tuck or Untuck

Jean Gray

I am going to a memorial service in a park tomorrow during the day. I'm afraid untucked just looks too sloppy in this case. And I don't have a skinny belt (or any belt!) so I'm thinking I can't tuck it in completely. How can I make this outfit look it's best? Thank you!

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Dressing

17 replies

Latest reply was from Jean Gray

carter

Veteran

I think tucking is the way to go for this occasion. Could you add a light-weight cardigan or jacket to camouflage the lack of a belt? Alternatively, do you have a different top with a bottom welt?

Jean Gray

A bottom welt is a great idea. I don't think I have any and I wish I'd thought of that while I was shopping. I'll keep that in mind. Maybe I'll run to the store tonight for a skinny belt. White? Dark? I've gained a lot of weight so I don't have a lot of clothes and I'm so self concious of my body. I do notice though that women my size do look nicer with fitted clothes (and belts). I just don't know how to pull it off.

Marina

Sorry for the indelicate question, I'm not a native speaker and I'm not used to foreign costumes, but I've always though a memorial service was a sort of very formal funeral ceremony. How are you supposed to dress on this sort of situation? (I've always though we should use something very formal and conservative, primary in black or dark grey, with very few light color visible under it)

Jean Gray

Yes. You are correct. Normally I would wear black with black heels and a nice top/blouse. However, since this is at a park and the family is quite outdoorsy I'm guessing it will be slightly more casual. I will check with my MIL to be sure.

Helena

Veteran

I would tuck and like Carter's advice of adding a cardigan or jacket in a sombre color to hide the belt issue if you feel uncomfortable. If you do get a belt, I would go dark; if you are feeling unsure of your mid-section (don't we all?!?) then it will not draw attention to it. At the end of the day, the ONLY goal of a memorial outfit is to look respectful, so I wouldn't sweat the detail on the belt too much, though.

Marina, I think the custom in North America has become more relaxed, but I am with you; dark colors or neutrals and conservative dress is the way to go in my opinion. However, I have seen people wearing light and even bright colors though. I think it depends on the family, etc. - its perhaps more individual in some areas.

Jean Gray

Maybe I will pick up a cardigan at Target. Trying to stick with clothes I can use often. I just learned it's more of an open house than a service but I do want to be respectful. A young father of 3 died unexpectedly last week. He and his family are close friends of my husband's family. They all grew up together.

Elle

Veteran

I agree that full tucking looks best for this occasion. Do you own a dark vest that you could use to hide the lack of belt - instead of buying a cardigan? If you buy a belt, I'd go dark.

Such a sad occasion. It's nice that you are going to support the family.

Aquamarine

Veteran

I'd definitely add a third piece...a cardigan or jacket. If you have to buy something, get something you'll wear again. I understand the weight gain issue, so a cardigan might be more forgiving than a jacket for fluctuating weight.

Rambling Ann

(website)

Veteran

Maybe a vest? There will probably be people at all levels of formality if this is a young but not a church-going family. I'd try to match MIL's formality (or underperform slightly, let her be the matriarch) if I were going to something like this, but that's me. If my MIL was wearing heels and pearls, I'd be dressing up more than if she were wearing slacks and a cardigan.

Olivegreen

Rambling Ann, you are ready for the diplomatic corps. That is the best advice for this sort of thing that I have ever heard and am stealing it to pass off as my own.
Agree on the third piece, even if have to carry it.

Jean Gray

It's funny. I just spoke with my MIL. She said that it will be mostly casual but she said she would dress in pants instead of jeans so I wouldn't have to worry about feeling overdressed. She's the best.
I did end up getting a black skinny belt (which I realize now is too short. The next size seemed so long!). I also got a black knit cardigan which I think I'll be able to wear with other things.
Thanks everybody! You were all a big help! I will try to get a photo up tomorrow.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

Just wanted to offer my condolences, Jean. What a tragic situation.
And Marina, your instincts are quite right, and I certainly have nefver personally worn anything other than black to a funeral, but the other ladies are correct in that there's quite a bit of variation these days. Memorial services are increasingly positioned as celebrations of life rather than masses for the dead, so it's pretty common now to have attendees do something in honour of the deceased. For instance, people can sometimes be told to wear pink because it was the person's favourite colour. Or to wear a fun t-shirt because that's what he lived in for most of his days. Or to wear comfortable clothes because s/he hated to dress up. Or to wear formal ones for the opposite reason. I've heard of all these scenarios, so funeral dress is no longer as straight-forward as it used to be. I agree 100% with Rambling Anne's approach and always err on the side of more formal, but using the chief mourners and the setting as a general guide. Your reply

Jean Gray

Well it was a beautiful day for this lovingly and thoughtfully planned wake. It was much like a graduation open house. It went from 12 till sundown. Most people were dressed in business casual and some were more casual. I did note what other women were wearing and made mental notes so that I'm better prepared next time, which will hopefully not be for a while.
Looking back at the photos I took before leaving I'm not crazy about how I looked but my husband and other family told me I looked nice (without me asking). So I'm going to assume it was just a bad photo. I felt appropriately dressed. The cardigan was a win as I was in and out of the sun. Thank you again for helping me pull the outfit together. I look a bit schlumpy in the pic but I'm pretty sure I had better posture and a more pleasant expression at the wake.

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Tanya

Veteran

I am very late hear, and also want to offer my condolences. The outfit you ended up wearing looks perfect to me.

Nebraskim

Veteran

You look appropriate for a very sad occasion. I'm sorry for the loss of a friend. One thing to think about for the future is a nice, no iron longer tunic length shirt, with 3/4 sleeves and a collar. Angie calls these button front shirts. You can dress up a shirt like this, worn over jeans or pants, by adding a scarf, jewelry, etc. The collar and sleeves instantly dresses this up, but it can also be business casual. And you can wear untucked loose, or with a belt. I find that to be a go-to look for many purposes. I have variations of this style of shirt in white, french blue and black. The crispness of the shirt lends respect, but since it's no iron, it's easy care. My 2 cents.

Ledonna N.

Veteran

Just wanted to give my condolences to you.

Jean Gray

Thank you all for the condolences. I did not know him well but I do know his mother and I can't imagine how she or his wife are managing to get through these days. It was nice to see what a loving family and community of friends surrounds them and to hear just what kind of loving adventurous man he was.
Nebraskim: I love that you suggested a tunic because that was the outfit someone else wore that I definitely took mental notes on. It didn't have a collar or buttons though. She wore it with skinny pants and ballet flats. I agree that sort of top is a good choice for many occasions and it's funny that you have a few as I have been considering how I could adapt the concept of a uniform to my own life.
Here are some pics that are similar:
Where might I shop for such a top?

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/240309330093286312/
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/240309330093286426/

The arms were similar to this pic:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/118149190201328728/

JG