Cultural Norms vs. Skin Tone - YouLookFab Forum

Category

Shopping

Welcome! Read about what to wear and how to wear it on the YLF Blog. Join the YLF Forum to ask specific questions or just chat about fashion and personal style. Or check out the curated list of things we love in YLF Finds.

Outfits Ensembles Trends Advice

Cultural Norms vs. Skin Tone

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

So... there may be an occasion for me to wear a red dress coming up, as is the cultural norm. I don't really wear red in my closet and I've been subtly trying to sneak in a little bit more red to see what YLF would say about it.

I think most of the comments have been relatively positive, but red really isn't a colour I wear. I think it washes me out.

I'd imagine that asian people have a range of skin tones, but there are a bunch that have my colouring - if we're supposed to wear red to happy occasions but it just doesn't look good on us, what are we supposed to do?

Is there a shade of red out there for me?
Is it that wrong in today's modern day and age to NOT keep to cultural norms?

Side Note: I had a "red dress" in my 2014 budget - I wanted to keep it under $100; but I found the Kate Spade Selita dress - and I have been stalking eBay for a long time for one, but at almost $670 CDN (http://www.neimanmarcus.com/en.....45280273/p), I didn't think I would be able to keep it under $100. Long story short - I found one for $45!!! IN MY SIZE. AHHHH! I am so excited for it to come! So pretty with tights and bare legs too. *drool*

This post has 4 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Shopping

30 replies

Latest reply was from Alassë

rachylou

Veteran

I think the next colour up is chrysanthemum...

Peri

Veteran

Oh I love that! Lucky you!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

Oh, that's a lot of letters in chrysanthemum.

Last time someone showed up wearing a gold dress. It was dreadful.

Laura (rhubarbgirl)

(website)

Veteran

That dress is gah-geous. I think it depends on the underlying shade what works for you - I look horrible in tomatoey reds that are close to orange, like that dress, and coral, but a clear red or something slightly towards burgundy but not too brown is OK. Maybe you are the opposite?

Anonymous

Wow that is a find. I think there is a red for everyone!

Helena

Veteran

I agree with Laura, maybe go with the red that has the right undertone for you (warm or cool) ...

Re: the cultural part, I used to rebel against family expectations (not so much cultural as generational in my case) back in the day, but nowadays I would probably just go with the flow to keep everyone happy if it's just for a one-time thing (or once per year or whatever the case may be). I think it's ok to do your own thing, but it's also ok to put your own style aside to suit the occasion ... whatever you are comfortable with. I remember reading an article that said one of the things that makes Kate Middleton so likeable is that she dresses to suit the occasion even when it's not her most flattering. The flattery comes from the generosity of putting herself to the side, i think was their point.

I'm sure you will look terrific in the end, whatever way you go!

Suz

(website)

Veteran

That is a great dress for you!

And I firmly believe there is a good red for everyone.

My daughter's Asian and she looks spectacular in blue-reds (e.g. cranberry) and also in true reds (like tomato) but doesn't look all that great in corals. That's just her, though -- as you say, there are different skin tones.

If this gorgeous dress turns out to be in a tone that washes you out, then how about adapting some of Angie's recommendations for what to do when you want to wear a colour that's not your "best." So -- for instance -- grab a topper in a super flattering colour.

cloud9

Veteran

Hi Lyn, as a fellow Asian, I think most red work on us, and I'm a bit darker than you. The reds that don't work for me are the ones tinged with olive or too much grey. I'm curious as to see why you think red would wash you out, as it is one of the friendly colors to us.

Ps I love that red, and I almost say that color is universally suitable for anyone, and no doubt a festive color. I find that tomato red particularly goes well with my skin. However, like you, I don't have that many red pieces in my wardrobe at all. So with this past Chinese New Year, I deliberately added a tomato red cardi.

rachylou

Veteran

Gold is very different from chrysanthemum. Gold usually looks cheap to me when it comes to these things. Doesn't work for Asian celebrations, IMO.

But my personal fave is the look involving the moth eaten sweater laid over with tons of diamonds, gold, and jade jewelry. Hehe. That's traditional: Be ready for the tax collector.

Diana

Veteran

I prefer a cooler toned red, like cranberry rather than tomato. It's kind of a hard color to find.

Or go for a red and black pattern. That's perfectly acceptable and the black seems to absorb some of the "glow" from the red and keeps it from reflecting so much off your face. Or heck, a black blazer over the red dress.

Diana

Veteran

And by the way, I totally wore a gold dress to my own wedding banquet. So there.

I had a red clutch though, does that count?

ETA: It was also, ah, a bit more cleavagey than I expected. But the part of me that really did not want to have a wedding banquet at all was secretly pleased that some people were probably shocked by the OMGboobs.

This post has 1 photo. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, Diana, Diana. You don't know the meaning of a "gold dress."

Mwahaha!

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

ROFL! OMG BOOBS!!!! What would you have done instead of a wedding reception, Diana?

@ Rachy - I can easily identify multiple asian relatives who have the same get up you described! Moth ball smell free of charge!

@ Cloud - Tomato red is really pretty! I will try to find that tone.

@ Suz - Topper! I didn't even think about that! You're so clever!

@ Torontogirl - There's enough rebellion in me, I think that my parentals and relatives have had enough. I secretly want to get a fake tattoo to freak them out. :p You're right though, I'll just bite the bullet and go with red.

