Do you ever leave home feeling decent and then... - YouLookFab Forum

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Do you ever leave home feeling decent and then...

Peri

Veteran

catch a glimpse once you are out and just dislike everything? It has been happening to me a lot lately. Mostly when shopping I guess, because other places I'm less likely to run into mirrors.

I'll get dressed and feel fine about my outfit, hair mostly behaving, makeup looking decent and off I go. Then later I'll catch my reflection and my hair looks frizzed, makeup too much or not enough and my outfit just not looking nearly as good as I thought. Do I have magic mirrors at home or something? Are the store mirrors...or maybe lighting...designed to make you look harsh? Or is it just that I'm comparing my outfit to the shiny new store things? Or I've slipped in to critical mode because I'm evaluating how things look anyway, to decide whether to buy?

Whatever it is, it's depressing! And it makes me doubt my judgement to buy new things, because I'm the one who bought the things I'm now criticizing!

General

21 replies

Latest reply was from April

MsLuna

Veteran

This happens to me all the time. I would get out of home feeling fine then I fuss over how the proportions of the outfit are off. Sometimes further worsened when I discover my shoes are far from comfortable. Frustrating, I'd say!!!

Deborah

Veteran

I used to have this experience a little but not so much now. Peri for me I think a couple of things changed this for me. One would be the fit of my clothes. Since joining YLF possibly the most important thing I have learnt is that clothes need to fit me properly. Before I might squeeze into something that was a tad too tight or wear something that was too big because my size wasn't available. Standing still in front of a mirror, it's easy to convince ourselves that we look ok but out and about, in movement when we catch our reflections, I think that can be a little more revealing. The second thing, is that we are very particular group of woman. We assess and review our clothing with an intentisity that a lot of 'normal' (lol) women don't. So I would say keep an eye on fit and don't be too self critical. You are gorgeous and I have never seen you wear anything that didn't look fab.

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

There's a huge bank of mirrors in the hospital and I have to walk past them every time I use the stairs: in the beginning of my YLF journey, I would take the long way around to avoid them, but I haven't done that for almost a year now (mostly because I'm in a bigger hurry - but I like what I see!)

Is your outfit loosing some of it's "bounce" throughout the day? Sometimes my old skirts used to slip a lot, but then I did a bit of tailoring and they stay where they are supposed to - even if I check them 14 hours later!

As for the makeup, I made the swap to makeup I can wear all day and use a fixing spray and it still keeps into hour 26 sometimes!

I don't think you should judge yourself harshly, maybe think about what is the difference between what you see on yourself when you're out vs. when you're at home - is it something that is fixable or an inherent flaw of the garment itself (some jersey will sag regardless throughout the day)?

Echo

Veteran

This has definitely happened to me. I think Deborah is very correct when she says that things look different still, in front of a mirror, than they do in action. Additionally, things that fit while we were standing straight or holding our tummies in may not look as great when we forget ourselves throughout the day.

In hopes of solving this, I have become a LOT more critical of the things I try on, and I try to view them from all angles, I sit down on the stool or bench in the fitting room and then see how the outfit looks when I stand up. Did it make an unfortunate crotch wrinkle? Did the waistband warp or roll? Did the legs pull in an unflattering way and leave lines that make the pants appear too small? Etc. It has been happening to me less, and I am hoping that my attention to proper fit under all circumstances is helping.

MsLuna

Veteran

@Deborah: You're so right about us fabbers being a particular set of women. When I try to explain to my coworkers and friends why I take photos in dressing rooms to record my outfits, most of them don't understand. "Don't you just wear the clothes and just like/dislke them? Why do you need to take pictures and track what you like or don't like? Aren't you just naturally good at? Why do you have to 'refine' your personal style?"

This is the reason why I only "open up" about outfits among YLF ladies. We see clothes differently.

Cerinda

Veteran

Me, too, except I'm likely to berate myself for wearing comfy shoes that muddle an otherwise well-proportioned outfit. I'm taking to heart the YLF discussions about price-per-wear and buying the shoes my feet like.

But really, Peri, I think the link between mirrors, bright light, and self-criticism is so ingrained that we all fall into it from time to time.

rabbit

Veteran

Yep, been there. Usually when I'm wearing jeans or corduroy pants, something that stretches out a bit during the day and has a tendency to move around in the waist. Also my knees bag out in pants after an hour or two -- ALWAYS. It's a part of the reason I've been wearing more skirts. The other thing I found was that my haircut was a big part of it. A simpler shorter cut with hair all one length with fewer layers behaves for longer, and usually all I have to do if it's looking odd in a mirror is sweep the bangs to one side.

But again, I don't think anyone else is noticing.

ETA: Also what Echo says about fit. It's one of the reasons I'm so all about slouchy oversized tops now. With body con knit tops I used to catch a glimpse of myself slouching and creating a pot-belly, or I'd notice the way my bra was outlined in the back and just be so over it. I blamed my body, but actually it was all those tight thin knits...grrr...

Gigi

Veteran

This is a good thread...I don't often try on things in the fitting room (or even at home) and watch how they "perform" when I sit down or after I have been moving around a lot. Today I have on a sweater (cardi) that I thought fit really well, but I see after I've been moving around that the bottom hikes up. I'll have to see if it's because of the particular bottom I'm wearing with it or if it's the sweater itself.

