Do you compliment strangers on their style? - YouLookFab Forum

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Do you compliment strangers on their style?

Frances

I think this topic has come up before in a different context, but I'm curious to know: when you see other women out in public whose style you admire or who are wearing something/carrying a bag that you love, do you comment on it to them? There have been several times in the past week when I've seen women around town or on public transit and have wanted to tell them I love their outfit, but I don't want to freak them out or embarrass them with my gushing. So I'm wondering if that's just me and my own peculiar bundle of weirdness, or if others hesitate to compliment strangers too.

And on the flip side, how do you feel when you are complimented by complete strangers out in public? Does it ever embarrass you or make you nervous? Do you feel like it's too nosy to inquire about where a stranger got a bag or item of clothing that you really admire and would like to find for yourself?

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44 replies

Latest reply was from firefly

taylor

Veteran

ALWAYS!!

Usually when I am breezing by at my fast clip with a...." Great bag" or "Love your shoes/boots" "Fab haircut" " Something like that...simple and quick...I always get a great smile and a thank you, just makes my day .

I have made it a habit in my old age to try and return a compliment. In an honest and sincere way. I used to be stingy with compliments when I was young...:(

For some reason I am always surprised and become very shy and embarrassed when people compliment me....My husband notices it and he thinks it's funny how I can be so embarrassed about it.

marianne

I do, but I admit I started doing it fairly recently. I used to be too shy to compliment, just because I am too uneasy initiating conversation with strangers. Sometimes when I look like a mess myself, I feel that my compliments on clothing would not justified.
But now I think these brief exchanges bring a lot of positive feeling, and I like it. I think in general people are happy to tell you the brand and where they got it, but I usually feel embarrassed to ask.
Slightly OT - today I complimented someone on her shoes, which were Melin oxfords from YLF store. They looked so great on her and worked so well with her outfit, so I went home and finally ordered them.
I rarely get compliments, but when I do, I feel a little nervous and somehow it doesn't work as a confidence booster for me.

Michelle

(website)

Veteran

I obviously can't remark upon the outfits of strangers (that would require a degree of contact that's highly inappropriate even with acquaintances) but I have many times commented on a stranger's perfume if I like it. If I could see outfits, I'm confident I'd be an unabashed public praiser.
It hasn't happened to me often, but when someone does comment on my appearance (be it a total stranger or even just someone I know casually in a local shop), it absolutely makes my day. Speak up, shy ladies...your complements will do more good than you know!

Scarlet

Veteran

I don't think I have ever complimented a stranger (very shy), but when strangers compliment me about something I think it is really nice.

Lena

Almost always. I've chickened out a few times (I'm irrationally shy about my accent) and I kick myself for that. Just yesterday there was a check-out girl with a cool pixie cut (ornamented with feathers), and I rushed out of the store too fast.

Hee, once I followed a very stylish lady around Trader Joe's in order to compliment her gorgeous skirt.

As for receiving well intentioned compliments from complete strangers, I always enjoy it. It brightens my day. I just have to remember to say "Thank you very much!" instead of something dismissive "Oh this old thing, it's nothing."

chewyspaghetti

Veteran

I do compliment other women when I see something to compliment.

I usually enjoy compliments from others, but the other day I got one that kind of freaked me out. I was in the ladies room at the grocery store, and this woman was at the one and only sink washing off an ipod or cell phone and humming to herself. When I went to wash my hands, she told me she liked my necklace. Then she complimented my shoes, and then said she liked my haircut. She seemed like she was in a drug induced state, and I had my daughter with me- so we just high tailed it out of there as quickly as possible.

Kristen

(website)

Veteran

Giving compliments to strangers is my most favorite part of the day! Especially when you often see so many people dressed badly, when you see something great how can you resist giving them a verbal high-five?

I love receiving compliments, and I simply say thank you and smile. So many of my friends start criticizing themselves after I compliment them, and that is my greatest pet peeve. That is essentially taking the gift I just gave you and stomping all over it. I actually think it's rude of them to do that, and I often just stop them and say, "Say thank you."

Mac

Veteran

Yup, I give compliments when I see something I genuinely like (no false compliments given just to make everyone feel good). I try to give it while I'm walking by because I find that people get nervous if you are both standing still - they can think that you're giving a compliment as a way of initiating a longer conversation. If I give a compliment while walking by, they know that I want nothing from them.