DonnaF

Veteran

Red is supposed to be the *sexy* color for both men and women, and I think there's a red for everybody. My skin tone is neutral to slightly warm, so I can wear true red if not overly saturated (vivid) to clear orange-reds and corals and very warm pinks. DD can wear cooler reds veering toward magenta but not warmer reds AT ALL, and DH can wear extremely toned down warm reds. My guess is that you skew toward clear but cooler reds?

Diana

Veteran

Not my actual wedding reception. I wore my real wedding dress for that, and it was a American-style outdoor thing. MIL insisted on having a second reception (Chinese banquet of course) for all her friends whom she wasn't allowed to invite to the actual wedding (because you know, we didn't want to invite an extra 100 people...). There were a lot of people who are not only Asian but also religious (and pretty conservative in both the Asian and religious senses), hence the OMGboobs.

My BIL is getting married this summer to a Caucasian woman, and I think they are going to have to have one of these banquets too. His poor fiance was at mine so at least she knows what to expect but I think she is scared! For me, at least they are sort of my people still, you know?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

@Donna - I think you're right; I wear cooler reds in terms of lip colour as well.

@Diana - My parents have been told they are not going to have one of those Chinese receptions EVEN IF they pay for it themselves. At this point, I am paying for everything so I am not inviting my entire family - there are only certain relatives I am inviting and if everyone gets their nappies in a knot because they are invited then they should have been nicer to me, shouldn't they have?

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

My take from this is great ebay stalk! Hope to see it soon!

When I visit my MIL she wants me to wear a long skirt and hat to fit in with the neighborhood. Now mind you wearing a long skirt and hat is something I do voluntarily on my own turf, but I still tend to resent the restriction. Trying to rise above it and make her happy at relatively little cost to me is my strategy but my goal is to rise above the resentment as well. I refuse to wear a wig though.

Parsley

Veteran

Lyn, I cannot imagine that you don't look good in red.

I LOVE that Kate Spade dress, and can't wait to see it on you! GORGEOUS!

Dying to know what the occasion might be...

Neel

Veteran

I thought red was not my color either. I even refrained from using red lipstick or red nail paint! But when I found the correct red I was overjoyed. I look good in blue reds. I am still on the hunt for a dress in that color though :). Hope your dress works for you!

Lyn D.

Veteran

Gorgeous Dress!

Vildy

Veteran

Gorgeous dress!
What color would chrysanthemum be?

cheryle (Dianthus)

(website)

Veteran

My partner is Asian and he and his family all seem to wear the cooler reds very well. The dress is lovely so I hope the shade of red works for you. I noticed you didn't have red and didn't realize it was because you didn't think it would suit you.

Am I reading too much into the comments or are you getting married Lyn?

lyn*

(website)

Veteran

@ Sheiva - It's true, it is easier on our own terms than doing something to appease someone. The wig is weird, I must say... do they think women should have long hair?

@ Parsley - I'm really excited for the dress to come too! It is coming from the US of A, so depending on the grace of the Customs Gods, it may be here in a few weeks.

@ Neel - Misery loves company, so I'm glad you are sharing my pain. I hope you find something delightful!

@ Twin - Thanks

@ Vildy - I attached a pic

@ Dianthus - I will look for some cooler reds in the future. About the other thing - Haha....

This post has 2 photos. Photos uploaded by this member are only visible to other logged in members.

If you aren't a member, but would like to participate, please consider signing up. It only takes a minute and we'd love to have you.

Beth Ann

Veteran

I have an Asian DD and curiously, my skin is almost the same tone of warm/cool, just one shade lighter. We both wear cool reds pretty well, although I like burgundy and raspberry better. A deeper, garnet or claret red might do, or perhaps a red that boldly flirts with pink -- that sort of plays and stretches the tradition a bit.

Love the Kate Spade. That silhouette is beyond bad on me, which is so sad, because I find it very pretty. It will look wonderful on you!

rachylou

Veteran

Oh, haha! The smell of camphor... that is so true...

Adelfa

Veteran

Don't really have anything to add about red (except I agree, I can't imagine it not looking good on you) but thanks for a very entertaining thread!

Freckles

Veteran

The dress is beautiful and looks very much your style. Hope the red suits you and if not the topper idea is great. How awesome that you found a loved yet pricey item for such a great price!

ramya

Veteran

Lyn what about maroon or burgundy? It suits me. But then I love red and don't care what shade it is,)
Maybe you can go for a red skirt if you don't like it near your face

E

Veteran

Congrats on that dress score! What a deal! Can't wait to see it on you.

Like many, I can wear burgundies easily and some cooler reds, muted ones up to a fairly bright (for me at least) cranberry, the shade of the sweater & coat in this post. That's the very limit of brightness for me. Whereas I look quite unfortunate in warm reds & super bright red of any persuasion wash me out. So maybe just keep trying on reds until you find your shade?

My family doesn't have many sartorial expectations during gatherings, so no advice there. But I like the idea of wearing red with a more flattering jacket or cardigan on top if necessary. And you & Rachy & Diana's conversation made me laugh.

(Also, I believe Shevia's MIL expects her to wear a wig because in some branches of Judaism, women cut their own hair after marriage & wear wigs/scarves/hats/a combination to cover their heads. But Shevia, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!)

12