Confession: I'm having trouble with getting dressed - YouLookFab Forum

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Confession: I'm having trouble with getting dressed

Missey

Veteran

I haven't been posting for awhile because I'm having trouble getting dressed. I'm having a block. I keep thinking that I'm having these problems because I don't have the right things to wear, but I look around at what I have and I have plenty of lovely items to wear. I'm a minimalist dresser with a maximal wardrobe.

I love reading fashion style blogs, I admire many dressing aesthetics, however my basic look remains the same. Top, bottom, casual shoe/boot. Rinse, repeat. It's my FFBO, my comfort zone. When I try to change it up I feel not myself and like I'm trying too hard, although I expect I'm the only one who would notice. I want to wear my wardrobe, but I can't seem to make myself.

I'm getting down on myself for something that should be enjoyable and make me feel good. Well, I can't blame the clothes, they are perfectly respectable, so now I need to turn my eye inward.

I need to start exercising again, I'm flabby and I just don't feel that great about how I look in clothes. Now, mind you, I am perfectly healthy on the BMI charts, but its just not me. I don't care if I lose the 10 pounds I put on in the last year (maybe I do a little) but I'm tired of the tire around my waistband. To top it off, relaxed fashion has only helped me add to my affliction. I have pretty good eating habits, I just need to get back into exercise. The older I get, the easier the weight comes on and the harder it is to come off.

So this is my lament. Self absorbed and a maybe more than a little pathetic. I appreciate the listening ear. If you made it this far, bless your heart and your patience. I feel a bit low at this time and spilling my guts (literally and figuratively-lol) has made me feel a bit better.

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Dressing

19 replies

Latest reply was from Missey

shiny

Veteran

You have company over here!

Realistically, when I look at my WiW's, I don't see the excess weight, but boy do I feel it and like you I do not feel like myself. You are lucky in that you can still fit into jeans! I'm living in stretchy pants and elastic waists and waist-surrendering dresses.

Suz

(website)

Veteran

Ah, Missey -- hugs! We all get like this. And if you work from home, the situation has a way of becoming embedded, so to speak.

I think there are quite a few of us who gained a few pounds over the holidays. I know I did. And it was lack of exercise that did it for me, too -- I had an illness and surgery. So here I am, needing to step up my game a bit.

Here is one idea: What is one small action you can take in the next five minutes that will move your closer to your desired goal?

You can focus on the weight loss/ exercise goal, or you can focus on the wardrobe goal.

So, for example:

Can you book gym time for next week (or call a friend to set up an exercise date, or book it on your calendar)?

Can you go to your closet, look at the clothes, and pick a different kind of outfit (different silhouette) for tomorrow or Saturday?

That can be all it takes to set things going in a more positive direction.

K.M.

Veteran

Missey, I completely relate and empathize. I have been feeling down about my dressing habits and ruts. (For me, it's a combination of being always exhausted and never having time for anything, plus living in a very cold climate, and having a tight budget that hasn't allowed me to spruce up my wardrobe in a while.) I find it hard to break the habit on a daily basis because sometimes circumstances seem stronger than my willpower--though when I do employ the extra time and effort into a special look, I like it. Doesn't happen as often as I would like...

Re: exercise. For me, exercise is not just about keeping fit and healthy, but also about feeling good emotionally. The endorphins, plus the feeling that I worked hard to do something undeniably good for myself, both combine to bring me a sense of peace and contentment. When I don't exercise as often as usual I notice I start to feel down and cranky. Not sure if this helps, but it's just an extra incentive for you to go back to your exercise routine!

A friend of mine once gave me the BEST exercise motivation advice. We were talking about how easy it is to find excuses not to go work out: no time, too tired, there're other things to do, too much traffic, didn't eat enough, didn't sleep enough, don't have the right outfit, didn't shave etc. Then she said:
- On the occasions when you did go exercise, despite the excuses--have you EVER regretted?
Of course, NOT EVER. It always leaves me feeling happy and good even if conditions are not ideal.

So anytime I waver and start making excuses, I remember her words and I always, always go exercise.

PS. For what it's worth... I think you look great in the picture, lovely figure and overall very pretty. I know sometimes we're our own worst critics.

Missey

Veteran

Shiny- thanks for the commiseration, misery loves company

Suz- thank you for the kindness and inspiration. I have a plan, but yet haven't started. How much wallowing can one do? I think I start too big, all or nothing, you know? I like your start small plan. I'm starting with stretches, some sit ups and push ups when I get home, just to remind myself that I can do these things. Thank you

trekkiegirl

Veteran

Completely understand. I don't have advice, but lots of empathy

AM

Veteran

Missey. I'm new here but please know I wish I could do something for you. Make you a cup a of tea and send you to the spa for a day. Perhaps send you to a spa on some sunny island retreat. My heart goes out to you as this is a crummy way to feel. And unfortunately familiar to many of us.

How can we get you back on the horse?
What has worked in the past?
Are you the kind of gal that needs an action plan, tough love, a creative project, a cold turkey approach to whatever ails you, a major change/a minor change, something to look forward to, a goal?

Again, just want to get you back on the horse!