And yes, I love receiving compliments from strangers, especially other women. Last week, an older woman walking by said, "Great dress; it really suits you!" and it made me smile, esp. since my partner always tells me that it looks cheap (which it is - I bought it at Target, after all!) There are so many negative ways that we humans interact with each other; it's lovely when people go out of their way to create a positive interaction.

I used to received heaps of compliments and now, far fewer. I remember reading that women "become invisible" after a certain age - I would argue that we become invisible above a certain weight, too - and sometimes a compliment serves to reassure me that I am still seen. I always try to respond with something like, "What a lovely thing to say - Thank you!"

Sveta

(website)

Veteran

I am trying to give more compliments to strangers when I see something really fab. Unfortunately my natural shyness with strangers is very often in the way. Maybe this is something I need to work on.
Receiving compliments from strangers...usually it does feel good but for some reason compliments from men are little uncomfortable for me initially but they still feel good later.

Sihaya

Veteran

Absolutely. But then, I also have no problems striking up conversations with strangers on the subway, etc. I have also found that the quality of service I get when I compliment someone across a counter increases. I don't do it for that reason but it's interesting to note the uptick. I love receiving compliments. It used to be really hard for me to do so. I would always discount it in the past or tell them I got it on sale or something. Now I just smile and say thank you or even ask them what they specifically like about the outfit or whatever they're complimenting.

Beth

Veteran

I do! The older I get, the fewer inhibitions I have about talking to complete strangers. It makes DH roll his eyes. And I love to get compliments from complete strangers, mostly because they're entirely unexpected and it's nice to get a small boost like that.

Mac, I know what you mean about becoming invisible after a certain age. Maybe that's just another reason (as if we needed any at all) to step up the polish:)

Tanya

Veteran

I am also fairly shy, but I am trying to get over it and say something. It is usually along the lines of "Great shoes/bag/outfit" etc.

On the flip side, I have learned to accept the compliments from strangers graciously - I just smile and say thank you, and answer their question where it is from, since some people want to know the brand of the item in question. I much prefer to get compliments from women too, like someone else already mentioned.

Refugee

Veteran

Now that I am beginning to have an appreciation of fab outfits, I often compliment strangers when I see something I like. I love the way most people just light up when you compliment them.
I used to be very uncomfortable when anyone complimented me in any way. Now I accept it as the gift it is intended to be (unexpected presents, yay!) and enjoy it.

Sara

Yes! All of the time. Only once in awhile do I chicken out now. I've noticed that women older than I am respond very kindly while women my age and younger (I am 27) tend to give me a more offhand "thanks" and look away. I wonder, why is that?

I love compliments from random women, it really makes my day. =) And I make sure to give an appreciative response.

Kristen, this is spot-on! "Especially when you often see so many people dressed badly, when you see something great how can you resist giving them a verbal high-five?"

Angie

(website)

Fashion Stylist

100%. It happens daily, many times a day. It's like an energy inside of me that requires releasing before I pop.

I often compliment people on a certain item or part of of their style too. And if the man or women are over 50 and they look incredible, I RUN to give them a compliment.

Sparky

Veteran

I'm with BethW. The older I get, the more easily I can talk to perfect strangers, including giving compliments. I love receiving them too.

marianna

Veteran

Sometimes! I am quite shy and it's hard for me to speak to strangers, but occasionally I will compliment someone's style. I feel great doing so, and I love making the person smile! Other times I just internally ooh and aah at the person's style, but don't have the hutzpah to compliment them.

I like receiving compliments from strangers (who doesn't!) It always adds a little spring to my step.

Maya

Veteran

Rarely. But one time I could not resist complimenting a girl who looked around my age (at the time I was maybe 20) on her coat. I was looking for a new winter coat and fell in love with hers. I told her it was fabulous and asked her where she got it. And that is the story of how I discovered Anthropologie. Unfortunately I did not get the coat because a) it was $$$ and b) it was way too long and had detailing at the hem that prevented it from being shortened. But still. Makes me wonder what else I might discover if I were less shy!

Mamapicklejuice

Veteran

All. The. Time. I have actually run after people. It's a bit selfish on my part because it gives me such a boost to see someone's eyes light up from a compliment.