I don't normally have this problem, but I'm not normally out and about. :^) I will say, though, that I do think there is some nasty lighting at the mall. Those fluorescent lights can really make someone look like the living dead. Also, I think lighting can be warm toned or cool toned, and if the lights don't match your natural skin tones, I imagine the lights will make you look sickly. I suppose the best remedy would be to find a way to view your makeup in natural sunlight (indirect) if possible.

Janet

(website)

Veteran

I've definitely had this happen. Sometimes it's a matter of clothes that shift or pinch or sag or bag out over the course of a day.

But other times I'll be out and about, feeling pretty cute, and then catch a glimpse somewhere of my jowls or my not-so-skinny-anymore self and wonder who that middle-aged woman is? It is sometimes disconcerting to feel like I'm in my 20s but look like I am...well, the age I am! But I look at it on the bright side -- I'd rather be pushing 50 and feeling 25 years younger than be 25 and feel 50!

ironkurtin

Veteran

Only when I have PMS.

rabbit

Veteran

Gigi has a good point about mall lighting. I've actually found really good lighting in the dressing rooms at Target, and on the floor at my local Marshalls, such that everything looks like a good color on me (even when it's not). But Burlington Coat Factory, that is living dead Walmart levels of florescent gray horror. Interestingly it's also hard to find a mirror at my local Burlington Coat Factory. I'm usually up for leaving no retail stone unturned, but had to get out of there quick (also the 70's easy listening music over the tinny speakers was haunting me).

Peri

Veteran

Thank you all! Very good points about the lighting...I'm already paper white, so being washed out by fluorescents is probably a huge factor.

And yes, Janet!! You nailed it I think. These days I'm constantly being surprised to see that person who actually really does look 54 looking back at me. So the home mirrors are a little more forgiving, plus I'm usually in a hurry to leave, then I get in the fluorescent lights and floor length mirrors and there are the sags and the brown spots waiting to be obsessed over to add to the clothes critiquing mood. Sigh.

At least I'm not nuts...and blaming the lighting is a good way to fight back.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

The worst reflection to glimpse at for me is in a car window as walk passed a park cars. Talk about emphasizing shadows. I get a lot of rude awakenings about my clothes from pictures actually.

Gigi

Veteran

How much of a difference lighting can play was brought home to me when I went into the Club Monaco next to our Nordie's. I'd never been in there before, and there was something really weird about the lighting. I mentioned it to the SA, and she said, "Yes, it's very yellow in here." It was hard for me to tell whether the color of the skirt I was trying on really looked good on me or not; I had to make the final decision at home. But it got me thinking about the types of lighting in all the different stores, that each store probably has a slightly different color spectrum in their lighting, and that's probably why I sometimes look ghastly.

Joy

Veteran

I've definitely had this happen and it usually means I'm tired and sagging. A posture correction makes a big difference.

Aquamarine

Veteran

Absolutely! But sometimes the opposite happens...I feel meh in front of my mirror and later catch a glimpse of myself out of the house and think "hmmm, not too bad." Or recently, ending up in some photos, I was pleasantly surprised how much nicer my outfit looked as opposed to how I felt when I left the house earlier in the day. I think my mirror plays tricks on me

Astrid

Veteran

I had this happen too and usually the reason is that a look is too complicated and not really 'me'. So it looks good in theory when I'm at home, but when I'm outside going about my day I'm a bit uncomfortable in it and that makes me want to go home instantly to just get the clothes off... And of course I can't do that, so I have to go about my day liking my outfit less and less. Oh and mirrors in stores are the worst for me too, most of the time the lighting is absolutely horrible for my coloring. I always look mousey and sickly yellow in dressing rooms.

Mo

(website)

Veteran

I'm going to agree that lighting plays a huge role here. I know it's not quite the same, but in the gym I find I look quite mannish and not very feminine. I'm sure it's the overhead flourescent bar lights. I seem to see mostly nose, since my hair is pulled back to work out, and of course not wearing makeup affects this, too.
In more fashion related circumstances, I'm usually more surprised by how I look from the back than just catching a front glimpse in a reflection outside of the home.

Aubergine

Veteran

Happens to me too!

My office ladies' room is especially bad for this. Institutional fluorescent lighting combined with the fact that, when I'm leaning over to use the sink at an angle that no one really sees me from during the rest of the day, pretty much every top I own starts to look questionably low-cut.

And I've had the same experience as Rabbit with fitted knit tops so many times. Ugh.

unfrumped

Veteran

Yep!
Sometimes it is the daughter effect- color coordinating, for example.
Or my tops ride up when walking.
I have tried to use this to advantage for learning and not discouragement.
Meaning, either shopping from work, and get " feedback" on that outfit, or test run outfits on weekend errands-- put something together i might be thinking of ( as for smart casual) rather
than just toss on anything.

April

Veteran

I used to have this happen regularly at work. Now that I'm at home, if I find I'm unhappy with an outfit (not uncommon), I just change, and try to identify what I didn't like so I don't keep making the same mistakes.