Missey

Veteran

K.M. I've lived in Minnesota for most of my life, and the winters get long, as I'm sure you've noticed. I always suffer from a mild mid-winter slump, and lo here we are again! You're right, I never do regret exercise and I do feel better when I do it. My mind is clearer and my attitude is better. Thank you for the gentle reminder.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I tend to feel this way most often in Jan/February. Part of it is due to the wind down of the year before, inactivity of colder weather -- and some isolation feelings as I just don't tend to go out much and it starts feeling like there's no real point in trying too hard to get dressed. I resort a lot to my comfortable loose sweaters, my softest jeans, double pairs of wool socks (my feet are always freezing in winter).

Escaping to a warm beach for two weeks seems pretty tempting -- but that's not really practical. And if you don't feel up to putting on a swimsuit or shorts, well, that makes it even worse.

My old self help books would say when you feel down, get moving! And I do try to do this. I've been getting slowly back into my weight routine after being sick for nearly 5 weeks and not doing much of any exercise. I think pushing yourself is sometimes what's in order.

Maybe I'm just talking about myself now.

But I do know the feeling - I have plenty of nice things to wear but I keep reaching for the items that feel the most comforting to put on. I've tried to only purchase things that feel that way, but it never quite works out - there are always a few items that seem the most "easy" or whatever. I'm hoping others have some wisdom to share!

Anonymous

I've been there and done that. Don't know what to suggest, but I'm here to support you.

Caro in Oz

Veteran

Agreeing with Suz, I do that all or nothing thing too & it's deadly

The other thing I've learned (from yoga/meditation) is when the voices in my head start me on that downward slide using the mantra "I am enough, I have enough" helps to calm them.

What about a small challenge with your clothes? Maybe pick out something you haven't worn, that you love, & make three outfits with it. Just something to get those juices flowing again

Missey

Veteran

Texstyle- I am right there with you. I need two changes- the weather and myself!

Thank you all for your kindness in thoughts and words. This really is a lovely online community and the support found here is genuinely appreciated.

texstyle

(website)

Veteran

I thought I'd add one more bit of inspiration (I hope). I found this group of winter clothing ideas to be inspiring - scroll down to see the outfits. I think I'm going to try the burgundy with the tan/camel cardigan, cognac shoes/bag and burgundy bracelet tomorrow.

http://fashionsy.com/17-winter-polyvore-ideas/

citygirldc

(website)

Veteran

Oh, I know the feeling all right.. I agree with texstyle that I tend to hibernate during Jan/February, wanting to eat and sleep as much as possible. Plus, my activity levels decrease too due to the cold weather. With all that, I tend to gain a few pounds and some my favorite pieces don't fit right. It does get depressing.

As much as I can empathize and sympathize, I do go to the gym at least 3x a week (even though I really don't want to). The gym and my workout energize me afterwards and although I may not lose my usual 10 lbs. at least I'm not gaining and my "favorite" clothes still fit.

Good luck.

unfrumped

Veteran

Empathy here.
Am currently reading, The Sweet Spot: How to find your groove at home and at work by Christine Carter, and she has a huge focus on tiny changes/habits to get more exercise and feel more positive. Trying to get back in the groove myself.

AM

Veteran

Missey- Hope you are getting inspired to get back on the horse!

caro in oz: "I am enough, I have enough" -- so wise. Thank you for this.

Anonymous

More commiseration and empathy from here. I live relatively close to you (Manitoba) and know how bleak winter can start to get by February. Weather aside, I also know all about those extra 10 lbs - I'm fighting it too right now. My issue - or why I gain the weight- is more psychological than for lack of exercising . But regardless of what the issue is, feeling crappy about how you look and feel does nothing to make one want to wear what's in the closet. I too have plenty of things to wear - and nice ones! But when things are down, it's too big a risk to try something you haven't worn in awhile because what if it looks horrible and doesn't fit? I know I cannot face that - so I'm wearing the same 4 things over and over again.

Anyways - I'm glad you felt somewhat better just writing it all out - I've done it before myself here on this forum. I'm not one for suggestions or tips and tricks for getting back into the groove - I follow the Nike rule: Just Do It. No time like now to get back in the saddle.

Jaime

(website)

Veteran

More empathy. Even without all the cold I tend to slump around this time of year. And no matter how hard I glare at the extra pounds they refuse to budge. I exercise at home and have done so for a long time, but I just started a challenging weight program. Most of my muscles are sore, but I feel good!

eta and you look terrific in your picture! I am focusing on your feeling not what we are seeing.

Anonymous

I think you look great, and I love the delicious oatmeal coloured sweater with that luxurious collar. Your 'minimalist dresser-maximal wardrobe' statement struck a chord: I wonder if having lots of choices makes selecting outfits even harder at this time of year, for those of us in cold weather anyway: It seems our instinct is to hibernate, so perhaps choices just overtax us at a time when nature is telling us, "rest brings renewal, so just give yourself some time." I'm not sure if you are an accessories person, but sometimes I find a pair of earrings, a scarf, or other piece will lift my spirits without too much extra mental effort. Especially if it's something like jewellery that's been gifted or inherited and makes me feel connected with someone dear.

Missey

Veteran

You guys are the best therapists ever! Thank you for the boost and encouragement. I did some stretching and a few sun salutations this evening before the sun went down Made granola and had a lovely dinner with my son. I feel a little more renewed already. Thank you again!