Alecia

Veteran

I like to compliment people, too. It really does seem to make people smile and have a bit more spring in their step. I enjoy receiving compliments myself.

Melissa

Oh, boy. Frances, maybe you and I can be neurosis twins. This topic made me really think about complimenting and receiving compliments from strangers and acquaintances. I'm going to need my tea to work this out.

Ok, I have my tea (earl grey today because comments on the perfume thread made me think of it), but things are no clearer. It turns out that I have complicated feelings about compliments, mostly because I am a suspicious person and often find that compliments veer into other, more fraught arenas, like hidden agendas and gender issues. These issues may merit a post of their own, but are way too much to get into here.

That said, I do often enjoy giving and receiving compliments. But, I think that some more extroverted people are naturally more graceful about compliments, and that for those of us who tend more toward the introverted and/or socially awkward, you have to pick your moments. For me, I do like to compliment strangers, but I only do it when I genuinely admire the thing I'm complimenting and when I feel that all the factors are right. My hangup about trying to "read" situations for appropriateness before issuing compliments may be over the top, but it's a pretty deep-seated personality trait.

bj1111

Veteran

all the time. like angie, i make a point to compliment older men and women.

i usually comment on a specific item or "look" rather than a general "you look great".

bella

(website)

Veteran

Yes, yes! I think it is good karma. I get complimented on my outfits (especially my necklaces) pretty often so I return the positive thought back to the universe.

MNsara

Veteran

It seems easier as I get older to give out compliments to strangers. Maybe I am entering the kindly, grandmotherly stage of life? I am most inclined to compliment some item(s) that are particularly fab on the stranger.

For receiving stranger compliments, I have finally trained myself to smile, say 'thank you', and NOT say anything self-deprecating

Kate

Veteran

I try to, though I could be better at it. What I'm awful at is asking where a stranger bought something (or what brand it is). It feels like it's one thing to compliment them out of the blue, it's another to demand information (even if I love the item and really want it).

judy

Veteran

I DO! But I don't give a compliment for every great thing I see. If I did, I'd just be doing it constantly. But often "nice boots" or "great jacket" has to come out! Usually followed by "It looks great on you!" because it really does.

The reaction is interesting. Some people seem genuinely flattered. Others act like you are just bothering them and please don't talk to me. Now that I think about it, it's usually the young women (20s) who act like they could give a **** what I think, and I wonder sometimes is it ageism? Perhaps they consider me too old to value my opinion? Or worse, if this "old lady" likes what I'm wearing, how cool can it be? But I can't help myself! And it is only happens occasionally. But the women my age and older are often the most grateful and even strike up a conversation.

I hope I am good at receiving them, and I say thank you. Because I am truly grateful and I do like it. I also don't mind at all if they want to know who makes the boots, say, or where to get them. Do you?

shana

Veteran

Yes, I try to make a point of it because it really can brighten someone's day. I am working on accepting compliments in a more gracious way since I have a tendency to be dismissive. Kristen, I like how you have put it - I would hate to stomp all over a gift that someone gave me. I'll have to keep that in mind!

Inge

(website)

You know, this was one of the things that really surprised me when I started reading YLF: how many times you lasses seem to get stopped in the street by strangers to talk about what you are wearing/receiving compliments about your outfits.
That just doesn't happen in Europe.

But the penny dropped (as in "oh one can actually do that!"), and I started trying it myself, feels wonderful. And the reactions are amazing. I've yet to meet someone who didn't walk away smiling. I was even brave enough to ask a lady which perfume she was wearing in a dressing room a while ago. Would never ever have occurred to me before YLF:-)

And I really don't mind getting compliments myself (from friends or strangers, it's rare here, so I appreciate them extra). I'm also still learning to smile and say thank you, like MNSara.

tarzy

Veteran

Yes. And the older I get, the easier it is to do so. I don't often compliment younger women (late teens, early 20's) because they seem to get so embarrassed and look at me like I'm a total weirdo, but I'll ALWAYS compliment a woman my age who's rocking a great look.

Sometimes it's a quick hit and run "Great top!" Sometimes I'll ask if they remember the brand (they never do. Drives me crazy! Maybe it's because we debate everything so much here on the forum, but I know the exact brand, size, store, price, date and time I purchased it, and other color options of everything I wear, LOL.)

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